Would you say this is normal?

[TheSolitaryMan]

Have you ever just really wanted some physical contact with someone of the opposite gender, to the extent where it dominates your thoughts?

I'm not talking about sex or anything rude-related. Just a hug, to hold hands or to kiss or something?

I'm starting to wonder if there's something unusual about my mental state sometimes. I spend literally most of my day just feeling like I really need a good hug, as weird and kind of sissy as that sounds.

I know loneliness is kind of normal, but this is additional and different. It's actually distracting me from my work. I slip far too frequently into this daydream world of "God, a hug/kiss/whatever must be so amazing" instead of what I should be focussing on

Plus it's manifesting itself in my physical state too. I feel this discomfort, not quite a pain as such but more a lingering state of unease whenever I think about it, like something is "missing".

I don't think my friends bragging constantly about their GFs are helping this either to be honest.

I know the obvious answer is "Duh, you need a hug you nubbin!", but since that's not happening anytime soon I'd be happy with just some reassurance that I'm not crazy

 

[IgnoredOne]

Absence makes the heart fonder. Its normal.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

I'd reassure you that you're not crazy...but I'm not really the person to ask about that.

Longing and loneliness go hand in hand.

I would also like to thank you Solitaire, you have literally stopped me in my tracks with your veritable shot to the heart.

An entire insomnia rampant morning of writing has come crashing down haha.

When I do think about it I feel less than normal. There is an obvious void as opposed to this general feeling of an exponentially growing and pointless anger.

I use to thoroughly enjoy reducing the ritualistic goodbyes of common relationships to a simple kiss on the forehead that lasted a nano-second too long. Then I'd be off.


Yes, I would say it is normal.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I think that everyone needs hugs or kisses, it's normal. :/

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Thanks guys. I feel a tiny bit better

I just feel like I'm not really in control of the feeling anymore. I always used to be able to just put it to the back of my mind and get on with day-to-day stuff, but now it's a constant nagging ache whatever I'm doing.

Sometimes I'll be sat, trying to study, and find that 20 minutes have just disappeared and I've done nothing except think about a girl or something like that. It's a bit ridiculous.

I just really hope that if I ever do get a relationship that this feeling will go, or at least ease back a bit so I can concentrate on where my life is going more.

It's weird, but in my teens I didn't really feel like this at all. Then I hit 20 and BAM, it's like suddenly all the desire for a partner hit at once

 

[SofiasMami]

Of course the desire for physical human contact is normal. We don't necessarily outgrow our need as infants for human touch. I'm lucky that my daughter loves hugs and kisses and I get my fill from her. When I was single and before I had her, I remember thinking from time to time "geez, it's been awhile since I've touched someone else". You don't have to be in a romantic relationship to get this need met but you certainly have to have a friend or relative whose comfortable with hugs.

Teresa

 

[annik]

Oh I'd agree with everyone else here that its totally normal. I miss hugs and kisses more than anything now I'm single. I get hugs from my family but I think I still miss hugs from a special someone.

 

[Guyonthelake]

Solitary my friend I certainly believe it's very normal to want that interaction with someone. I know I struggle with the same thing daily.

 

[Vagrant Legacy]

I'd have to say that is one of the most normal things for any human being to experience. I also have it nearly every day, to the extent where I sometimes can't focus on anything else. You've got it bad, losing 20 minutes ? I've lost upwards of 3 hours due to this, when in fact I should be doing homework, or something else which is way more important than daydreaming

 

[beans]

It means you're human and you have a heart. I wouldn't worry about it. Perhaps you could start with casually hugging your family members or just friends? If they don't mind.

 

[edgecrusher]

i know exactly how you feel. i sometimes have trouble seeing couples in public for this reason. and sometimes when i see a romantic scene in a movie its the same. i often lay in bed right before bed or right after i wake up thinking about stuff like that. wishing i had someone laying there next to me. i often put off laying down for bed til really late because i know i will be going to an empty bed. this is part of the problem with the way that i am. i crave a very deep companionship that i think is probably a rare thing. it just makes me feel like i will never find it.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

i know exactly how you feel. i sometimes have trouble seeing couples in public for this reason. and sometimes when i see a romantic scene in a movie its the same.

I get that too.

If I see a similar age couple kissing near me or even just having a nice conversation I just get that hollow aching feeling return. It's not even true "jealousy", just a profoundly sad feeling I guess. Like I'm witnessing something beautiful that I don't quite understand

I've actually stopped watching some movies half way through just because the inclusion of a particularly passionate scene can put me in a bad mood.

Lately I've also been getting to bed super late, I'm getting more and more tired but it's sort of like I'm putting it off regardless. Your post makes me wonder if it's for the same sort of reasons you mentioned.

I certainly seem to spend my nights on these boards and listening to music, anything I can do to stave off isolation to be honest.

Beans, I do have family members I can hug every now and then, but it doesn't seem to really fill that void. It makes me feel better for a day or so (or until I next see a couple), then it comes back again.

Unfortunately I don't really have any friends in my day to day life, let alone ones that would want to hug me!

Such a silly thing to feel so strongly about. I guess I could go to a club or something and try to dance with some girls, but there are numerous reasons I can't do that at the moment either.

There's a party happening in a couple of days from now, it's been about 5 months since I've been to one but I suppose I'll try and see if I can just get some kind of basic hug. Though to be honest, it seems like a far too ambitious goal to set myself.

*Sigh* Sorry to be so mopey

 

[lonelyboy291]

I've actually stopped watching some movies half way through just because the inclusion of a particularly passionate scene can put me in a bad mood.

I experience the same thing, to the extent I no longer watch movies that I know may make me feel unhappy/lonely.

I also understand what you mean about going to bed really late so you wont get upset by wishing their was someone next to you. I remember there were times in my life where I used to cry in my pillow all the time, cuz I was lonely. So I just tried not going to bed until I was too tired to stay awake any longer.

I get hugs from my mother sometimes, but its not the same to me as being hugged by another girl I like. (which hasnt happened in a very long time).

I think some girls can be very understanding, if you seem lonely they may try to comfort you that has happened more than once to me in the past, just by random girls asking if I was ok. if that ever happens take the opportunity for a free hug!

all the best, and your definitely not alone in wanting something as simple as a hug

 

[Equinox]

all the best, and your definitely not alone in wanting something as simple as a hug

Not at all. I'd give anything to be with someoene now, instead of having yet another Saturday night home alone. I feel sad and pathetic.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

all the best, and your definitely not alone in wanting something as simple as a hug

Not at all. I'd give anything to be with someoene now, instead of having yet another Saturday night home alone. I feel sad and pathetic.

Aww

I'm genuinely sorry I can't hand out proper hugs to other posters sometimes. I mean the actual physical ones, not those e-hug impostors!

Don't feel pathetic! That's hypocritical of me to say, because I get it too, but it's nothing to feel pathetic over. That feeling is the one thing I'm really trying to combat in my head, because it's not healthy to tie one's own self-esteem to what others do or don't do.

Anyway, I'm off to mentally drift into how warm and lovely a good snuggle must be for a bit

 

[SummerRain]

Ughh, Last night I cried myself to sleep becuse I feelt so lonely and all I needed was a hug, kiss or any form of human touch. I got so desprete I called my Ex. and even though I hate him and his a a major *********, my pathetic ass called him

I get like that some times and it builds up in me till I just break down and do something stupid then I'll be alright for a few days.

 

[guld]

I have that too, from time to time.

---

Not at all. I'd give anything to be with someoene now, instead of having yet another Saturday night home alone. I feel sad and pathetic.

I'm having a Saturday night home alone, me too. No, it doesn't feel good . My parents are home (so I'm not completely alone) but it sort of makes me feel even worse (though it's not because of me that they are, so I shouldn't really be thinking like that - that the only one's to be with on a Saturday night are my parents...).

 

[Senamian]

It's normal. When... you've gone a certain time without someone, sometimes people don't mind. But when it sets in... that you see others hugging, or you realize "hey, I don't have any contact with someone" you long for the simple touch of someone's hand that's gentle, or a hug that warms you.

 

[annik]

I honestly though I was the only person who avoided romantic story lines in films / books and stuff because they make me sad. I feel a bit better now, about that at least.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

Physical touch and comfort with someone you love is in fact the third tier of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Without hugs and belonging, one is prone to feel depressed and empty inside.

I simply just hug my pillow.