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fear of abandonment in relationship
#1
i've been dating a guy since april this year. he's very sweet and i have developed some very intense feelings towards him, we are in a long-distance relationship - whenever we are physically together i feel content and i generally don't doubt our relationship, but whenever we spend more than 2 weeks apart i get very paranoid and fearful. if he doesn't message me for a day i always jump to conclusions that he doesn't care for me, he isn't thinking of me, he will leave me etc... this results in me being passive aggressive towards him and trying to text him less often, as i thought that being less clingy myself would make me feel less bad that he isn't openly clingy... i've talked to him about it numerous times and he is making an effort, in my bad moments he always reassures me that he does actually care for me and misses me, yet it still hurts me whenever we cancel plans or can't meet up due to his university assignments, work etc as there's a voice in my head that always tells me that i am just not important enough to him. i realise this is quite childish, as i can't expect someone to drop all of their responsibilites for me, but it feels like i can't control these intrusive negative thoughts and my unhealthy dependancy on him 

i'm not sure where i am going with this, i just wanted to get it off my chest...
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#2
I am definitely not the person to offer advice right now, but i just wanted to send yiu the HUGEST of hugs, as i do know what that feels like. Xxx
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#3
I am exactly the same! My self-confidence is so low at times Im scared my SO will fall for someone who is smarter and funnier than me and it frightens me because I'm worried it would crush me.
A couple of lovely clever people on here told me that I should trust in his decision to pick me as a worthy girlfriend, and that if i feel love resonating when we're together then we really have a good thing going here! I think this same advice goes to you. We need to tackle these nasty thoughts whenever they pop up. I try to see them as gross bugs which I squish  doesn't always work but I feel better when it does Smile
I hope this is helpful. Drop me a pm if you fancy a chat with another paranoid girl!

B
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#4
It's what usually happens to me. I'll be fearful of losing the person I'm growing attached to, and then yep, they leave.
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#5
I don't know, telos. I've had long distance relationships, and they didn't work out. Sydney is just too far from Hong Kong. I've had short distance ones too, and they were just as bad. My last lady was across town. Now, we trusted each other, and I know there was no infidelity. But your imaginings can play cruel tricks late at night.

I don't know the answer.
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#6
Trust in yourself, if you feel something is off then it might be just the case, but rationalize you're thoughts before jumping to that worst case scenario.
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#7
(12-13-2017, 06:44 AM)Uitelos Wrote: i've been dating a guy since april this year. he's very sweet and i have developed some very intense feelings towards him, we are in a long-distance relationship - whenever we are physically together i feel content and i generally don't doubt our relationship, but whenever we spend more than 2 weeks apart i get very paranoid and fearful. if he doesn't message me for a day i always jump to conclusions that he doesn't care for me, he isn't thinking of me, he will leave me etc... this results in me being passive aggressive towards him and trying to text him less often, as i thought that being less clingy myself would make me feel less bad that he isn't openly clingy... i've talked to him about it numerous times and he is making an effort, in my bad moments he always reassures me that he does actually care for me and misses me, yet it still hurts me whenever we cancel plans or can't meet up due to his university assignments, work etc as there's a voice in my head that always tells me that i am just not important enough to him. i realise this is quite childish, as i can't expect someone to drop all of their responsibilites for me, but it feels like i can't control these intrusive negative thoughts and my unhealthy dependancy on him 

i'm not sure where i am going with this, i just wanted to get it off my chest...

[font=.SF UI Text][font=.SFUIText]Hi... I think it is kind of a late answer but definitely I can understand your worries and your fears.  You need constant assurance that he is still there.   You need some text or message showing you he’s thinking of you.  You sense a lost if he cancels seeing you.  Those to me feel to be a sign of different levels of emotion from what your carrying for him then him carrying them for you.  Do you get a sense he’s secure in the relationship?  Or that he is taking it lightly.  Do you two have any plans to turn this LDR into a close one?   I think you are ready for that step and bring the relation close.  Hope you found a solution.   But it sounds like you are ready.[/font][/font]
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#8
Problem is lack of self love.
________________________________________________________________
Smile   Toungue
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#9
I thought lack of self-love made you unable to be loved.
I'm actually David Blane.
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#10
It comes with multiple features.
________________________________________________________________
Smile   Toungue
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