Ignore This Thread. My Problems Are A Joke.

Update: Never mind. Everyone else's problems are way more important. Feel free to read if your bored though.

Everyday is a repeat of the day before. I use the computer which takes up a good chunk of my day, then play video games,watch tv and read. Those things are fine but they don't take up enough of my day so I just lay around bored and lonely. I do talk to people on skype but it doesn't last long. I don't have much in common with most of my contacts so almost all conversations are short or ignored. 5+ hour time difference with almost everyone on my list doesn't help either. There is one person that I really can relate to that I met on a penpal site but he has better and more important things to do than to sign in so I'll be lucky if he signs in once every 3 weeks. Every time I find someone I really connect with they are either too busy for me, they disappear or things go fine for a while then suddenly I am erased from their friend list without a word. It already happened over four times. Starting at 12 years old, I've been into all sorts of social sites. Myspace, facebook, twitter, roleplaying sites, penpal sites, played a few mmorpgs for years. Sure I made a lot of acquaintances for a little while but it never lasted. Everyone found better things to do and better people to talk with.

I could handle being lonely if I had very time consuming stuff to distract me from my loneliness but I don't. I'm currently looking for a job, went on a few interviews that I think went well but I know they aren't going to call back which is a bummer. If I only had a job and no friends I would be okay because at least I would have some purpose in life. I'm starting to think everything has already been decided for us. Everyone is like "Oh you can shape your own destiny." but that's not true. It's already been decided. What your lifestyle will be like, what kind of job you have, what friends you'll have, all decided. Some of us can try to stray from our destined path and some of us will succeed but most of us will fail. Regardless of how far you stray from the path and how much you wish it wasn't so you'll just end up back on it regardless of what you do. That doesn't mean I'll give up though because I have nothing else to do, might as well keep going but I know it's futile. Looking back at everything, not a lot in this world matters. I guess I should be content as long as I have my basic needs met (food, water, shelter) and asking for anything else is greedy. Everyone is going to leave eventually. They HAVE to either by dying or walking away everyone has to leave.

I've learned to ignore my loneliness and have been doing it almost all my life but lately it's been getting harder and harder to ignore so some advice would be useful. Please don't give me advice like "Go out and meet people" because I tried and that isn't possible. I live in New York and almost everyone there acts the same in order to blend in and not get left behind. There really isn't much need to go outside. I don't have money or anyone to hang out with. Taking walks would be pointless as well. Everywhere very interesting requires a car or taking a bus to get to. Walking around the neighborhood there isn't nothing much except apartment buildings, a junior high school with an empty playground, Rite Aid, Walgreens, Subways, an "outdated" library, Post Office and a shopping center that mainly caters to the needs of the elderly and working adults. The mall has a lotto store, a gift card store, a shoe store, Key food, Rainbow, outlet store, wig store, hair/nail salon, hardware store, 1 restaurant I won't eat at in fear I might jeopardize my health, and a chinese food restaurant. I've been to the mall many times and it doesn't have a lot that interests me. My mom and big sister usually makes me go out with them twice a week but it's not to anywhere fun or vaguely interesting and there is no getting out of it. What to do? Should I just try harder to ignore my loneliness or find a way to put myself into a more semi conscious state to the point nothing will faze me and I can go through life completely uncaring and oblivious to what happens to me and what happens around me? Any helpful advice would be appreciated. I don't care if it's harsh as long as it is helpful. I have a mother who is nothing but harsh. It's fine if you think this thread is idiotic because I kinda think so too.

Well, you can always message me when I'm online (which is 94% the time) if you ever need anyone to talk to, even if I might not be the most relateable person out there .

It may not help, but I can relate to nearly everything you have written.

When you find a job you'll most likely find new people.

I'm always on your skype to chat with already, and the time gap between us ain't too bad.

Read the book "The Hundred Year Old Man". You will probably not feel bored.

I am sorry that you are lonely. But, what is it you really would like out of life? It sounds like you at least have some family support in a mother and sister so you are not completely alone. You sound pretty young, so why would you discount getting a job? Nobody can tell you what your purpose in life should be or what you should be doing. Only you can do that. On the surface ,it sounds like you are spending way too much time on 'media" such as the computer, video games, TV, etc. There are tons of things you could learn. If you allow yourself to become curious with an inquisitive mind, you can find many things that are interesting and fun. Could you learn to play the guitar for instance or some instrument? That is relaxing, fun and also stimulating as well. Is there a theater club you could join? Or, could volunteer at a church soup kitchen or something?
As for finding a job, you only need ONE job. Keep applying. But, you have to put on a "Game Face" for work. You have to show up with Game Face of enthusiasm and positivity and energy, even IF you dont' feel that, that is partly what employers are going to expect from you. And, when you do get a job, determine to do it well, even if it seems like a menial job, a job well done is very satisfying to one's soul.

Don't downplay the importance of your problems. Sure, probably someone else out there has it worse, but that's true for everyone.

I can relate to most of what you have written.
What I found works for me is to try and enjoy what I have. Sure I may not have many friends, but a simple PM or good morning on ALL is enough to make me smile and go through the day.
And giving up on changing your life surely won't cause it to change. I know it's difficult and most (but I don't really know about that) fail, but that's no reason to go down without a fight.

As for loneliness.. that can be difficult to handle. In my case ALL is more than I could hope for, but of course it can't be the same for everyone.
Well, if there's really no place interesting where you are, the only solutions are either going further or staying home and do things/meet people online.
Penpals may be nice?

And anyways I always believe that "semi-conscious state" you mentioned to be bad... I prefer suffering to being a puppet of life, with no will of my own. Because then.. would I even be living?

delledonne11 said:

I am sorry that you are lonely. But, what is it you really would like out of life? It sounds like you at least have some family support in a mother and sister so you are not completely alone. You sound pretty young, so why would you discount getting a job? Nobody can tell you what your purpose in life should be or what you should be doing. Only you can do that. On the surface ,it sounds like you are spending way too much time on 'media" such as the computer, video games, TV, etc. There are tons of things you could learn. If you allow yourself to become curious with an inquisitive mind, you can find many things that are interesting and fun. Could you learn to play the guitar for instance or some instrument? That is relaxing, fun and also stimulating as well. Is there a theater club you could join? Or, could volunteer at a church soup kitchen or something?
As for finding a job, you only need ONE job. Keep applying. But, you have to put on a "Game Face" for work. You have to show up with Game Face of enthusiasm and positivity and energy, even IF you dont' feel that, that is partly what employers are going to expect from you. And, when you do get a job, determine to do it well, even if it seems like a menial job, a job well done is very satisfying to one's soul.

Click to expand...

I don't want much in life. No dreams and no hope for the future. I just want to have the money needed to support myself, maybe buy a few things I want and pay rent. My mom is the most emotionally abusive person I know so I definitely won't be coming to her for any problems unless I really have no choice. My sister and I get along pretty decent I guess...not as well as before though. I can't come to her with problems either. I know from multiple experiences that my mom and my sister are both egotistical people that only care about their own problems. That's true...but at least with a job I know there would be a reason for me being there. I have no purpose at home besides doing the chores my mom and sister gives me because I'm not doing anything important and they see that so they give me chores to do. I don't have much to do besides play video games, use the computer, read and watch tv so that's all I do. That is a good idea though... I do have a guitar I got a long time ago that I don't know how to play. I suppose I could find some online lessons on youtube or something and if the amplifier has a slot for headphones I could play every now and then. I don't know about joining a club though. My mom will give me a hard time if she feels I'm going out too often. I'll keep looking for a job but I'll probably end up streaming online or going to trade school... I don't mind either one. Thanks for reading and responding even though you didn't have to.

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Wayfarer said:

Don't downplay the importance of your problems. Sure, probably someone else out there has it worse, but that's true for everyone.

I can relate to most of what you have written.
What I found works for me is to try and enjoy what I have. Sure I may not have many friends, but a simple PM or good morning on ALL is enough to make me smile and go through the day.
And giving up on changing your life surely won't cause it to change. I know it's difficult and most (but I don't really know about that) fail, but that's no reason to go down without a fight.

As for loneliness.. that can be difficult to handle. In my case ALL is more than I could hope for, but of course it can't be the same for everyone.
Well, if there's really no place interesting where you are, the only solutions are either going further or staying home and do things/meet people online.
Penpals may be nice?

And anyways I always believe that "semi-conscious state" you mentioned to be bad... I prefer suffering to being a puppet of life, with no will of my own. Because then.. would I even be living?

Click to expand...

That's true. I only downplay problems that doesn't have a solution and my problem is one of those.

I do enjoy what I do but it gets tedious to do the same things everyday. I know giving up won't solve my problem but I believe nothing can. I already been ignoring my loneliness for almost my whole life so I don't have a problem for doing it for the rest of my life. When ignoring loneliness gets hard I'll just try harder. Like I said in another thread you don't get what you want in life because you want it. Sure I would love to have friends and maybe a boyfriend but that's not gonna happen because it's not meant to happen so I'll just live with that. I met penpals on sites before but it's all redundant. They have to go away eventually so that's what they're going to do. I don't really have a choice but to make contacts as I lose them and when I get tired of that I'll just stop using all social sites and skype for good.

Is that so? I guess you're tougher than me then. I'm not exactly "living" life either. I'm just going through it because I know dying would mean no video games and eating food. Thanks for reading and responding when you didn't have to.

Loneliness and boredom are no joke. I can relate to what you are saying. I used to say that my life was like a sensory deprivation tank.

Time is actually your ally. You are very young.

You said:
...
I'm starting to think everything has already been decided for us. Everyone is like "Oh you can shape your own destiny." but that's not true. It's already been decided. What your lifestyle will be like, what kind of job you have, what friends you'll have, all decided. Some of us can try to stray from our destined path and some of us will succeed but most of us will fail. Regardless of how far you stray from the path and how much you wish it wasn't so you'll just end up back on it regardless of what you do.
...

I'm here to tell you that you CAN change a lot, ok not everything, but a lot about your life. But it takes time, and in a lot of ways it takes courage, because when you stray from the "safe" path (which is any path that is the one they shove under your nose and tell you to accept) it is scary! For me it was, and a lot of the time still is really scary. But at least it's *my* scary, and not someone else's death-of-spirit that I swallowed.

It's really bad that your Mom is abusive. I'm so sorry you have that.

Like delledonne11 said, "allow yourself to become curious with an inquisitive mind". This is a really useful thing to be and makes life more fun. This is something that you do have control over, your own curious mind.

Sometimes said:

Loneliness and boredom are no joke. I can relate to what you are saying. I used to say that my life was like a sensory deprivation tank.

Time is actually your ally. You are very young.

You said:
...
I'm starting to think everything has already been decided for us. Everyone is like "Oh you can shape your own destiny." but that's not true. It's already been decided. What your lifestyle will be like, what kind of job you have, what friends you'll have, all decided. Some of us can try to stray from our destined path and some of us will succeed but most of us will fail. Regardless of how far you stray from the path and how much you wish it wasn't so you'll just end up back on it regardless of what you do.
...

I'm here to tell you that you CAN change a lot, ok not everything, but a lot about your life. But it takes time, and in a lot of ways it takes courage, because when you stray from the "safe" path (which is any path that is the one they shove under your nose and tell you to accept) it is scary! For me it was, and a lot of the time still is really scary. But at least it's *my* scary, and not someone else's death-of-spirit that I swallowed.

It's really bad that your Mom is abusive. I'm so sorry you have that.

Like delledonne11 said, "allow yourself to become curious with an inquisitive mind". This is a really useful thing to be and makes life more fun. This is something that you do have control over, your own curious mind.

Click to expand...

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I'll consider them if one day I decide that ignoring my problems isn't the right thing to do.

*big hugs*

I've been in similar ruts. I think a lot of us probably have. Like you said a job would help a ton. I went full on NEET for three years after dropping out of college. It wasn't pretty. A lot of MMOs and sitting in my room all day finding ways to get to where I could go to sleep again. I decided that playing a lot of videos games is a sign for me that things are starting to get bad again. Starting to work again was what helped start things in a better direction.

Things still suck and the loneliness is still constantly there for me, but having things to do helps out a ton.

Lately though I havn't been doing much in my free time either. Not as much as I used to. I put on movies or music and then sleep for a few hours. Surf the web, think about playing games but decide that laying down is easier. Get up and eat some food, put something else on and sleep some more. Then a week passes. Then a month. Then a few months...

Every so often I get to hang out with some friends and have a pretty good time. This is a luxury I only dreamed about having a few years ago. It helps out a ton by changing things up a little.

I hope you can find a job soon.