What to do next for dating....

[Wanderer145]

So I've tried speed dating a month or so back and didn't get a match from the people I liked after the event. It was a fun experience to just talk to women if rushed but does make me think man I guess being humourous, confident and having something to talk about isnt enough if you've not got the looks.

Do you think it would be worth doing again? I admit the group was in a certain age range of 10 years where I was on the lowest end so it probably didnt do me any favours but it was through one of my hobbies I found out about the event...

Also I think im just wasting my time with sites like POF. I get home from work and just can't be bothered to go trawling through all the women sending messages with a 1/20 response. I've had two or 3 messages on there since I signed up earlier in January but as usual nothing else. I woke up today just thinking what the hell am I doing wrong. I don't know what else to do other than meetups and such.

Any other ideas you guys have tried of late?

 

[Regumika]

Well, first I'm interested to know what you think the purpose of speed dating is. Because speed dating is hardly enough time. The only thing that speed dating is good for is to get a proper 1st date, that first impression is important.

However, when it comes down to relationships... Being humorous, confident, reliable, smart, witty, romantic, etc. has nothing to do with whether two people end up together or not. It comes down to reasons that you can't explain. Next time ask yourself when you find a girl you're attracted to "why do I like her - why do I love her?"

There IS nothing else to do besides meetups. You can't form a relationship without a chance at communicating with someone (this forum is also a place for communication). I tried a facebook single's group once. After about 10 messages sent I got one back that actually was somewhat interested and we traded messages for a few weeks.

#1 Put yourself out there.
#2 Participate in public stuff.

How will anyone know you if all they did was talk to you?

 

[Tiina63]

Maybe you should persevere a while yet with speed dating. Doing it once or twice and then giving up might mean you miss out on someone really nice.
Online dating can be exhausting and depressing. I share your feeling towards having to trawl yet again through the personal ads., spending time on sending a thoughtful message, and then hearing nothing back. Often I wish that I didn't have the need to give and receive love.

 

[looking glass]

Maybe you should persevere a while yet with speed dating. Doing it once or twice and then giving up might mean you miss out on someone really nice.
Online dating can be exhausting and depressing. I share your feeling towards having to trawl yet again through the personal ads., spending time on sending a thoughtful message, and then hearing nothing back. Often I wish that I didn't have the need to give and receive love.

Yeah, I wish the same thing.

But how do you persevere when online dating? I tried it last summer and after several dozen messages and not a single answer I just stopped because it made me depressed.
Surely you would avoid something that makes you depressed, right?

I wish I could help you OP, but I'm stuck with the same problem. I'm still toying with the idea of going to dancing classes but lately I've been getting more and more depressed and have almost no desire to do anything anymore.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi Looking Glass-I would love to avoid online dating but if I did, I would get no dates. As I would like very much to meet someone to settle down with, I persevere with it. Doing it does depress me, but being completely on my own depresses me even more.
I hope you make it to the dancing classes. Loneliness can be so exhausting-I find I have to push myself much of the time to go out.

 

[looking glass]

Hi Looking Glass-I would love to avoid online dating but if I did, I would get no dates. As I would like very much to meet someone to settle down with, I persevere with it. Doing it does depress me, but being completely on my own depresses me even more.
I hope you make it to the dancing classes. Loneliness can be so exhausting-I find I have to push myself much of the time to go out.

I sometimes think about doing speed dating and maybe getting back into online dating or going to some classes and what not but I always just end up thinking that it's not worth it anyway and that's it not going to work out and that I basically lost out on life. All these self doubts just cannot stop creeping up...

 

[Regumika]

Hi Looking Glass-I would love to avoid online dating but if I did, I would get no dates. As I would like very much to meet someone to settle down with, I persevere with it. Doing it does depress me, but being completely on my own depresses me even more.
I hope you make it to the dancing classes. Loneliness can be so exhausting-I find I have to push myself much of the time to go out.

I sometimes think about doing speed dating and maybe getting back into online dating or going to some classes and what not but I always just end up thinking that it's not worth it anyway and that's it not going to work out and that I basically lost out on life. All these self doubts just cannot stop creeping up...

I don't think it's the matter of "is it worth it or not" but rather.. What else will I be doing if I'm not going to be doing that. It's kind of like a twisted way to look at opportunity cost. Okay, maybe speed dating isn't free but dating sites are. Why not just start by talking to someone like a person instead of someone that wants to get into their pants. Everyone knows that if you message someone on a dating site, you're at least interested enough. You don't have to go on listing why you're interested. Start off with something like... "Hey I read that recently they discovered a star that was travelling 3x the speed of light." or like "Did you know that studies show that 2/3 of the people don't know their own strengths?" And start talking about it.

Self doubts? Think of all the people with profiles that you skip.

 

[Superfly47]

So I've tried speed dating a month or so back and didn't get a match from the people I liked after the event. It was a fun experience to just talk to women if rushed but does make me think man I guess being humourous, confident and having something to talk about isnt enough if you've not got the looks.

You could change your expectations. Instead of thinking it's a success or failure based on if it leads to a date, view it as a fun social activity and an opportunity to improve your social skills. If it leads to a date, that is just a bonus.

Sounds more fun than writing dozens of messages online without getting responses.

 

[looking glass]

[...]
I don't think it's the matter of "is it worth it or not" but rather.. What else will I be doing if I'm not going to be doing that. [...]

This was actually why I think about suicide. I'm not doing anything and doing something makes me depressed after I realise how much it has failed in the past. Sometimes it's getting too much and I cannot bear it anymore, so I wanna end it all. I've just been too chicken-honeysuckle to even make any plans. Though I'll be able to talk to a therapist about that soon.

[...] It's kind of like a twisted way to look at opportunity cost. Okay, maybe speed dating isn't free but dating sites are. Why not just start by talking to someone like a person instead of someone that wants to get into their pants. Everyone knows that if you message someone on a dating site, you're at least interested enough. You don't have to go on listing why you're interested. Start off with something like... "Hey I read that recently they discovered a star that was travelling 3x the speed of light." or like "Did you know that studies show that 2/3 of the people don't know their own strengths?" And start talking about it.

Self doubts? Think of all the people with profiles that you skip.

Yeah but my messages have been innocent enough. I was just saying hi and trying to engage them in a discussion about their interests etc., just being curious and interested. However, apparently if you don't have the looks you'll just be ignored.