My issues (don't know what forum this would fit in)

[Mike510]

I don't know where to post this since it kind of covers being Lonely, Shy, having Social problems and Relationship issues.

I am 23 years old and I feel like I have no one to talk to anymore. I live in a pretty messed up neighborhood so it isn't always safe to go outside. In high school I hated it so much that I felt alone and felt like I didn't have a reason to live because my life would never get better. I have always had social problems but as high school went along I was able to make friends with a handful of people, but since graduating they all either moved or we don't keep contact so I don't have anyone to hang out with. Following high school I went to College and never really meet anyone I would hang out with. I finally finished college in March but I have applied at over a hundred jobs now and only gotten 1 interview because I have no experience. I am starting to feel like why should I even bother no one wants to even give me a chance.

Regarding relationships, I never had a girlfriend in high school because I was to nervous or socially awkward to speak to them. In college there was a girl I meet a few years ago we went out a few times but we would go somewhere and I wouldn't say anything most the date cause I didn't know what to talk about. The same thing happend when I hung out with friends when I was in high school. Things got kind of weird pretty quickly in the relationship so I told her I wanted to break up. She kept following me and harassing me for some time after that though. In August of 2011 I meet a girl on a website that I frequently posted on and we became friends very quickly. I found out we had a lot in common, more than I had in common with anyone else. Only problem was she lived in Michigan, so we discussed it and we said that we could make it work and we could visit one another every year in person. Well neither of us had jobs so we had trouble ever meeting, we would IM and Skype alot instead (that way I knew she was real). We talked for hours almost every night, until a couple months ago when she got a job. The first week she got the job we talked about 15 minutes a night, and since then she said she is to busy to talk even 15 minutes. We would always email one another and ask each other how are days went. Now she goes 3 or 4 days at a time without responding, and she acts like it is an inconvience to even do that. She emailed me a couple weeks ago and said that she should stop sending me emails and let me find someone else, I don't care for anyone else though. I am picky about who I feel comfortable to be open with and she is the one person I felt I could discuss anything with and now she doesn't even want me.

Between the living in a place I can't stand, not being able to find a job, not being able to make friends, and having the one person I felt I could connect with barely even speak to me I feel like I did in high school when I didn't see any reason to live.

 

[drr26]

Hi Mike, I'm 23 and basically in the same situation as you.

For the job hunting, don't give up, I went 3 years unemployed BUT the employers in my job wanted people our age. Only reason I left was my health problems got in the way.

As for the girl, not sure what to suggest. I find it hard to speak to girls online now because of the lack of meeting in person. It would be so much easier if you lived near her I guess. Maybe it's best to move on and just email once in a while

Either way good luck with the job hunting

 

[defenestrate]

Hey Mike510.

Sometimes the most we can do is simply tell other people where we stand. There are certain people in this world, both men and women, who feel somehow unworthy and push the people they care about away. I cannot even begin to guess what goes on inside another person's mind. But I do know that sometimes people create their own decisions for others. I think that she is making up her own mind of what you do/do not want before asking you about it. If you don't care for anyone else, and you feel comfortable to be open with her, I think you should directly tell her that.

I also understand how overwhelming it can be to feel unsafe in your home, neighborhood, or city. I understand how defeating it must feel to be unemployed. Don't give up. It can be rough sometimes but you've got to be willing to stop and tell yourself that your worth it. You deserve to live a fulfilling life and be independent with a job and a future.

Do you want to talk about job searching tips?
Do you want to talk about anything?

Keep us posted. There's some great people in here and I think drr26 seems like exactly the sort of person to be very understanding.

 

[Mike510]

Thanks both of you for replying.

And I have told her that she is the only girl I want to be with. She keeps saying how her job is going to inconvience the both of us from talking like we used to, and she said we should end the relationship now before one of us gets hurt.

Yeah I want to be successful and have a job, and be with the girl I love and one day be able to have children. But the older I get the more I don't see that ever happening. I feel like I won't ever find a job, I will always be stuck her and I will always be alone.

Job tips? Well I could use pretty much any help I can get with that.
I just think I need some time without feeling pressured about find a job, but I also feel like my relationship is ending and I don't know how to save it.

 

[defenestrate]

It sounds as though she is choosing for you what she believes would be in your best interest. I think it's important to tell her how you feel, because honestly, it sounds like losing contact from her is the last thing you want.

I also feel like my relationship is ending and I don't know how to save it.

Just like earlier when you told her where you stand; tell her how valuable she is to you and, although her job might be an inconvenience, you would rather see things through and remain in contact. If your patient, tell her your patient. If you want to also be available any time she wants to talk to you, tell her that. Tell her whether or not speaking with her less frequently is painful, or not speaking with her at all is painful. I think expressing yourself is the only thing you can do right now.

Job tips? Well I could use pretty much any help I can get with that.
I just think I need some time without feeling pressured about find a job.

Everyone experiences pressure and stress. Here's the problem though: some people spend every single waking moment thinking about trying to make ends meet. The stress quickly adds up. People spend time searching for work. Then for the rest of the day they're unable to do other activities without work being in the back of their minds. You need to be able to do other things without that pressure eating away at you. Dedicate daily goals, schedules, plan out what time of day your going to look for jobs and what time of day your going to do separate things. Then keep your activities actually separate, focusing on only one at a time. We all need to spend time without feeling pressured. Getting into the right mindset is always difficult but there are many ways to cope with stress.

 

[Regumika]

Hi Mike510

The economy sure is hard. and has nothing to do with you. i know this woman who is overqualified for a job but still took it because it was available. the economy is sooo competitive, and unemployment rate so high.. it is really hard even with experience. so just drop it down a few levels, it is not you.

as for your GF goes.. perhaps you will understand when you work full time too. and also.. what you and her experienced is basically the process in finding a new friend. you start off talking all the time.. then eventually you run out of stuff to talk about.. then the daily contact becomes weekly. then it becomes emails every so often. Trust me, this is normal. it doesnt mean any feelings are lost. she is telling you what she thinks is best for you because she knows she is unable to satisfy your needs (constant attention) given the situation. so from her point of view... rather than have you hang on by a thread and leading you on.. it is better that you find someone else that is capable of giving you constant attention.

you want friends? 75% of the people here are looking for friends too, you could try to PM a few of them. many of them are home all day every day too.

 

[Mike510]

It sounds as though she is choosing for you what she believes would be in your best interest. I think it's important to tell her how you feel, because honestly, it sounds like losing contact from her is the last thing you want.

I also feel like my relationship is ending and I don't know how to save it.

Just like earlier when you told her where you stand; tell her how valuable she is to you and, although her job might be an inconvenience, you would rather see things through and remain in contact. If your patient, tell her your patient. If you want to also be available any time she wants to talk to you, tell her that. Tell her whether or not speaking with her less frequently is painful, or not speaking with her at all is painful. I think expressing yourself is the only thing you can do right now.

Job tips? Well I could use pretty much any help I can get with that.
I just think I need some time without feeling pressured about find a job.

Everyone experiences pressure and stress. Here's the problem though: some people spend every single waking moment thinking about trying to make ends meet. The stress quickly adds up. People spend time searching for work. Then for the rest of the day they're unable to do other activities without work being in the back of their minds. You need to be able to do other things without that pressure eating away at you. Dedicate daily goals, schedules, plan out what time of day your going to look for jobs and what time of day your going to do separate things. Then keep your activities actually separate, focusing on only one at a time. We all need to spend time without feeling pressured. Getting into the right mindset is always difficult but there are many ways to cope with stress.

I told her anytime she wants to talk I am available. She said that she doesn't have a single minute of free time because she sleeps 9 hours works 9 hours and the other 6 hours she is out with her mom doing things.

Yeah I need to do that because I spend pretty much most the day searching through possible jobs and if they need experience. And if I send an application and never hear back it starts to drive me crazy. I just feel like I am being a disappointment because I went to college and most the people I went to high school with didn't go to college and they got jobs when they graduated. Now there is no jobs and I wasted about 5 years of my life for more school.

---

Hi Mike510

The economy sure is hard. and has nothing to do with you. i know this woman who is overqualified for a job but still took it because it was available. the economy is sooo competitive, and unemployment rate so high.. it is really hard even with experience. so just drop it down a few levels, it is not you.

as for your GF goes.. perhaps you will understand when you work full time too. and also.. what you and her experienced is basically the process in finding a new friend. you start off talking all the time.. then eventually you run out of stuff to talk about.. then the daily contact becomes weekly. then it becomes emails every so often. Trust me, this is normal. it doesnt mean any feelings are lost. she is telling you what she thinks is best for you because she knows she is unable to satisfy your needs (constant attention) given the situation. so from her point of view... rather than have you hang on by a thread and leading you on.. it is better that you find someone else that is capable of giving you constant attention.

you want friends? 75% of the people here are looking for friends too, you could try to PM a few of them. many of them are home all day every day too.

I am just affraid cause the longer I go without work the older I get with no experience and the worse my resume looks. I remember I applied at a Target store a couple months ago and some guy that got an interview there had a PhD.

I understand she is going to be much busier but just a few weeks ago she could send me a message every day or talk for about 15 minutes. Now I am going 3 or 4 days without knowing if she is even alive still. I don't want to find someone else though, I love everything about her accept we can't talk now.

 

[perfanoff]

^ That's bullshit dude. You know it. If she were the busiest person alive, if she wanted to, she would make time for you.

My guess is that she's moving on with her life. If you want to have a shot for a real thing with her get a job and fly to Chicago ASAP.

 

[defenestrate]

Trust me, with a degree you are in an advantageous position compared to everyone who doesn't have one. I know six in total who work retail with a masters diploma. In the realm of retail we're all equally eligible work... You can still compete against the guy with a doctorate. We can only try the best we can. If we still can't find work, it isn't fair to call ourselves a disappointment. I think volunteer services such as AmeriCorps is a great idea if you feel... a bit hopeless... There's the added benefit of just feeling useful while keeping the resume looking decent. If there is a specific degree related job you want, call people and ask to shadow them. This is how people get a foot in the door. Investigate temp agencies, but do not go through recruiters. I know how scary unemployment is but we cannot let stress control every waking moment of our lives. Being a college grad, I'm sure you already know how to juggle around with stress. If you have any coping methods which work, they're perfectly valid.

I'm keeping your fingers crossed you two can continue to talk, even if only on occasion. Is there any sort of reaction at all when you tell her you love her, or how you feel about her? Sometimes life just catches up and we're unavailable. There's no way for me to tell you how she feels about things.

 

[Mike510]

^ That's bullshit dude. You know it. If she were the busiest person alive, if she wanted to, she would make time for you.

My guess is that she's moving on with her life. If you want to have a shot for a real thing with her get a job and fly to Chicago ASAP.

I kind of said that last time we spoke that she couldn't even find 5 minutes in 4 days to say hello I hope your having a nice day and what have you been up to? And she said oh so now your calling me a liar. I can't win for losing.

I want to but I been applying for jobs the past 2/3 months like crazy and only gotten 1 in person interview.

---

Trust me, with a degree you are in an advantageous position compared to everyone who doesn't have one. I know six in total who work retail with a masters diploma. In the realm of retail we're all equally eligible work... You can still compete against the guy with a doctorate. We can only try the best we can. If we still can't find work, it isn't fair to call ourselves a disappointment. I think volunteer services such as AmeriCorps is a great idea if you feel... a bit hopeless... There's the added benefit of just feeling useful while keeping the resume looking decent. If there is a specific degree related job you want, call people and ask to shadow them. This is how people get a foot in the door. Investigate temp agencies, but do not go through recruiters. I know how scary unemployment is but we cannot let stress control every waking moment of our lives. Being a college grad, I'm sure you already know how to juggle around with stress. If you have any coping methods which work, they're perfectly valid.

I'm keeping your fingers crossed you two can continue to talk, even if only on occasion. Is there any sort of reaction at all when you tell her you love her, or how you feel about her? Sometimes life just catches up and we're unavailable. There's no way for me to tell you how she feels about things.

Yeah most of them though have jobs like pizza delivery boy or lifting 70lbs boxes for 8 hours straight. Not that I am against manual labor but working in a convenience store or a chain bussiness is more along the lines I am looking for now. I need to look into AmeriCorps.

Stress withing college was somewhat more controlled though. I knew the deadlines I needed to get things done and I knew what the end result was going to be, right now the time period for getting a job could be days, weeks, months, etc.

I told her I missed her and that I want to be with her no longer how long it takes. That was saturday I sent that and still have not heard back from her. It just makes me sad thinking about it because it seemed like everything was perfect. We always talked, we never argued or disagreed, we always could make each other laugh. Now in the last couple months its like we never get to talk, when we do one of us ends up feeling mad or hurt, and we just talk about how we wish we could have a better life.

 

[defenestrate]

There's a lot on your plate, clearly. It isn't fun when very important relationships somehow become strained. I just think that, anything you would do in college to relax, is still something you can do to relax right now. There's different life problems but always a way to cope with the stress. I think, even though it's been a few days, there's no way to know how she feels unless she chooses to talk about. These lulls are always uneasy for anyone.

This is just a feeling...
If I where to hazard a guess, I think that people feel like a disappointment when they choose to turn down other jobs, like manual labor jobs. Maybe you feel this way, maybe not. Either way, it's mean and unfair to call yourself a disappointment. When choosing between taking on a job which you might not even be capable of handling, or choosing a job in which you'll excel in, choosing a job which matches your talent is always the correct choice. If not for your health but also for your future and resume. I know there's a lot to deal with at the moment, but maybe taking a moment to do something to feel at ease is a good decision.

---

I saw this in another thread:

I found the right girl for me and she pushs me away and tells me to look for someone else because I am an inconvience.

Has she actually said this to you?
I cannot emphasize enough the point that we cannot read minds.
There needs to be at least some dialog to better understand a person.

If she has said these things, it isn't okay.

 

[Mike510]

There's a lot on your plate, clearly. It isn't fun when very important relationships somehow become strained. I just think that, anything you would do in college to relax, is still something you can do to relax right now. There's different life problems but always a way to cope with the stress. I think, even though it's been a few days, there's no way to know how she feels unless she chooses to talk about. These lulls are always uneasy for anyone.

This is just a feeling...
If I where to hazard a guess, I think that people feel like a disappointment when they choose to turn down other jobs, like manual labor jobs. Maybe you feel this way, maybe not. Either way, it's mean and unfair to call yourself a disappointment. When choosing between taking on a job which you might not even be capable of handling, or choosing a job in which you'll excel in, choosing a job which matches your talent is always the correct choice. If not for your health but also for your future and resume. I know there's a lot to deal with at the moment, but maybe taking a moment to do something to feel at ease is a good decision.

---

I saw this in another thread:

I found the right girl for me and she pushs me away and tells me to look for someone else because I am an inconvience.

Has she actually said this to you?
I cannot emphasize enough the point that we cannot read minds.
There needs to be at least some dialog to better understand a person.

If she has said these things, it isn't okay.

---

Yeah I just never had to deal with something like this so it is a bit difficult. I been trying to listen to music to help me calm down that used to work but I signed into facebook about 20 minutes ago and she was online and the minute I started to type something to her she went offline. So much for not having any spare time for her, I guess I should just face the facts she has given up on me.

Yeah I know that manuel labor jobs like lifting of heavy boxes I could probably do for a short term but I never have been much of a person to do heavy lifting (Even when I worked out I used smaller hand weights) so I could get injured real easily. I applied at Starbucks, Toy's R US, and a couple other chain stores earlier I would be happy with just being a cashier or stocking shelvs or keeping inventory.

She said that since she has gotten a job getting online to talk has become an inconvience because she is so busy. I want to get her to reply to my last email but that was saturday night and here it is tuesday night and she is probably going to bed soon so I am not going to hear anything for another day.

 

[Mike510]

Well she wants to break up with me guess my lifes ruined after I planned on moving to Michigan