Is it always important to understand "why?"

[Nice But Dim Jim]

Why? has caused me great pain over the past 18 months.

I have yet to get an answer why my ex treated me so badly for our last 6/7months together. All I got were excuses and very hurtful comments that have wounded me badly.

[perfanoff]

Have you ever been in a relationship and some issue came up between the two of you, and even though your partner explained WHY it was an issue, you still just didnt "get" it? Meaning, you simply couldn't fathom why it was such a big deal to them?

Do you think it's more important to understand why they think like they do on the matter, or is it more important to simply understand that it's important to THEM?
Thoughts?

I know what you mean Eve.

Maybe you understand why they feel that way.. but you just can't make yourself relate to it and truly accept it.

I think it's important to really understand.. but sometimes you have to be true to yourself, respect them for being who they are but acknowledge you're different.

For example. I have a friend who has a condescending attitude to women. Sharing very intimate details about his "consort" as he calls her, making a video of having sex with her and showing it around. Shit like that. I can understand why he does it, but I can never accept it for myself as a right thing to do, yet it doesn't prevent me from being friends with him. Now in relationship.. where people are partners, there is dependency, and I might be able to compromise on small things but even if I understand or not why she does or wants things that I cannot accept.. I simply couldn't accept them.

[Evil_Genius]

I have often been in that issue. Sometimes I discover the source is MUCH more disturbing then ignorance, but then it's something that needs faced, otherwise it's going to manifest in darker ways.

[Dissident]

Have you ever been in a relationship and some issue came up between the two of you, and even though your partner explained WHY it was an issue, you still just didnt "get" it? Meaning, you simply couldn't fathom why it was such a big deal to them?

Do you think it's more important to understand why they think like they do on the matter, or is it more important to simply understand that it's important to THEM?
Thoughts?

Constantly. In spite of my issues I am very anti-dramatic in relationships. I am very patient in areas that would drive others insane, but I have a few pet peeves. My girlfriend expects me to retain a complete record of absolutely everything I've done over the course of the day for reiteration upon my arrival home. If I leave out anything from the reiteration but it's brought up again at a later point, I get nagged because I didn't bring it up sooner. Apparently "It wasn't important to tell you about it then" is not a valid answer to her.