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Death is great.
We are his completely
with laughing eyes.
When we feel ourselves immersed in life,
he dares to weep
immersed in us.
(Rainer Maria Rilke)
 
Not looking forward to Monday beginning of semester. Thousands of cute inappropriately young girls. Young people in their circles. Everywhere a visual reminder of what I missed at that age. My desk next to a window overlooking the main pedestrian street, no escape. Putting an aging incel into this situation is like some perverse scenario dreamt up for a Black Mirror episode.

(Considering current events this is a disgustingly ridiculous "problem")
 
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Orange Cat, This forum is a better place with you in it! I have not been here long, but I read every one of your posts. I wish I had the magic pill called progress.
 
Cant stop thinking about getting pregnant, the little scans, come on body… work! Let me live my dream 🥰
 
yeah I tried that but it's hard. This is where I realize it takes one person to ruin everything as illogical as it may sound. They will never leave but I can and maybe it's for the best.
Orangecat! Please don't let anyone chase you away… I know how much some can ruin things, but you’re the one of the only people who help me understand things without being mean to me🥺
 
Cant stop thinking about getting pregnant, the little scans, come on body… work! Let me live my dream 🥰
I wish you all the luck in this. But can I ask, will you be having your other surgery first. I'd like to think of you in your finest form, being a mother.
 
I wish you all the luck in this. But can I ask, will you be having your other surgery first. I'd like to think of you in your finest form, being a mother.
Yeah I have to sadly 🙃 watch out 2023 they’ll be a yummy half brain mummy on the scene 😅🥳
 
yeah I tried that but it's hard. This is where I realize it takes one person to ruin everything as illogical as it may sound. They will never leave but I can and maybe it's for the best.
This is sad. You're such a nice and humble person and a lot of people here appreciate that. What you wrote to me helped me a lot. But I understand your point very well on the other hand.
 
I think I am not really stable in the moment and in a crises often. I fear, that ppl might have hard time with me. I feel depressed and suicidal and it feels like I run in circles. I see no progress. Not really. All these years fighting suicidal thoughts is really exhausting.
 
Yeah I have to sadly 🙃 watch out 2023 they’ll be a yummy half brain mummy on the scene 😅🥳

I mean, to each their own, and it's none of my business, but you're still young - you don't want to take some more time to just hang out with friends and do stuff like that first?

Especially since the pandemic is still on. Don't you want to have one last hurrah when the world goes back to how it was and fully opens up again?
 
I mean, to each their own, and it's none of my business, but you're still young - you don't want to take some more time to just hang out with friends and do stuff like that first?

Especially since the pandemic is still on. Don't you want to have one last hurrah when the world goes back to how it was and fully opens up again?
Nah I want my babys, a purpose … I hate feeling so directionless, I dont wanna have kids old and struggle, i just want a swift transition 😅
 
Nah I want my babys, a purpose … I hate feeling so directionless, I dont wanna have kids old and struggle, i just want a swift transition 😅

Gotcha. I don't like feeling directionless either, I want a purpose too.

I guess I'm just looking for a different one, is all.

Namely - I want to get good at something I think is cool, get into a romantic relationship, collect the stuff I want and get a puppy.
 
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Nah I want my babys, a purpose … I hate feeling so directionless, I dont wanna have kids old and struggle, i just want a swift transition 😅
It might feel that way, but like anyone your age you've still got some mental maturing to do (does that sound condescending enough?) The reality of changing nappies while others your age are still out having fun... you might want to think longer about it,
 
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yeah I tried that but it's hard. This is where I realize it takes one person to ruin everything as illogical as it may sound. They will never leave but I can and maybe it's for the best.
If you mean leave here, then I can only say that I don't want you to leave and I think it would be a big loss to this site. Maybe take a break and see what happens?
 

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