Just want to rant

[tehdreamer]

This will be a book of a post, but I need to just rant right now...

Ok, so I met this guy on a forum a while back and we started talking. He expressed interest in me as "more than a friend", but I had just met him so I said I couldn't really respond properly to what he said. But I also told him I'd really like to get to know him more. So we're talking more for a while on IM's and texts and I start to think he's a pretty nice guy and why not try to make things work with him? But I guess our wires got crossed, because he thought I wasn't interested in being more than friends at all and one day started asking me how he could find other women to date or whatever. I felt crushed, told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore, and pretty much hated him from then on.

Fast forward a few months later. I contact him again because I see him on the forum and he's having problems and I want offer some advice. My hate had pretty much worn off by then and I felt sorry for him and wanted to help out. Just be his friend again. We talk for a couple of weeks and he expresses interest in me again. Again, I don't really have an answer. This time it's because I don't think we're really compatible and I don't have any feelings for him in that way. I talk some friends about it and they pretty much tell me to give it a try.

I think things over for a day, come back, and try to discuss it with him. We're both sadly lonely and desperate people and the fact that I don't feel anything towards him just made me feel like we'd just bother be settling. I wanted to know how he felt about everything. I expected to be reassured in some way that I should give it a chance, but instead all I got was a lot of self-hate speech which really put me off. I finally decided that it just wouldn't be fair to him because, apparently, he had feelings for me and I didn't have them for him. He says more self-hate pity party crap, then says he still wants me to be his friend. I agree.

But then things took a turn for the worse as he started saying I was like every other women he tried to date. This pissed me off and hurt my feelings because while we had been talking those couple of weeks, he said all the other women he knew played mind games on him. He would express interest, they would reject him, then get mad when he moved on and started looking for someone else. I'm hurt because that's not what I was doing! Hell, I was telling him to move on! So he tries to say that's what happened the first time around! I had to explain everything of what happened and how we just completely misunderstood each others feelings the first time.

Still, this wasn't enough. He still kept saying I was like everyone else. I told him to quit saying it because it was hurtful. He said he didn't understand why it was hurtful. I explained it again. No dice. So I said "It doesn't matter why it's hurtful, just quit doing it" and he says "It does matter why". So I got pissed and the arguing continued. Finally we decided to just quit talking. But he did make a point of saying he still wanted to be my friend anyway.

I thought about saying "Hell no. Go away." but, after sleeping on it, I decided that I didn't want to abandon him. I already rejected his proposal, I didn't want to kick him to the curb friendship-wise too. So, today, I contact him and say we can still be friends. But I offer the advice that maybe he shouldn't lump everyone he meets into a box and don't assume everyone is going to treat him the same as people from his past. Give people a chance and don't close up because he could shut himself off from a chance to really be happy.

He didn't like that advice and said we shouldn't be friends. The lame ass reason was that he didn't want to argue with me. So I said that we weren't arguing, I was just offering some advice. He could ignore it and not listen to it, I don't care! And if he didn't want to be my friend anymore, he didn't have to make up a reason why. So he just flatly said "I don't want to be friends" and I'm like wtf.. "why?" And the next reason is because he doesn't want to argue with me in the future either. I try to explain that friends argue, that's part of any relationship, but it's not like people stay mad at each other forever. He says "we're starting to argue now" and I say "we are?" and he says "I'm done with this" and logs offline. I'm dumbfounded.

I go out of my way to still be his friend, and he dumps me because he doesn't agree with what I'm saying. I wasn't arguing, I wasn't angry or upset. I was just talking! I won't lie.. it hurts. It hurts a lot. I didn't do anything wrong, yet I still got kicked to the curb. I'd understand if he said this after I rejected his "more than friends" offer, but no.. he kept insisting we should still be friends and go back to the way things were two days ago. "I don't want to lose your friendship" was his words. Part of me thinks he only said it so I'd agree to be his friend, so he could dump me as revenge. I hope he got a nice big ego boost out of it because he sure destroyed mine.

I need to quit caring so much about other people's feelings. I should have gotten out while the getting was good instead of coming back and trying to be there for him. All it caused was pain for me. It seems like every time I start to feel good about myself, someone comes along to tear it all apart. I had just told another friend of mine, less than 15 minutes prior to being dumped, that I finally realized that I'm a good person. I was actually in a pretty good mood today. Now it's all crushed and I feel like a bad person again.

I'll get over it eventually. But, for now, I just feel like crying.

p.s.
If you read all of that, you get a gold sticker. Two if you understand any of it.

 

[Sweetlucyblvd]

I suppose I get two gold stickers...

I'm so sorry things just blew up on your like that. The thing about meeting people on the internet is how things can be so easily misconstrued. I have a very good online friend who is from the uk, and we like to make lots of sarcastic jokes. Unfortunately sometimes one of us will not detect the sarcasm, or be confused by some idiom or culture thing, and then we kind of snap at each other to save face and not look stupid. Even though we usually look stupid anyway

The point of that anecdote to that misunderstandings are rampant in forums and chat rooms, and it's common for people try to twist the situation in order to have the highground in the end. It's not your fault, and you shouldn't feel so bad about it

 

[tehdreamer]

The first encounter was a misunderstanding. The second one.. I'm not sure what the heck that was. I'm still pretty confused.

 

[septicemia]

I think so much gets lost over the internet. Personally I dont see how its possible for people to have a real relationship over the internet. Relationships are difficult enough as it is, then you add losing all the body language and intimacy that is the core to every relationship.

 

[tehdreamer]

Well, a long distance can turn into a non-long distance relationship. Especially since I'm looking to move in the (hopefully) near future. The internet is just a medium to get to meet people you otherwise wouldn't run into in your every day life. If I had a cluster of people to pick from where I live, I wouldn't be here and lonely...

But I wasn't even really trying to meet anyone for a relationship when he offered. I asked him if it was a joke at first. The whole thing was dead in the water before it even began.

Why can't more normal people ever be interested in me? >.<

 

[Teenage Dream]

That sounds horribly frustrating. >__< I'm sorry that it turned out that way. It probably feels a bit hopeless and might really piss you off now, but just try to distract yourself until the thing is so far behind you can't recall the details anymore. That's what I do.

 

[Badjedidude]

My two cents:

He sounds emotionally undeveloped and immature. I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but it could be that there's a reason that he's "lonely and desperate." He just never grew up and never learned how to operate as an adult. Kids blame their problems on outside influences and play the victim. Kids instantly react forcefully to emotional situations, without any ability to curtail their reactions in order to analyze the situation at a higher level before taking action.

*shrug*

Yeah, people like that can be good friends... annoying, but good. But as a close friend? I wouldn't recommend it. However, that's your decision.

*HUG* I'm here for ya, tehdreamsy. I'm sorry that you're hurt by all of this.. and I hope that soon the situation comes to some sort of balance. Take care, yeah?

 

[tehdreamer]

You're right, BJD, he is very very immature. When I was talking over things with my friends, before the whole blow up, they asked me why I wouldn't want to date him and I said it was because he seemed pretty childish and was the type that would need someone to constantly take care of him. He had a 100 different reasons why women rejected him, but I'm guessing the only real reason is because he's just not mature enough and they may have said other things to spare his feelings.

I should have listened to my first impression of the situation and I probably would have if I wasn't so lonely. I'm glad he showed his true colours before I got even more entangled in things. At least I know, even in my most lonely and desperate of times, I still have my limits

Writing the rant helped me feel a lot better already. I'm back to hating him again and wishing to hire someone to punch him in the throat for me, but I'll get over that eventually too

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think so much gets lost over the internet. Personally I dont see how its possible for people to have a real relationship over the internet. Relationships are difficult enough as it is, then you add losing all the body language and intimacy that is the core to every relationship.

While I understand that, there's also the other side of the relationship where you don't need to by physical. And what I mean by that is, sometimes you just enjoy talking to someone. Whether it be online or in person, you just enjoy their company. I do think that a relationship thriving through the internet alone is missing something. And usually, it starts to eat away at the relationship, causing it to crumble.

But I suppose that could be in person too. When a couple just drifts apart, physically, and there's no intimacy there, the relationship falls apart.

 

[Dante]

Some normal person on the internet once said something that stuck with me: "internet relationships don't work. They last." You can't have a relationship solely on the internet forever, but they can work until you meet the person. But you have to.

 

[tehdreamer]

Any relationship I develop over the internet won't stay on the internet. Things would progress until we're having regular meet ups then eventually end with someone moving. At least, that's the basic plan. Who knows how things would work out in reality, but I don't want a purely net-based relationship.

 

[Luna]

Any relationship I develop over the internet won't stay on the internet. Things would progress until we're having regular meet ups then eventually end with someone moving. At least, that's the basic plan. Who knows how things would work out in reality, but I don't want a purely net-based relationship.

That sounds about right.
Also, I am glad that you are feeling better about this.

Er...

Even if that means you are "wishing to hire someone to punch him in the throat for me".

At least you're not sad!
(Or don't sound like it, anyway)

You are a sweetie, and I definitely agree with this:

He sounds emotionally undeveloped and immature.

You don't need to be spending your time on people who carry a victim-mentality and the belief that you, and everyone else, is out to get them.
You can't help those that don't want to help themselves.
*shrug*
It is a terrible life to always be looking over your shoulder unnecessarily.