A few good friends

[Bluey]

I used to have just 2 really good friends in real life.

The thing is if you fall out with one of them it really hurts. Also if your really good friends I think one of the mistakes I made is I sew to much of them. Kinder invade one another's space which is not always a good thing.

I am finding that I am getting moor friends again in life but there not as close as the ones I have had. I am enjoying there company and going out and stuff I do feel if I made moor of an effort I could become better friends with this ppl. But am kinder happy at where am at. If you get me.

The problem is I have no one that I feel close enough to discuss really deep stuff. I am kinder a deep person and can sometimes depending on my mood like to discuss the deeper things of life.

Also I think RL friends is different to on line friends. Again I have lots of on line friends which makes it difficult sometimes to keep everyone happy. So some ppl think am not interested in talking to them. Its a good thing in another way cos I have woke up be for at 2am in the morning and I have plenty of ppl to keep me company with on line This is where the net is amazing I think.

But is it better to have 50 OK fun friends or 2 really close friends. I know someone is going to say you can have 2 really good friends as well as all the others. But if this is like that on the net you would spend all your time just talking to say 2 ppl and not meet anyone else.

 

[Naleena]

If I had to choose, it would be to have the two close friends. Everyone needs someone to share their heart with and those deeper things you are talking about. I refer to it as steak and potatoes. Soul food that fills you up Casual "fast food" friendships can keep you happy and fat but, steak and potatoe friends nourish your being.

 

[Silvernight]

Two good friends is a lot, I don't see how you can have really close friends in spades. I think anyone who says they have plenty of good friends are simply deluding themselves. I also have had two good friends or perhaps really just one, it's hard to draw the line. The latter, we still see each other, just not often because of the distance. Now I don't have any such close friends with whom I could hang out and do other stuff but I don't really feel lonely anymore because I've found myself a hobby where I regularly meet other folks I like to be with, and that always makes me warm inside.

As for online, I only had one good online friend for a while but we fell out since he apparently got angry that I responded to his message a few hours later rather than immediately once. I admit I am not one for long and frequent online chats, not more so than half-an-hour at most but people usually want more. I should have told him that maybe but I find it difficult to reject people. Also, while you can have really in-depth conversations with people online, perhaps more so than in RL, I'll be truthful in that I appreciate RL friends much more.

Well, as for 50 ok friends, never had even a tenth part of that But that's ok, since I normally tend to have only one really good friend at a time because, apparently, I can only be emotionally invested in a very limited number of people at any given time. Two or three friends would be absolutely enough for me.

 

[samba101]

I'd prefer to have 50 ok friends I guess since I can talk to my online friends about the stuff that I really need to talk about and I've found that I have had really indepth talks with my online friends.

But if I didn't have the internet then I would have 2 really good friends.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I would say....2 good friends i suppose.

I cant stand the thought of feeling isolated in a crowd of 50.

 

[LonelyDragon]

How about 25 OK fun friends and 1 really close friend?

 

[RobertJW]

I used to have what I thought was a good friend..........some years back he had matrimonial problems and I was there for him. Went to the footy with him. To the pub too, and all sorts.

Then when I had my problems last year and I was in hospital he didnt even come to visit. Ignored me for almost a year. Then he called out of the blue....and I invited him round....as I suspected he was having marriage trouble again. I listened, tried to be supportive.

That was 4 months ago. He blew me out again. So I sent him an email telling him to fresia off and not contact me again.

And do you know what changed him?

Money.

He won £80,000 on the lottery about 2 years ago. And do you know what he gave me and our other friend? ONE can of beer from the off license!!! I'm not saying he should have threw cash at us, but one can of beer????

He is no loss, thats for sure. Self centred wanker.

 

[InDespair]

I've never had a lot of "really" close friends and I like it that way. It's less drama. I know a lot of people, but I wouldn't call them friends, more like buddies. I keep my deepest feelings private and I'm only comfortable sharing that with someone I know genuinely cares about me. 2 good friends that understand me, is all I need.

 

[Bluey]

I've never had a lot of "really" close friends and I like it that way. It's less drama. I know a lot of people, but I wouldn't call them friends, more like buddies. I keep my deepest feelings private and I'm only comfortable sharing that with someone I know genuinely cares about me. 2 good friends that understand me, is all I need.

I know what your saying. But what happens if you have a fall out with them two friends? You would have absolutely no one else to fall back on for support. It is a lot herder to make new friends as well when your not able to get out cos you have no friends to go out with.

You need friends to make friends. Well you don't but it does make it like 10X easier to make friends if you have friends. Then hopefully one of the OK friends well become in time a very good and close friend.

I think you need both. But I know what you mean about less drama. ppl do seem to like drama.

 

[InDespair]

I understand how you feel bluey, but a real friend isn't going to stay upset with you for long.You have your disagreements, but you work it out. At least the extremely small circle I have does and we remain close no matter what. My only drawback is that we don't live close to each other, so sitting down face 2 face and having a convo doesn't happen often. Thank gawd for the phone & internet! You could have 50 friends that you deem as close, but out of that 50 maybe only 1 would give you the advice and support you need. The rest would be telling you what they think you should do and getting mad at you for not doing it. I dunno, sometimes less is more. If you'd like a new friend you can talk too, I'm here Bluey Send me a message anytime! I don't get out much either.

 

[SilentThinker]

I would have 2 good friends then.

2 good friends harder to get than 50 fun friends

A fallout with one friend can affect the entire group.Knowing how to solve the fallout would be good.

 

[LonelyDragon]

I know what your saying. But what happens if you have a fall out with them two friends? You would have absolutely no one else to fall back on for support. It is a lot herder to make new friends as well when your not able to get out cos you have no friends to go out with.

You need friends to make friends. Well you don't but it does make it like 10X easier to make friends if you have friends. Then hopefully one of the OK friends well become in time a very good and close friend.

I think you need both. But I know what you mean about less drama. ppl do seem to like drama.

You and I seem to have a similar mental state when it comes to this. But (and I have to get this into my head too) that doesn't make you "unable" to get out. Just unwilling. Believe me, I know it's not as enjoyable to go out alone. You want to hide in a corner, or lean against a tree out of sight of the people. I'm very often the one they are referring to when they ask "who's that guy over there watching us?" I'm like that even at car shows (and I love car shows and have plenty to contribute if I could just bring myself to walk up and share). One day I'll work up the nerve to do just that. And you need to work towards that too.

 

[Bluey]

I understand how you feel bluey, but a real friend isn't going to stay upset with you for long.You have your disagreements, but you work it out. At least the extremely small circle I have does and we remain close no matter what. My only drawback is that we don't live close to each other, so sitting down face 2 face and having a convo doesn't happen often. Thank gawd for the phone & internet! You could have 50 friends that you deem as close, but out of that 50 maybe only 1 would give you the advice and support you need. The rest would be telling you what they think you should do and getting mad at you for not doing it. I dunno, sometimes less is more. If you'd like a new friend you can talk too, I'm here Bluey Send me a message anytime! I don't get out much either.

Sometimes less is moor I do totally agree with you there.

And I also agree that a true friend would give you advice and not get mad at you if you then did not follow it. I have in the past not followed advice that was given to me. It dose not mean that I did not value that advice. A real friend would at least try to understand that.

You sound like a nice person

 

[Bluey]

2 good friends harder to get than 50 fun friends

How true is that.

I would even say that 1 good friend is harder to get then 100 fun friends.

 

[Bluey]

I know what your saying. But what happens if you have a fall out with them two friends? You would have absolutely no one else to fall back on for support. It is a lot herder to make new friends as well when your not able to get out cos you have no friends to go out with.

You need friends to make friends. Well you don't but it does make it like 10X easier to make friends if you have friends. Then hopefully one of the OK friends well become in time a very good and close friend.

I think you need both. But I know what you mean about less drama. ppl do seem to like drama.

You and I seem to have a similar mental state when it comes to this. But (and I have to get this into my head too) that doesn't make you "unable" to get out. Just unwilling. Believe me, I know it's not as enjoyable to go out alone. You want to hide in a corner, or lean against a tree out of sight of the people. I'm very often the one they are referring to when they ask "who's that guy over there watching us?" I'm like that even at car shows (and I love car shows and have plenty to contribute if I could just bring myself to walk up and share). One day I'll work up the nerve to do just that. And you need to work towards that too.

I think I already said that on here somewhere that it dose not make it impossible to not make new friends when you don't have any. just herder, a lot harder. So ye I agree we are in the same frame of mind here. Great minds think a like an all that

Don't get me wrong I am not shy at all. I could walk up to anyone and just start rambling on. Tis just the kinder guy I am. most of the time it is me that chose not to take a friendship any further cos I don't think the person is all that great. Maybe I expect to much from ppl. Just most ppl I know, all they wont to do is go to the pub. Its like that's all they live for. If that's all I wonted to do I could have a million ppl to do that with and be out every night all night. Not that I would have the energy or the cash for that. I mean I do like a drink. Once a week or even twice a week. But most guys I know would spend there inter life looking at the bottom of a glass if left to it. I just don't see the attraction my self. Plus I have known a lot of ppl to not stay faithful to there GF/wife act and all through this is nothing to do with me I don't see that this makes them dissent ppl. Most of the time there using and selfish and I would rather be alone with no friends then associate with this kinder ppl witch there seems to be a lot around. You know what kinder ppl I mean. Now I can be a right clown when out and start up talk with almost anyone and instantly get a laugh. Its just mostly after I have talked to a person I find them to be the things I am not looking for in a friend.

I think my problem is cos I don't work the only kinder ppl I am meeting is the ppl that go out and have a drink. Normally them kinder ppl are all the same kinder ppl. Not always but I have found mostly they are. Do you get where I am coming from with this?

 

[tal]

No question for me, definitely two close friends. I can't keep track of 50 people, not even online. I tend to give up chatting to people I don't click with pretty quickly online so I doubt I could build up a network of 50 people. The only way I see myself improving my life is to have some good friends, but I dunno how to find any without first sorting out my life - its a circular situation really, since I need the 'solution' in order to find the 'solution'. Either way both scenarios seem impossible at the moment though...

 

[MiKeY]

It's equally tough to make new friends when you've moved across the country to a new job. Once you're out of college, that window just tends to close. Sure, there are always people to meet and hang out with, but like Bluey mentions, sometimes you can tell that they're not the people you want to call friends. I'm in KOC and there are some good guys there and all, but to tell you the truth, most are older than me by nearly 40 years! I'm the baby there... unlike on here, where certain people like YAI and RAIN call me gramps. lol