Not feeling 'good' enough

Hey there all,

I was picking up something from the pharmacy today and was helped by a lady who I guess I'd found pretty attractive. However, ever since my ex broke up with me, I just feel like I'd never have a chance of finding someone again and am filled with a sort of sadness. Seeing someone I like sort of triggers this. Does anybody else get these moments of the sinking feeling inside?

I couldn't say is the same for me. But my entire life I've felt the inadequacy that it was implanted in me. Sometimes I see a girl on the bus or walking in the street and feel this too. Like I'm just an observer of a different reality. Like if they walk in a different realm or we were from totally different species. I wouldn't say that I don't feel "good enough" (even when I've probably consider it too) but what I feel is not being normal enough. Not in a bad sense, since I'm not some weirdo, but in the sense I don'¡t have an average way of seing the world and I don't connect with the vast mayority of people. many guys just have an unilateral way of dealing with their needs and they just go for it. There's no planing or insight in their decisions. Let aside the stereotypes and the envy I feel for not being more simple-minded, I'm not ashamed to say I resent the way I was predisposed to be; to behave. In a way I feel I don't present a very attractive set of qualities to women; both physical and social. Or at least not attractive enough in comparison with the popular demographic of behavior. I can take that in both ways, I can say I'm not good enough, and that's is technically correct in the context of fitting in. Or I can say I'm actually better from what they actually want, and many times I've felt like I was better than most people. I was more kind and generous, I was more tolerant and understandig, I was more open-minded and accepting. I was willing to forgive and love people regardless of what they think and do. I was always willing to put other people before me and I honestly thought this was the Holy Grail of reciprocation. I actually believed that if I behaved this way I would be given back so much. I though that if I was considerate and generous to girls, they would pass my exterior looks and see how great I was, and that love would come along like a river. I though that if I always did things with the best dissposition, meritocracy would come and and grant me all the success I deserved. Until today I keep doing this things. Sure, I'm less of all the things I listed, because constant faliure and rejection have deteriorated the good person I was. I can feel how I get rotten by the years and how I'm less willing to have hope in my happiness. I've been very patient during my life but I'm runing out of it. So I don't really feel I'm not good enough, I'm just too different to fit the commom mold of "someone to love".

Cheers Xpendable. That's an interesting perspective. I'm sorry it hasn't had the payoffs you wanted yet. I guess I'm predisposed to be a 'nice,' guy like yourself. Not that it really got me anywhere.

In a way but what is scary is that I am not even aware of it. It has been super destructive in my life. I swear I am seriously far gone. My entire life I have succeeded wildly and then, chosen to take that success and flush it down the toilet. Though I am not even aware I am doing it. Clearly my head is stuck at a certain "level" and I think that is all I am capable of... so I choose those things. I have and I continue to have people interested in me but, I am simply not able to tell. And if they confront me with it... I am unable to conceive of it. My platonic attitude tells someone who is interested not to attempt more as it won't be received well and they try, and they try, and I don't get it... It is the same with my career; I like to achieve more than expected and be like "see" I can do it... and then, be like, well I don't want to be be too "braggy" and choose a job that doesn't fit with the success. So the job rather reduces the success. Doesn't matter if you achieved a lot, if you are working as a waitress, that is how you will be treated. People think I should try for more but I convince myself I can't and then, they do it and they aren't even as good as I am.

Interesting Sutton. Do you feel you are stuck at that certain level because you feel disillusioned?

Why do you think you approach romance platonically? Same reason?

I have felt that way for just about as long as I can remember
Some times the feeling is stronger than others
When it gets strong a lifetime of certain events flood back

Unfortunately it takes me to a dark place

Sorry to hear that BadGuy. I hear you.

this is a feeling I've struggled with my entire life - As soon as things get even a little bit dicey - or I interpret a glance or contact through my personal lense---I withdraw - retreat and try to survive by removing myself. experience has taught me that it hurts less. I'm not sure if that is accurate or not - or if it actually hurts more. it's protection and self preservation. as soon as I get a glimmer of it- the sting is so strong - I retreat. something that I guess I need to work on - but hard to do if you're trying to not get hurt and used to always being hurt - but still something I work on.