Not Getting Enough...

[netflixonfridaynight]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost one year now... He loves me & treats me like a lady, tells me he wants to move in with me next lease and we've talked about marriage. Only problem - I want to have sex more than he does. When we have sex, it's great, but it happens a few times a week, when he wants it, whereas I'd be down for sex pretty much any time. It's always planned ahead of time I've realized that it's almost always me initiating sex, sometimes he's just not in the mood, or tired which leaves me sexually frustrated. Theres been times that he orgasms first and I'm left hanging for days and days... He's in his late twenties and I'm in my early 20's. When I brought this up, he told me I'm pushy and that I need to stop forcing him to have sex with me...

Other than this, the relationship is great. what is considered a "normal" sex drive range for a guy his age? why wouldn't he want to try harder to satisfy me? How should I interpret times when he just doesn't want to have sex?

I don't think its that he's not attracted to me his part gets happy when I kiss him or hug, but he just does't let it happen...

 

[BadGuy]

I will break the silence for you

the bitter side of me says he is a stupid *******
At that age for me ... daily ..but that was me
Its a hard road to travel when one person wants sex more than the other ..especially if your left feeling unsatisfied or unloved ...it makes you question things about yourself

 

[ringwood]

One word: masturbation.

I don't think there's a 'normal' range for a man (or woman) based on age - some people want it everyday, some are happy to go a month or more without needing to have sex.

I'm wondering why you feel that 'he should be trying to satisfy you more'? Have you suggested other options to him, things that would satisfy you, but without leaving him feeling obligated to perform? Like watching you masturbate, playing with a toy, etc, etc. I'm sure you have a vivid imagination in this regard and can add some ideas of your own...

In regards to interpreting the times that you feel rejected, I would take him at his word - if he says he's tired, he's probably tired. If he says he's just not into it, don't take it personally. If you need to, satisfy yourself.

Sounds like he's feeling pressured into sex, and that is a huge mood killer. Don't push it, let him come to you and maybe have a heart-to-heart about ways you both might be able to compromise and keep each happy. Otherwise, sounds like a great relationship!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Perhaps he doesn't actually like sex all that much. Maybe there's a reason that goes beyond what you think it is that makes him not have sex more. Try talking to him, honestly and openly, without being accusing or self involved about it. Be kind and considerate and maybe he'll open up to you about why he doesn't have sex more often.

As for "normal" sex drive ranges, that is clearly irrelevant because he's not in that range. Does it really matter, though? Would you break up with him because he doesn't have sex with you enough? That's a hard question, but I think it's one you need to focus on and find the answer to before you and him get more deeply invested in the relationship.

But yeah, try masturbation if you are sexually frustrated. There's no reason you can't take care of yourself in that regard sometimes.

 

[MentatsGhoul]

Everyone has different sex drives. I don't imagine it's exactly "common" for someone in his late 20s to already start seeing a decrease in his sex drive, but I'm almost 20 so I can't speak from first hand experience or anything. At the end of the day though, it doesn't really matter, he's got a lower sex drive while you've got an average-high one.

Look, this is really something you need to discuss with him. You won't find answers to solve your sex life on the internet, considering how crappy most of the advice people give (not talking about this thread or forum in particular, but after seeing a women recommend using a grapefruit to pleasure your man.... yeah, stay away from anything sexual the internet recommends you do). It's an awkward thing to talk about, but you're adults. Rather than just pushing him to have sex with you more, ask him why he doesn't want to have it as often, and tell him how you feel, what he could do to make you feel better etc. Have a discussion about this

 

[ardour]

I can't help imagining the different reaction if a man were to post a similar complaint.

Anyway - a few time a week should be enough. Probably more than the average couple does it. Maybe he really is tired.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

"I have intense feelings for this guy I�m seeing, but I feel like I�m not enough or don�t have much to offer right now besides my baggage and anxiety, clinginess and trust issues. He�s told me before that I frustrate him because of my reaction after arguments well disagreements because I don�t have the energy to fight so I just isolate myself until I forget why I�m upset or don�t care about it enough to talk about it anymore. During that phase I tend to become laconic towards him start ignoring his text or calls or ignore him at work�

He had a normal up bring, I believe he deserves a normal relationship with a normal woman. Should I tell him how I feel and expect him to understand or should I just wait for him to break up with me, because sooner than later I think it�s going to happen� "


I think you answered your own question on your other post.

 

[BadGuy]

"I have intense feelings for this guy I�m seeing, but I feel like I�m not enough or don�t have much to offer right now besides my baggage and anxiety, clinginess and trust issues. He�s told me before that I frustrate him because of my reaction after arguments well disagreements because I don�t have the energy to fight so I just isolate myself until I forget why I�m upset or don�t care about it enough to talk about it anymore. During that phase I tend to become laconic towards him start ignoring his text or calls or ignore him at work�

He had a normal up bring, I believe he deserves a normal relationship with a normal woman. Should I tell him how I feel and expect him to understand or should I just wait for him to break up with me, because sooner than later I think it�s going to happen� "


I think you answered your own question on your other post.

what is normal ?
Ever get the feeling that if you expect it enough its bound to happen ?
What happens if you expect better ?

 

[handheart]

Well you should accept that sometimes its tired and cannot do sex all time but its not an excuse .Its beter to have echilibrated sexual life

 

[Menorahman]

Sounds like you need to get some perspective, or do what everyone does now when they don't get everything they want: throw your partner out and find a new toy.