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Confession
#11
(01-18-2017, 09:46 PM)Skyless Wrote:
(01-18-2017, 07:58 PM)trouble79 Wrote: Some of the stuff on those pick up websites about a social hierarchy of alphas and betas and omegas. It's as poisonous as Facebook and tinder for your confidence and comparing yourself. I've shut those down by the way. 

Exercising. Constructive and fulfilling hobbies and relationships. All good and I know that's the way to go. I'm depressed and stuck in a rut.

You're not wrong, think about the people who typically use that terminology, do the ones not directly selling you on something seem like particularly happy people to you? Did you ever wonder why no one out there in the real world actually uses this terminology?

It's a trap and worse it's an automatically limiting, oversimplified and skewed view of reality. No use for that mindset. 

The two most productive things you have in life are choices and the time in front. Use both for full effect :) You have nothing to prove to anyone and nothing to make up for, what you have is the freedom to make the life you want, use every last drop :)
I'm trying. Cutting back on all the dead weight piece by piece. I've effectively stopped watching television. I spent too much time watching TV in childhood and it messed up my social skills. Then I carried on because I didn't know any better. Shopping and looking at a screen all the time were never a substitute for a normal life.

Thanks for being patient with me, my mind has been a mess and I don't know what else to do. Being depressed does make you self absorbed, that's how it works I think. 

I could look really good if I could lost a bit of weight and started working out. Even now I could pass for 25-30. That could kick off a positive feedback loop with my confidence.  
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#12
Why the large text? Did you really want to drive that part home? Wink hehe

What are you up to now with the cutback in TV? how are the life changes working out?

I'm not sure if you are talking about actual depression or feeling very dissatisfied and unfulfilled, but in any case, yes ruminating and hyperfocusing on yourself does tend to throw you off balance. You tend to see problems and mire down in fears and shortcomings that the vast majority of people wouldn't even notice let alone care about.

For sure, fitness helps you feel healthy, more awake, alert, more clear of mind, helps with mood, memory and adds a bit of structure to various routines, just don't wrap all your confidence around just working out to look good. Sure it will be nice and another thing to be proud of yourself for, but it's just one peice of a pie Smile
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried Toungue
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#13
(01-17-2017, 09:08 AM)trouble79 Wrote: I woke up. My depression, anxiety, jealousy, resentment, regret and anger took over. You're a loser, a failure, unloveable, unlikeable. You've wasted your life. This is it, you'll die with nothing. 

I think all those things in my mind every time I wake up.
I'd hate to be homeless and starve to death. Death should at least be quick and painless.
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#14
(01-24-2017, 11:22 PM)Skyless Wrote: Why the large text? Did you really want to drive that part home? Wink hehe

What are you up to now with the cutback in TV? how are the life changes working out?

I'm not sure if you are talking about actual depression or feeling very dissatisfied and unfulfilled, but in any case, yes ruminating and hyperfocusing on yourself does tend to throw you off balance. You tend to see problems and mire down in fears and shortcomings that the vast majority of people wouldn't even notice let alone care about.

For sure, fitness helps you feel healthy, more awake, alert, more clear of mind, helps with mood, memory and adds a bit of structure to various routines, just don't wrap all your confidence around just working out to look good. Sure it will be nice and another thing to be proud of yourself for, but it's just one peice of a pie Smile
1. I was typing on my phone. Not deliberate. 
2. The TV thing was a kind of angry catharsis. I'm sure the time I free up will be a benefit to me. I might learn a language, go to the gym, take some online courses. I joined Meetup but I don't have enough money to go out at the moment. Another thing that annoys me is people saying my going out days should be over and I'm too old. Usually  people with partners and families and careers. Like I should just give up and accept my place on the scrapheap. 
3. You have a better way with words than I do. All of that is true. 
4. My main motivation is looking good and working on my confidence. Everything else is a bonus. Probably to the same end.
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#15
I'm glad to hear you are still making progress Smile Ultimately it's you who has to take the steps you need to, but it's also you who will reap the benefits. Who cares what anyone says, you aren't beholden to anyone, not to them, not to me, just yourself. You know what you want, go take it and don't stop. No its not going to be easy, it's going to take time and it's going to take work and knowledge, but don't think for a moment that won't bring you exactly what you want to build.

Good luck man,

Cheers Smile
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried Toungue
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