So, anyone else believe that no one would want to be in a relationship with them?

[SophiaGrace]

Because they aren't worth dating, or they're afraid of other things like the person not being who they say they are, or of the prospect of having to change their life around to accommodate another person?

I think I am single because I want to be single, because I am afraid of variou things.

Also, with friends,I usually can't get past the "hi, its rainy today isn't it?"

I have several people that I say hi to whenever I see them, which always brightens my day a little. Some of the people I do that to seem to not like me to say hi to them. But idk, there has to be something more than "how are midterms going?" When I pass people in the dorm. To friendship. I mean I do think that opens the door to further things and it certainly can't hurt to be friendly.

Is the next step inviting people to do things with me?

 

[Equinox]

Indeed. I'll always be single. I'm too unattractive for most guys. Also, I'm so used to living alone now, I can't even picture myself living with someone else; I think I'd go crazy.

And, of course, eventually the relationship will end, and I'll be heartbroken, and I don't really need to go through that. It probably wouldn't make my depression much better.

 

[suds00]

i'm older.i've had a handicap most of my life.it caused me to turn inward when i was younger.for the last 25 years i have consciously attempted to be more friendly and outgoing.i was married for a time but that didn't work.now it seems like i'm destined to be alone.it seems to me that you are exposed to more people your age now and you should make every effort to cultivate friendships before people all go their seperate ways.that's my opinion.

 

[guld]

I feel it all the time, though I try to steer my thoughts to think the opposite. But I worry constantly.

I've come to that insight now though, me too - thinking that there simply has to be an end to the angst and worries and "what if he/she/hey think", and just give the world a "hi"... even though you could always come up with reasons not to. And I don't think people mind, as you say, even if they don't seem that enthusiastic (and if the do mind, the loss is theirs, right?).

I think it sounds really good, what you're doing. I wish I had some more people I at least say hi and a "how's it going" to, something that could be taken further. And think most people are happy when someone shows interest in them, even if you don't know each other that much!

I also think people often seem less interested/more distant than they really are. I've been talking to a guy a lot during the last month, going for some long walks together after school, and having a really wonderful connection (he's just so frikkin interesteng - and makes me feel interesting as well!). So, of course, I'd just love to spend more time with him. However, I'm very scared, all the time, it will show what a desperate, lonely person I am (I feel like it, so I probably am one). So, in fear of seeming like a weirdo and a stalker (as though he, and everyone else, would see all the things that I see when thinking of myself), I just don't make any contact, and diplomatically avoid situation where it would be natural for us to talk. I'm betting I come off as quite unwilling to any contact when really... it's the complete opposite.

I'm going to end that positively, though - I feels like I hijacked your topic a bit, with my own problem, but where I wanted to get with that is; people who seem uninterested probably aren't, in most cases. I think most of them will be happy to be your friend... and if not, the loss is, as said, theirs .

 

[Arcane]

What Guld said...don't just assume the worst...even though it could be..a lost opportunity could be the worst. I wish no one would want to date me and that I were not as attractive as people claim...there is always some trouble when I go out...people looking/talking/flirting. It's not as fun as one would think. I try not to go out much.

 

[freedom]

i choose to be single. i like living alone, i like being alone. just me and my thoughts. there are people throughout the day that i chat with. i think that this is the only thing that keeps me from going insane, having someone to chat with and having them listen to what i say, even if it's only for a moment and if their too distracted by whoever they're texting with to look at me.

some of us are just not meant for relationships. i've tried so many times, and i've failed. someone mentioned that they don't want to go through the pain of heartbreak again. well, me neither. i'm still suffering from my last heartbreak which was more than a year ago, and it hurts. i never used to be able to understand people who would say things like "i'm never going to love again", or "love doesn't exist". now, i just don't understand them, i identify myself with them.

 

[Destructotron]

Most of the girls I know have told me that they don't think of me as relationship material. Maybe they were just turned off by my skeletal figure but I guess what they say does hold some merit. I am arrogant, selfish, narcissistic, introverted, childish and quite frankly, I honestly don't care what girls think of me.

I'm not a fatalist though, if I ever meet a cute girl who seems interested, I'll give it a shot but I won't be disappointed if that'll never happen. Like Sartre said, ''If you feel lonely when you're alone, then you're bad company.''

 

[SophiaGrace]

"If you feel lonely when you are alone, then you are bad company." Huh! That's an interesting perspective!

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

I've stopped worrying about it altogether.

I'm leaving it to chance at this point.

I don't have time to force something or 'try my luck'.



I'd rather not treat my love like a lottery.






And Sophia as far as continuing the process of making a friend goes. Try asking them more intimate details (major, where they're from, hobbies) and go from there to find a common interest. Then invite them to do something you both like or try something new based on common interests.

 

[SofiasMami]

i choose to be single. i like living alone, i like being alone. just me and my thoughts. there are people throughout the day that i chat with. i think that this is the only thing that keeps me from going insane, having someone to chat with and having them listen to what i say, even if it's only for a moment and if their too distracted by whoever they're texting with to look at me.

some of us are just not meant for relationships...

I'm the same way. I was on the dating scene for a bit recently but didn't find anyone I really liked who wanted to be in a relationship with me. I liked being single before and I like it again now. I get the whole closet without sharing, I can have cereal for dinner if I like (ok, I still cook for my daughter ), I don't have to answer to anyone on where I'm going or what my plans are for the weekend, no foreign hairs in the bathroom sink, I don't have to watch the Super Bowl, I don't have to fold anyone else's underwear (except my daughter's ), if I want to buy a horridly expensive purse, I don't have to explain it to anyone, I can watch Season 4 of Dexter on DVD without anyone complaining, I can get whatever I want on Netflix....I could go on and on!!!

I have friends and family that I have good relationships with. I just don't think I need a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled or happy. And now that I think about it, I've actually been happier single than in a relationship. So if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

Teresa

 

[Limlim]

you're only on season 4 of dex? no wonder they complained, you're 2 seasons behind!

 

[SophiaGrace]

you're only on season 4 of dex? no wonder they complained, you're 2 seasons behind!

Heeeeeyyyyy I thought you were going to offer me secks again.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Yes, I believe often that no one would wants to be in a relationship with me...

I always think that I am boring, ugly or something.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Because they aren't worth dating...the prospect of having to change their life around to accommodate another person?

...

Also, with friends,I usually can't get past the "hi, its rainy today isn't it?"

I have several people that I say hi to whenever I see them, which always brightens my day a little.

...

But idk, there has to be something more than "how are midterms going?" When I pass people in the dorm. To friendship. I mean I do think that opens the door to further things and it certainly can't hurt to be friendly.

Pretty much the same here. All my friends are sort of people I do "The Casual Weather Chat" with and nothing else and now I'm starting to think I'm not lovable either. At least, no girl who likes me ever makes it obvious.

Weird thing is, part of me thinks I would make a very good boyfriend, the other part thinks I would be terrible. I'm caring to the point where I often neglect my own needs for others, I also feel a lot of empathy and like to see people happy. Both possibly good qualities.

On the other hand I'm not "trendy" with my views/morals and I have a void where my confidence should be - not attractive at all.

In the past, people would say nice things to me: "You'll be a hit with the ladies when you're older", "You'll have all the girls after you at Uni", stuff like that. Even back then I knew it wouldn't be so, because I'm so quiet and shy.

Logically, I should be somewhat attractive, because I'm a nice person and I look alright. To quote Max Payne 2, however, "Logic is such a liar"

So for now I lurk in the shadows, occasionally doing something really nice for someone before disappearing like Zorro. Such is my role in life, for better or worse

 

[Callie]

I don't think anyone wants me. I don't think I have anything to offer. Add that to the "ready made family" that comes with me, and well..... I don't think a whole lot of people that would want to take that on.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Because they aren't worth dating...the prospect of having to change their life around to accommodate another person?

...

Also, with friends,I usually can't get past the "hi, its rainy today isn't it?"

I have several people that I say hi to whenever I see them, which always brightens my day a little.

...

But idk, there has to be something more than "how are midterms going?" When I pass people in the dorm. To friendship. I mean I do think that opens the door to further things and it certainly can't hurt to be friendly.

Pretty much the same here. All my friends are sort of people I do "The Casual Weather Chat" with and nothing else and now I'm starting to think I'm not lovable either. At least, no girl who likes me ever makes it obvious.

Weird thing is, part of me thinks I would make a very good boyfriend, the other part thinks I would be terrible. I'm caring to the point where I often neglect my own needs for others, I also feel a lot of empathy and like to see people happy. Both possibly good qualities.

On the other hand I'm not "trendy" with my views/morals and I have a void where my confidence should be - not attractive at all.

In the past, people would say nice things to me: "You'll be a hit with the ladies when you're older", "You'll have all the girls after you at Uni", stuff like that. Even back then I knew it wouldn't be so, because I'm so quiet and shy.

Logically, I should be somewhat attractive, because I'm a nice person and I look alright. To quote Max Payne 2, however, "Logic is such a liar"

So for now I lurk in the shadows, occasionally doing something really nice for someone before disappearing like Zorro. Such is my role in life, for better or worse

This is not a compliment, but you are one of the few guys on here whose posts I agree with every time I see a post of yours.

That's rare.

Idk, maybe we think alike?

Anyway my impression of you is that you value self-improvement. Which hey, you might still be alone a few years down the line, but i definitely don't see you being a bum. You'll probably have a job, be independent.

You might still be lonely.

That's just my perspective of you.

You have goals in life. They'll carry you places. There are some guys that drink and drink and drink, then they become homeless. They wander and just go down down....down.... (this is just an example of what might causes a person to go astray)

but you won't go that route. Some people on this forum are or have gone that route..

You carry more hope within you than that. More, i should say promise.

I can see you maybe meeting a girl and hitting it off, you might never be the life of the party, but i know a few shy guys that've found a girl and they're happy with that.

You might want to work on your own social life since mental illness is correlated with lack of social support.

Why am I typing all of this to you? I have my own problems...

:club: @ myself.

-----------------------------------------------------

Anyways, back to myself.

I have been friending a lot of people i've met irl in my classes on fb in an attempt to be more friendly. The more contacts I have the better job i can get later and hey fb leaves a door open right?

Last night this guy sat with me and helped me with two quizzes. I was like "wtf..." because no one has ever done that for me before. He just wanted to help me. I was trying to sense if he wanted something more than that but it seemed to be motivated by intellectual curiousity and perhaps even good will!

It was really nice of him, then i left him at 1am, he still had his own homework to do. I didn't understand why he was willing to sacrifice his own time to do his homework to help me. I mean, idk, *confused* lol. I kept telling him to do his own hw, but he kept insisting on helping me. So I let him.

 

[SofiasMami]

you're only on season 4 of dex? no wonder they complained, you're 2 seasons behind!

Heeeeeyyyyy I thought you were going to offer me secks again.

Did I miss something here? :O

I told a co-worker a few weeks ago that another co-worker loaned me his Dexter DVDs. She said she's watched it too and asked, "Is Rita dead yet?" Goddamn it! No, she's not - I'm still watching it, though.

Teresa

 

[WolFoxrr]

Yes, I believe often that no one would wants to be in a relationship with me...

I always think that I am boring, ugly or something.

I feel similar. I mean my body is fricon sexy. But face is like avgish I think. My problem is I am boring.. So I thought. Today a hot chick said I was funny. I was like wtf? Me!? I'm hardly funny, dry humor if anything. Anyway point is others will judge you based on what they think is fun/boring. Everyones got a different view. Your still 17, so you cannot see clearly on how most people judge you. Yea I checked yur profile .

Go around smiling not giving a shiz and you will look more attractive. Attitude affects looks. Think bout guys. Would you really want a depressed guy who only complains? Relationships should be fun!

 

[Bones]

I don't think anyone wants me. I don't think I have anything to offer. Add that to the "ready made family" that comes with me, and well..... I don't think a whole lot of people that would want to take that on.

Believe it or not, it is *potentially* worse for a male to have a "ready made family" in my experience; and if it was not a deterrent for "making it through the front door," it was like my daughter did not exist.

If someone acted like my daughter did not exist, I gave them the boot.

(I never wanted anyone to be my daughter's mother per say or take up the role, but I did expect for them to treat her with dignity and respect.)

What would you do in the following situation which really happened:

We were dating for about a month.

Her children were already grown.

She wanted to go on a trip during Christmas break - including the 25th.

While I did not celebrate Christmas, my daughter did and she was around 11 at the time.

We also have a family gathering - whats left of it with five us including me - either on the 24th or 25th.

There was no reason why she could NOT change her annual leave (paid time off) since I use to work in the department for five years as a grant writer four years previously and even asked the commissioner if it true she could not change her annual leave.

So, she made it - more or less - a choice between her and my daughter.

After gathering the facts and double checking to make sure with her supervisors, I gave her the boot.

While I realize it is important to compromise, no one should make a person chose between their family and and other trivial issues such as changing your time off.

Therefore, I figured if something like that started early in the relationship, it would continue and better to make the decision "now" then later.

Anyway, I understand the issues of "ready made families" and have had a couple of bad experiences after my daughter turned eight.

(I put off dating until she turned eight since I had custody and her mother was not involved with her because I wanted my daughter to feel secure.)

 

[Badjedidude]

I refuse to believe that people wouldn't want to be with me.

Sometimes it ends up causing conflict because I often don't understand why EVERYONE wouldn't want to be with me... even though logically I know that there are millions of people that I simply don't fit their "type."

I still convince myself that I somehow SHOULD be appealing to all, even if I never DO anything to warrant that appeal.