investor
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- Joined
- Aug 3, 2007
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I went to this Christian fellowship thing tonight at 7 30. I went pretty positively in a good mood. I listened to the sermon which was pretty boring and basic and when it ended chatted with a lot of acquaintances. Some of them I see daily but never get invited to hang out with. After we were done with talking, its about 9 pm and we all decide to go this kids surprise birthday party, I went too even though I didn't know him. I sat there and watched everyone greet him and make a cake for him, be excited for him and hug him. And I got really ******* depressed because the last time I celebrated my birthday with anyone was in 3rd grade. I invited my best friend Denzel to eat pretzels with me and play basketball. And yet this guy who only started coming to this club this year even though Ive been in the club for 2 years and know everyone, he connects with everyone and gets a surprise party. I became really depressed, walked 10 minutes back to my dorm and just cried a little holding back tears while listening to some arabic music because it cheers me up. I hate my life because I just can't have fun and I can't be happy to celebrate anything. I also get no recognition and feel nonexistant. I've been contemplating suicide but that's a waste. My only purpose in life seems to get rich and then spend all my money now. Why should I care about college? to get a job that will restrict my time in a monotonous cycle till a snap one day??