umm...hi

[fallen]

hello, I am Winry (aka:fallen)
I am a very sad 14 year old who has a sister and a little cat. My parents do a lot for me and i feel bad because i feel that i have nothing to offer them worth of value, not even my trust. i am always afraid of what they think of me or what any one thinks of me. usually it is bad.

I live in southern California. I don't like it very much here actaully.

I am in the ninth grade and i am totally lonely. I have a few friends but they really hurt my feelings sometimes and they probably don't know it. My heart is always broken, smashed, ripped, shattered, lost, or maybe even stepped on. I had a friend once, and he was a really good friend, there was even a point where we liked each other, but one day he got mad at me. He thought i called him fat, i told him that i didn't and that i was sorry if he thought that. the thing was that he didn't forgive me, he didn't talk to me anymore, he HATED me. and he still does. he spreads all kinds of rumors about me and everyone always believes him! no one cares to listen...he still does that and it has been a year. He tells people that i have need anger management and that i am phyco and that i need to see a doctor. i used to not like saying this but I HATE him!!! Now my other best friend, I love him dearly but he does not like me like that. My other friends are boy crazy, all they talk about is how boys like them!! it hurts to hear stuff like that, I am happy for them an all, but nobody loves me. i feel horrible!!

I am a Christian and I believe in God, which is keeping me back from doing suicide. I have tried to kill my self once by starvation, i went for a few days but i had to eat. I tried to run away since i was about eight years old. I have hated my self since i was six years old. I used to cry a lot because i thought people hated me. I feel like i don't know anything.

I feel like the whole world is out to get me. I really want to die and i feel like i can't talk to anyone! sometimes all they do is make is worse. i feel like i just don't belong here on this earth. this world was not meant for me and i was not meant for the world. i can't even cry infront of my parents they will think, i don't even want to know what they think of me...

I am always called different names. Like *****, slut, self centered, arrogant, anti-social, weird, freak, phyco. stuff like that even my parents called me.
i really don't know who i am...........

 

[evanescencefan91]

Hey fallen and welcome to the forum.

i know what you mean i still can't seem to find a close friend that i can count on. I once thought i had one, but They left without a goodbye or even an explanation why.

Thats terrible what happend with that guy, he really shouldn't have overreacted like that especially after you apoligized.

Social life in school is terribly clique, and not only do you have to fit in, but you have to do the same activities to stay in the circle, or they'll find other friends, and you'll become an aquantance.


But don't give up, you're going to be okay and you'll come out on the other side stronger and more determined.

 

[Phaedron]

i really don't know who i am...........

Well I hate to tell you, but it only gets worse. I've been questioning my identity and beliefs all year and each day coming up with a different answer lol. Things are lot more complicated then you can imagine.

But its important you know there is nothing wrong with you. The norm is pretty messed up, and I can offer no advice about fitting in, well because that was my situation when I was 13 as well.

Like attracts like. The more negative things you feel and express the more the universe sends them back to you. Its written "ask and ye shall recieve." Do you believe this? Is the scripture at fault or is it your faith and interpretation? Maybe you have to assume you have it and star living as if you do.

Well I wish I had tried that approach instead of learning to accept the negative outcome and concluding everyone was against me, which is how I felt at that age.

Also Im sorry if I offended you in any way.

 

[Naleena]

Hello Winry What a cool name I remember how it was in school and how difficult it was to fit in. I hope you find the answers you need. Have you talked to a councellor at school? They can be really great to confide in.

 

[Lawrens]

Hello, welcome!

I'm sorry you have to go through that, the childish behaviour of other kids during that age is really a pain to deal with, but everyone are going through the process of growing up and maturing, some just took the easier way by calling other people names, some feel more secured and could identify themselves that way, but they hurt other people in the process and that is not what I call growing up, but you're you, people doesn't know you're trying hard, it's easy to point fingers at anyone and calling them names, they're just being immature, so hang in there, things doesn't always get worse, sure it's easier said than done but try to be optimistic, and don't fall into the little games the other kids play, and what Naleena said, you could try talking to a councellor at school, do something for yourself to make things better.

It is what you do that make yourself you, and at that age, you have a lot of choices and countless different potentials for a great future =)

 

[Sanal]

hey fallen

welcome to A lonely life

 

[Steel]

Hey Fallen, and welcome to the forum.