Wishing for Disaster

[ManicPie]

Have you ever found yourself wishing for a disaster to happen to you? I know I have. I don't know if it's because I'm macabre, or a romantic, or depressed. But sometimes, when I am feeling especially lonely, I wish that something awful would happen to me. Usually, my "wishes" involve me ending up in the hospital for a long period of time I suppose "wish" is too strong a word - It's more of a sick fantasy. I don't want these things to happen to me because I think I deserve them or anything - I recognize how horrible they really are, when I actually think about it - but I think I romanticize them. I find myself sitting in the middle of class, fantasizing about this twisted scenario: 'I am walking down the stairs to a class, when suddenly, some idiot jostles up the stairs and pushes me over just as I turn around to say hi to someone. I fall all the way down, shouting and screaming. People look on in horror as I fall. Then my crush, who happens to be in passing (we have similar class routes) stops, panicking. He runs and gets help, and I'm unconscious. I wake up in the hospital to an empty room. After that, I seem to pass in and out of conciousness. When I'm alert, suddenly people care. Suddenly people are visiting me in the hospital, people that I never really thought of as my friend. Maybe even my crush."
I know that whole story is ridiculous. I know how unrealistic, naieve, and stupid it sounds. But that's the way fantasies are. However, I am kind of disturbed that I wish horrible things would happen to me, just to make people come to me and care about me, open up to me. Oftentimes, you read stories and novels about people suffering through disasters in their lives. They may have gone through cancer or a massive earthquake, or whatever. But somehow, they build relationships. They reach out to people because they are forced to, and other people reach out to them. I want someone to reach out to me, I guess, and my brain seems to think that disaster is an okay means to that end.
Does anyone else ever find themselves thinking about having a disaster happen to me? Of course, I would never actively TRY to make something horrible to me - that's just plain backward - but I find myself daydreaming about theses horrible yet comforting ideas. I am wondering if it's just me, i suppose.

 

[It was Mine]

No you are not alone, honestly I think the thought is fairly common. I use to imagine such things when i was younger, but now I feel I have to much I want to do for such things to happen, but yes your not crazy, I think every one out there has a thought or two similar

 

[samba101]

Yes I wish for disasters that would lead to death I dream about them more than fantasise and it's only like a thought of going to sleep forever.

 

[Brian]

I sometimes wish for the zombie apocalypse to happen. And I manage to survive and create a hidden stronghold, and I cruise the surrounding towns for supplies and fuel, and I find a lone survivor and she turns out to be a perfect match for me. And we fall in love amidst the death and devastation, and make a life for ourselves away from the crushed remains of society in a world freed of tyranny and politicians.

 

[Lawliet]

yeah I used to do that in high school but once I realized I have to be fully functional to be able to fix my life I REALLY do not want anything to happen to me right now. What would be nice is a global disaster.

 

[ManicPie]

It's interesting reading what kind of different disaster fantasies people have. Daydreaming can be so fun, even when you dream of horrible, horrible things. I've never thought of a zombie apocalypse in quite that way.

 

[Disconnected]

Does anyone else ever find themselves thinking about having a disaster happen to me?

No, I would never want a disaster to happen to you!!!
I don't even know you.

Great blog, by the way, I will have to spend some serious time there.
You should publish!

 

[Twitchy]

I know that whole story is ridiculous. I know how unrealistic, naieve, and stupid it sounds. But that's the way fantasies are. However, I am kind of disturbed that I wish horrible things would happen to me, just to make people come to me and care about me, open up to me.

It's a common theme in literature. People don't realize the things they've missed until they are gone.

When we're more or less alone in the world and there doesn't appear to be any way out, our brains tend to look at the more unusual and darker solutions. The accident you've described is a good example. Occasionally people even resort to suicide in an attempt just to be noticed by someone. When you get to that emotional stage, you find yourself doing lots of things that don't make a great deal of sense.

Personally, if I have to injure or kill myself just to be noticed by a particular person or group, I question whether those people are worth knowing in the first place.

 

[ManicPie]

Does anyone else ever find themselves thinking about having a disaster happen to me?

No, I would never want a disaster to happen to you!!!
I don't even know you.

Great blog, by the way, I will have to spend some serious time there.
You should publish!

Thanks about the blog! I never thought anyone would actually read it. And it's heartening to know that a complete stranger cares. I always like it when that happens.

 

[Get Down!]

I'm not so sure about disaster but i constantly wish for a change. But you're right.. grave disaster could really lead to a drastic change so yes, i sometimes wish for disasters to happen.

But usually i'm just fantasizing about how great it would be to be bitten by a werewolf or a vampire or other supernatural creatures that bite

 

[Solace]

manicpie, I totally get what you're saying. I have "wished" for things like that before. But only becasue a terrible disaster had come to me first. the terrible disaster inside my mind that created a chasm between me and the rest of the world. It was like I thought a second disaster, a "real" disaster would reverse it.