Fay F
Well-known member
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2021
- Messages
- 79
- Reaction score
- 10
Last night I decided to go to bed in my bedroom with my husband. (I'd been living in my side of our office to get some space from his anger). He came to bed around 5am. At one point, he was pushing me physically away from him and I asked him what was wrong.
He said that because of me, he hasn't had a good night's sleep in five years.
He said that I get everything I want in the relationship and he gets nothing. All he wants is a good night's sleep.
We've had this conversation before and I'm as quiet as possible all day long while he sleeps. We have 6 pets and it's not easy to keep them quiet during the daytime when they have energy and are so active but I try my best.
He says I make noise on purpose to keep him awake. I tried to tell him that's not the case but he wouldn't let me talk. Then he went into a verbal assault to tell me that ever since we moved to this house (I bought the house last year), that I'm spending way too much money on "useless things" (useless to him). Mind you, he doesn't work and we live off my pension. I will freely admit that I have bought lots of art supplies lately. But I've also bought pet supplies, all the groceries, a snowblower, winter tires etc...he yelled that I should be saving my money so that we can renovate the basement so he can have his studio.
Renovating the basement will cost a good 10k and I won't have that money until 2024 or maybe even 2025. I mentioned that if he got a job, we can get all of that done quicker. He stated "I'm never working ever again so eff off Fay."
Besides all of the unreasonable demands, the hatred and the rejection, it just hurts to be told "Eff off" by your husband.
I have really compromised a lot during this marriage of 16 years. I'm beyond sad.
It's 1:45 in the afternoon where I live and he just walked out of the bedroom, into our office and took his laptop back into the bedroom. He completely ignored me, treated me like I don't exist. I'm really in pain right now. I don't deserve a look, a hello or a smile. Not even a "sorry" for being so mean to me. He also ignored the pets who all got up to greet him. Seeing happy dog tails wagging, then stopping when he walks right past them breaks my heart.
But I'm trying to be strong. I'm sticking to my boundary of not running to him out of panic because I feel lonely or hurt. I'm working on my self-esteem workshop so that I can find that emotional energy to end the marriage. It's so challenging.
My counsellor sent me an email this morning: "Fear is temporary, regret is forever." She was trying to tell me that my fear of breaking up the marriage would pass, but that if I let that fear consume me, I would stay in the marriage and become trapped - and that I would definitely regret it.
I want to say why are men like this? But I'm sure there are women like this out there too. It's beyond my comprehension as to why people do this to each other, choose anger and hatred over love and happiness. I said that to him the other day, "You're missing out on a lot of love and happiness with me" and he just ignored me.
Thanks for letting me vent.
He said that because of me, he hasn't had a good night's sleep in five years.
He said that I get everything I want in the relationship and he gets nothing. All he wants is a good night's sleep.
We've had this conversation before and I'm as quiet as possible all day long while he sleeps. We have 6 pets and it's not easy to keep them quiet during the daytime when they have energy and are so active but I try my best.
He says I make noise on purpose to keep him awake. I tried to tell him that's not the case but he wouldn't let me talk. Then he went into a verbal assault to tell me that ever since we moved to this house (I bought the house last year), that I'm spending way too much money on "useless things" (useless to him). Mind you, he doesn't work and we live off my pension. I will freely admit that I have bought lots of art supplies lately. But I've also bought pet supplies, all the groceries, a snowblower, winter tires etc...he yelled that I should be saving my money so that we can renovate the basement so he can have his studio.
Renovating the basement will cost a good 10k and I won't have that money until 2024 or maybe even 2025. I mentioned that if he got a job, we can get all of that done quicker. He stated "I'm never working ever again so eff off Fay."
Besides all of the unreasonable demands, the hatred and the rejection, it just hurts to be told "Eff off" by your husband.
I have really compromised a lot during this marriage of 16 years. I'm beyond sad.
It's 1:45 in the afternoon where I live and he just walked out of the bedroom, into our office and took his laptop back into the bedroom. He completely ignored me, treated me like I don't exist. I'm really in pain right now. I don't deserve a look, a hello or a smile. Not even a "sorry" for being so mean to me. He also ignored the pets who all got up to greet him. Seeing happy dog tails wagging, then stopping when he walks right past them breaks my heart.
But I'm trying to be strong. I'm sticking to my boundary of not running to him out of panic because I feel lonely or hurt. I'm working on my self-esteem workshop so that I can find that emotional energy to end the marriage. It's so challenging.
My counsellor sent me an email this morning: "Fear is temporary, regret is forever." She was trying to tell me that my fear of breaking up the marriage would pass, but that if I let that fear consume me, I would stay in the marriage and become trapped - and that I would definitely regret it.
I want to say why are men like this? But I'm sure there are women like this out there too. It's beyond my comprehension as to why people do this to each other, choose anger and hatred over love and happiness. I said that to him the other day, "You're missing out on a lot of love and happiness with me" and he just ignored me.
Thanks for letting me vent.