Ugh

[blumar]

I apologize ahead of time for the whining, but... everyone around me is getting married or pregnant. And, at a certain point, it really starts to grate on me and I just need to vent a bit (thank you in advance for listening).

Just to name a few:
My coworker - married, just had her first baby
My ex-coworker (an alcoholic and professionally inappropriate dresser) - pregnant
Guy I went on a date with some time ago - married
Guy I went on a date with after the first guy, see above, - married

It's not as though I was in my 20s and this is happening but, in a couple of years, I'll be 40 - wtf. I give up. I've kept myself open to opportunities. I've done the online thing, I've gone out with coworkers just because there might be a very small chance of meeting someone (friend of a friend thing), I've been setup with other peoples relatives, I've tried to make conversation with people. All to no avail. Of course, as I write this...I guess it must be me. I don't find myself to be a horrible person, I think quite the opposite. If any of my family or friends (y'know the ones I see once a year) every asked for anything, I'd be more than happy to help. I'm not mean or rude to people. I believe in kindness (heck I even donate to local charities). But here I am, alone, undesirable and invisible to the rest of the world. Guess it really is me.

ugh.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well, it's not all that difficult for inappropriate dressing alcoholics to get pregnant really.

As for the rest, it kind of sounds to me like you are dwelling in the past. What everyone else is doing, what everyone else has. It also sounds like you think because these people have it, so should you. My point in saying that is not to be rude, but to maybe point out that by living the past, by dwelling on honeysuckle that you shouldn't be dwelling on, you are holding yourself back.
Maybe you are scared to find what you want, as much as you might want it and you are sabotaging yourself. Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet, maybe maybe maybe....

The one thing you have to remember is that if you give up, you'll never have it. Take a break from trying, find a new hobby, do something for yourself and above all, stop worrying so much about things you can't control.

 

[mgill]

it seems that many of us are in this position and there is not much one can do about it. having been rejected and/or friendzoned my whole life, i can relate. when it comes to romance, being nice, kind and compassionate is often times consider a weakness and a major flaw by most people.

i think that attages like "there is someone for everyone" are a big part of the problem by creating false expectations. while in a certain sense this may be true, it does not take into consideration the tremendous odds that one will meet someone in one's lifetime. to me, it is like playing the lottery because people win it all the time. in reality, one can buy a ticket every single day for their entire life and never win-and this is the VASTLY more likely scenario.

unless a person "fits in" with the norm, is exceedingly attractive or lucky, or is willingly to settle for someone they are not physically attracted to, for some of us there is not much of a chance of a mutally fulfilling relationship. in many cases i think it is better to just accept this and move on. most of what we are when it comes to what is valued by society is decided at birth and is beyond our control-looks, height, talents, personality- and there is only so much we can do about the other small percentage which we do have control over.

on a side note, nice quote from Schweiter in your singature. he certainly did have a lot of great ones-my personal favorite of his is:
“Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight.”

 

[Sci-Fi]

Get where you are coming from blumar, pretty much in the same boat. Sucks and it's depressing. You are not alone.

 

[Paraiyar]

Have you tried meetup groups? I'm going to join quite a few when I get back to NZ.

 

[Stonely]

OP, stop comparing yourself to others, it only hurts your self esteem.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Going through one's life without a partner is extremely difficult.
If I total up the amount of time I had a girlfriend, it would only tally maybe two years in all. That is hardly something to look back on in a positive light when one is just past 50 years of age.

I understand your feelings, blumar. Whenever someone "vents" such unhappiness, it always invites the same old platitudes - I've heard them all. And I've taken the advice. Has it helped me? Only for the short term.

At this point in my own life, I have no advice at all for you. I've done and continue to follow the "keep moving forward" mantra. sometimes, it feels as if I am trying to trudge through cement that is almost hardened. Since my last relationship completely crashed (my exGF was not who she claimed to be, even tho' I hoped otherwise) I have invested in my own interests, traveled alone, and welcomed potential relationships (which never pan out to anything past a couple of dates, if at all). I have my lousy days, and I have days where my alone time is perfectly fine. I keep my mind occupied. But remnants of good times spent with an EX still keep haunting me. The only way to cast those thoughts away is to find someone, a partner.

Your only choice, truthfully, is to give up, or keep on trying.

I admire those on ALL who have "given up" and are accepting of the fact that they will be alone, because they choose to stay that way, for whatever reasons. But one size does not fit all. I wish it did.

 

[blumar]

Thanks everyone for your different perspectives. I'm taking a little bit from each of you:
I may never win that lotto ticket even though I try(ied) (also liked your quote mgill),
I can't compare myself to the others around me,
Keep moving forward,
I am not alone, and
Yes, I am living in the past.

I wanted to let you know that I read your comments this morning before I went to work and thought about them the entire day. Had a self-awareness moment and I really need to change how my mind occupies it's time (cause sometimes it feels like it just does it's own thing). When it's quiet, I find myself repeating/reliving the same old scenarios in my head. So I've decided to find something to occupy my "mind-monkey" (Buddhist term for unsettled, restless, uncontrollable) - I bought a guitar. I used to play a little (very little) years ago and I think it would do me good to have an emotional outlet and keep my mind-monkey settled.

Though I haven't decided to join any meetups, I did want to share with you all that your comments turned into something positive for me. Thanks.