a question for native English speakers

There's a new guy in my company and already every dislikes him. I won't go into details, but one reason that I personally dislikes him is because he swears a lot. I sit next to him in an open office and I keep hearing (sorry)"*******", "honeysuckle" (these two words he uses the most)

I can understand if this's in a group of best friends, but this is in a company with people he knows for a few months.

And this maybe just a culture thing, but even in a group of best friends, we (me, people in my country...) don't use swear words. Occasionally, yes, but not every single hour. People who do that are considered rude and uncivil/uneducated.

So I would like to ask native English speakers that, would you consider this a normal behavior ?

Not normal in a professional setting. You'd get fired for doing that in most of the places I've worked.

None of my co-workers are like that. I don't know how normal it is but i would consider it to be in poor taste.

I've worked in offices and although no one swore all the time, I don't think anyone would have cared if they did. If you're not front facing staff and dealing directly with the public then I don't see why it's a problem. They're only words, if they're not being directed at you as an insult, then it's not worth getting worked up over.

There's a reason we teach kids not to swear. It does reflex people's personalities. If it's only words, why don't you and other people you know use it?

Hearing it even it's not directly as me, is like someone forcing porn photos as my face, except for closing my ears is much harder than closing my eyes.

It in no way reflects anyone's personality. I'm a perfectly reasonable, tolerant and well educated man and I have no problem with swearing whatsoever. If you dislike your colleague swearing in your presence, then all you have to do is tell him this and I'm sure he'll be happy to curtail his language when he is around you.

miadora said:

There's a reason we teach kids not to swear. It does reflex people's personalities.

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Totally disagree. I worked with a woman, Katie, who had a heart of gold, would help anyone at any time and treated me like a son. We bonded instantly and she would invite me over for dinner a couple times a month just to talk and vent about work. She treated me like I was family.

But here's the kicker, this sweet woman in her late 60's, from Jersey as she would say, could cuss like a sailor and did so many times a day. We found it amusing, to be honest. Of course, she never did it in front of front office or board of director types. Katie was very well liked amongst staff and her "potty mouth" was not even in relation to the type of person she was. One of the few people that could invade my personal space and I would never complain. She passed away six years ago and I still think about her on a weekly basis. She made an impact on my life...and to this day I also cuss like a sailor thanks to her ...kidding, sort of.

I hate that personally, you shouldn't curse in a professional setting like that.

There was a guy who worked with me who had a problem with cursing, even in front of customers. Now grant you many were construction workers and the like so most of them curse up a storm anyway. But around customers where is wasn't appropriate I had an issue with and had to ask him not to be swearing. I never really swore when we had customers who used it as part of their everyday language, it just wasn't professional. I can't stand when people do that in public, curse every other word. It just shows a lack of class and respect for others, especially when there are little children around.

Thankfully around here you can go to Walmart and not hear a lot of cursing from people, most seem respectful of others. Even when a father had to tell his son to stop holding his penis, he used the proper term and didn't use a slang word.

beautiful loser said:

miadora said:

There's a reason we teach kids not to swear. It does reflex people's personalities.

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Totally disagree. I worked with a woman, Katie, who had a heart of gold, would help anyone at any time and treated me like a son. We bonded instantly and she would invite me over for dinner a couple times a month just to talk and vent about work. She treated me like I was family.

But here's the kicker, this sweet woman in her late 60's, from Jersey as she would say, could cuss like a sailor and did so many times a day

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It does reflex her personality. It shows that she's a casual and open hearted person. I never said it reflex bad personally.

I bet she didn't "bullshit" you the first time she meet you, just like she won't do it in front office. She swears with other coworkers because she consider you her friends/best friends /family...and as I said, that's understandable.

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Cavey said:

It in no way reflects anyone's personality. I'm a perfectly reasonable, tolerant and well educated man and I have no problem with swearing whatsoever. If you dislike your colleague swearing in your presence, then all you have to do is tell him this and I'm sure he'll be happy to curtail his language when he is around you.

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That's the problem, he won't listen. And that is a reason people hate him. But as I said I won't go into details about this, I just wanted to know if native English speakers actually do this. Apparently not in a professional environment. Even you admit that you haven't meet anyone like that.
I don't intend to offend you, not in anyway, this is just out of curiosity. Even if it's not directly at you, what do you think if a new (and I mean new, as in 1 day new, not someone you know for years) coworker says this to you "god that's a shitty idea, what the fresia are they thinking? Do they believe this ******* honeysuckle will work?" (not that he actually said this, but you get the point). Do you actually consider this normal? Again this's just curiosity.

As everyone else said, it's not appropriate in a professional setting. Have you ever talked to him about it?

The words you use don't reflect your personality, IMO. They are just words. Yes, some people are offended by them, but so what, everyone is offended by something.

TheRealCallie said:

As everyone else said, it's not appropriate in a professional setting. Have you ever talked to him about it?

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I'm not asking for advice on this matter, I just want to know what English speakers actually think about this. Because I couldn't believe a new employee, still in his trial period, does this in an open office with about 50 people. He "*******" with the team leader all the time (the one who has the authority to judge him after his trial). I mean I was like "how dare he does that? Do English speaker normally do that?". I won't be surprised if it was the team leader himself, because he has been here for years, is pretty close to other team members, and knows all people in the office. (even though I still feel annoyed, I admit, but it won't bother me as much)

And then I found an interesting opinion here.

TheRealCallie said:

The words you use don't reflect your personality, IMO. They are just words. Yes, some people are offended by them, but so what, everyone is offended by something.

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So I could go around referring all women as "c*nt", "p*ssy", "c*m dumpster"..., and all men as "*sshole", "b*stard", "f*g"...? Like "This's c*nts day and all the p*ssies in my office get a flower". And that wouldn't make me come of as a creep? Why don't people who have this opinion (and it doesn't seem to be a minor group) allow kids to swear? Or you actually do?

Just as others agreed it's not suitable for a professional place, I agreed in a casual environment, swearing occasionally is not a crime. It's perfectly normal to scream "honeysuckle! this's ******* hot!" when you taste hot coffee. But why doesn't this reflex your personality?

I'm not saying I don't swear, I do, but again not every single hour. When someone does this every single hour, I believe it does says something about him. Either he's open minded (like Katie), a sailor, or a rude person, it does show his personality.

This opinion just surprises me. But it's getting interesting here.

Oh when I said "uneducated", I was translating it directly from my language. Education here does mean "school/studying..." but also refer to the way you family, your parents, your dependant... teach you how to behave. "Uneducated" is a way to say you have no manners. Or just like Sci-Fi said

Sci-Fi said:

It just shows a lack of class and respect for others,

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Words matter and we all make judgments about others based on the words they use, or the accent they have or the language they speak. We speak differently to a 2 year old than we do to adults. Whether someone curses is one piece of their personality. To say interpersonal communication doesn't reflect personality is naïve, in my opinion.
I have to admit that my initial reaction to someone who swears a lot is that they are rude and aggressive. It's a turnoff. And directing curse words at others (b*tch, c*nt, etc) is abusive.
But I have a few close friends who drop a 4 letter word in here and there but usually it's in a joking context not angry or aggressive. And the kids aren't around.

-Teresa

I think I agree with what most people has said here, that it's not very professional to use that sort of language in a professional setting. However I do realise that in my experience, some people do that because they feel comfortable enough and to me, personally I am okay with it just as long as they don't hurl those words at me or at anyone else as an insult.

I will tell them that it's inappropriate if they keep using it in front of clients or during inappropriate settings but if it was just among each other, I think I can be understanding and accepting enough to let him be himself or herself around me.

That said, if I was in your position though and I feel uncomfortable around someone like that, I would avoid that person or tell them that the way they talk makes it a little unpleasant. If he doesn't listen, I seriously hope I can put on my headphones at work then. :s

I also have to say that I wouldn't really accept this behaviour in children or youngsters who are just using the language to offend people or to feel like a cool kid. I would tell them off if that were the case (as I have done many many times back when I was teaching teenagers in school and having to teach them appropriate manners and speech).

I swear all the time. I have no problem with it whatsoever. I'm not aggressive and I'm not angry, nor does it point to my lack of intellect. It's just the way things are here. I find the context in which words are used offensive, but never the words themselves; they're 'tools' to enable us to get our point across... like any other word.

If someone calls me a 'see you next Tuesday', then we're going to have a problem; if they use the word in order to communicate just how pissed off they are, then I have no problem with it.

Having said all this, I do not swear in front of children and I will not swear in the presence of someone that would rather I didn't. I certainly wouldn't be swearing in front of customers either.

Cavey said:

It in no way reflects anyone's personality. I'm a perfectly reasonable, tolerant and well educated man and I have no problem with swearing whatsoever. If you dislike your colleague swearing in your presence, then all you have to do is tell him this and I'm sure he'll be happy to curtail his language when he is around you.

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I would have to agree with this. Although, in a work environment, it's a bit odd the guy just blurts cuss words out. If he doesn't have enough sense to stop it on his own, then someone there should say something to him. Perhaps it's not appropriate for the work place, but in other areas of life, I see no problem with it. But professionally, I can certainly understand where someone would be a bit uncomfortable with it.

Cavey said:

It in no way reflects anyone's personality. I'm a perfectly reasonable, tolerant and well educated man and I have no problem with swearing whatsoever. If you dislike your colleague swearing in your presence, then all you have to do is tell him this and I'm sure he'll be happy to curtail his language when he is around you.

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I agree with Cavey.

Everybody swears in my workplace, even the women. (And some say the C word)
In the warehouse not on the shop floor in front of customers though.

It's normal. As long as people don't swear too much. Some people say '*******' at the start of every sentence. These people are usually as thick as pig honeysuckle. I've never encountered that in the workplace though. The ex boss swore all the time and nobody was bothered.

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SofiasMami said:

Words matter and we all make judgments about others based on the words they use, or the accent they have or the language they speak. We speak differently to a 2 year old than we do to adults. Whether someone curses is one piece of their personality. To say interpersonal communication doesn't reflect personality is naïve, in my opinion.
I have to admit that my initial reaction to someone who swears a lot is that they are rude and aggressive. It's a turnoff. And directing curse words at others (b*tch, c*nt, etc) is abusive.
But I have a few close friends who drop a 4 letter word in here and there but usually it's in a joking context not angry or aggressive. And the kids aren't around.

-Teresa

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I don't swear in front of children or in my everyday speech.
I swear in temper or maybe when I am telling a funny story. It always gets a laugh.

miadora said:

And this maybe just a culture thing, but even in a group of best friends, we (me, people in my country...) don't use swear words. Occasionally, yes, but not every single hour. People who do that are considered rude and uncivil/uneducated.

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May i ask if this person is native to your culture? It would seem that even if he is from someplace that likes to throw out obscenities all day long, that there would be an attempt to alter that behavior if they found themselves in a culture or even a work environment where the people found it inappropriate.

Minus said:

May i ask if this person is native to your culture? It would seem that even if he is from someplace that likes to throw out obscenities all day long, that there would be an attempt to alter that behavior if they found themselves in a culture or even a work environment where the people found it inappropriate.

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That's why people hate him. He doesn't want to change to fit us but rather the other way around, that we must understand his culture (without him even talk about it) and pamper him.

Anyway, to answer your question, I don't know how long has he been in my country, but with this attitude, I would say he's both new to our culture in specific and work environment in general.