LucieMay
Active member
There's a lot said on this board about how "nice guys" fail with women... and that women chose the confident charismatic bad guys who break their hearts over and over. Well I was one of those women: over the years I've been involved with different variations of the bad guy: the funny confident charismatic flirtatious charmer (who also cheats), the complicated tortured seeingly "sensitive" artist who cannot find peace or fully commit and my baby's daddy who actually was a bone fide bad guy (don't wanna go into details). I've thought I could change them and understand them... that all they were waiting for was the "right" woman... and time and time again I've been let down and hurt. I'm actually very good friends with some of them (few of them are truly "bad"- many make excellent loyal friends but honeysuckle boyfriends).
Well my most recent boyfriend sapped the life out of me completely (I made a thread about it). I'm not gonna go into the fully gory story but I never thought I would love again- he completely destroyed my spirit and my shell and my trust.
I've always had trouble falling for the stereotypical "nice guy". In my every day life, I'm very independent and self sufficient and very strong willed. I like men who have precense and intrigue, who light up the room and get everyone's attention as soon as they walk in. Most of these men have not been conventionally handsome or great lookers. That has never interested me. I don't like shy men or those who let me walk all over them or are saps or are nervous around me or are desperate to be what I want them to be or who always let me make decisions or just do what I want all the time. I don't enjoy needy or clingy men. I can be pretty hard work and need someone who can keep me on my toes and stand up to me. Of course, all those sorts also messed me over and hurt me and let me down. In my early 20s, I was pretty flighty and flirty and never committed myself. I have hurt my fair share of guys in my time and done some things I am not proud of. But since getting older and having a child, I have wanted love, commitment, reliability, honesty, trust and fidelity.
I'm not after sympathy at all, I'm a fairly intelligent person and willingly entered into those liaisons.
But recently I got together with a man who blown all of my perceptions out of the water. I knew him many years ago and we became friends. He had a girlfriend at the time and there was never anything more between us and it was never on the agenda. We lost touch a few years ago but he recently got back in touch with me. He had split with his long term girlfriend (the one we had when I was together). We met up as friends and have since got together.
I have a lot of trust issues from my ex but having known my boyfriend as boyfriend to another woman and knowing how faithful and devoted he was, he is beginning to break down my walls (very slowly). He even admitted to me he was attracted to me at the time, but I would never have guessed it.
He is a typical nice guy: considerate, loyal, loving and faithful. He is very honest and straight up with his feelings and is very understanding. This was never enough for me before and I always wrongly associated these traits with a man being shy, a sap and a walk over and boring. He is none of these: he is very confident and funny with lots of friends. He is highly intelligent and I could listen to him talk for hours. He is very quick witted and very popular. I am also very attracted to him and we have a lot of sexual chemistry, which I never had with "nice guys" before. I always saw them as asexual to me.
He has completely blown my preconceptions out of the water. I admit that I was wrong. A man CAN be a thoroughly nice person but also be charismatic and sexually attractive (not about looks).
It is very early days but even if it doesn't go long term, I am so glad to have known him because he has shown me that you can be more than a stereotype.
Just wanted to share my story.
Well my most recent boyfriend sapped the life out of me completely (I made a thread about it). I'm not gonna go into the fully gory story but I never thought I would love again- he completely destroyed my spirit and my shell and my trust.
I've always had trouble falling for the stereotypical "nice guy". In my every day life, I'm very independent and self sufficient and very strong willed. I like men who have precense and intrigue, who light up the room and get everyone's attention as soon as they walk in. Most of these men have not been conventionally handsome or great lookers. That has never interested me. I don't like shy men or those who let me walk all over them or are saps or are nervous around me or are desperate to be what I want them to be or who always let me make decisions or just do what I want all the time. I don't enjoy needy or clingy men. I can be pretty hard work and need someone who can keep me on my toes and stand up to me. Of course, all those sorts also messed me over and hurt me and let me down. In my early 20s, I was pretty flighty and flirty and never committed myself. I have hurt my fair share of guys in my time and done some things I am not proud of. But since getting older and having a child, I have wanted love, commitment, reliability, honesty, trust and fidelity.
I'm not after sympathy at all, I'm a fairly intelligent person and willingly entered into those liaisons.
But recently I got together with a man who blown all of my perceptions out of the water. I knew him many years ago and we became friends. He had a girlfriend at the time and there was never anything more between us and it was never on the agenda. We lost touch a few years ago but he recently got back in touch with me. He had split with his long term girlfriend (the one we had when I was together). We met up as friends and have since got together.
I have a lot of trust issues from my ex but having known my boyfriend as boyfriend to another woman and knowing how faithful and devoted he was, he is beginning to break down my walls (very slowly). He even admitted to me he was attracted to me at the time, but I would never have guessed it.
He is a typical nice guy: considerate, loyal, loving and faithful. He is very honest and straight up with his feelings and is very understanding. This was never enough for me before and I always wrongly associated these traits with a man being shy, a sap and a walk over and boring. He is none of these: he is very confident and funny with lots of friends. He is highly intelligent and I could listen to him talk for hours. He is very quick witted and very popular. I am also very attracted to him and we have a lot of sexual chemistry, which I never had with "nice guys" before. I always saw them as asexual to me.
He has completely blown my preconceptions out of the water. I admit that I was wrong. A man CAN be a thoroughly nice person but also be charismatic and sexually attractive (not about looks).
It is very early days but even if it doesn't go long term, I am so glad to have known him because he has shown me that you can be more than a stereotype.
Just wanted to share my story.