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Bender's Journal: Part 2
(08-29-2020, 04:40 PM)bender22 Wrote: Ok.. think I need a plan for the next month to get things moving more. Thought I may as well write it out here since it will make me think it through more thoroughly. 

I've been able to get more dates in the past month which is good. But they just haven't gone anywhere. Maybe things with the Russian girl could go somewhere but that's it.

Getting sick of going on these dates where nothing happens. It's good to get the practice going on dates I suppose, but sort of feels like a waste of time.

So what can I do differently?

Keep in mind that for most of these dates I'm just looking for something casual right now.

-I think I need to start laying the groundwork and setting the vibe in my messages before the date. Plant ideas in her head. Maybe try and bring up the idea of kissing her or something in the messages. If I can do that then it will make it much easier to transition out of the 'friendly/platonic' discussion on my dates.

I may stuff up a few more text conversations and possibly miss out on a few dates but hopefully the dates I do go on will be much better this way. Just need to think of some conversation threads that will take the conversation where I want it and create the right vibe before the date.

-If it's a night date, I need to be moving on from the bar (or wherever we meet) much faster. Very hard to make anything happen in the bar. Maybe suggest going out for a walk 1 hour into the date..90 minutes max. Should have done that in my last date.

-Figure out how to flirt better and create more sexual tension.

-Focus on Hinge more than Tinder. Getting way better results from Hinge lately but I still spend more time on Tinder. Might as well spend more time on the app that gives me better results.

-As mentioned in my previous post, I need to start approaching girls in the real world again. Salsa classes are maybe the best opportunity for this right now (going again tonight). Maybe when I go out for walks on my lunch break at work.
Bender it's interesting when I was first dating you had to meet and approach females irl ,there was no tinder ,social media etc,I wonder if this was better .
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(08-29-2020, 05:13 PM)Just Games Wrote:
(08-29-2020, 04:40 PM)bender22 Wrote: Ok.. think I need a plan for the next month to get things moving more. Thought I may as well write it out here since it will make me think it through more thoroughly. 

I've been able to get more dates in the past month which is good. But they just haven't gone anywhere. Maybe things with the Russian girl could go somewhere but that's it.

Getting sick of going on these dates where nothing happens. It's good to get the practice going on dates I suppose, but sort of feels like a waste of time.

So what can I do differently?

Keep in mind that for most of these dates I'm just looking for something casual right now.

-I think I need to start laying the groundwork and setting the vibe in my messages before the date. Plant ideas in her head. Maybe try and bring up the idea of kissing her or something in the messages. If I can do that then it will make it much easier to transition out of the 'friendly/platonic' discussion on my dates.

I may stuff up a few more text conversations and possibly miss out on a few dates but hopefully the dates I do go on will be much better this way. Just need to think of some conversation threads that will take the conversation where I want it and create the right vibe before the date.

-If it's a night date, I need to be moving on from the bar (or wherever we meet) much faster. Very hard to make anything happen in the bar. Maybe suggest going out for a walk 1 hour into the date..90 minutes max. Should have done that in my last date.

-Figure out how to flirt better and create more sexual tension.

-Focus on Hinge more than Tinder. Getting way better results from Hinge lately but I still spend more time on Tinder. Might as well spend more time on the app that gives me better results.

-As mentioned in my previous post, I need to start approaching girls in the real world again. Salsa classes are maybe the best opportunity for this right now (going again tonight). Maybe when I go out for walks on my lunch break at work.
Bender it's interesting when I was first dating you had to meet and approach females irl ,there was no tinder ,social media etc,I wonder if this was better .

To be honest, I think it probably was in many ways. I don't want to sound jaded or anything but I think most people would agree with this.. Because of social media and online dating there are a lot of females with very inflated egos. They can post a bikini photo on Instagram and get 200+ likes in 30 minutes. Or create a Tinder account and have 200+ matches in 1 hour. And that's even girls who aren't the most physically attractive.

10 years ago a girl who's considered a '7' probably would've been happy with a guy who's a 6-8. But now that same girl thinks she's above that same guy because her ego has been boosted so much by social media. 

The 9's and 10's have access to professional athletes and actors now through social media, while regular guys have almost no chance unless them meet them  through their social circle.

But then you can say that online dating and social media have made things easier in many ways. A lot of guys don't have the confidence to approach women irl unless they're drunk. At least with tinder and social media, any guy can 'shoot their shot.'
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Not really sure exactly where I'm going wrong on my dates lately but it's quite frustrating. 

Firstly there was the date with the Russian girl. She said at the end of the date that she'd definitely like to meet up again and seemed very genuine about it. I thought it was almost certain we'd meet up again. 

Then since then she's gone a bit cold. Still possible we'll meet up again but she has seemed kinda disinterested lately and the chances of meeting up again are looking slimmer each day.

There was the girl who visited from my hometown. The date seemed to go really well and at the end of the date she said she'd like to meet up again. And then two days later she doesn't want to meet up again.

Last night I had a date with a South American girl from Tinder. Seemed like it was going very well, she was responding well and everything. Then at the end of the date she didn't even want to kiss me. Will probably never see her again.

Honestly doesn't feel like I'm really doing anything wrong during these dates. And at the time it seems like things are going very well. On all three dates, the conversation flowed nicely, I held good eye contact, the girl seemed to be responding well. But for some unknown reason these girls just aren't wanting to go any further or they decide after the date that they don't want to see me again.

I'm almost certain that at the end of those first two dates, both of those girls were being 100% honest in the moment when saying they wanted to meet up again. But then sometime after the date they changed their minds.

I've been saying this for a long time but I really need to stick a voice recorder in my pocket and record one of these dates so I can play it back later and see if I'm screwing up somewhere.

Fortunately I do have some hot leads on Tinder and Hinge right now so should be able to set up some more dates within the next week or two. But it feels like I'm just wasting my time in a way since none of these dates are actually going anywhere.

When I think back to some of my more successful dates this year, I can't think of anything that I was doing back then that I'm not doing now.

I can't remember if I already mentioned in this journal but I found this girl in a Facebook group to befriend. I told her that I just want a girl who can give me a female perspective on dating and stuff. That's something I just don't have in my life and I feel like I desperately need it right now. Maybe she can shed some light on some of these mysterious things I don't seem to understand about women. Will hopefully catch up with her soon.
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