Keeping motivation in the face of loneliness

[Ilos]

How do you all keep motivated to keep trying, even when you keep failing?

It is easy to say you are going to change and that you will take action and do the things you want but it is so hard for me to find motivation to actually do it for longer periods than a week. For example, I hate feeling so **** tired all day so one of my new years resolutions was to go to bed earlier, but after a week I just sunk right back into my pattern of watching endless YouTube videos, most of which I don’t even find amusing anymore.

And I have zero friends and never go out so I have no real incentive to get in shape or do anything fun because I would have no one to share it with anyway.

I guess I just want somebody who has been lonely and empty like me to tell me that it is possible to change and that it is worth putting in the effort and doing things outside your comfort zone.

Thoughts?

 

[9006]

I guess I just want somebody who has been lonely and empty like me to tell me that it is possible to change and that it is worth putting in the effort and doing things outside your comfort zone.

You said it there.

More often than not change is not easy, I suppose it all depends on how much you want it.

 

[Cucuboth]

I think most people that talk about change (especially those who aren't lonely), underestimate the importance of having support and encouragement to make, and stick with, change. When we try to make the effort to change, and there is no support to do so, no encouragement to do so, we often feel that, in the end, nothing has really changed at all. So we fall back in to the old routines and habits.

People are quite basic in many ways, and we tend to do things if we will get a benefit at the end. A 'reward', if you will, is quite a powerful motivator. Not many people will do something for absolutely no gain, no matter what they say.

Oh, and I think most people underestimate S&E because for them, it's always been there, so they never have to think about it, or feel the lack of it.

 

[Tiina63]

I find it a constant effort, to be honest. As Cucuboth says, it is hard to keep going and to change without support and encouragement, and most of us here don't have that support and encouragement.
Maybe you could try changing one thing at a time, such as going to bed earlier. Then, when this is part of your established routine, work on the next issue.

 

[ladyforsaken]

How do you all keep motivated to keep trying, even when you keep failing?

I find this hard at times too... but I feel that as long as you don't give up, you're okay. You can stop trying for that time being and try to recover or recuperate, put it on pause, then try again after that period when you are feeling better.

What could motivate? Hmm.. a particular goal or aim you might be able to set in mind, and the belief that you can achieve it, even if it means having several tries getting there. Don't beat yourself up too hard if you don't get what you aim for immediately.

It is easy to say you are going to change and that you will take action and do the things you want but it is so hard for me to find motivation to actually do it for longer periods than a week. For example, I hate feeling so **** tired all day so one of my new years resolutions was to go to bed earlier, but after a week I just sunk right back into my pattern of watching endless YouTube videos, most of which I don’t even find amusing anymore.

Yup, it's definitely easy to fall into this habit. But this is where you gotta try to discipline yourself. It took me awhile to ensure that I get at least 5 hours of sleep every night.. I used to have a couple to 3 hours a night and it drove me insane, I was tired constantly, aching back and falling sick a lot. Eventually I got tired of it and decided to set a bed time for myself, and by hook or by crook, I will abide by it.. now, I am not very strict with my bed time timing, just as long as I know I can get at least 5 hours. Better even 6 hours... but I dislike sleeping so early and I gotta get up like 5am in the morning so.. it was tough.

But you gotta do what you gotta do, I realised the importance of sleep, eating proper and healthy and maintaining a balanced and healthy lifestyle. Without it, a lot of health problems could occur.. you wouldn't want that. I had to learn it the hard way. :\

And I have zero friends and never go out so I have no real incentive to get in shape or do anything fun because I would have no one to share it with anyway.

You're right on this. After I got out of my down depression period after a painful break up, I wanted to change my life around as I was sick of the mundane sad life I was leading. So I found the motivation to just do everything different, went to the gym, started working out - the incentive was to have a better me, a better life. I made it for myself, not for anyone else.. that was what kept me going. Because I told myself that I owe it to me, to treat myself better and live better after that.. so I did.

I guess I just want somebody who has been lonely and empty like me to tell me that it is possible to change and that it is worth putting in the effort and doing things outside your comfort zone.

Thoughts?

Definitely. I did. And it's totally worth it. Because when you start feeling and seeing the positive changes that take place, you'll feel pretty satisfied with yourself. I started thinking more positively, started meeting more good-hearted people, started making new friends and feeling more confident of myself.

Give it a shot. I can help you out if you want - feel free to PM me and we'll take it from there.

 

[lostatsea]

How do you all keep motivated to keep trying, even when you keep failing?

It is easy to say you are going to change and that you will take action and do the things you want but it is so hard for me to find motivation to actually do it for longer periods than a week. For example, I hate feeling so **** tired all day so one of my new years resolutions was to go to bed earlier, but after a week I just sunk right back into my pattern of watching endless YouTube videos, most of which I don’t even find amusing anymore.

And I have zero friends and never go out so I have no real incentive to get in shape or do anything fun because I would have no one to share it with anyway.

I guess I just want somebody who has been lonely and empty like me to tell me that it is possible to change and that it is worth putting in the effort and doing things outside your comfort zone.

Thoughts?

Wow. It's like I could have wrote this myself. I'm in the same situation. I know I get disappointed so early. I know I'm avoidant, and even afraid of failure now, so it's like why try? At least I wouldn't have failed.

But I also know this causes a deeper and deeper hole. I'm sick and tired of being like this because day after day passes by, and all of a sudden it's been a year. Then two years. Life is literally passing me by, and the worst part is I'm letting it.

 

[Peaches]

I can completely recognize myself in what you write. It is so difficult to stay motivated, and sometimes the change is so minimal and there are so many relapses into old behaviors. For the last years, in lack of other supporting human beings, my motivation has come from self help books, and even if I suspect that all these books will soon transform me into some freaky middle aged lady, at least I go to sleep full of motivation for the following day. But, yeah, life keeps passing me by in spite of that, and sometimes the same mistakes come back over and over again. My biggest motivation is despair: I try to feel the despair behind watching tv and playing video games, and this despair is so huge that I can only a) kill myself b) change something
usually I pick up b)

without going to these lengths, if you want support for exercising etc, I am starting a diet right now, glad to compare notes

 

[African_weasel]

I guess I just want somebody who has been lonely and empty like me to tell me that it is possible to change and that it is worth putting in the effort and doing things outside your comfort zone.

You said it there.

More often than not change is not easy, I suppose it all depends on how much you want it.

It also depends on for what reason too. It what makes it or breaks it.

 

[Ilos]

Maybe you could try changing one thing at a time, such as going to bed earlier. Then, when this is part of your established routine, work on the next issue.

I think this is a critical point for me. In my mind I have an image of the person I want to be, and when I try to work towards being that person I try and change everything at once, and fail every time. It definitely can’t hurt to zone in on one single item, lack of sleep in my case, and work on changing that and only that.

But I also know this causes a deeper and deeper hole. I'm sick and tired of being like this because day after day passes by, and all of a sudden it's been a year. Then two years. Life is literally passing me by, and the worst part is I'm letting it.

This is exactly how I feel sometimes. Like I’m in a train looking out the window, and I see all these opportunities and things I could do, but somehow I’m too scared to get up and just sit and watch them fly right on by : (

You're right on this. After I got out of my down depression period after a painful break up, I wanted to change my life around as I was sick of the mundane sad life I was leading. So I found the motivation to just do everything different, went to the gym, started working out - the incentive was to have a better me, a better life. I made it for myself, not for anyone else.. that was what kept me going. Because I told myself that I owe it to me, to treat myself better and live better after that.. so I did.

Wow, this is an inspiring post. It really made me think about why I am trying to change, and who I am trying to change for. I’m always trying to fit in and conform to other peoples expectations, but I never thought about it from the perspective that I owe myself a healthy lifestyle.
I went jogging for the first time in 4 months right after reading this haha I will try and keep motivated this time.

Oh and Peaches, I’d love to have someone to compare notes or make a workout plan with but I’m not sure we have the same goals. Im tall and very skinny (and self-conscious), so I’m looking to gain weight instead of lose it.

 

[ladyforsaken]

You're right on this. After I got out of my down depression period after a painful break up, I wanted to change my life around as I was sick of the mundane sad life I was leading. So I found the motivation to just do everything different, went to the gym, started working out - the incentive was to have a better me, a better life. I made it for myself, not for anyone else.. that was what kept me going. Because I told myself that I owe it to me, to treat myself better and live better after that.. so I did.

Wow, this is an inspiring post. It really made me think about why I am trying to change, and who I am trying to change for. I’m always trying to fit in and conform to other peoples expectations, but I never thought about it from the perspective that I owe myself a healthy lifestyle.
I went jogging for the first time in 4 months right after reading this haha I will try and keep motivated this time.

Aww that's amazing, Ilos! I'm so glad you did, I hope you'll keep it up. Let us know how it's going, yeah? And like I said, feel free to PM me if you just need someone to talk to about all this.

 

[Goblin]

I've always believed in there being a way where there's a will. I spent several years in a deep depression, and while I couldn't control the depression I could control other things that could be enjoyed during better days. It's mostly been a matter of outsmarting myself and my own negative tendencies by being a few steps ahead.

As an example I know that if I let my physical surroundings deteriorate, even through simple procrastination, my mental and emotional health is soon to follow.

 

[African_weasel]

Hey I get treated as the chore boy at the restaurant I wash dishes at. That enough motivation for me to find a better job.