lost.

[sole.2010]

Im not sure if I can post this here because its not just a relationship thing per se but rather a "whole life" thing.

But here goes.

A few years ago I found myself in a really bad relationship and I let it affect my studies, failed one year of university and decided to take a year off after that. Now I've finally graduated, I feel like I have found no path to follow and feel like I've wasted so much time. I look around me and see that all of my friends have moved on and have managed to find a place for themselves in this world and I feel like such a loser for not having been able to pull my self together and have finished two years ago like I was supposed to, I feel like I will never be able to amount to anything because I wasted all this time!!

The saddest thing about all of this "problem" is that I still think about my ex boyfriend. Even though he was such a jerk, a cheater and obviously not right for me, I still think about him. Im in a relationship right now with a man who is great... he is sweet, generous, and very considerate of my feelings and tries hard to make me happy.... but I constantly compare him to my ex, and cant stop having all these negative thoughts about both of them.

My ex cheated on me and it took me 2 years to finally forgive him and everyone involved... but I still think about it. Now, I add this insecurity plus my feelings of underachieving and I compare myself to all around me (even the girl that he cheated on me with) and I go crazy. I have this constant fear that my current boyfriend will cheat on me because he will see me as a failure or will leave me once I fail to amount to anything later on. Im scared. Im sad and need advice. I know it sounds like a typical case of "shes not over her ex" or "shes emotionally scarred" but I think I need to feel like I am not the only one who has been through something like this or to hear advice on how to be better in my current relationship (new fear: I will scare him off by being crazy and thinking all these things?---gotta love the internet forums as a way to vent-- )or be better in my search for a career/place in the world. I want to be successful in all of these things but I just dont know how or where to start...


ahhhhh

help.

 

[drifter]

Well, you cant chose who you love...... great ******* dilemma, isnt it?

I really have no advise here. I guess following the heart is always a option.. but a tricky one. I hope you find the best for you!

 

[coricopat]

Wow, you definitely have some underachievement issues. I'm almost 32, and thanks to illness I'll never be able to finish my schooling, probably won't even be able to hold down a 'real' job. But if I ever get the chance to go back to school I'll take it. Taking an extra couple of years to finish college is NOT a big deal. At all. So don't treat yourself so harshly because of it. If it takes you a couple more years to figure out where to go from here, that's ok too.

If your current boyfriend cheats on you, it'll be because he's a loser, not because of anything you do wrong, just as your old boyfriend cheated on you because he was a loser. I hope you realize that as well and don't blame yourself for something that hasn't even happened yet.

You may have forgiven your ex, but I don't think you've gotten over him, or what he did to you. Trying to make a new relationship work when you haven't dealt with the old one probably isn't the best idea. I'm not saying break up with the guy or anything, but be aware (and it sounds like you are) that the old relationship baggage is gonna plague your new one until it's all been put away.