Losing My Social Abilities!

[LoneAs]

To begin with as a child i was never encouraged to go out from the house and mix with other children, up until my teens i stayed mostly indoors, and now in my twenties i am still inside. I have lost contact, had fights and as a person have very little to give when it comes to friends.

With pressure on me, i need to get a job, and for that you need skills of various sorts. Basically because i have been alone most of the time, i have forgotten how to communicate with people face to face.

When i do talk to people i often repeat myself, or use quick get away excuses to end the convo mid-flow. I often lose interest fast or cant reply in bantering fashion to build rapport with someone.

Chatting online i can do easily, but when you are face to face with someone, they can easily pick up your disinterest or anxiousness, which i emit.

I am living in the UK, and now have to look for a job to support myself, and being another colour (i am not racist, but believe everywhere has its racist, I have had past & recent experiences where i have suffered racism in daily life, in the workplace and amongst people, so its something that has come against me in my pursuit for a job and in life, i have to cope with it and not let it effect me in re-connecting with people) having no work experience, and diminishing social skills because of my aloneness, I need to start getting things done.

To help myself I am going to do some free volunteering so i can connect with people again and get some work experience. Volunteering should help build my social skills back again, it will be a slow process, but i need to improve my ability to connect again. As a person i am stoic and often emotionless, but in the work field you cant be like that.

Besides chatting online any body got any advice on how to connect with people again on a social level?

Thanks..

 

[beans]

To begin with as a child i was never encouraged to go out from the house and mix with other children, up until my teens i stayed mostly indoors, and now in my twenties i am still inside. I have lost contact, had fights and as a person have very little to give when it comes to friends.

With pressure on me, i need to get a job, and for that you need skills of various sorts. Basically because i have been alone most of the time, i have forgotten how to communicate with people face to face.

When i do talk to people i often repeat myself, or use quick get away excuses to end the convo mid-flow. I often lose interest fast or cant reply in bantering fashion to build rapport with someone.

Chatting online i can do easily, but when you are face to face with someone, they can easily pick up your disinterest or anxiousness, which i emit.

I am living in the UK, and now have to look for a job to support myself, and being another colour (i am not racist, but believe everywhere has its racist, I have had past & recent experiences where i have suffered racism in daily life, in the workplace and amongst people, so its something that has come against me in my pursuit for a job and in life, i have to cope with it and not let it effect me in re-connecting with people) having no work experience, and diminishing social skills because of my aloneness, I need to start getting things done.

To help myself I am going to do some free volunteering so i can connect with people again and get some work experience. Volunteering should help build my social skills back again, it will be a slow process, but i need to improve my ability to connect again. As a person i am stoic and often emotionless, but in the work field you cant be like that.

Besides chatting online any body got any advice on how to connect with people again on a social level?

Thanks..

volunteering is a great place to start with. How about meetup.com? See if there are any groups around your area? Or join some clubs? And find a job where you meet customers or meet people on a daily basis? It really does help. I have a friend who was really shy until he joined the hotel industry and that totally changed him inside out.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It wasnt the best or worst job in the world but I worked at a cashier for a while.
Having to dealing with various people from all walks of life. I had to remain friendly even if some customers got t off for whatever reason.Grudaully I started making small talks or cracking jokes with customers or even flirting with some ladies.lol
It helped that I was handing out money and wasnt taking it.
It was just constant exposure to people..my mind and body adjsuted again.
in my previous job..I had to tell people what to do..and interview people for positions.lmao

In my last job interview...I cracked a couple of jokes. I got hired.lmao

in support groups..sometimes they get people to be a greeter...It gets a person to say hello and metting everyone...
yeah..I uesed to take an old man to the hospital everyother day. I had to communicate with the receptiionist for important informations then flirt with the nurses lmao

Maybe try taking a speach or acting class...

---

Or maybe start of small...Maybe go to a mall. Train station. Bus stations or coffee shop...jsut hang out in there.
for a couple of hours p day.
This way your body will adjsut to being around people

I ued to just hang out at the park or the mall....I had to fored myself to sit for a couple of hours..

a couple of years ago. I had to go work
in Mexico.. It was a big city
I didnt know any spanish.lmao
It was a very wierd experince...
I was scared shitless at first.
But over time ...my mind and body
adjusted. Plenty of people speaks english in mexico.lol
Id get on the bus. Cab. Or jsut walk aroud the city after a while...Half ass communicated wiith people...but most people were helpful. I got over my fears and just relaxed after a while.

 

[JohnHenryEden]

Join the S.A.S. You'll fit in their they have something for everybody.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well, the military is indeed, an option although I dislike the fact that it seems to be used these days as some form of a 'last resort' rather than a conscious choice for a career.

 

[Monster]

Well, the military is indeed, an option although I dislike the fact that it seems to be used these days as some form of a 'last resort' rather than a conscious choice for a career.

So true, so sadly true....




I would also suggest just talking to yourself.... no its not weird, well as long as nobody hears you. Practive and become more confident in your words and what you say, not thinking how you percieve how other people recieve what your saying, thinking its well or bad. Just say whats on your mind, don't fear what others think of you. In time you will get better : )

 

[LoneAs]

To begin with as a child i was never encouraged to go out from the house and mix with other children, up until my teens i stayed mostly indoors, and now in my twenties i am still inside. I have lost contact, had fights and as a person have very little to give when it comes to friends.

With pressure on me, i need to get a job, and for that you need skills of various sorts. Basically because i have been alone most of the time, i have forgotten how to communicate with people face to face.

When i do talk to people i often repeat myself, or use quick get away excuses to end the convo mid-flow. I often lose interest fast or cant reply in bantering fashion to build rapport with someone.

Chatting online i can do easily, but when you are face to face with someone, they can easily pick up your disinterest or anxiousness, which i emit.

I am living in the UK, and now have to look for a job to support myself, and being another colour (i am not racist, but believe everywhere has its racist, I have had past & recent experiences where i have suffered racism in daily life, in the workplace and amongst people, so its something that has come against me in my pursuit for a job and in life, i have to cope with it and not let it effect me in re-connecting with people) having no work experience, and diminishing social skills because of my aloneness, I need to start getting things done.

To help myself I am going to do some free volunteering so i can connect with people again and get some work experience. Volunteering should help build my social skills back again, it will be a slow process, but i need to improve my ability to connect again. As a person i am stoic and often emotionless, but in the work field you cant be like that.

Besides chatting online any body got any advice on how to connect with people again on a social level?

Thanks..

volunteering is a great place to start with. How about meetup.com? See if there are any groups around your area? Or join some clubs? And find a job where you meet customers or meet people on a daily basis? It really does help. I have a friend who was really shy until he joined the hotel industry and that totally changed him inside out.

Thanks for the suggestions, ill check that site out. Next week im booked to see a volunteer counsellor so ill post how that goes, and what positive experiences can be gained, or maybe the opposite if it all goes wrong lol i hope it wont though. Im working on getting a job so socially its rewarding.

 

[JohnHenryEden]

Well, the military is indeed, an option although I dislike the fact that it seems to be used these days as some form of a 'last resort' rather than a conscious choice for a career.

Yeah i agree...

 

[Ak5]

It seems to me that you have self-esteem/self-confidence issues. You say you can talk to people online, but face-to-face you get anxious and all. I had that same exact thing.

You need to, as they say, "find yourself". If you were able to make friends before, you can now. Social skills are not lost, they get untuned. With practice, they get tuned again. You need to be comfortable in your own skin! Ask yourself, am I happy being myself (physically)? If you aren't, lose weight, build more muscle, etc. Works very well.

Once your comfortable on how you look, you'll be well on your way.

 

[IgnoredOne]

It seems to me that you have self-esteem/self-confidence issues. You say you can talk to people online, but face-to-face you get anxious and all. I had that same exact thing.

If you can talk to people online but not in real life, you should try options such as skype or webcam chat - both which basically bridge the gap and allow you to develop experience and comfort with someone that you have by now established some degree of trust with.

 

[rivermaze]

When i do talk to people i often repeat myself, or use quick get away excuses to end the convo mid-flow. I often lose interest fast or cant reply in bantering fashion to build rapport with someone.

Hi LoneAs, I can relate to this. I'm also not as white as others. I'm 'white-other' on the very form I fill I love it here (the UK) though.

I believe that volunteer work will help. The UK gives plenty of opportunities, and there are so many people involved in charity work around you that you'll be surprised to find out. I was about to start working with asylum seekers, but moved to another city. Anyway, I did some volunteering in a hospital as an intepreter, but there are so many other places, that you could probably easily match positions to things you're interested in.

I'd be glad to hear from you about your progress, or anything, you may like to talk.

'be safe!' (as one of the forum members once said)

 

[Rosalyn]

To begin with as a child i was never encouraged to go out from the house and mix with other children, up until my teens i stayed mostly indoors, and now in my twenties i am still inside. I have lost contact, had fights and as a person have very little to give when it comes to friends.

With pressure on me, i need to get a job, and for that you need skills of various sorts. Basically because i have been alone most of the time, i have forgotten how to communicate with people face to face.

When i do talk to people i often repeat myself, or use quick get away excuses to end the convo mid-flow. I often lose interest fast or cant reply in bantering fashion to build rapport with someone.

Chatting online i can do easily, but when you are face to face with someone, they can easily pick up your disinterest or anxiousness, which i emit.

I am living in the UK, and now have to look for a job to support myself, and being another colour (i am not racist, but believe everywhere has its racist, I have had past & recent experiences where i have suffered racism in daily life, in the workplace and amongst people, so its something that has come against me in my pursuit for a job and in life, i have to cope with it and not let it effect me in re-connecting with people) having no work experience, and diminishing social skills because of my aloneness, I need to start getting things done.

To help myself I am going to do some free volunteering so i can connect with people again and get some work experience. Volunteering should help build my social skills back again, it will be a slow process, but i need to improve my ability to connect again. As a person i am stoic and often emotionless, but in the work field you cant be like that.

Besides chatting online any body got any advice on how to connect with people again on a social level?

Thanks..

Man, I feel like I just read about myself practically. Cept I'm just another white girl in the UK. I've caught myself repeating my words and stuff like that as well....pretty much everything else is the same for me as it is for you.

Sorry to hear you suffered racism, I didn't think the UK was so bad for that. But I guess it must be in some parts. :s

The whole webcam idea seems like a good one. Where about are you? I'm in the North East of England. I wish you luck.

 

[LoneAs]

When i do talk to people i often repeat myself, or use quick get away excuses to end the convo mid-flow. I often lose interest fast or cant reply in bantering fashion to build rapport with someone.

Hi LoneAs, I can relate to this. I'm also not as white as others. I'm 'white-other' on the very form I fill I love it here (the UK) though.

I believe that volunteer work will help. The UK gives plenty of opportunities, and there are so many people involved in charity work around you that you'll be surprised to find out. I was about to start working with asylum seekers, but moved to another city. Anyway, I did some volunteering in a hospital as an intepreter, but there are so many other places, that you could probably easily match positions to things you're interested in.

I'd be glad to hear from you about your progress, or anything, you may like to talk.

'be safe!' (as one of the forum members once said)

Thanks for your suggestions really appreciate the comment, ill let you know of my progress.