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When someone just drops out of your life....
I never meant to meet my next husband in a place 
like a so called church that sapposedky helps 
men get off drugs and sin and addiction.  Well, it sounded
good and it all started out well, but then it all turned 
ugly real fast.    I didn't think I said anything real bad....
it was more or less you had to keep a man happy in bed
If you wanted to keep him.  It was rather a no brainier....then they
hit me with this "your sin is so great we can't allow you
to ever talk to any of our men ever again.". They had
to be silent to me also.  I didn't go there for the men anyway
but when you have a church that only caters to the men
and a woman makes a mistake and is shunned and condemned forever
you really don't have a fair situation there.  Soon after that I met
a man who was quite a bit younger than me and it started out innocent.
It started out as an innocent friendship that bloomed into love and he told me
He thought I was the one and told me we would be married in the future.  He held my hand and we prayed together.  Then we stood in the coffee shop
where we met, his arm around me and I looked at him thinking this would 
be the last time I would ever see him....?like this so happy.  It was like a dream.  Of course they turned it into he'll for me.  They ripped him outta there
and I didn't see him again for nine months except once with a very young girl.

God promised him to me also, but he has been unfaithful to me, even called me ugly with the rest of the guys or my name there is "the dog." I left him for a while
after I saw him with a girl that first time.  I went out to a job far away.  When I came back he was dating someone else.  I know what God promised ....he promised this man would be mine.....but it hurts when he is with a bunch of men
who only talk bad if me and his x girlfriend came back and I basicly don't 
exist or can't exist in his world anymore.  It hurts because he agreed to be my husband but right now everyone else is more important.  I should talk to a counselor....he may find this and I have to stay out of his life.  I hate it that they made this into something so ugly and repulsive!  I had good intensions....
I didn't go there to f. anybody!  

At first he kept one social media account open just for
me to send him messages and talk to him.  But I'm so
mad that I can't help but be so mad and occasionally let out
the anger and upset I moved away
to give us both some space.  I'm like if he values her so
much that he won't even talk to me and all I get is his Twitter
Page and I'm such a repulsive person that he can't talk to me
then maybe I should just give up.  Why do I have to work so
hard on a relationship and he's not even trying.
All she has to do is show up again and I'm done for?

It's like I don't matter to anyone....not even him.  All she has
to do is come back and she has the attitude of oh well, y'all can just break up
Because I'm back.


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