21 and no girlfriend

[blueagle91]

Well it seems that i can have only friends, i can talk to girls i can be funny nice, byt i can have them only as a friend, even after flirting for 30 minutes they will say how good friend you are. And i am sick of it.

Recently i was close with one girl, but then she dumped me like nothing, we never kissed or anything. I don`t know i am getting depressed, my whole life friends where making fun of me. Never supported me. The main reason is because well i was a nerd you may say, i loved to learn new things, i still do but definetly not look like one.

To be honest i do not know what a hell am i typing here, i`m just depressed and just need to say this to someone. Is it that bad to be without GF in 21, or maybe i`m somehow just a lucky guy? And is it really true that when you meet someone right everything change, and that happens for real?

 

[Gutted]

I'm 21 and Single too =D (Not sure why I'm happy about that but hey) Whoever these people are that put you down, you don't need em' in your life. You need people that will motivate you. Maybe you should seek some new friends Do some Volunteering. Bring up the Karma! I hope you can feel better soon.

 

[UsernameNumber9999]

Well it seems that i can have only friends, i can talk to girls i can be funny nice, byt i can have them only as a friend, even after flirting for 30 minutes they will say how good friend you are. And i am sick of it.

Recently i was close with one girl, but then she dumped me like nothing, we never kissed or anything. I don`t know i am getting depressed, my whole life friends where making fun of me. Never supported me. The main reason is because well i was a nerd you may say, i loved to learn new things, i still do but definetly not look like one.

To be honest i do not know what a hell am i typing here, i`m just depressed and just need to say this to someone. Is it that bad to be without GF in 21, or maybe i`m somehow just a lucky guy? And is it really true that when you meet someone right everything change, and that happens for real?

I'm 22 and I've never had a gf. Don't worry, you're not alone. It's rough out there for guys.

 

[putter65]

Well it seems that i can have only friends, i can talk to girls i can be funny nice, byt i can have them only as a friend, even after flirting for 30 minutes they will say how good friend you are. And i am sick of it.

Recently i was close with one girl, but then she dumped me like nothing, we never kissed or anything. I don`t know i am getting depressed, my whole life friends where making fun of me. Never supported me. The main reason is because well i was a nerd you may say, i loved to learn new things, i still do but definetly not look like one.

To be honest i do not know what a hell am i typing here, i`m just depressed and just need to say this to someone. Is it that bad to be without GF in 21, or maybe i`m somehow just a lucky guy? And is it really true that when you meet someone right everything change, and that happens for real?

I'm 22 and I've never had a gf. Don't worry, you're not alone. It's rough out there for guys.

you get used to it the older you get

 

[kamya]

I'm the same way. 23 I've had relationships but they never last very long. I think 6-8 months was my longest. I always get dumped in the end. The breakups are usually ok and nothing really super negative or drama filled happens. Things just don't work out for whatever reason. I don't think anyone has ever "loved" me really. I'm sure it's a really nice thing to have. I don't really know why I can't keep someone interested. I think I might just be too boring for most.

 

[blueagle91]

Yeah well volunteering in my country is hard to find. It`s because of my town actually nothing happens in here well i did find some new friends which are good to me, especially a girl but as always we are just friends and she is finding some other guys etc etc, well i don`t know maybe it`s true with time i`ll be better in loneliness and maybe i`ll find someone with time. Thanks guys, i actually never met anyone my age or older who did not have a girlfriend!

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

No, it only starts getting weird if you've never had a gf or bf by the time you're 25. Fact. Unless there was some serious trauma, you got some splainin' to do.

 

[theraab]

To your last question, when you meet the right person, it isn't that everything changes, but you can tell because everything feels natural about it. You don't feel like you have to force conversation, and silence isn't awkward.

To the first part of your comments, I can't help but think you are coming off as a friend-type guy even though you are flirting. Here's something I learned long ago - if a girl starts to tell you about her relationships with other guys, she looks at you as a friend no matter how much flirting you are doing. If you are interested in her, don't let her complain to you about her boyfriend or some other guy she is seeing, tell her, "If things don't work out between you and him, here's my number" and leave it at that. Don't be a jerk, of course - but let her put you in the friend zone. I actually just posted something like this on a different thread, but, if you are in the friend zone with a girl anyway, try to get her to set you up with her friends; if you are her friend, she can at least attest to you being a good guy.

The other thing that strikes me is that you may need to find a better balance between flirting/funny/nice. It sort of depends what you mean by each of those things, but if by flirting you mean a bunch of sexual innuendo, that either comes off as creepy or funny - funny is okay, but if you do nothing but be funny, you risk looking like a clown. Being nice really depends what you mean by "nice" - you can't be a jerk, but you also can't be too accommodating - you need some backbone.

Finally, play to your strengths - you love to learn new things? Show off your knowledge of (interesting) things a little bit. You'll come off better because you will have confidence in what you're talking about. WHile you are making a joke here and there, throw in some interesting thing you learned about (remember, though, that interesting is a relative term).

I hope this helps.

 

[The Pariah]

No, it only starts getting weird if you've never had a gf or bf by the time you're 25. Fact. Unless there was some serious trauma, you got some splainin' to do.

What sort of trauma is acceptable? 24, nearly 25 and have never had what could be described as a proper girlfriend. The constant put downs from your father reminding you you're useless, being told you're not good enough for x,y or z woman. Being denied a social life, untill a point where I was already so far behind I couldn't interact with women, still don't know how to. Then again I found alcohol, that tends not to judge. But hey, it's not weird for another month or so yet right??

 

[putter65]

No, it only starts getting weird if you've never had a gf or bf by the time you're 25. Fact. Unless there was some serious trauma, you got some splainin' to do.

What sort of trauma is acceptable? 24, nearly 25 and have never had what could be described as a proper girlfriend. The constant put downs from your father reminding you you're useless, being told you're not good enough for x,y or z woman. Being denied a social life, untill a point where I was already so far behind I couldn't interact with women, still don't know how to. Then again I found alcohol, that tends not to judge. But hey, it's not weird for another month or so yet right??

this stupid woman on this dating site asked me why I haven't any many relationships. Like it's a choice you have. She also asked why I was unemployed alot in the late 80's, early 90's. She was an arse, I told her as well.

 

[Unwanted94]

I can't say much on this topic, really. I'm just 3 years below you and I've never dated anyone. OK, I had a huge crush back in middle school, but that wasn't serious, so it doesn't count. Is there something wrong with it? I don't think so at all. There's a lot of single people out there. I'm one of em. My advice would be:stop looking.

 

[Mientjee]

21 and single.. you're realy not the only one here.

I am 22 and my longest (out of only 2) boyfriend was 2,5 months.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Its tough, but understandable. There's something about your attitude or personality which is making you less appealing as a prospect and more appealing as a friend; issue is to find it and see how to work it into something more useful for yourself.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

No, it only starts getting weird if you've never had a gf or bf by the time you're 25. Fact. Unless there was some serious trauma, you got some splainin' to do.

What sort of trauma is acceptable? 24, nearly 25 and have never had what could be described as a proper girlfriend. The constant put downs from your father reminding you you're useless, being told you're not good enough for x,y or z woman. Being denied a social life, untill a point where I was already so far behind I couldn't interact with women, still don't know how to. Then again I found alcohol, that tends not to judge. But hey, it's not weird for another month or so yet right??

U HAVE UNTIL 25 ITS A FAC
....
I don't think I've ever thought about trauma in terms of its acceptability. All traumatic experiences just are. The pain you felt was valid, no matter what.
You don't have to explain anything to anybody about not having a girlfriend. Unless you want to. Who would it make feel better?

I initially joked about it because I remember the intensity of my feelings of failure of not "getting" a boy/girlfriend, and now I see how brutally tough I was being on myself. I really did think I was a loser, a leper, it was the end of the world, I'd never find love, blah blah. Totally all-or-nothing thinking. The real fact is, there is no law or requirement that states by a certain age one must have achieved x. What does "have a girlfriend" mean to you? Have you dated, first of all? Try giving that a shot. Several times. With several people.
You see, you are where you need to be right now. It may seem really frustrating, but you can make choices now. Who denied you a social life besides yourself? At 24, as an adult, you're at a point where you can be conscious of the forces driving your decisions. You can retrain yourself into seeing your value, you can learn how to interact with people, including women, who are also people. There are resources. You have your determination. It sounds like you are at least aware that there was someone who hurt you because they told you something you know to be false (that you are "useless", whatever that means to you). So you know what one lie is that you were told. Find it's opposite twin, the truth.

 

[The Pariah]

U HAVE UNTIL 25 ITS A FAC
....
I don't think I've ever thought about trauma in terms of its acceptability. All traumatic experiences just are. The pain you felt was valid, no matter what.
You don't have to explain anything to anybody about not having a girlfriend. Unless you want to. Who would it make feel better?

I initially joked about it because I remember the intensity of my feelings of failure of not "getting" a boy/girlfriend, and now I see how brutally tough I was being on myself. I really did think I was a loser, a leper, it was the end of the world, I'd never find love, blah blah. Totally all-or-nothing thinking. The real fact is, there is no law or requirement that states by a certain age one must have achieved x. What does "have a girlfriend" mean to you? Have you dated, first of all? Try giving that a shot. Several times. With several people.
You see, you are where you need to be right now. It may seem really frustrating, but you can make choices now. Who denied you a social life besides yourself? At 24, as an adult, you're at a point where you can be conscious of the forces driving your decisions. You can retrain yourself into seeing your value, you can learn how to interact with people, including women, who are also people. There are resources. You have your determination. It sounds like you are at least aware that there was someone who hurt you because they told you something you know to be false (that you are "useless", whatever that means to you). So you know what one lie is that you were told. Find it's opposite twin, the truth.

Thanks for replying, I thought you were probably only joking but your words struck a chord. In all honesty I'm past the point as seeing myself as a failure. I see myself fine as single, the way I see it some people are just meant to be different, go me I'm one of those! It was just seeing your words, which are echoed by many around me that made me think, wtf?? Ultimately, I have become what I am, it may change, it may not. Not everyone can fit the mould and if I'm meant to be crazy long haired beardy man, so be it, but we shall see what life has in store.

Sorry for the snappy initial reply.

 

[kirankai]

I am loner, I am virgin and celibate. No one is my friend, no one is my relative. I am born on this beautiful planet and show some of my creativity and excitement and I will do my job and die as a living being naturally.

People are born alone and die alone only thing is they do not live alone. For me I do. I am student age 23. I am living to understand nature. if all people are like me, all the humanity would have gone to an extension because of loneliness.

For me I respect reproduction acts are part of living being to ensure survival of there own kind for generations. reproduction acts for fun is different thing for me it's scary.

the fact is I am scared to talk to girls and scared to even kiss and take part in it cos I never really got involved in social relationships.
Lonely only lonely is my way of life.

In fact I am really scared even thinking about it. I get attracted to hot and beautiful girls and I do nothing about it. considering all the things I will be celibate and virgin.

 

[Unwanted94]

^ My heart just sunk a little reading that post.

 

[kirankai]

^ My heart just sunk a little reading that post.

just guess how people feel like when they do not have GF?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Change your thinking change your life....
As you stated you grew up in a negative enviorment. The negative re-enforcements got engraied
into your subconsious and your beliefs. Your feelings about yourself plays a major factor.
Most people react to thier emotions.

Our beliefs are just what we think and feel over and over again.
If you try to ulter your behaviors without changing your beliefs...it wont have lasting effects.

If you ulter your beliefs plus your behaviors...it will be more gracful and less of a struggle.
You wont have to try so hard.

You had started to change your beliefs about not being good enough.
Keep up the good work and positive self talk.

Meeting women. Dating women. Gettting into a relationship require some sort of skills.
The more practice you get the better you'll get. You'll learn and adjust as you go.
Emotional intelligent and emotional maturity will also take time to develope.

If you wish to start dating women....get started. Get expose. Get into the game.
You cant play if you sit on the side line and pounder.
Put yourself out there. Get proactive.
Minimize self pity. Self pity will get you nowhere. Self pity is nagavtive.
Stay positive.
Date lots and lots of women....Get to know different women. Not all women are the same.
Last but not least....HAVE LOTS OF FUN.

 

[kirankai]

Change your thinking change your life....
As you stated you grew up in a negative enviorment. The negative re-enforcements got engraied
into your subconsious and your beliefs. Your feelings about yourself plays a major factor.
Most people react to thier emotions.

Our beliefs are just what we think and feel over and over again.
If you try to ulter your behaviors without changing your beliefs...it wont have lasting effects.

If you ulter your beliefs plus your behaviors...it will be more gracful and less of a struggle.
You wont have to try so hard.

You had started to change your beliefs about not being good enough.
Keep up the good work and positive self talk.

Meeting women. Dating women. Gettting into a relationship require some sort of skills.
The more practice you get the better you'll get. You'll learn and adjust as you go.
Emotional intelligent and emotional maturity will also take time to develope.

If you wish to start dating women....get started. Get expose. Get into the game.
You cant play if you sit on the side line and pounder.
Put yourself out there. Get proactive.
Minimize self pity. Self pity will get you nowhere. Self pity is nagavtive.
Stay positive.
Date lots and lots of women....Get to know different women. Not all women are the same.
Last but not least....HAVE LOTS OF FUN.

was this reply for me?