Good enough to f*** but not enough to date...I should just sell my virginity...

MY DESPAIR IS NOW TURNING INTO RAGE!!!

1. Good enough to f*** but not enough to date

I don't know how the other females do it - but many of them have men interested in getting to know them; care for them; heart-broken over them etc.
Why the fresia is it that every man I have met - I get the instant Friends-with-benefits-zoned?
I would love to be friend-zoned!
I'd like friends!
If you want a booty-call, find a ******* girl that is looking for the same.
Why the fresia bother me and try to change my mind?
Why the fresia take the time and effort to PRETEND that you want more with me, when you don't?
I let everyone KNOW that I am not into flings, but I am not asking for instant marriage either.
I do not dress sexual or act sexual - I reek of this "good-girl" persona and have been compared to angels on numerous occasions (ahahah).

It's not as if I go to meat markets like bars; that, or "hook-up" with just anyone. I prefer the shy, quiet, book-loving, "good boys" that often are unnoticed by the general female population.
I adore sweet and dependable.
BUT I BRING OUT THE "I WANT TO fresia-AND-CHUCK YOU" BEAST IN THEM!
And after refusing and going our separate ways; they then spend their time crying over the ***** who broke their heart.

Refer to my (old) thread here:
http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=9223

Such said "nice guys"; I boost their egos by constantly reassuring them and giving them compliments.
When I've nursed them back to health - they then fly away.
I'm not giving out compliments anymore and feeding into any shy guy's self-esteem issues.
It's like I'm just practice for the person that they truly want.
fresia THEM.
I hate to be like this...
So full of anger...
But I am ******* wanting to just slap every guy rightaboutnow!
(I hate women too)

fresia THEM AND WHY ME???

2. I should just sell my virginity (So...any...uh...takers?)

I read an article on how a chick managed to bring in $50,000 and got to travel to Italy, stay in a luxury hotel and wined and dined.
I figure, hey! Why not?
Beats giving it up to some idiot college student with debt to hell and just wants a fresia-and-chuck with no benefits to me.

It's crossed my mind several times - if I enter into it as a business transaction; it'd be better than me "sharing" myself with someone only to never hear from them the day after.
Ya know...with me constantly being Friends-with-benefits-zoned right from the start.
(I'm not even sexy)

I think as long as it were legit and safe...I would do it.
It's not as if I am waiting for a soul-mate or anything of the sort.
I only want to be intimate with someone who sincerely cares about me.
But I don't think that time will ever come, no matter how hard I delude myself.

I wonder how much I could hit up, honestly.

NOOOOO don't do it.

You're priceless, your virginity is priceless. Don't waste it for money that comes and goes so quickly. Memories never fade, Luna. Money does.

Can you live with the memory of selling yourself like that? I couldn't.

*HUG* YOU WILL MEET A MAN who will take care of you and give you that chance to show him how great you really are. Just keep it up, keep going...and you will find him. *HUG*

Sounds to me, no one has been worth being in a relationship with you yet. That "fresia 'em and chuck 'em" thing is for guys who haven't matured yet. You'll meet someone who's worth the time and energy. It doesn't always happen right away.

as a male i can honestly say that i dont get where that comes from. depsite never having experienced sex or even love as far as a relationship goes i have no real desire to have meaningless sex with some random girl. especially the first time, i would much rather have it mean something because its with someone you care about the first time. maybe if i would have done that at a young age i would think differently but at this point in my life thats how i feel about it.

I don't understand Luna - you haven't met the right guy so you want to become a prostitute? Is this a reaction to feeling sexually frustrated, or to being treated like a sex object? Or both? Either way I'm not sure selling yourself is the best way to handle the situation.

You might find this article interesting: "No hooking up, no sex for some coeds".

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/04/19/college.anti.hookup.culture/?hpt=Sbin

AndrewM said:

I don't understand Luna - you haven't met the right guy so you want to become a prostitute? Is this a reaction to feeling sexually frustrated, or to being treated like a sex object? Or both? Either way I'm not sure selling yourself is the best way to handle the situation.

You might find this article interesting: "No hooking up, no sex for some coeds".

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/04/19/college.anti.hookup.culture/?hpt=Sbin

Click to expand...

I'm the type of person...
That would quit a job so as to not give the boss a chance to fire me...
That would rather not attempt at something if there's a chance I should fail...

I'm scared of failure - it's one of my biggest fears...
I suppose I have perfectionist tendencies...
Mixed in with the strange...

And what is worse, is when that failure is out of my control...
I suppose...
I would rather knowingly hurt myself than to give someone else the power to hurt me...
I feel...safer that way...

No definitely don't do it. I get you on the part where you're thinking of rather losing it to someone you know has no interest to be in a relationship with you than to a guy you have deep feelings for and end up being (again) the 'other girl'. No expectations, no heartaches. But think about what you feel after, about yourself and the choices you've made.

I think being ready to lose your virginity is more about being ready to give it to a person without expecting something in return rather than giving it to the person you think is the right one for you (I don't know for guys though. At least this is how I see it)

Would any woman want to lose their virginity to the kind of guy who would buy someone's virginity?

I think some chick got a couple of millions...

I don't know touch call.

I'm a guy. When I lost my virginty. I thought I would be with her forever.
I was 18. i was still innocent and naive in so..so many ways.
She approched me and actaully made the moves on me.
We lived together for 3-4 months. Then she broke up with me.
Will actaully, I caught her flirting with another guy. She told me she
was just going to a birthday party. She had a baby. i was just going to stay home and babysit.
Her going out and hang with friends didn't bother me.
It was the fucken lying. It really, really messed me up for a while after she broke up
with me. My bubble totally got burst. Her name is Michelle.
Ok..so I move on with my life. I can only lose my virginity once.

Then I got married. I thought that it would last forever too.
I fell head over heels for the woman. She's the love of my life.
She also asked me out.
I wanted to belive..after all it was a marriage, a commitmment.
It really, really messed with me in more ways than one.
I remember laying in bed with my daughter. She told me she was
going to a birthday party ( in my head "oh ****.. please don't tell this is happening, again")
I was just going to stay home and babysit my daughter.
She ended up marrying some dude she called friend while we were married.
Her name is Michelle.
I still remain un married after all these years. I've only gotten married once in my life.

My bubble got totally burst.
I lost it all to pack of lies...

What fucken creazy life lesson is life trying to teach me ????
If anyone hear me say I'm going out with a chick name Michelle...
Please tell me to put a bullet in my head.
All chicks name Michelle are the same

I was good enough to get messed over.hahahaaaa
There's some crazy trust issues, fear of loving again in the back of my mind somewhere at a subconsious level.
All that honeysuckle is forever embebed or stored in my memory bank and I can't remove it or erase it.

Steel said:

Would any woman want to lose their virginity to the kind of guy who would buy someone's virginity?

Click to expand...

kaching! Steel is right on the money.

a female exploiting males for money... eh, ill bid a dollar.

i think youre rushing into it to much and getting to attached. you gotta remember these are 'quiet, book-loving, "good boys" that often are unnoticed by the general female population.' theyre probably not use to female company. give it some more time.

Luna, I find myself in the same situation as you. I am always *instantly* dubbed as a friend with Benefits. I have to admit, it is hugely my fault, as I allow it... and I don't demand someone to take the time to get to know me... but I know what you mean... and how you feel.

But do not sell yourself to anyone! save what is special for the right person... demand the respect you deserve, and let someone take time to see how wonderful you are! You do deserve better than just some guy wanting a friend with Benefits.

id rather die then be with someone who just gave them self away... i guess its from to much pride. but if shes willing to do it then for whatever he did, she should be willing to do it now for the same, that i do. if not, i feel like im getting a bad deal... or even worse, shes just used up.

Luna said:

I'm scared of failure - it's one of my biggest fears...
I suppose I have perfectionist tendencies...
Mixed in with the strange...

Click to expand...

Are you scared of failure, or are you scared of other people letting you down? I think what chrism said gets to the heart of the matter.

Quitting before the boss can fire you means you expect to get sacked anyway - but maybe the boss will give you another chance? If the end result is going to be the same, why not wait and see what the boss does? I think the reason you don't want to wait and see is because you don't want to be hurt by someone else. You'd rather hurt yourself.

When you meet a guy and all he wants is sex, that guy is letting you down. So if you say at the outset, "this is just about sex", then you think you're taking control, but really what you're doing is hurting yourself before the other person has a chance to do it to you.

If you want to be with others in a meaningful way, you have to be open to the possibility that they will hurt you. I know this hard, and I haven't quite come to terms with it myself. For those of us who have been hurt badly in the past, it's a struggle to have to confront this fact on a daily basis. But the only alternative is hide away from the world. Or else to turn every relationship into a meaningless transaction.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that a guy that is quiet, shy, and friendly, is also 'nice' or 'good'. I used to make that mistake all the time.

Just because you met the guy at a library, don't assume he's gonna be any less interested in getting into your pants than the guy you met at a bar. At least the guy at the bar is being open and honest about his intentions (and probably at least knows what he's doing *wink wink nudge nudge*). There's a lot of guys out there that aren't ******** not because they're good people, but because they lack the balls necessary to be an *******.

Also avoid the ones that need you to 'fix' them. They'll hurt you just as bad, whether they mean to or not.

Sorry you're feeling so rough love, I can empathize since I'm one of those perfectionist types too. And it really does seem like guys that age are only interested in one thing. I think the hormones and the social conditioning does something horrid to them.

coricopat said:

Just because you met the guy at a library, don't assume he's gonna be any less interested in getting into your pants than the guy you met at a bar. At least the guy at the bar is being open and honest about his intentions (and probably at least knows what he's doing *wink wink nudge nudge*). There's a lot of guys out there that aren't ******** not because they're good people, but because they lack the balls necessary to be an *******.

Click to expand...

But also understand that not EVERY guy you find in a library is going to be either spineless OR an *******...

...and at least the guys in the library most likely have other things going on in their life (studying, reading, hobbies, interests, life goals)....things other than partying/drinking/*******. I find that to be more honest than the bar ********, really.

I'd rather burn 50,000 just to have a woman as a friend.

coricopat said:

Don't make the mistake of thinking that a guy that is quiet, shy, and friendly, is also 'nice' or 'good'. I used to make that mistake all the time.

...

There's a lot of guys out there that aren't ******** not because they're good people, but because they lack the balls necessary to be an *******.

Click to expand...

sadly, i agree with that. and with BJD's addition.

---

AndrewM said:

Luna said:

I'm scared of failure - it's one of my biggest fears...
I suppose I have perfectionist tendencies...
Mixed in with the strange...

Click to expand...

Are you scared of failure, or are you scared of other people letting you down? I think what chrism said gets to the heart of the matter.

Quitting before the boss can fire you means you expect to get sacked anyway - but maybe the boss will give you another chance? If the end result is going to be the same, why not wait and see what the boss does? I think the reason you don't want to wait and see is because you don't want to be hurt by someone else. You'd rather hurt yourself.

When you meet a guy and all he wants is sex, that guy is letting you down. So if you say at the outset, "this is just about sex", then you think you're taking control, but really what you're doing is hurting yourself before the other person has a chance to do it to you.

If you want to be with others in a meaningful way, you have to be open to the possibility that they will hurt you. I know this hard, and I haven't quite come to terms with it myself. For those of us who have been hurt badly in the past, it's a struggle to have to confront this fact on a daily basis. But the only alternative is hide away from the world. Or else to turn every relationship into a meaningless transaction.

Click to expand...

^^^ agree.

C'mon people - I don't think she is ACTUALLY thinking about selling herself. Sometimes a girl needs to vent ya' know?

I've read some of your posts Luna and I think I know how you feel - it truly sucks. Personally I've decided to not play that game anymore. I don't need a guy to be happy...

Society puts too much value into sex. Its fun, it feels good, and it can be great if practiced safely.

I'm not saying go sleep around with everyone, but you seem to be pretty upset over something that is so trivial (casual sex).