LOOK OUT BELOW.....MONDO POST!!!!!
Serephina said:
Depends on what kind of personality you're looking for,everyone is different and like different things. Me personally,I have dated men who have been dominant and men who have been more submissive,I have found that I would prefer a man who is somewhere in between. I don't like men who are too submissive because I want a man who has his own opinions on things and doesn't just go with what I want to make me happy,I like to be challenged. On the other hand I don't want a man who is too dominant,because dominant to me is controlling and from past experience it made me feel like crap. I would rather have someone who listened to my opinions and had mutual respect and who I had something in common with.
Well, the women I go for seem to be intelligent, passionate, adventurous, and free-thinking.
I wouldn't say I am too submissive, because I do have my own opinions on things. But I think I might falter in that I sometimes either forget or neglect to express my opinions on things. I have gone along with the women on things because I reasoned that it things were going pleasantly and whatever it was that I objected to wasn't worth picking bones about. I thought I was showing maturity by not arguing, and I valued these women's company over anything I disagreed with them on.
I did listen to their opinions, and I would say that I did have at least some interests or ideas in common with each of them. I guess I should have challenged them more on the things I disagreed with.
AmytheTemperamental said:
Skafish
First of all, if that is how you are to women, you sound incredibly considerate. Which I find to be a very attractive quality in men. That genuine wanting to get to know someone is something I personally look for.
Thank you, I try. I am not just looking for someone I want to have sex with but rather someone I actually want to spend time with. I have never really been a hook-up kind of guy.
AmytheTemperamental said:
I have only recently learned to say what I want. I am very much that pushover girl that will be like "wherever you want to go". Now that I am more comfortable with it, I would prefer to split those decisions. If I feel someone is genuine and really wanting to know me, it makes it a lot easier to throw out suggestions. I wouldn't want someone who made all the decisions, all the time. Or not even ask for my input.
Yeah, see, I'm almost a pushover in that regard as well. Like I said, I don't go out a lot so I don't know what activities and places to go are good. I've heard that you are supposed to show a woman "part of your world", but my world has consisted of home, friends' houses, walks and bike rides. I don't really know anything else. So I'd be open to going wherever. I also don't want to be so distracted by what I am doing that I am not paying attention to getting to know the person.
AmytheTemperamental said:
Now, I like a sexy dominance (which I am not going to get into). I could never handle a man who said "I will order us this" or "I will take us here". Funny enough, I have had men try to get me to be that way with them, so they can skip having input. Make the decisions with me, or take turns, but I would never want one person to be making all those choices.
I almost wish you would get into that, because I still don't know for sure what that really means and when it is appropriate. I have had women say sexual things to me before, but because I didn't know how to respond, I replied in a friendly tone and I think I dropped the ball.
But anyway. Making decisions WITH you, not FOR you. Yes, that makes sense to me.
AmytheTemperamental said:
Stay true to who you are. You sound very considerate. And that is a very attractive quality
Thanks again Amy!
Sometimes said:
@skafish - I love the word "let's". I really like a man who knows what he'd like to go do, and is willing to say it, and once doing it is able to enjoy it. I cannot stand a man who tells *me* what I want to do, what to do, what I will do.
I love love love that word "let's" and I almost never hear it.
But in my case, I'm a man who does not know what he wants to do since I don't go out a lot. Would it be a problem if I deferred to the woman on our activity choice, if I don't know a lot of cool things to do?
I get what you're saying though, and I see the appeal of "let's". It's democratic, it's a very "partner" word. It implies camaraderie, not dominance. I'll keep that in mind.
mslonely said:
TheSkaFish,
I think it really depends on the personality of the person in question and what she prefers.
I don't like a person who's controlling but I don't consider suggesting a place as controlling, I take it as interested. It could even be a suggestion.
I think even if you love being in the house, and I know that about you, i'd appreciate the effort you made in trying to look for a place to go or something to do.
I also really appreciate people who don't like to argue over unnecessary things. I do not, however, like a guy who agrees with me all the time, even when i'm obviously very wrong.
That's just me.
Well, lots of times I don't suggest a place because like I said to the others - I just don't know what's good since I stay in a lot. I don't consider a suggestion as controlling either. But I'll keep that in mind about showing extra effort though.
I think I may have made the mistake of being too agreeable in the past though. There have been times where I've been talking to a woman and she's said some very wrong things but I let it go because I liked her and was enjoying her company. But again, I thought I was doing a good thing by showing that I valued her more than whatever wrong things she's done.
Nicolelt said:
My boyfriend is the first non-dominant guy I ever dated, and it was the best decision of my life.
Thank you for restoring my faith in woman-kind by reminding me that not all women really want some kind of Hollywood tough guy!
VanillaCreme said:
Uhh... You do know that not every woman likes an alpha, dominant man, right? The fact that you think that is probably more of an issue. Like I've been telling you for I don't even know how long now - It's the mentality of it all.
No, I don't. That's the problem. And a lot of dating advice I read only adds to the confusion. It was enough to make me wonder if I was simply being punished for going against nature. It made me wonder if deep down, women like an alpha because of our instincts from caveman times and they haven't gone away, and that is why women say they want a nice guy but go after the tough guy instead.
Not to mention this:
Xpendable said:
I have never met a dominant man who didn't have partner or was found unattractive.
I've only ever really seen more timid kinds of men have a hard time getting a girlfriend. And I have NEVER heard of a douchey businessman, Jersey Shore type, or a guy who looks like Snake Jailbird from the Simpsons complaining about not being able to get a girlfriend.
It only further convinced me that despite these types' unpleasant traits, women go after them anyway because of instinct.
The other thing about me though is that in addition to not knowing what the good things to do are or the cool places to go, I also just don't know a lot about the world. I come off as naive. I'm not really an expert at anything, so again, I display a lack of dominance. Sometimes I come off as boyishly innocent about things and I've heard that's a problem. Do you agree with this? And what can I really do about it? I can't just catch up on all the knowledge I should have by now in a week or two.