A hard month

[Kelsey]

Well, on the 18th day of this month it would have been my brothers 20th birthday. Mine was on the 20th, I am 17 now and I have never had such a difficult month in all of my life. I still feel lost without my brother here. My family and most friends seem to have adjusted to it a lot easier than I have.

I just don't understand death? What is it, if that makes sense? Where do you go? I really just do not understand it.

My older sister and me went to our weekend home over the bank holiday weekend, its where my brother passed away and the entire house has been untouched since my brothers passing. And when I say untouched, it is literally like the time hasn't moved there. It was so eerie, it just felt abandoned and unloved. Cob webs and dust everywhere, plates still on the side in the kitchen, pans still on the hob and there was even washing still in the washing machine. The front and back grass was more or less all dead with weeds everywhere. Upstairs was the same, beds were unmade, there was washing on the floor in my bedroom (opps), its just so hard to explain what its like.

My brother actually passed away in hospital, but it all happened in his bathroom if that makes sense. My sister went into his bedroom first, and i followed her shortly after. It was so weird, but oddly comforting being in there again. The curtains were closed, so it was more or less pitch black. Becca turned on the big light and we both literally just started crying. Bedroom was untouched again, bed was unmade, pyjamas on the floor, there was an empty glass and a packet of cookies on his bedside cabinet, along with his phone and his ipad. It was literally like he was still there . I couldnt go to the bathroom but Becca did and she said to me its just how it was left. Towels hangings on the towel rail, shampoos etc still in the shower, hair product still there with the lids off.

I just could't believe what me and Becca went back to, it was literally as I said like time hasn't moved. We spoke to my mum and dad about it and they said its been left because they couldn't find the strength to go and tidy everything up and make it into a weekend home again. My dad was even on about selling it due to what happened there, but I explained to him that thats where we all basically had most of our best memories and we need to start going down there to use it again. Mum and dad agreed and its been decided that we're going down there this weekend to tidy everything up and make it into a home again so we can have even more fun memories down there. We all agreed that with my brothers room, we are simply cleaning it and then putting it back to how it was as a sort shrine if that makes sense. Hope that doesn't sound to silly to some people

Sorry if this has just been a random thread which doesn't really make sense. I have just meaning to get it all of my chest and sorry if I have made people feel even more lonely or depressed

 

[Despicable Me]

I just don't understand death? What is it, if that makes sense? Where do you go? I really just do not understand it.

The answer to those questions depend on what your own answers are to other questions: What is life? and What is 'you'?

Everyone has different answers to these things. Some say we are bound by spirit to physical bodies and that life is the physical experience of our bodies for our souls to learn, and death is the unbinding of these souls from these bodies.
Some say those souls return to God, others say they go to Heaven, others say they wander the Earth for the rest of time.
Others say life is an entirely physical experience and when we die our mental processes stop, there is nothing more, and we physically return to the Earth from where our bodies originally came. And from there the Earth will once again return to the Stars, and the Stars to the universe.

There is nothing that proves anyone right on this matter. It's mostly up to belief and personal experience, what you find to be the best answer, or sometimes it is just the answer that helps you get through the day. It's fine to believe in those answers, too, even if they aren't real.

We all agreed that with my brothers room, we are simply cleaning it and then putting it back to how it was as a sort shrine if that makes sense. Hope that doesn't sound to silly to some people

It's not silly. Many people do this, especially when the person's life ended early.
When people die the people who love them often buy them tombstones, flowers, and other such things, and those are the same thing. A shrine for holding memories.
It's how the people who are left behind grieve and remember. Eventually many people learn to live without the shrines, keeping the memories alive in their minds. You'll get there, too, eventually.

Anyway, I'm sorry it's been such a hard month for you. I know nothing can replace what you've lost but I hope you start feeling better soon enough, in your own time.

 

[Serenia]

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you are so brave to face the weekend home. Please don't feel bad at how you are coping. Everybody deals with their own grief in different ways. Also you say friends and family seem to be adjusting. That's just it, they seem like they are. They just might be dealing with it behind their bedroom door or in the shower. Also some people can feel numb for an incredible amount of time. The brain does this until it knows you are ready to handle it. Just be kind to yourself and those around you and take each day at a time. You or your loved ones may have a good days or bad days. If you look after each other on the bad days you will get through together.

The questions you have about death you will find your own answers or ideas as time goes by.

Take care of yourself.

 

[constant stranger]

I'm sorry for your family's loss too, Kelsey.

I'd say you're all managing a death in the family in the right way, bringing the weekend home back into the family's life.

It might be a meaningful part of that process to leave a permanent memorial to your brother in the house. A ritual remembrance of some kind, a celebration of his life.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Kelsey. My condolences.

It's a good thing that you and your family have decided to tidy up the place. It helps, in the process of moving on. It's also nice that you're keeping his room that way to remember him by. I thought that was sweet.

In my opinion, there really is nothing to understand about death. It's a part of life and it marks the end of the race of our lives. Everything comes to an end, that's what it is. I don't think about what happens next cos I can never know, no one can ever truly factually know what happens after so no point wrecking our brains out wondering about it.

Hope you and your family can remain strong throughout this whole process of mourning and moving on and healing. Good luck and best wishes. Take care please. *hugs*

 

[Kelsey]

Thank you for all the replies everyone, seriously means alot . House is all back to normal now and everybody seems a bit happier now it is, thank god