Jim540 said:
Some times I think I am just better off alone and friendless. Once I start opening up to someone it seems inevitable that I get disappointed.
Its when you start letting someone get to close to you that you get hurt. I guess its better to keep people at arms distance. Its just a shame, it would be nice to have just one person I could count on.
I am starting to think that all the friendships I see other people in aren't as close as it seems from the outside.
Maybe that's the big secret, keep a distance.
Are most friendships really just that casual?
Are my expectations just too high?
Should I just expect shallow friendships as " as good as it gets"?
If so then it is just my own fault that I feel alone.
This is EXACTLY how I have felt and still feel although not as bad as I used to do not too long ago. When I start opening up, I hear the abrupt change of subjects, or the funny looks on their faces. I used to get in a fit of rage at being misunderstood and it led me to be very hateful, spiteful and vengeful of people.
Nowadays I just try and keep conversation mainstream such as the weather, films, food, games, sport.. things like that and never ever telling people on my views such as politics and society in general. Not that I'm a racist or a homophobe or anything like that, I just see things a lot differently than a lot of other people do in the way of who controls the world etc, things like that.. I realise if you're a similar person to me with an alternate worldview than the mainstream then its not worth taking the risk at any cost. Aslong as you know who you are that's all that should matter. Its better only to open up on internet forums that share the same views and concerns as you do. Nowadays that's really the best and safest way to do so.
As for your observations of other people, I wouldn't even worry about them. if they aren't friends or close immediate family then they are not really important so don't place any emphasis on them whatsoever. Doing this, I've learnt can make you hurt even more, jealous or even vengeful and hateful, especially if you're emotionally sensitive, unstable or depressed. Again, I struggled with that in the past. its good to ask yourself questions, but try to make sure they are only about you in the end.
In closing, are you better off alone? It isn't my place to say so. Only you have the answer to that. Myself, I am preferring my own company and not getting too close to people. I can still smile and be friendly and perhaps make an aqaintence or two (this is real life by the way, I have 'friends' online) but that's as far as I will go. I'm happier now than I was say 4-5 months ago.
I wish you all the best in finding what works for you. Don't be a stranger and keep us updated on your progress. Cheers