Saying NO to loneliness! My Journal

[bender22]

Saturday night

I was going to meet up with my buddy Kevin in town then as I was driving in he sent me a message saying he was having car troubles and wouldn’t get in until later. Thought this was a good opportunity to go in solo for a while.

I went to the biggest club in the city because I thought it would be busy at least. I get there around 9:45 and it’s pretty quiet. While I’m walking around looking for people to talk to I see a girl walking past me and I try to draw eye contact. She looks at me so I reacted fast and spoke to her. Spoke to her very quickly, just asked when it got busy there then let her go.

I’m standing around and see a group of three girls, one with a birthday sash on. The birthday girl was definitely the cutest in the group so I approached her. Wished her a happy birthday. Quick conversation, she was nice. Probably should’ve talked to the friends as well. She said they were going to dance, not sure if it was an invitation to come with them but I let it go.

Talked to a couple of guys to help build my social momentum. Talked to one of the security guys too. It was still really quiet so I thought I’d go back to the car to chill for a while and see where Kevin was.

I go back to the club after about 20 minutes, talk to some guy while I’m walking over there. Still quiet when I get inside. I sat down at a bar stool to check my phone and a girl sits on the stool next to me. I turn around and talk to her quickly before her friends arrive.

Didn’t want to be in that club any longer so I thought I’d drive over the other side of town to have a look around. Kevin still hadn’t arrived. I was walking to a few bars when I got a call from one of the other guys who was at a club in the direction I’d just come from. I’d been considering just doing a few more approaches then heading home for a early night. But I hesitantly agreed to go over there. Glad I did.

Get over to this club and see a girl coming outside, I asked her if it was good inside. She said it was. Go inside and walk around for a while with the guy who called me. Too scared to approach for a while. Finally saw a girl standing by herself and approached her. We talked for a few minutes then it fizzled out. Should’ve pushed it further. All I needed to do was talk about any bullshit and she would’ve hung around. Think I just get lazy during my interactions sometimes. Need to be able to extend them for longer if anything is going to happen.

I was lining up to go upstairs and a group of three girls lines up behind me. I talk bullshit with one of them. Wasn’t into her but it was good to keep the social momentum flowing. I go upstairs and lose them. Five minutes later I see them at the bar and they’re looking at me and saying something. I re-engage and ask what they’re saying.

The one I talked to before is super flirty with me. I play along but I’m really aloof the whole time. She says they’re going outside and invites me to join them. I join them outside and talk to the three of them. The main girl continues to be real flirty and the conversation turns dirty. One of the other girls, grabbed my phone and put the main girl’s number in it. I was so confident, slow and controlled during the interaction.

Probably because I wasn’t attracted to this girl at all, so I had no need to impress her or anything. She wasn’t very attractive, physically or mentally. Well at least she had some personality I guess. When I got a chance to leave I did. I saw her later in the night making out with some guy. Yuck.

After leaving those girls, Kevin finally arrives. There was some sort of tropical island party on in there. All these people wearing hawaiian shirts and flowers in their hair. I see one blonde girl who appears to be part of the party. I approach and ask her what it’s all about. She lights up, instant attraction, it was on. We got really close, she was touching me but I played it far too safe. I was just trying to talk to her when I should’ve been doing a lot more than that. Then I lose her. Shame, because she was really attractive.

I was pushing my way through the dancefloor and lock eyes with a girl. She taps her friend, points at me. Her friend who was pretty cute turns around and instantly starts making out with me. Haha okay I’m cool with that. Intense makeout for about 30 seconds. She wasn’t a very good kisser, so I scramble off. That got me into such a good state. I was feeling awesome.

Did a couple of approaches with Kevin, good fun. Kevin has a lot to learn though. He tries too hard to impress the girls and freaks them out. But he’ll improve.

See a cute blonde girl in a group of three. I approach her. Barely even thinking before approaching at this point, just acting instinctively. I ask her something about what race she likes guys from the most. She says something silly and I playfully tease her about it. She’s clearly digging it. She says it’s her birthday so I give her a hug. She says she’s going to get a drink and then coming back.

I would’ve followed her to get a drink but an old uni friend comes over and talks to me. Then the girl comes back and says she’s going to another bar. Quickly talk to her before she goes then ask if she’d had a birthday kiss yet. She nods, leans in and we makeout. So cool. Then she takes off with her friends. I have a huge grin on my face haha.

Did several more approaches before leaving. Mostly short interactions but all the girls responded pretty well. A lot of interactions I could’ve pushed further during the night.

My final interaction of the night (not sure if you call this an approach lol) was when I was driving home. I’m sitting at the traffic light and there’s a taxi in the lane next to me with a couple of girls in the back. I look over there, draw eye contact and wind down my window. We chat before the light turns green. I thought it was hilarious, hitting on girls while I’m driving home haha. They loved it too, they were both giggling and they’re like ‘you’re cute….are you single’.

Tried to continue the interaction after the light turned green but realised that was a little dangerous aha. Probably not worth crashing for these girls.

Anyway that was an awesome night. When I got home I tried to go through all the approaches I did and counted about 15. That’s possibly the most I’ve ever done in a single night. Approached a few guys as well. Had some really nice interactions and made out with a few cuties. Lucky I didn’t go home earlier.

 

[bender22]

Thursday

I feel like it’s a good idea to get back to basics sometimes and do little things to keep challenging yourself. While I was at the shop Thursday afternoon I made a goal to ask three people for the time and also try to create more small talk with staff in shops. Completed both.

Thursday night I went out for dinner with a mate then went to the same place as last Thursday night with him and another guy. We were lining up to go outside and I started chatting to the two girls in front of us. Extremely good looking girls, I was a little afraid to talk to them at first. They responded alright but they weren’t really contributing much to the interaction so I didn’t push it far.

I was hovering around near the bar and made eye contact with a cute girl. She kept looking back and making eye contact. Should’ve approached immediately but I left it. Until I saw her 5 minutes later. We look at each other again. This time I had to approach. I asked her what she thought of my friend’s suit. Maybe I should’ve gone more direct on this and said something like ‘hey you’re cute.’ May have worked better considering she’d been eyeing me off already.

I talk to the friend as well. This is something I’ve done well in the last few weeks...including the friend(s). You have to get them on your side. I said something to the main target about how we were wearing the same colour and it must be destiny. She loved this. I think I could’ve easily dragged her in and kissed her around this point but I played it safe again.

Then she asks how old I am and says I’m too old (I’m only 3 years older than her). This totally threw me off, I don’t think a girl has ever said that to me before. After that the interaction completely fizzled.

There was a big group of girls the other guys were talking to. I got talking to them a little. There was one girl in the group who I ran into a couple more times and she looked super happy to see me. I got chatting with her and flirting at one point. She was really short but cute. I was intending to go back to her again but we left before I got a chance.

Before leaving we went to another place for about 20 minutes. I was lining up and started talking to the two girls in front. They were sisters, both really nice. Good interaction. Teased them a little bit, it was fun. Talked to them again before leaving. Probably should’ve asked for the number from one of them. Oh well.

Friday

Another shitty Friday night in town. My city sucks. It’s nice weather in the middle of summer and there’s barely anyone out on a Friday night. Wasn’t quite as bad as the previous Friday but still not great. We were only there for a few hours.

First approach at the traffic light. Was standing around waiting for Shane to talk to another girl. Had a quick chat with a girl before she crossed the street to catch up with her friends. She seemed nice, looked like my type too.

Bit later I was sitting on a bench waiting for Shane again then a group of two girls and a guy walk past and one of the girls calls out to me asking if I had any friends or something. They didn’t look like the most attractive girls but I call them over for the fun of it.
One of the girls was so flirty with me. She had her arm around me, was asking if I’m single, she definitely wanted me. Shane comes along and is like you guys should kiss. I kissed her, got her number then got out of there.

We were lining up to go inside the one place in town that looked decent. Started talking to one of the girls behind us. Her friend started talking to me. She had a good body but a kinda weird face, she looked like 16. Fun chat though, possibly could’ve got her number but I didn’t want to. Shane and I didn’t want to line up any longer so we bounced and went home.

Tonight should be better. Must approach, must play to win and must screen girls for the qualities I want in a girl. Also talk to everyone. Girls and guys, be a social chameleon to build the social momentum. Have fun.

 

[bender22]

Saturday

Met up with a couple of the other guys at their new apartment in town before going out. Had a good chat with them.

Didn’t approach at all for about the first hour after we left their apartment. The first place we went to was quiet so we went down the other end of town. Talked to a group of girls on the walk over then lost them. We spent a lot of time outside trying to decide where to go and my momentum dropped a lot during this time. When we finally did decide on a place to go into, it was only starting to get busy.

Spent a lot of time walking around just talking to the other guys. Finally I got talking to some girls on a hens night. One of them recognised me from uni so I talked to her about uni and stuff for a while. The bride from the hens night came over and was like ‘can I have your jocks?.... it’s one of the challenges for my hens night to get a guy’s jocks.’ ‘Hahaha...no.’ Then one of the other girls was reaching into my pants trying to grab my underwear. There were three of them asking me to hand them over. The social pressure. But I didn’t give in. Don’t think they liked me after that haha.

I was lining up to go upstairs and there was a cute blonde lining up next to me. Took about 3 minutes before I finally talked to her. Kept talking to her until we got upstairs. Good chat. Should’ve re-approached her later on.

Best interaction of the night was probably when I saw one on her phone standing by herself. She couldn’t hear me at first so I moved her over a bit where it was a little quieter. She told me she had a boyfriend pretty early but she said she could still make friends with guys so I kept going. If you were watching this interaction from a distance you wouldn’t think this girl had a boyfriend.

She was touching me, getting all close to me, had her hand on my chest. My eye contact was soo good. All night it was pretty good actually. This is something I’d been forgetting recently but it makes a massive difference when you do it well. Eventually she said she had to go and meet up with her boyfriend but gave me her name to add her on facebook.

We were just about to leave and Shane is talking to a girl we spoke to earlier so I approach another one standing by herself. Said I was going to talk to her while my friend hits on that girl over there. Apparently she had a boyfriend too but she was still cool. I told her she could intro me to her cute single friends and she laughed and said she would.

There was a group of two girls on the dancefloor who I saw looking over at me and so I approached. The one I talked to first seemed cool but her friend was a weirdo. She kept looking around dazed and giving her friend weird looks. May have taken something. I don’t want to waste my time on idiots like this so I left.

Shane and I talked to a girl as we were walking back to our cars. She was quirky, cool girl. We walked and talked with her for 10 then added her on facebook.

Little disappointed I didn’t approach as much as the previous Saturday night. But most of my interactions were solid. Girls love it when I approach them, they all light up. I’ve hardly seen any other guys open interactions and get a good response with such consistency. Now I just need to figure out how to be more effective after the first 3-4 minutes of the interaction. That’s when I’m fumbling. I know I could be so good at this if I got that part down.

 

[bender22]

Friday

Not much to report on Friday. It was busier than recent Friday nights but still not great. One of the other guys approached two girls. I joined him and spoke to one of them. Gosh I sucked in this one. I just froze up and had no idea what to say. It happens. I feel like I’m probably better off approaching girls by myself rather than with other guys.

Next he approached another group of two and I join him again. His girl seemed cool but the one I was trying to talk to was super boring. I wonder whether some of these girls are just really boring or maybe they’re just inexperienced and get nervous when guys approach them. I got out of there.

Talked to a few other girls during the night but nothing exciting.The other guys had no money and only wanted to go to free venues, which sucked.

Saturday

Had a friend’s birthday on Saturday night. For anyone who has read this entire journal, you might remember a girl I referred to as short girl, from this same time last year. After last year I was over trying to get with her. I did talk to her a bit and I saw her looking over at me at various times during the night.

Mostly just social times at the start of the night. Probably should’ve taken more time to get to know some of the birthday girl’s other friends. I really need to start building my social circle more and this would’ve been a good chance.

Saw a couple of cute girls over in the corner, so I left the group and approached them. Opens up well, big smiles on their face. One of them was really into it so I focused on her. The other one wandered off somewhere so now I had the target girl to myself. She was getting real close, touching me on the arm as she spoke. This is when I need to step it up and be more physical instead of just chatting.

I could see short girl in my peripheral vision, looking over at us. It was all going so well until one of the staff came over and said he had to move the table we were leaning on. Somehow this totally distracted me, put me in my head and after that I didn’t know what to do. She went to the bar to get a drink. Instead of following her to the bar and talking to her there I just went back to everyone else and thought I’d re-approach her later on. Which I didn’t do :/

When I returned to the birthday group, some of the other guys were like ‘man I saw you chatting up some girls’ like it was a really impressive feat. It is an impressive feat, I should remember that. Just by approaching girls, I’m doing better than the majority of guys who just stand around looking at the girls all night.

I was on the dancefloor and made strong eye contact with a girl walking past me. Turn around, eye contact again so I put my hand out and she takes it. I was a little indecisive here. Didn’t know whether to talk to her or dance with her. She wanted to dance. Gosh I suck at dancing. I am probably the most awkward looking guy on the dancefloor. We danced for a minute or two then I lost her.

Approached a couple of girls sitting at a table near us but I could barely hear anything they were saying because the music was so loud, so I ejected.

There was a girl who had fallen over and hurt her ankle, and was sitting down resting it. I went over and asked her what happened and asked if she way okay. Because I’m a caring person. She wasn’t in a very good mood after hurting herself. Talked to her and one of her friends for a few minutes then left.

It was getting later and the venue was dying down so I said goodbye to birthday girl, short girl and everyone else then caught up with one of the other guys. The place we went to was pretty busy but there were so many guys, older people and ugly girls.

First girl I approached was standing by herself. Talked to her for about 10 seconds before some guy who I assume was her boyfriend came over. I just walked away.

I did another 2 or 3 approaches there before going home. It was pretty rough. Nothing was clicking. It was either so loud you couldn’t talk to the girl or the girls were just boring. Maybe I should’ve stayed at the birthday. The girls there were a lot friendlier and better looking.

Few things I need to give more consideration to. 1….Who I go out with. It’s good to have other guys to go out with and do this stuff with. My friend Shane has been a really good wingman but he had some issues recently and since then has become more and more negative. I don’t think he’s in the right headspace to be going out meeting girls right now. He’s still someone I want to hang out with but I’m wondering whether I’d be better off without him on my nights out. Don’t want anyone dragging me down with negativity.

There’s a few other guys I go out with sometimes but they don’t approach much. When I’m with other guys who aren’t approaching, I’ll often use that as an excuse not to approach myself. Then if I go out with guys who I think are better than me, I’ll often get stuck in spectator mode.

A good wingman is hard to find. Maybe I should just go out solo more.

The other thing I need to consider is what venues I go to. Recently I’ve just been going to the same 3 or 4 venues over and over again. They’re alright at times but not ideal. Not sure if the girls going to these places are the type of girls I actually want.

 

[bender22]

Saturday

Got stuck in my comfort zone big time last night. On the positive side, we went to a much better venue. Not sure what it was but I just didn’t feel like approaching anyone. I think I get a little intimidated by places like this with higher quality girls.

Finally talked to a girl standing near me. She seemed more interested in her phone. Boring, next. Next approach was a girl near the bar, I made a comment about how her drink was glowing. She looks at me, gives me a thumbs up then turns back to her friends. Ughhh, I want to go home.

To explain my next interaction, we need to go back about 3 weeks. I was out one day shopping for new shoes. Went into one place and found a pair of shoes I liked. I take them to the counter where there were two girls serving. The one who served me scans the shoes and says they are $1. I’m like ‘uhh what? $1?!’ So I give her the dollar and take off with my new shoes.

Now back to last night. I’m walking around and see this tall cutie, talking to a guy and she looks at me and grins. I walk closer to her,holding eye contact the whole time. When I get closer, she steps over to me and says she knows me.

I say ‘oh yeah? where from?’....’Well this is going to sound kinda creepy but I sold you shoes for a dollar a few weeks ago.’ ‘Haha yeah I remember, I couldn’t believe they were only $1!’ ‘S‘Haha yeah well my boss lets me give discounts to people I like’ 'So you saw this cool guy come in and thought you would sell him shoes for a dollar?’ ‘Yeah well if I see a pretty face….’

I was actually wearing the shoes too haha. I kept flirting with her, chatting about the shoes and I learn a bit more about her. Seems like a cool girl. We get a drink together and I talk to some of her friends too. She goes to dance with her friends and I didn’t want to be too clingy so I went back to talk to Shane.

Shane was ready to leave about 5 minutes later, so I said hang on I’m going back to get that girl’s number. She’s still dancing with her friends. I look at her and put my hand out and pull her into me. I tell her we’re going and ask if she has a telephone. She says she does, so I get her number. I’m sure I could’ve kissed her but I settled for the number. She put her number into my phone and then called her own phone to get mine. That’s always a good sign.

It was lucky I saw her or that would’ve been a very average night. I think there’s a big lesson to take away from the night. This girl served me about 3 weeks ago, she’s probably served hundreds of customers since then but she still remembered me. There must have been something about me she liked. But when I bought those shoes, it didn’t really even cross my mind that she could be into me. Am I not reading the signs? How many other girls do I see everyday who would like to meet me?

Part of me feels like attractive girls don’t even notice me unless I go up and talk to them. This is another example of my poor self concept that I’m slowly overcoming. So the lesson is girls do notice me and would like to meet me. But the only way I can find out is by talking to them.

 

[bender22]

Quick update

Girl from last week texted me the next day and we were texting back and forth during the week. We were gonna have a date last night but she pulled out last minute because she was late at work. I think she genuinely still wants to hang out.

If I do get a date with her, she would be the most attractive girl I've dated since I've been doing this. So I want this one.

It's Shane's last night out tonight before he goes overseas for about 6 months. Currently accepting applications for a new wingman. Apply within lol. It's a shame he's leaving though because it's hard to find good guys to go out with.

Tonight my goal is to have a lot of fun. Need to be talking to people as much as I can. Last week I spent far too much time standing around not talking to anyone. You can't have fun doing that. Last week I kept thinking what am I going to say if I approach these girls? When I'm in a really good state I hardly think about what I'm going to say. I just need to trust that the words will come to me.

Besides going out, I've been reading so much recently. I love finding a good book now. Learning so much from them. Also started playing basketball as a new hobby. Feels great just shooting some free throws on a nice day. I think it's good to have some kind of outlet like this. Something you really enjoy that allows you take take your mind of everything else for a while.

The gym was that outlet for me for a long time. And I still keep going to the gym 3-4 times a week and enjoy it. But basketball is something different and more fun.

Also I'll be going to Vegas next month! Can't wait!

 

[bender22]

Saturday

Shane’s last night here for 5 months. Man he was so drunk when I got there haha. Funny to watch him approach a lot of girls in his drunken state.

I had a few drinks during the night. It didn’t help whatsoever.I need a lot of alcohol for it to really have an effect on me. Alcohol is such a waste of money. Sure it’s fun to get drunk on the odd occasion but cannot understand these clowns who drink week in, week out.

Felt like I was in a pretty good mood at the start of the night. Saw a guy wearing my favourite football team’s shirt and had a quick chat to him about football. This is what I need to do much more of. Just being a cool, social person who chats to anyone.

First girl interaction of the night was with two sitting down. Sat down next to one of them and just sort of looked at them until they reacted. I was so so stifled. After the first 45 seconds I had no idea what to say. Sat there like a chump for a few minutes while they talked to each other. Saw Shane nearby and called him over to save me from my awkwardness.

Had a couple of interactions I did together with one of the other guys. The first two, I wasn’t warmed up enough. I was just waiting for something to happen instead of proactively moving the interaction forward.

Another interaction I did with him was better. He was talking to a group of three girls and I went over to introduce myself to them. Got talking to one of them who was cool. I was a more proactive in holding this conversation. Until we reached a lull in conversation then I just let it go.

I recognized last night that I have a lot of self doubt when I’m talking to girls who aren’t showing very clear signs of interest. In the back of my mind during this interaction I was thinking ‘does she really want to talk to me? Am I bothering her?’ If she’s still standing there talking, that’s enough. Assume she’s interested.

I also recognized that I’m almost afraid of having long conversations with these girls.Don’t think I trust my ability to hold a conversation that long. I could do it during the day when there weren’t distractions like you get at night. But it’s harder at night. Perhaps I should try going to quieter, more low key venues where it’s easier to have a longer conversation. The festival season in my city is starting next week. Meaning there will be some good outdoor venues where it would be easier to sharpen up on my conversation skills.

Saw a guy who’s pretty well known on youtube. Went over and told him I like his videos and shook his hand. Cool stuff.

One I approached towards the end of the night who was by herself playing with her phone. I asked her if she had seen my friend. She wasn’t giving me much, borderline bitchy response. I didn’t care, just plowed through it by spitting pointless bullshit. She was slowly starting to open up more but I didn’t want to hang around persisting. She wasn’t worth it. Proud of myself for plowing through the initial bitchy response however.

Probably did 5,6 or 7 approaches during the night. Bit of a reality check maybe. I still have a lot I need to work on. Next Saturday is Valentines day, so that should be a fun weekend to go out. The following weekend I think it’s time for a week off. It’s been so long since I given myself a weekend to just relax instead of going out. I’m scared of losing momentum though. But I think a weekend off will help. Hopefully I’ll come back the following weekend with more enthusiasm. I’m lacking in enthusiasm right now. Then after my break I’ll go back into it hard. Make the most of the festival...best time of year in this city! Work on improving the things I need to improve before going to Vegas!

Things to remember:
-Ease my way in to the night with small talk and quick interactions. The worst thing that can happen on a night out is not taking action. It’s such a waste of a night if you go out and are too afraid to approach anyone. Best way I can avoid this is talking to people from early on in the night. My night from about 3-4 weeks ago was a good example of this. I approached a lot (guys and girls) early in the night. Most of them were just very short interactions but it prepared me for the rest of the night, which ended up being my best night out so far this year.

-Once I’ve warmed up….persist! Stay in the interactions and keep talking. Trust that the girls want to talk to me. Don’t be afraid to move them around and be more physical.

-Go for what I want. There were a few girls during the night who I kept looking at. They were sexy. But I didn’t approach them. I’ve found when I do approach a girl who I’m really attracted to, I usually do better. Maybe because I’m more congruent with the approach. Even if it doesn’t go well at least I’m giving myself a chance. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take as they say.

 

[bender22]

I went out on Friday night but didn’t do too much.

Saturday

What I was intending to do Saturday night: Go out and have more chill, normal conversations with girls.

What I ended up doing: Going out and talking complete honeysuckle with girls.

Haha yeah it didn’t go exactly to plan. I’d been thinking during the week that some of my best interactions have been when I’ve had very ‘normal’ conversations. Just asking the girl questions about herself and getting to know her. But somehow I’ve been brainwashed into thinking I need to be more interesting than that and those ‘interview questions’ are boring. So for a long time I’ve been avoiding those types of interactions.

So I decided I would go out this weekend and have those ‘normal, boring conversations.’ But I would focus on strong eye contact and body language to spice it up.

When I first got into town and I was waiting for the other guys, there was a group of three girls sitting near me. Talked to them but they didn’t have too much to say and I was feeling stifled. But that was probably the closest thing to a normal conversation I had all night.

When the other guys arrived we went to a temporary outdoor venue that is here for the next month. It’s the first time I’d been there and I love it as soon as I arrive. There’s lots of people there, some extremely attractive girls and no super loud music to compete with like in clubs.

Did one approach by myself when we first arrived. Girl seemed nice, went fairly well until another guy she knew arrived. Not sure if it was her boyfriend. I introduced myself to him then said goodbye.

The rest of the night I approached a lot of groups of two girls with together with one of the other guys. I don’t know how many approaches we did, maybe 8-10. As our approach tally increased, our conversations became more and more stupid.

Conversation topics included One Direction, secret Justin Bieber concerts, LSD, Jar Jar Binks from star wars, global warming, gay dating apps, threesomes and Harry Potter. It was a masterclass in honeysuckle talking.

If you want to have fun and amuse yourself this is a great strategy. If you want to attract girls, this is a terrible strategy. These girls kept talking to us, but they probably thought we were idiots, not guys they would want to sleep with or date lol. One girl loved us and kept saying we were really cute and awesome. This was until we jokingly suggested a threesome lol.

We might have done well if we had transitioned from this honeysuckle talk to normal conversation early in the interaction. But we didn’t do that very well.

Actually I just remembered one more normal interaction I had during the night. I saw a girl I’d met out about a month ago. I saw her looking at me so I went over to her and her friends. She still remembered me. Pretty normal, calm interaction. Funny enough this one was probably more attracted to me than any other girl during the night. Probably should’ve asked for her number but I rationalized some reason not to.

I was going to have next weekend off but I don’t want to waste that temporary venue while it’s here. Might have Friday night off then go out for 1-2 hours on Saturday night by myself. Focus will be on NORMAL conversations.

Positives - talked to a lot of girls, had fun, went to a great venue.
Lessons - be human, just talk like a normal person, with confidence.

 

[bender22]

Very frustrating night. Went back to the same place as last Saturday. There were so many good looking girls around yet I was too afraid to talk to them most of the night.

I did do some approaches during the night but they were so half assed. Certainly wasn’t playing to win.

Honestly I don’t even know what to write this time. It would be easy to give up on all this right now. I’ve seen plenty of other guys give up on it. But if I gave up now, who knows what I’d be missing out on. I know I can be good at this. I’ve had nights where I’ve been great. But those nights are just too few and far between.

On my good nights I really want to talk to girls. Last night I had very little motivation to talk to girls. I think there were a few reasons for this. 1. I had very little faith in my ability to hold a conversation. 2. I just couldn’t be screwed dealing with all the stuff that gets thrown at you in an interaction...eg. bitchy responses, annoying friends and so on…

I HAVE to make some changes.

I think I have to start going out alone more often. When I go out with other guys, I sort of cling to them for comfort instead of being proactive and getting out of my comfort zone. These are good guys but honestly I think they’re holding me back.

I should start talking to girls during the day again. If I want to find girlfriend material, I’ve probably got better chances finding it during the day. Like I said before I have very little confidence in my ability to hold a conversation right now. When I was going out regularly during the day I had some great longer conversations. So perhaps that’s what I need to regain my confidence in my conversation skills.

This week I have to push my comfort zone more and get talking to more people.

 

[bender22]

Saturday night got me thinking. I said I needed to start talking to girls during the day again. So that’s exactly what I did today.

It was orientation week at uni, which was a perfect place to talk to some people. First I talked to some guys in line for the bbq.

Then I approached a two girls together, asking what they had in their bags and where to get them. Talked to them for a few minutes.

One of the giveaways they had at the orientation week was frisbees. So I took some frisbees and asked a girl if she wanted to play frisbee with me lol. She was French. She was really friendly but said she couldn’t understand my accent very well.

Third interaction was with a group of two girls. They’re walking next to me and I turn to them and ask if they wanted to join the uni karate club with me. I had them laughing a lot which was good but maybe I dragged on the joke too long. Possibly should’ve transitioned to more normal conversation. Still good.

Final interaction I saw a girl standing alone. Approached her and got chatting. Joked around a bit but mixed it in with more normal conversation….questions like ‘what are you studying’ ‘where did you go to school’ and so on…. Much more solid conversation than the other ones. Girl was cool too.

Her friend came along so I talked to her as well. She was cool too. I talked to them both for about 15 minutes. Yay I’m still capable of holding longer conversations! Got both of their facebooks. This interaction really made my day. It just felt so natural, kinda like we’d all been friends for years. And I was very calm and relaxed. That works very well for me during the day.

Really glad I decided to go out and talk to girls during the day again. It’s been a long time since I did that last. My goal today was to do three approaches and I ended up doing five. I’m going to do more this week.

P.S whoever reads this journal….give me some feedback! I want to hear your thoughts. Don’t be shy. Even if you want to criticise me, I’m interested This thread has just reached 5000 views so obviously someone is reading. Talk to me!

 

[Batman55]

P.S whoever reads this journal….give me some feedback! I want to hear your thoughts. Don’t be shy. Even if you want to criticise me, I’m interested This thread has just reached 5000 views so obviously someone is reading. Talk to me!

I'd say a possible reason this thread doesn't get many replies is simply because it's a journal... it's a personal thing with very much your own personal opinions and thoughts... I get the impression people are unwilling to question/challenge anything for that very reason. For now I can't offer much more than that, other than to say I read every time to see how you've been progressing.

 

[bender22]

Yeah you could be right Batman. But I'd welcome any input from anyone. Even if anyone wanted to comment on their own experiences.

I appreciate guys like you and ardour who have been following my progress all the way and shared some of your thoughts.

Did another three approaches this evening. I went to the uni campus first and saw a guy who's come out at night with us a couple of times (Shaun). So I did a few approaches with him.

First approach went pretty well. Talked to her for about five minutes. Girl was nice. Might have asked for her number or facebook if Shaun hadn't been with me. She was waiting for some friends who weren't going to be there for a while. If it had been just me it would've been a good opportunity to ask her to grab a coffee or something with me while she waits for her friends.

I noticed Shaun was a bit uncomfortable with approaching. He said he hadn't really approached girls during the day before, only at night. I told him to start small and ask girls if they knew where XY place was or something. He did that a two or three times and it seemed to help him.

Second approach was a good one too. Two girls, one of them really cute. I asked if they had been to any of the shows on at the festival. They were both really receptive. Chatted for about five minutes. Shaun was sounding more comfortable now too and contributed more to the interaction that he did the first time.

Final approach I was by myself walking back to my car. Saw a girl in a shirt for the running club I go to sometimes. She was way ahead of me so I had to walk quickly to catch up. When I caught up I asked how running club was. She was Brazilian. Again she responded really well. Nice girl.Could talk to her again next time I go running.

So all three interactions went pretty well. Maybe I could've asked for numbers or facebooks. But I don't really care too much about that for now. Just trying to get back in the habit of approaching strangers during the day again and building my conversation skills.

What I did really well today and yesterday was make the interactions feel very natural. I sometimes worry that approaching girls during the day will come across as very weird and creepy. And sometimes in the past it has felt that way. But none of my interactions felt weird at all today or yesterday.

I really enjoyed today and yesterday too. A lot more than I usually do when I'm out at night approaching girls. The nice weather probably helped to put me in a good mood. It was beautiful out this evening. Also I forgot how much friendlier girls are during the day.

 

[bender22]

This week has been really enjoyable so far. It’s been good getting out and meeting new people during the day again. Might have been a good thing last Saturday night was very average. If Saturday night had been a good night, I probably wouldn’t have been motivated to change things up and start talking to girls during the day again. Lesson: find ways to turn negatives (like Saturday night) into positives.

Quick wrap up of the last few days.

Wednesday

Met up with one of the other guys at the uni campus in the afternoon. Did a couple of interactions with him. Our second or third one went really well. My buddy said something to a girl walking next to us. We talked to her for about 10-15 minutes. Really friendly, open girl. She’s an American studying over here this semester. A little later her friend arrived who was a really nice girl too. I suggested we exchange facebooks and we did.

Did a couple more quick approaches at the uni. One was in a rush to meet her friend, the other was alright but not very talkative. Then we went over to the shopping mall. Went into a bookstore.

There were a lot of older people in the bookstore and only one younger girl who was really cute. Went over to the section she was in. Hesitated for a few minutes then finally talked to her. She was a German travelling over here for a year. Talked to her for a few minutes. Probably could’ve tried to carry the conversation a little longer.


Thursday

Went straight from work to one of the other uni’s for their O week. Asked one girl in a line what everyone was lining up for. Talked to her for a few minutes. She was friendly and seemed to like me but I didn’t hang in there for very long.

Talked to some other girls who were handing out iced tea samples then went home.

In the evening I went out again into town. Girl walking next to me. Asked her if she was Brazilian and she wasn’t lol. Kept walking and talking with her. She was fairly receptive. Then she was going in a different direction. Guess I could’ve kept walking with her or asked to stop for a minute but I wasn’t feeling comfortable enough to do that yet.

Went into the mall and saw a girl sitting on a bench by herself. My first excuse was ‘oh there’s people sitting near her and they might see me approach her so I’ll just sit on another bench and wait until they leave’

I sat on the other bench for who knows how long while about a hundred excuses entered my mind not to approach her. Then she finally left. Really disappointed in myself for not doing that approach.

After that I went to the festival garden and did a few throwaway approaches along the way. Got into the garden which was really busy and saw a very attractive blonde girl standing by herself. This is the type of girl who feels out of my league but I approached anyway.She was nice, chatted for a few minutes. Went well enough but I didn’t feel like there was much chemistry. It felt like it was just me interviewing her. Or maybe that was just an excuse. Anyway I bailed.

Had a nice interaction with a couple of Swedish girls before I left. Probably my strongest interaction of the day. We chatted for about 10 minutes. The interaction felt like it was starting to fizzle a little and I thought to myself I’d say good bye before it really fizzles. That was kinda stupid. There’s no good reason I shouldn’t have stayed in there.

As I was walking back to my car I felt a little disappointment that I didn’t do more approaches. But then remembered that I did more daytime approaches in the one day than I did in about the last five months up until this week. Also remembered Shane telling me that he could never do day time approaches by himself. I imagine most guys couldn’t. So I should be proud. Glass half full.

Pretty cool that I did about 15 daytime approaches during the week. Met girls from all over the world too. Felt like I did pretty well considering I hadn’t been doing this during the day for months. Guys, if you want to meet friendly girls and improve your conversation skills...talk to people during the day.

Hopefully all those approaches will give me some confidence and momentum going into the weekend.

 

[bender22]

Friday

Started out by myself on Friday night. Talked to some girls in the line in front of me. Got inside the festival garden then wandered around for a while looking for people to talk to.

Saw a group of four girls standing near one of the rides. I asked them if they were going on the ride. These girls looked like the type of girls I’d actually like to date. They had class. They seemed friendly too. I talked to them for a few minutes but I didn’t know what to do beyond that. I needed a wingman in this situation. It’s hard to hold an interaction with four girls when you’re by yourself. Maybe if it had been at a bar, I could’ve got away with dragging one of them away and talking to just her. But this was a different type of environment.

Talked to another group of Americans for a few minutes. Two girls and one guy. Just building my social muscle.

Later on I met up with Matt. I did some approaches together with him. We had one pretty cool interaction with a cute girl who was by herself. We talked to her for about 20 minutes and exchanged facebook details.

The other ones I did with Matt didn’t go far. Matt is a good guy but his style is so different to mine. He’s a lot more eccentric and flashy while I’m more laid back and chill. It doesn’t really work when we blend the two styles together. I’m better off doing interactions by myself.

Saturday

Started out solo again. So many people around town this weekend. It was a great atmosphere.

Saw a couple of Asian girls with a ‘selfie stick.’ I asked them about their selfie stick and took a selfie with them. I hate selfies.

Met up with some guy I know and I was talking to him and his friend for about an hour. Didn’t talk to any girls during this time. Both guys are alright but they're kinda boring. I didn’t want to get stuck talking to them any longer so I started approaching a lot of girls.

Most of them weren’t sticking for very long. Not sure if I was doing something wrong. Maybe I was just giving up too easily, I could definitely be more persistent sometimes.

I was walking past a table where two girls were sitting. One of them made eye contact with me and points to her friend, giving me a signal to go approach her. I take the hint. Girl can’t hear me at first so I started shouting in her ear. Now we were good. She was responding pretty well. Her friend (who originally signaled me) said we should all go dance.

Danced with them for a while. My girl wasn’t giving me a lot so I wasn’t sure if it was on or not. I thought I’d just stay in there until something happened or they left. She sat down on a lounge next to the dance floor and signaled me to come over and sit next to her.

I sat next to her and she started investing a lot more now. Got to know her and stuff. She was a 22 year old mum. Kinda put off by the mum part at first but then I didn’t really care. She was telling me how she was recently single and had her own place now. Good to hear.

Dragged her back up to the dance floor. I pulled her into me and said ‘I think your friend wants us to hook up.’ (Which she did. It’s nice when you have the friend on your team, working for you rather than against you) Then I made out with her.

Few minutes later they said they were going to the bathroom and said they would come back. Wasn’t sure if they were going to come back or not. While I was waiting I went over to the bar to get a water. Over at the bar some guy who I’d seen lingering around my girl and the friend earlier talked to me. He asked how I knew Jessie (the friend).

I told him I’d just met them. I assumed he was just a friend of theirs. But as I found out later he was actually on a tinder date with Jessie hahah.

Couldn’t see the girls on the dancefloor so I assumed they had ditched me. Kept walking around then bumped into my girl. She told me they didn’t want to go back to the dancefloor because Jessie wanted to get away from her tinder date haha. So it was still on. We went outside to escape the tinder date and I talked to my girl and Jessie for about 30 minutes.

I thought if I just stayed around them I’d have a good chance to go back to my girl’s place. In the end we just swapped numbers at the end of the night and went home separately. I probably could’ve sealed the deal if I’d just offered to drive her home. But it was getting late and my motivation to get laid was pretty low at that point.

After I got her number and said goodbye I was on my way out of the bar and a girl looked at me and was like ‘heyy bender!!’ At first I had no idea who it was. Then I realised I went to school with her. Luckily I remembered her name too. Talked to her for a while. She had her hands all over me.

Unfortunately she’d gained a few extra pounds since school so I wasn’t too keen on this one. She was with another girl who I went to school with too. Talked to her as well. She’d actually got a lot hotter since school. I told her that lol. Might have pushed this one further if it hadn’t been so late.

On the walk back to my car there were two girls walking next to me. I asked them how their night was. Quick walk and talk. We get up to the traffic lights and a couple of their other friends caught up with us. Introduced myself to them as well.

One of the girls was trying to set me up with her friend. The friend was kinda cute so I went with it. She was shy though. Even though I was tired and ready to go home, my vibe was so much better than the start of the night. It was me and five other girls which would normally be intimidating and hard to handle but I was killing it. That’s the power of momentum.

Talked to them until their bus arrived then quickly exchanged facebook details. Awesome interaction to end a good night.

 

[differentlonelygirl]

Wow 12 pages. Near stuffs.

 

[bender22]

Friday

That girl from the end of last Saturday who I talked to at the end of the night. The shy one whose friends were trying to set us up. Yeah I thought she wasn’t interested in me. But then I got a message on facebook during the week from her, started chatting and set up a date with her for Friday night.
I met up with her in town and took her to a cool little exclusive outdoor venue that I had ticket for. She was pretty shy and it was kinda difficult to carry a conversation with her. But there was something I liked about her.

It was actually a really enjoyable night. It wasn’t my smoothest date ever and it wasn’t perfect but it was just nice and relaxing. As it went on I think we became more comfortable with each other.

When we were texting during the week we’d been joking about hooking up in a dark side alley. Her friends were in town and were going to take her home so before she left I said we have to find our dark alley. I saw one, grabbed her hand, took her in there and made out with her. Very romantic stuff lol. She was really into it.

Wish I had my own place to take these girls to. Hopefully later in the year.

Saturday

Not really anything exciting to report for Saturday night. There were so many attractive girls at the place we went to but it seemed like most of them were just there to hang out with their friends.

Did some approaches at the start of the night. One standing by a car. I asked if she was trying to steal the car. She laughed and it went over pretty smoothly. She was a bit older than me. Good interaction but I didn’t bother persisting at all.

Another few approaches with one of the other guys. Nothing was really sticking. One girl who was super friendly, talked to her a couple of times during the night. She was cool but I wasn’t really into her.

Me and one of the other guys were leaving to go to a club and I said I’d do one more approach before leaving. Saw a girl standing by herself, texting. Went over and said hello in a friendly way and she responds ‘no, I have a boyfriend’ in a nasty tone. I said ‘oh so you can’t talk to anyone else?’ She says no then just ignores me. I called her a ***** then walked away. I’m usually really nice even with bitchy girls like this. But it felt good to say that. If you’re going to be unnecessarily rude then you deserve it.

We were waiting to cross the street and there was a girl standing next to me. I tapped her on the shoulder and said something to her. She looks at me and doesn’t respond. Rude girls.

I shouldn’t have let it affect me but those two did play on my mind afterwards. These things happen to all guys who go out cold approaching girls regularly. From what I’ve seen most other guys get it more often than I do. But it’s still hard to not to have some kind of emotional reaction to it.

When we got to the other place, I was afraid I would just be rejected by any girls I talked to. Spent about 20 minutes there and didn’t do one approach. Lame. I talked to a couple of girls out on the street then went home.

Rough night. Oh well, happens. On a brighter note….America next week! I’m excited.

 

[differentlonelygirl]

I meant to say neat stuffs. Not near stuffs, that's auto correct. Sigh lol

 

[Batman55]

I meant to say neat stuffs. Not near stuffs, that's auto correct. Sigh lol

I like reading bender's journal too, well most journals make for a good read.

You should make one too, differentlonelygirl! Perhaps you need to get out of your comfort zone and start approaching more folks. As you can see with this journal, progress can be made

 

[differentlonelygirl]

I meant to say neat stuffs. Not near stuffs, that's auto correct. Sigh lol

I like reading bender's journal too, well most journals make for a good read.

You should make one too, differentlonelygirl! Perhaps you need to get out of your comfort zone and start approaching more folks. As you can see with this journal, progress can be made

Im leaving the forums I'm kinda tired of people not caring be it offline or online. Sorry about that.

 

[bender22]

Las Vegas!
Sitting at Las Vegas airport as I write this. Vegas was a lot of fun. It's an unbelievable place, totally different to anything I've experienced before. I was in town for four nights and went out every night. I've only had about 5 hours sleep over the last 2 days but I'll try to remember everything as well best I can.

Wednesday
I met up with my wingman from home, Shane. He's already been over here for a few weeks. We went to surrender nightclub which was unreal.

When we were lining up there were two girls behind us, one of whom came from a suburb about 20 minutes away from me. We talked to them while we lined up, they were friendly.

We talked to a few groups of girls when we got inside. They all went pretty smoothly, the girls seemed easier to talk to than back at home. I thought my eye contact was really good when talking to these girls and I felt very much in control.

My best interaction of the night was with a blonde girl. Was walking around and saw her sitting with another girl. She looked at me as I walked near them so I had to approach her.

I sat next to her and asked her name. She was very receptive and easy to talk to. My eye contact was good and she held really good eye contact too which was cool. Another guy came over and talked to the friend so that made things easier for me.

We talked for about 25 minutes. I just spoke to her like a normal person, I told her about my vacation, we talked about Vegas and music. Nothing super interesting but it didn't need to be.

The mistake I made was not getting physical. I just sat there talking the entire time. I know I could've kissed her but I played it safe. There were a few times when we were just looking into each others eyes and not saying anything and it would've been the perfect opportunity to kiss her. I got her number before she left but afterwards I was still disappointed for not pushing it further.

I texted her the next day but she only had one day left in Vegas. She lives about an hour out of LA (where I am now) so I might hit her up again and try to get her to come down here.

Next I saw one of Shane's friends talking to two girls and went over to wing him. My girl was Argentinian, she looked good. We talked, she had a little trouble understanding my accent but appeared interested. She and her friend were going in to the dance floor and invited me in.

This is where I screwed up. I have no idea what to do on dance floors. I just stood there attempting to dance and looking at her. I had to be physical here. Eventually she looked bored and I left.

Thursday
I was on my own on Thursday night because Shane had gone over to California for something. Didn't pick a very good venue to go to - there were far more guys than girls and it was more of an older crowd. If I were at home I'd leave and go to another place but everywhere in Vegas is so expensive so I stayed.

My first interaction was with a group of two girls. Talked to them for about 5 minutes but I just didn't feel very switched on.

I spent a long time walking around looking for girls to talk to. Bumped into some guys who happened to be from my city. One of them lives about 10 minutes from me. Small world.

I think I spent more time talking to guys than girls during the night. There was a group of three American guys I was talking to for about an hour. I think that helped me loosen up more.

While I was walking around I saw a girl giving me the eyes. Should've approached immediately but I foolishly kept walking. Later I saw her walking past me with her friends and I tried to stop her. But she kept walking. I think I was too weak in my attempt to stop her. Probably needed to be a lot louder and more dominant. Also I waited until she was almost past me before I tried to stop her. Needed to be quicker.

Tried stopping and talking to a girl walking towards me but it turned out she worked there. Little embarrassing haha.

I was catching the bus back to my hotel and a cute black girl got on with a couple of her friends and sat near me. I don't usually go for black girls but this one caught my attention. I made eye contact with her as she got on and smiled. Her friends sat in front of me and she was sitting across from them.

I kept looking over at her, trying to draw eye contact and I could see her looking over at me. She was saying something to her friends which I couldn't hear. Then the friend in front of me turned around and said 'she thinks you're cute'. I looked at her and said 'come over and sit next to me.' She did.

We were almost at my hotel so I didn't have much time. Easily my strongest interaction of the night, I felt so much more confident. We got up near my hotel and I said 'I have to get off here but give me your number.' She did. Could I have said come with me? I don't know, don't think she would've left her friends but I could've tried.

Friday
Friday night we headed to XS nightclub where David Guetta was playing. It was pretty awesome. It has a big outdoor pool area which is good for talking to people.

My first interaction was with a group of three girls. I told them I need to marry one of them in Vegas so I could get a US Visa and move to Vegas. We played around with that for a while. They went kinda cold towards the end of the interaction and we parted ways. Maybe I should've left earlier on a high note because it was the first one of the night.

Talked to more girls this night than any other night but a lot I can't remember now.

There was a girl in a nice blue dress I was talking to for a while. Even when her friends walked off she stayed talking to me. When her friends got back I asked if she had a phone but she said she's not giving her number out. I said what if I come find you later? She said yes. But I didn't see her again. I probably should've persisted more for the number.

One memorable set was a girl sitting down texting, I walked up to her and said get off your phone so I can talk to you. She responded well to this and I sat down next to her. She said I had really beautiful eyes. I talked to her for a few minutes and she seemed like my type of girl. Plus she was really attractive (most of these girls in Vegas are). Then her friends got up to go to the restrooms and she said she had to go with them. I really should've told her to stay or asked for her number because I liked this one.

There were a few other interactions during the night where I could've asked for a number but didn't. Maybe I was thrown off after not getting that first one.

There were two girls I walked past who were sitting down. I hesitated and didn't approach immediately. Then I turned around and another guy was already on them. Girls get hit on so much in Vegas. If you see one and don't approach, someone else will.

I thought I'd just hang around nearby until he was finished then swoop in. Waited for a few minutes then noticed his interaction was fizzling so I jumped in. Walked up right in front of one of the girls and put my hand out and said hi who are you. I saw her light up and I sat down next to her. The other guy was sitting on the other side next to the other girl.

Talked to my girl for a while then I brought the other girl into the conversation while the other guy just sat there. Eventually he left. So I talked to both girls. They were Irish. I was talking to them for 20-30 minutes. It was a good mix of normal conversation and light teasing. Again I could've been more physical. Unfortunately they were going back to Ireland the following morning. Otherwise I would've got her number, instead I just got her Facebook.

It was getting pretty late and I was just about ready to leave. I thought to myself just one more approach. I saw two girls and asked them if they like David Guetta. It turned out they were twins. I asked who was the naughty one and talked to her.

Almost straight away I could tell it was on with this one. We started talking about traveling and I told her she needed to come to my country and I'd be her tour guide. She asked what the perks of having a tour guide was as she got up real close to me. So I kissed her.

We kept flirting and making out for a while. She said I should go in the pool with her and I said she should come in the pool back at my hotel instead. We went inside to the dancefloor and I was trying to convince her to come back  to my hotel. She said she'd like to but she couldn't leave her twin because she had their hotel room key.

After dancing for a while I couldn't see her twin anywhere so I said let's go, took her hand and dragged her out of the club. I took her outside towards the taxis then she got a call from her twin who was in their car looking for her. They were in the carpark on the other side of the building.

I walked with her back to the carpark and her twin wasn't there, she was on another level. I told her to wait until the twin got to our level so I could buy some time. I took her hand and took her over to the corner of the carpark, pushed her against the wall and made out with her. She told me later that she liked how I did that. We were making out and I started touching her through her panties. Then her twin and friends arrived in their car and she went off with them.

I was walking back to the taxis and saw a missed call from her. So I called her up and I told her to give the room key to her twin and get them to drive her to my hotel. She agreed to this. So I rushed back to my hotel and met her out the front.

Took her up to my room and from there it didn't take long to close the deal.

I did a lot of things well with that. Firstly I told myself to do one more approach before leaving. I was physical right from early in the interaction, getting up really close to her. I was taking control and leading her and moving things forward. Then I found solutions to all her reasons not to come back to my hotel.

Good night.

Saturday

I'd been texting that black girl I met on Thursday night. I'd asked her what she was doing that day (this was yesterday) and she didn't reply. I waited about an hour then called her. I never usually call girls, maybe I should start doing that more often. She answered and I said we should hang out. She said she could hang out with me on Saturday night.

So we made plans to meet at Fremont street. I got there and she texted me she was running late. She also said she was with friends. I didn't want to wait around any longer and Shane and some other guys were going out so I bailed and went back to the strip.

Saturday night was probably my worst night. I was so tired from the night before and we went to hakkasan nightclub which was so loud and packed. Not an ideal environment for me. Hardly approached at all, got blown out hard by two bitchy girls.

Got back to my hotel at about 3:30 am and got a text from the girl last night asking what I was doing. Considered getting her to come over again but I was just far too tired.