Tremendous Guilt about Love

[ManicPie]

So I've never had a boyfriend. Usually, when people say that sentence, they go onto say how badly they want one. However, this is where I differ. I just can't decide if I want a boyfriend. I feel almost terrified of it. It's weird, really. That openness, that vulnerablity ... It not only terrifies me, but it somehow seems wrong. And it really shouldn't be, I know that. Love is a totally natural and important thing. Everyone should find it if they want it. However, when I think about the idea of me and the guy I like, as a couple... It seems like it's wrong. I visualize a picture of him and me, doing normal couply stuff like going to movies, meeting parents, etc, I imagine it as horribly awkward and kinda painful. Not only that, but I think about what my parents and friends would think : "Aw, she has a boyfriend! Good for her! I hope they are happy." What is bizarre is, when I think about what they would think, I find it wrong, almost disgusting, repelling. The thing is, I'm not totally adverse to love. Of course I want it. The desire is there. It's just my head that seems to be repressing it, telling me it's wrong...
The other thing about having a boyfriend is eventually, it could lead to some form of sex or whatever after some time. Again, it's only natural. But again, I feel guilty, as if it's wrong. Sex seems wrong to me, almost dirty. Any kind of sexual arousal- whether with myself or with a partner - makes me feel enormous guilt. And so I don't, and can't imagine myself, doing it. I know that it's perfectly natural. And with the right person, it can be a beautiful experience. But I just feel so guilty about any kind of love, whether it's sexual or relationshippy.
The funny thing is, I wasn't raised in a household that discouraged love or sex. Not in the least. I was raised by a single parent, so I never had a dad around or the experience of seeing two married people in love - but plenty of people in a single-parent household carry on perfectly normal, guilt free relationships. So it doesn't make sense that I would be so repressive.
The result of all this repression is, as expected, a nonexistent love life of any kind. I like a guy, but feel guilty about it. I smile at him and say hi in the hallways at school, but can't take it any farther than that,because I feel guilty about trying to create a relationship. This baffles and, frankly, scares me. I mean, I don't have dirty dreams (thank god), or even dreams about this guy, because of my weird love-guilt-repression.
Does anyone else experience this? Where do you think it might be rooted? Is it something that every teenage girl has to get through? I just don't know anymore. If this continues, I bet I will just keep digging myself deeper and deeper until I am incapable of even talking to the opposite sex. I am afraid, and I feel so incredibly guilty and wrong. What do you think?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Depending on your up bringing or religious beliefs that was introduced to you, you will feel tremendous guilt and shame.

The adults or authory figures in yourself have done so to control you, shelter you or boxed you in
becuase of your age. Pregnantcy prevention...
Your mother being a single parent...Most likely had bad experinces in relationships with men...
Her intension is to prevent you from having to go through the pains that she went through
On a consious or sub consious level she programmed that into you.
Please don't process it the wrong way..it's not your mother's fualt...

Not seeing or having parents as couple hugging and kissing..didn't helped you.
It just added another layer of you not being expose to a man and woman being love and loving each other.

However, you are not her.

Anything to the extreem is unhealthy.

You seem like a mature and level head teenager.

Yes, it's the most natural thing in the world for have feelings for the opposite sex or wanting to be loved.

If you don't learn how to form somtype of relationship or have practice communicating with opposite sex...
later on in your life you will face the same challenge....Some women go totally insane as so as they turn
18 becuase of over protective parents...It's unhealth..parents should allow thier children to grow up or
learnd to grow up in their ADULT LESSONS years...

A fualt sence of guilt is still a feeling...No matter how stronge it maybe...it is still a feeling.
You learn how to let go of unhealthy guilt feelings

 

[Disconnected]

Well, probably the first step would be to learn to talk about it.
You seem able to do that online, which is great!
Can you talk to your mother about it?
A close friend?

Going into a relationship doesn't have to be like jumping off a cliff.
There is nothing to say you can't start out being friends with the guy you like.
The openness and vulnerability don't need to run deep at that point.
From there, maybe you just stay friends, maybe you don't, but you can control much of that as you see fit.

 

[ManicPie]

Depending on your up bringing or religious beliefs that was introduced to you, you will feel tremendous guilt and shame.

The adults or authory figures in yourself have done so to control you, shelter you or boxed you in
becuase of your age. Pregnantcy prevention...
Your mother being a single parent...Most likely had bad experinces in relationships with men...
Her intension is to prevent you from having to go through the pains that she went through
On a consious or sub consious level she programmed that into you.
Please don't process it the wrong way..it's not your mother's fualt...

Not seeing or having parents as couple hugging and kissing..didn't helped you.
It just added another layer of you not being expose to a man and woman being love and loving each other.

However, you are not her.

Anything to the extreem is unhealthy.

You seem like a mature and level head teenager.

Yes, it's the most natural thing in the world for have feelings for the opposite sex or wanting to be loved.

If you don't learn how to form somtype of relationship or have practice communicating with opposite sex...
later on in your life you will face the same challenge....Some women go totally insane as so as they turn
18 becuase of over protective parents...It's unhealth..parents should allow thier children to grow up or
learnd to grow up in their ADULT LESSONS years...

A fualt sence of guilt is still a feeling...No matter how stronge it maybe...it is still a feeling.
You learn how to let go of unhealthy guilt feelings

The thing is, my mom really wasn't protective in that way at all. For the first few years of my life, we went to an extremely liberal Lutheran church, but I gradually grew away from it into agnosticism with dabbling in Buddhism. Now, my mom's Buddhist, but I'm a solid agnostic. At no point did my mother ever discourage sexuality, relationships, or love. She is constantly asking me "When are you going to get a boyfriend?" and suggesting things to me. She did have a few boyfriends when my brother and I were little, however, I can't remember whether or not I saw the relationship firsthand. So I really doubt that she could have programmed it into me, except in my underexposure to a marital relationship.

 

[coricopat]

What exactly do you mean when you say wrong?

Wrong as in immoral?
Wrong as in unnatural?
or something else entirely?

 

[h i]

my life has been filled with meeting women like you... please avoid men unless youre sure, youre ready. men are very simple, we can be intelligent just like women and put a lot into work and school, but at the basics, this kind of stuff fucks us up.

my friend is like this. she doesnt want children. i guess i live under rocks... cause shes the first woman ive ever met said she didnt want children. wow. she doesnt want sex... wow. she doesnt exercise. she doesnt eat. in early education she wasnt allowed to date. in highschool she was, but used the same excuse, she wasnt allowed to date. shes never dated, and doesnt really want a boyfriend. but... shes jealous of women with sexual experience, who party, who have friends, do drugs, drink, flirt. jealous in a way she compares and puts herself down by it. yet doesnt change to be it as she despises it.

i love her though.

but i keep my options open.

 

[Porman]

Your only 16. its pretty normal to be uncomfortable with sex and not feel much for relationships

Im 20, I dont feel the need to have a girlfriend, But doesnt mean I wouldnt like one. And as for sex, Its just sex, its no big deal.