cryingcloud
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- May 21, 2011
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I just want to give a thanks in advance to whomever reads this entire story and gives their input, because I truly and sincerely appreciate everyone thoughts and opinions.
If anyone reading now has seen previous post of mine, you already know that I have terrible troubles with building relationships with anyone; friends, boyfriends, co-workers, employers, and sometimes even family. I'm very reserved and my voice is pretty soft. Although, I do enjoy company. I like to go out and I like being social, but I have to work at it. I'm constantly told by my peers that I'm..."awkward".
Anyways, about a year ago, I met a guy that I cliqued with pretty fast. Just up until a few months ago, we were nothing but...(and please don't judge me) friends with benefits. I wanted to be more, but he didn't. A few months ago, he had a change of heart, and we decided to give this relationship a go. Since I have been for this idea since I met him, it wasn't a big shift for me, but it was (and still is) for him. He had always told me he has fears of commitment.
Since we've been dating, I feel like I have been struggling to understand his actions. His comfort level is extremely shallow. I had to persuade him into letting me meet his parents. (He insists that it was his personal problem, and it wasn't about me) Then it took him a while to finally let me come to his house instead of mine all the time. I just wanted it to be equal and frankly, my place isn't the best place. ( a lot of issues) Now I'm having trouble when it comes to involving other people. When we hang out, he has to have it just be us two, and no one else.
He's reluctantly hung out with me and my long term friend a few times, but I have this employee party coming up from my work, and everyone is going to be there with their significant others. He absolutely refuses to go and says he doesn't want to be pressured into doing so.
I backed off because he did give in when it came to bringing me to his house and meeting his parents...but I always had a certain image of what a relationship should be like, and I always thought couples did things like this for and with each other. I really want him to be there with me.
I don't understand why so many things are so complicated and dire to him.
I don't want to pressure him anymore. I feel bad, and kind of hypocritical because people don't always understand me either. I don't want to cross any lines with him. I know for a fact that he will draw the line if I ever hint to him, to introduce me to his friends. I already know not to get into that.
Am I wrong to try and change him? I don't know if age means anything, but he's 23, and I'm 20. Does that matter? Our personalities are a lot a like, except when it comes to being social. I don't want to mess this up and drive him away though.....but I just want a relationship where the both of us can have fun with each other, even when mixed with other people.
What should I do?
If anyone reading now has seen previous post of mine, you already know that I have terrible troubles with building relationships with anyone; friends, boyfriends, co-workers, employers, and sometimes even family. I'm very reserved and my voice is pretty soft. Although, I do enjoy company. I like to go out and I like being social, but I have to work at it. I'm constantly told by my peers that I'm..."awkward".
Anyways, about a year ago, I met a guy that I cliqued with pretty fast. Just up until a few months ago, we were nothing but...(and please don't judge me) friends with benefits. I wanted to be more, but he didn't. A few months ago, he had a change of heart, and we decided to give this relationship a go. Since I have been for this idea since I met him, it wasn't a big shift for me, but it was (and still is) for him. He had always told me he has fears of commitment.
Since we've been dating, I feel like I have been struggling to understand his actions. His comfort level is extremely shallow. I had to persuade him into letting me meet his parents. (He insists that it was his personal problem, and it wasn't about me) Then it took him a while to finally let me come to his house instead of mine all the time. I just wanted it to be equal and frankly, my place isn't the best place. ( a lot of issues) Now I'm having trouble when it comes to involving other people. When we hang out, he has to have it just be us two, and no one else.
He's reluctantly hung out with me and my long term friend a few times, but I have this employee party coming up from my work, and everyone is going to be there with their significant others. He absolutely refuses to go and says he doesn't want to be pressured into doing so.
I backed off because he did give in when it came to bringing me to his house and meeting his parents...but I always had a certain image of what a relationship should be like, and I always thought couples did things like this for and with each other. I really want him to be there with me.
I don't understand why so many things are so complicated and dire to him.
I don't want to pressure him anymore. I feel bad, and kind of hypocritical because people don't always understand me either. I don't want to cross any lines with him. I know for a fact that he will draw the line if I ever hint to him, to introduce me to his friends. I already know not to get into that.
Am I wrong to try and change him? I don't know if age means anything, but he's 23, and I'm 20. Does that matter? Our personalities are a lot a like, except when it comes to being social. I don't want to mess this up and drive him away though.....but I just want a relationship where the both of us can have fun with each other, even when mixed with other people.
What should I do?