Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
help me win my wife
#1
I'm writing to you because I'm looking for help. I feel very lonely and do not know how to continue my life. We have been married to my wife for 10 years, and we have been together since 16 years. Then I was 22 and she was 14. I love her almost from the beginning, and at her ... she showed love in the beginning, but she chilled me over the years. We were intimately close to my insistence, but we only did sex when she was 17 years old. We married in a few years, now we have a family, two children together, but my wife does not love me and does not wants me like a man. I feel very lonely and devoid of female warmth.
My wife claims that my impudence and selfishness, wanting intimacy and attention in the early years is the reason for her to withdraw from me. We never had a tumultuous intimate relationship.
I do not know how to do it. Otherwise, I'm fat, and I'm definitely not one of the men most women care about, and it also puts me in a losing position. My wife is a person who keeps the spiritual things, so I think that my appearance should not matter much, but I'm sure he does.
Her biggest pain is that in the early years when she was almost a child, I was looking for her as a woman (we did not have sex but had intimate proximity). Actually it hurt her and I guess can not forgive me.
Either way, we now have no physical proximity for a long time, even though we live together.
I miss so many things and I do not know how to live. There is no option to quit her. I love her and I keep her, too, of the children. I do not want to break my family, but I can not win it.
Give me some advice, I want to be with this woman, this is my wife, I have not had another in my life sexually and I want to stay so.
 
 
At the same time, I'm pretty sexually, and this deprivation makes me crazy.
On the one hand, if I stay away from her so as not to annoy her, do not I risk going further. On the other hand, if I constantly remind myself of myself and being a man, it further suppresses her.
Reply
#2
If she doesn't love you anymore, you may not be able to win her back. But, I don't think you should give up just yet. Why do you want to stay with her? Is it because you find the thought of life without HER to be miserable or simply the thought of being without SOMEONE? You don't have to give me that answer, but it is one you should think about...and think hard about it. It's not an easy question to answer.

First thing I think you should do is start dwelling on your problems with your wife. Worry about you. Find a way to be okay with the possibility of this situation not getting better. Get yourself a life of your own. Go out, get yourself in shape if you are unhappy with your physical appearance. Make friends, get some hobbies, etc etc etc.

And of course, we have your wife. How good are you at romance? You need to "woo" her. Take her out, make her a candlelit dinner, bring her flowers. Show her you care. Show her you pay attention by doing things she likes to do. Show her it's not all about sex or all about you.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM Smile

Much like my signature....
[Image: 25-mnd977rsrs9uy2653fnzrt8zaqezie54jdqs6voa00.jpg]
Reply
#3
Thank you, TheRealCallie for writing. Look, there's no question about me, I know I want to be with this woman only. I can not imagine life without her. I feel it part of myself. The problem is that she does not feel that, she does not appreciate it. I'm pretty romantic, but not just that I'm not approaching her so much, I even annoy her when I try.
I can not accept the thought of life without her. I can not and I do not want to. That's why I have been fighting for 16 years.
Last time, however, we are colder than ever before.
The good thing is that I learned to stay aside to be calm, but even if I look at her for long, or try to touch her, it makes her annoyed.
Reply
#4
(05-17-2018, 12:43 AM)just a man Wrote: Thank you, TheRealCallie for writing. Look, there's no question about me, I know I want to be with this woman only. I can not imagine life without her. I feel it part of myself. The problem is that she does not feel that, she does not appreciate it. I'm pretty romantic, but not just that I'm not approaching her so much, I even annoy her when I try.
I can not accept the thought of life without her. I can not and I do not want to. That's why I have been fighting for 16 years.
Last time, however, we are colder than ever before.
The good thing is that I learned to stay aside to be calm, but even if I look at her for long, or try to touch her, it makes her annoyed.

Once respect is lost, I feel the relationship is lost as well.  Anytime one person has to tell the other person how to treat them, it's really over. She (your wife) resents you and her obligation to being stuck in this relationship and honestly, I don't blame her. However, there are children involved, plus I'm guessing this is a culture that frowns on divorce so it's not an easy fix, especially for a young woman living in this situation.  Marrying young, and to go even further, being in a long term relationship that began at 14 years old....she resents losing her youth to you. A 14 year old doesn't have the life skills or mental/emotional maturity to be in a committed relationship.  That's one big reason why she resents you. She's reflecting back, now that she is more mature, and probably feels you took advantage of her.  Another reason is that she's still young yet, and probably wishes she could get out of this marriage and away from you so she can spread her wings and find out who she is..... Then there's you, puppy-dogging after her, whining about sex and affection. Trying to make her feel guilty - is that what you want? Pity affection? Hell, that's doing more damage to you than anything your wife is doing.  Call a spade a spade, and do what you have to do to allow her to extract herself from this miserable relationship. If you really love her, let her go. 

Then start working on yourself, like Callie mentioned.
Reply
#5
Thank you, morrowrd for sincerity. You're probably right about most things. But it must be borne in mind that I have also given my youth in this connection. I was also not prepared at the beginning and I was constant to the end. I bet everything. I did not want to meet such a young girl, but it happened to me, it's my life, and I'm not ready to destroy it, I want to save it, because no matter how selfish I am, I'm well-meaning to this woman. I feel her as part of myself, how to "cut off" part of myself! The pity is that she does not feel that. Every attempt of me to touch her, in her eyes, is seen as a rough intrusion.

I do not know how to let her go. We have children, it's good to be raised by two parents. And when I see her, my wife, it's hard not to want to be near her.
Reply
#6
(05-17-2018, 05:20 PM)just a man Wrote: Thank you, morrowrd for sincerity. You're probably right about most things. But it must be borne in mind that I have also given my youth in this connection. I was also not prepared at the beginning and I was constant to the end. I bet everything. I did not want to meet such a young girl, but it happened to me, it's my life, and I'm not ready to destroy it, I want to save it, because no matter how selfish I am, I'm well-meaning to this woman. I feel her as part of myself, how to "cut off" part of myself! The pity is that she does not feel that. Every attempt of me to touch her, in her eyes, is seen as a rough intrusion.

I do not know how to let her go. We have children, it's good to be raised by two parents. And when I see her, my wife, it's hard not to want to be near her.

Your entire post pretty much states, you won't let her go if you have anything to do with it.  She doesn't love you anymore, period. Yet, you dismiss what she wants because you are hoping she somehow changes her feelings to become what you want them to become. You say that you're well meaning? Well you aren't, all you care about is keeping her, whether she likes it or not.  And like I mentioned above, using guilt - which is a subtle form of coercion.  Not that you're an abuser, I'm not a fly on the wall, but guilt is one of the tools abusers tend to employ when attempting to keep their victim's from leaving.  (we have children)  So what that you have children - most kids will choose a peaceful home with one parent, over an unhappy home with two parents. You're not doing them any favors.

I hope for her sake, and the sake of your children, that wherever in the world you live, there are resources for young women trapped in marriages they want to get out of.
Reply
#7
I think your opinion is quite extreme, but if it is true ...

All the time I thought my wife had blurred eyes for our relationship for me, but if you turn right, morrowrd, it turns out that with blurred eyes I am. I'm afraid of your words.
Reply
#8
(05-17-2018, 06:38 PM)just a man Wrote: I think your opinion is quite extreme, but if it is true ...

All the time I thought my wife had blurred eyes for our relationship for me, but if you turn right, morrowrd, it turns out that with blurred eyes I am. I'm afraid of your words.
You're afraid of losing her. So what is your purpose for coming on this forum and posting this problem? Are you looking for some sort of advice to help reinforce what you want your wife to do?  Every person on here can post encouraging words that are the ones you want to hear, and in the real world, it won't change anything when it comes to you and your wife.

Sometimes, truth sounds harsh, truth sometimes hurts. What would you rather have though? A mirage?  The sooner you can face things, like the truth, the better.
Reply
#9
(05-17-2018, 12:43 AM)just a man Wrote: Thank you, TheRealCallie for writing. Look, there's no question about me, I know I want to be with this woman only. I can not imagine life without her. I feel it part of myself. The problem is that she does not feel that, she does not appreciate it. I'm pretty romantic, but not just that I'm not approaching her so much, I even annoy her when I try.
I can not accept the thought of life without her. I can not and I do not want to. That's why I have been fighting for 16 years.
Last time, however, we are colder than ever before.
The good thing is that I learned to stay aside to be calm, but even if I look at her for long, or try to touch her, it makes her annoyed.

There is a reason I told you NOT to answer me.  It's not a question you can just answer that quickly.  Of course you are going to say that, of course you want HER and not just someone.  It's not that simple.  It requires deep thought, it requires time to determine what the truth actually is.  I've been there myself and I didn't want to admit it.  I've watched my ex go through it with numerous girlfriends since we split. 

Especially in situations like this, I find that more often than not, it's not the person, it's just someone.  I could be wrong and I'm not saying you don't love her.  I'm saying love isn't always enough and as far as children go, they are NOT a reason to stay together.  You can do more damage than you think if you are both miserable.  The kids can see more than you think they can, even if you think you hide your feelings. 

Give it a last try.  Romance her, woo her, court her....but if it doesn't work, accept it.  Think about yourself.  Make yourself happy without relying on someone else to do it for you.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM Smile

Much like my signature....
[Image: 25-mnd977rsrs9uy2653fnzrt8zaqezie54jdqs6voa00.jpg]
Reply
#10
The situation is such that romance will only complicate things. Because my wife is tired of whatever I do for her.
You are very helpful here. Thank you for your time.
For now, I have decided to step back, but not with insult. I want to give her some air. I do not think at this stage to rush to anything. I really want my wife to be as happy as possible.
I'm obsessive, I want to help her feel free. I have to fight myself.
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Wife cheated on me - not sure what to do now h3donist 35 5,060 06-28-2018, 08:30 PM
Last Post: bleed_the_freak
  House wife happily married thinking Lonelybiwoman 33 2,274 03-03-2018, 06:27 AM
Last Post: DarkSelene
  wife and net friend .. ineedhelp 18 3,418 07-28-2013, 09:57 AM
Last Post: Minus
  Buying wife or husband PyramidHead 30 4,905 07-05-2013, 12:24 AM
Last Post: Felix
  Me and my Wife trevorlawrence 2 1,009 02-27-2010, 11:15 PM
Last Post: crowtching tiger

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)