Karmic Retribution?

[Case]

My ex-wife just texted me a few hours ago to tell me that her husband had died the day before Thanksgiving (here in the States.) I had not communicated with her in five or six years, and suddenly, WHAMMO.

This was, certainly, a horrible thing to happen to her during the holiday season. However, I didn't know she had remarried. When I mentioned this to her, she told me something even more surprising. They were not really married. He had died about two weeks before their planned wedding ceremony. Two weeks! He was buried on the very day they were set to be married.

She said she didn't know why she felt the need to tell me, but she "thought that it was the right thing to do." I'm not sure what she meant by it. Was she hurting so much that she tried contacting the last, closest person to her? I don't know.

I gave her my condolences, and she thanked me.

The thing is, I have this tiny feeling that she deserved this.

Oh, I know that my rational mind would never wish harm upon any person who did not threaten my life or the lives of my loved ones, and this includes my ex-wife. While I have had anger about our past, and I had been hurt by her, I thought I had healed and left that all behind.

Now, I get a few texts from her, and part of me feels like what she has just experienced was a kind of unexplained, karmic retribution, that she is paying right now for the transgressions she brought upon me 10-12 years ago, and she is paying dearly.

These fleeting thoughts make me wonder if I should feel guilty for even feeling slightly satisfied that an equal or greater pain has befallen the very person who inflicted so much pain onto me.

Am I experiencing my first, true moment of schadenfreude? I'm not sure. I feel a bit confused about this, to be honest. My gut tells me that my mind has yet to sort this out. Rarely have I experienced such dual minds about a person to whom I was once very close.

 

[user 115627]

Since I believe that love and hate or compassion and malice are closer to each other than most people think, I find this immediate emotional reaction more than natural. As long as you're not dwelling on it or use this moment of weakness to inflict further "karmic retribution" onto her - even if she did hurt you in the past - there's is nothing to be ashamed of. I don't think we're able to control our inner reactions in these kinda situations, but we're able to watch out how much we're letting on.

 

[Case]

Since I believe that love and hate or compassion and malice are closer to each other than most people think, I find this immediate emotional reaction more than natural. As long as you're not dwelling on it or use this moment of weakness to inflict further "karmic retribution" onto her - even if she did hurt you in the past - there's is nothing to be ashamed of. I don't think we're able to control our inner reactions in these kinda situations, but we're able to watch out how much we're letting on.

Thanks, Rodent. I'll try not to dwell on such a reaction. I expect this to be a one-time situation. My instinct is to react in kindness and charity when people are grieving. So, when I felt this admittedly selfish feeling, I felt a momentary pang of guilt. I won't beat myself up over it, but it's best to acknowledge these feelings rather than avoid them or mask them.

 

[Tiina63]

Your feelings and thoughts are completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. We are all human and you would have to be a saint not to feel the way you do. In your shoes, I would have reacted the same way.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I dunno what she did to you but it must have been really horrible to have thoughts like that. It seems you are still holding some resentment towards her. But to feel some kind of "karmic satisfaction" out of a person she loved dying when he did, man it must have been beyond anything I could comprehend. To me, and this is just my POV, I could never feel something like that unless the person was truly a horrible despicable person and I wouldn't derive any kind of pleasure from another human being dying. To me karmic retribution would be if he did what she did to you so she got a taste of her own medicine. I'm sorry I just can't wrap my head around this one, I've been hurt by people but ever only wished they'd get the same done to them so they know what it was like. To me that is karma and may bring some satisfaction.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

This seems like an automatic reflex to me. No husband likes it when his ex-wife finds another man, so your reaction seems pretty normal to me. Don't spend too much time fretting over it if you ask me, it's natural to feel that way.

 

[ABrokenMan]

The true opposite of love is not hate.
It is indifference

 

[Case]

I dunno what she did to you but it must have been really horrible to have thoughts like that.

Why? It was a single thought, and it was far from the first thought I had. My first reaction was shock, sadness, and a measured compassion for her. This solitary thought of cosmic payback was a blip compared with the more compassionate emotions I felt. After all, my texts to her were intended to offer condolence, and that was not an empty gesture. I'm just in a position where my compassion for her has a limit. If she was bleeding in the street, and only I could help her, before my brain could even think about it, I would be doing all I could to help her in every way possible.

But that one feeling... that tiny sense of satisfaction... not at a poor man's death, mind you, (I'm not a monster,) but at the mere thought that the person who had hurt me so callously and indifferently in my past was now feeling hurt herself... That one feeling did not make me recoil. For a moment, I felt a kind of justice in that.

Now, the point of this post, Sci-Fi, was that we all are a multitude of emotions. Every so often, we have an inconvenient feeling or thought that either we try to bury, or we can choose to stare it in the face and confront it. That's what I choose to do. Confront this feeling, make sense of it, and then grow from the knowledge.

Incidentally, the question mark in the title indicates my uneasiness in having that thought to begin with. If I was happy that she was suffering this dreadful grief, I wouldn't have started this thread at all.

The true opposite of love is not hate.
It is indifference

Hmm. I'm not sure this applies to me since I have never sought the opposite of love, and if I was truly indifferent, I would not have responded to my ex's text with kindness.

 

[Sci-Fi]

No need to get defensive was just giving my POV (point of view) on what you posted. It's not me you have to convince of your thoughts I was just giving my opinion on it since you did post about it. Sorry, I'll excuse myself for your thread since obviously I'm not telling you what you want to hear.

 

[SofiasMami]

I don't believe in karma and that old saw that "what goes around comes around". Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people often with no rhyme or reason; there are people who inflict horrible atrocities on others with no punishment or consequence.
True, we can elicit things from the world by our own actions but I'm not sure that's true in this case as I don't know your ex-wife or how the man died.
Schadenfreude is probably an apt way to describe the way you felt; most of us feel that one time or another. Whether one is willing to admit openly that they feel a little schadenfreude at someone's misfortune is another story - most of us won't admit it openly but I bet every person has felt it occasionally.

-Teresa

 

[Case]

No need to get defensive was just giving my POV (point of view) on what you posted. It's not me you have to convince of your thoughts I was just giving my opinion on it since you did post about it. Sorry, I'll excuse myself for your thread since obviously I'm not telling you what you want to hear.

I think it's quite possible to write a counter-post without sounding defensive, and I honestly see no defensiveness in my previous exchange. Also, I welcome all points of view, and I have found that it is acceptable to disagree with people here as long as it is done with respect. However, if you would rather excuse yourself from the thread, I respect that, as well.

I don't believe in karma and that old saw that "what goes around comes around".

I admit that I do not believe in the spiritual definition of karma. I do not subscribe to the notion that bad things will inevitably visit all of the wrong-doers of this world. Yet, I do believe in a kind of rational karma where if a person consistently makes bad choices, like being rude to everyone around them, one day that person will be rude to the wrong person and have to face a particularly damaging result. I also agree that these damaging results sometimes fall upon innocent people, and there is little anyone can do to avoid those seemingly random moments. But I think that having a generally positive outlook on life will bring about much less negativity upon myself than if I were consistently rude and offensive to everyone. That won't stop the random factor, but it's the best I can manage right now.

Schadenfreude is probably an apt way to describe the way you felt; most of us feel that one time or another. Whether one is willing to admit openly that they feel a little schadenfreude at someone's misfortune is another story - most of us won't admit it openly but I bet every person has felt it occasionally.

I think that my biggest surprise is that I felt schadenfreude at all since that's a very atypical response for me. Fortunately, it was a fleeting thought, but apparently it bothered me enough to post about it. The idea of wishing anyone harm, or feeling any amount of happiness as a result of someone else's pain, I feel, is rather counter-intuitive. And yes. This is not something that most people would admit, but I am not afraid to reveal myself in the hope that I may learn from it later on. I am ever hopeful.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I think that sometimes thoughts pop into our heads. We don't focus or dwell on them and recognize them for what they are - just something fleeting that isn't really a thought we agree with or take seriously.

 

[Ak5]

People die all the time and we don't care. Seeing as this guy was going to marry your ex-wife, it is completely understandable that you feel this way since you had strong feelings for her. Personally, I don't believe in karma, but feel about it as you wish.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, you offered your condolences and have made right on that part.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I always think that the hate we feel towards others is equal to the potential love we could feel or the love we once had for them.

Some sort of balancing equation caused by pain that perverted the original or potential feeling of love and transmuted it to hate.

 

[jd7]

I always think that the hate we feel towards others is equal to the potential love we could feel or the love we once had for them.

Some sort of balancing equation caused by pain that perverted the original or potential feeling of love and transmuted it to hate.

Yes. Passion (in its definition as "level of feeling") certainly cuts both ways.

 

[Case]

I always think that the hate we feel towards others is equal to the potential love we could feel or the love we once had for them.

Some sort of balancing equation caused by pain that perverted the original or potential feeling of love and transmuted it to hate.

I like the idea of it being a balancing of a sort. Very interesting.

 

[Morse Code]

What you felt was totally natural, but I'm not sure I believe in karma myself. I've seen so many instances of bad things, really bad things happening to good people and vise versa.

 

[Tiina63]

What you felt was totally natural, but I'm not sure I believe in karma myself. I've seen so many instances of bad things, really bad things happening to good people and vise versa.

Same here.

 

[ladyforsaken]

It's understandable for you to feel this way. I don't think it's wrong or right in any way, I think it's a matter of a reaction due to your bitter experiences with her.

If it was me, I wouldn't say that they deserved it, I'd just say that "what goes around comes around" and it's beyond my power if something bad has happened to that other person. That said, it's also in my nature to then try to help them. I don't know if this is advised, but I always end up getting burned or hurt once again anyway.