It sucks that when people change :/

[Sweetlucyblvd]

I met a guy online back in February. He very quickly became the only guy I could open up to. It felt really silly, but I kinda had a crush on him. I knew from the start that nothing would ever happen of it, because not only was he way out of my league, but he lived on the other side of the ocean.

He's older than me, and has entered university while I'm still in highschool. He was telling my last night about how his first week was, and I was just taken aback by how much he had changed. He was telling me all about the drinking and sleeping around he was doing, and while I'm not exactly judging him for it, it just depresses me when I think of our conversations a few months ago, when we both talked about how we wanted to save sex for someone worth it, and how drugs and alcohol weren't really our thing. He ofcourse told me that it was all "just part of being in uni", and assured me that I would be in the same position a year from now--and that I'm not too sure about.

I really did have tender, if not irrational, feelings for him, but he's changed so much ever since we met. It makes me sad really. I don't know him anymore. I feel like I've actually lost a friend here, a friend I at one point could tell everything to. I never met him in person, but this feels just as real all the same. I just kind wanted to get this out...there's nowhere else I can talk about these issues, not even with him anymore.

 

[Matej]

Ow, that's too bad.

Don't what to say really. Some people do change much, unfortunately. Others do less or slower, but everyone does change at least a little bit over the time. It's part of life. Unfortunately, some get such that we no longer like them or feel comfortable with them.

About uni, I don't know. I've been studying for two years and I'm still single and not drinking or sleeping around. You do whatever you feel like doing, what you want to do. Don't let others influence you too much.

It is awful losing a friend like that. But there's not much you can do. Either you accept them for who they are now, or let it go. "Break up" in a sense.

Hope you can find some other, more awesome friends soon. Just go hunt'em, they are out there!

 

[lomojojo]

Or maybe you never knew him at all. Online friendships and relationships can be very tricky you know. I guess it looks easy but it's even harder than a face to face relationship because in this kind you are around this person you get to know the people around him you can sort of corroborate his statements but online? How?
I'm sorry this makes you sad and I hope you feel better soon.

 

[VanillaCreme]

He grew up. Kids usually don't want to be in drugs and sex and alcohol. Adults do sometimes. You may or may not feel the same as you do now years from now. I know I've changed a little. I'll drink now. I still don't care for smoking. But I still won't touch drugs.

 

[Sweetlucyblvd]

You're all saying very valid things, and I'm very thankful for the advice, but I think I'm going to let him make the next move. If he really has matured and left me in the dust, he probably doesn't want to bother with awkward, shy me anymore. If that's so, I'll deal. If he wants to still talk and be my friend, that's fine too.

 

[ShybutHi]

Be wary of people over the internet, i have met some nasty insidius people who have seemed to be completely fine but turned out to basically be pathological liars.

 

[tehdreamer]

It does suck when people go through rapid changes and become someone you really can't recognize anymore.

I doubt he was lying about not wanting to sleep around and drink a lot because he could keep lying about it if that was the case. Rather, I think he fell onto what he thinks a stereotypical college student is supposed to do. It's also possible he didn't live in a atmosphere where he could do those things before.

I'm sure you trusted him and was he friend for reasons than this. If those reasons are still there, you can still be his friend and confide in him.

 

[Enchanted Girl]

I'm like you. I don't drink or sleep around or any of that stuff. I also met my boyfriend on the internet and have been dating him for five years and can vouch for the fact that there ARE genuine people over the internet that you can fall in love with and have a crush on. It's not silly that you did so. In fact, since the majority of the population uses the internet on a regular basis now to say that you only meet crazy, liars on it would mean that all of us posting here are crazy, liars and that most of the population of the world is the same as well. Of course you will meet pathological people on here just as much as in real life (I've met a lot that way), but I don't think this guy was any of those things.

My boyfriend, when I first met him hated people drinking, too. I don't think he was lying about any of that, I just think he hadn't tried it before. Now he drinks and gets drunk on occasion as well. I don't drink ever and at first it made me nervous that he drank, but then I realized it wasn't really a big deal to me. He hadn't been allowed because of his parents to try drinking before and now he has and loves it. I still don't drink though.

This guy you are talking about is still the same person, he just drinks and has sex now, although he's probably not ready to settle down with you or even be your boyfriend at all if he's sleeping around with other girls in real life.

I can understand how you feel like you didn't really know him though because the fact that he does these things does show that he's not on the same level as you quite like you thought he was or has the same morals.

And yea, I think your course of action is a good one. I don't think he doesn't care about you anymore, he probably still does, but people get busy when they go to college and lose contact a lot of times with people they used to talk to. Basically that's what happened with any friends I ever had who went to college. Because they are living a new life and doing so much.

 

[ShybutHi]

^^^^ Some good advice/comments there Enchanted Girl.

This guy you are talking about is still the same person, he just drinks and has sex now, although he's probably not ready to settle down with you or even be your boyfriend at all if he's sleeping around with other girls in real life.

I agree, if it was me in a situation like this with a girl i met over the internet and she started sleeping around then to be honest i would try and let go of any feelings if possible... its probably not worth it and will only end in upset unfortuanatly. This just happens sometimes and is a problem when it comes to a long distance relationship... if the person really had a bond with you then he wouldnt go and sleep around in my opinion.