A lonely life indeed

[SwagMustDie]

Hello I have posted here once and I never came back, but I decided to come back and vent a little bit. I feel suicidal almost everyday and I am 20 years old, male.

So where to start? I am an adult bet-wetter. I really can't control this, luckily today I haven't wet the bed but that's always temporary. My everyday routine goes like this: I wake up soaked in my own piss, change my clothes, go outside and smoke a cigarette while I contemplate whether I should keep living or not. I am ashamed of wetting the bed. I don't think I will ever get married, I can't even spend the night at someone's house. If I ever really liked someone (emotionally; in-love), I just forget about them. I will never be in a serious relationship because of this problem. I've really been dealing with depression for some time now and this is one of the main reasons.

My other problem is that I only have internet friends, I do not have friends in real life. My only true friends in real life moved away and have pretty much forgotten about me. Internet friendships are not that bad, but and the end of the day, I still feel lonely. I also don't feel wanted among many of my internet friends. I'm sure most of them probably consider me an acquaintance, but I treat them like I would treat friends in real life. What really bothers me is when the people I consider good friends on the internet treat me like an acquaintance and not a friend. I just feel so empty, isolated and lonely. It's probably my fault for not socializing in real life, but I just have a low self esteem and no confidence. I think I am socially awkward.

I suppose I only have internet friends because I can connect with those people better than I can with people in real life. It's so much easier to find someone with common interests and they don't have to know about my secret. Thank you all for reading and do you have any advice?

 

[Locke]

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice about bed wetting, and I'm afraid anything I say will just sound condescending (Don't drink anything before bed, etc..). What does your doctor say?

I only have online friends, and often have trouble relating to people (even online), so I know how it feels. Do you work or go to school? Is there any activity you enjoy in which you can meet people? The only way you're going to break away from being lonely is if you try to relate to people. Don't be afraid to approach others and start conversations. You have to ask yourself: What's worse, being lonely or putting yourself out there and trying to make friends?

 

[bender22]

This is a great post from another forum. I think you should read it, hopefully it will help you:

If you have not experienced pain, you have not experienced life. All the ******* pain youve been feeling, is only temporary.

What defines a man is not his successes, but it is how many times he picks himself up when he hits a low. No matter how ******* tough this might be. Push through. Even if you don't believe it, do it anyway. Whats the ******* alternative? Vegetate? You have roughly 26000 days on this planet. Today is one. Tomorrow is another. The clock is ticking, but its insignificant. It's just another day. But is it "just another day", or is it a positive significant day in your life?

If you haven't felt what its like to be in a low, it is hard to appreciate the other end of the spectrum; inner fulfillment. The lows bring out the best in a person. Appreciate the lows; without them, you have no drive to change. You learn from lows, sometimes in a messed up way. You don't realise this, you may even refuse to see it another way. Know that this will pass. You will NOT live in dissatisfaction all your life. It happens. honeysuckle happens. You will be happy at some moment in your life. It may be brief. It may be extended. It will happen. Guaranteed. You just have to let it. or make it. You have been happy in MANY occasions in your life. The chances of another one occuring is absolute.

The time you are reaching for a knife, ready to finish it, is the time you make the biggest decision of your life. The desire to change. Tyler once said, if youre at rock bottom, there is only one way you can go: up. Life can only become more positive. I'm going to add a second option. You end it. Chode or Champ? You kill off any ******* chance of change. Once you die, thats it. You end. We are only here for under 100 years. Who is speaking inside when you choose to take your life. Is this truly you, or is this a part of you thats in desperation? ******* desperation. Desperation of what? Change? How can you change, if you don't exist?

It's like a remote control. On this remote control, one press of a button can make you a spectator in life, constantly in play mode. One press of another button changes channel. Change occurs in life. Positive or negative. The other button is eject. Life ends. You hold this ******* remote. Nobody other than you holds this remote. Nobody else can touch a button. Youre in play mode unless you do otherwise. You do nothing with your life? Youre in play life; life is playing you. You are in spectator mode, unconscious. You change channels, and you either go up or go down. its a decision, as ******* hard as it might be to see an alternative. An external event happens on your channel. You're either playing or changing channels baby. Or ejecting, and its a choice to push this button too.

Change is the source of the movement of the universe. The earth is now in a different position it was 5 seconds ago. The weather now is different than it was 12 hours ago. Governments change. The mighty fall. The unsinkable sinks. EVERYTHING CHANGES. Naturally, if you want movement in your life, you have to allow change. Or make change.

How does one do this? Action. You change the channel. You create the change. You want happiness? You make it happen. Or you vegetate. Napolean Hill once said "If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way". The sum of small things creates one large thing. millions of ants, as insignificant as they are, will be able to take on one human. You create the change. Even if its one small thing a day. If you need professional help, do it. You may see something you never saw before. Take a bootcamp. Go to a counsellor. Do WHATEVER it takes. The title of a mastermind cd: "be successful or die trying". I see it a different way. "Be successful". Yoda said that there is no try, you do. Or, you do not. Conscious Decision. You be successful, or you dont. You choose.

Alex mentions "right action" and "coming from the right place". The right action stems from the right place. The right place are your positive internal states. Right action stems from this. The right place is the desire to change. Once you have the right place, the desire to change, taking right action becomes easier.Action may not be instant. It may take months. But, it will happen if you make it. May take many attempts. You fell many times trying to walk. But, you saw the goal, and did it. This happened before you allowed yourself to restrict yourself. That age, you knew nothing but determination. This can happen to you now. Like the song "I get knocked down, get right up again......". See the glimmer of hope in the distance. The light at the end of the tunnel. Might be small. Might be insignificant. As long as youre taking right action, you will get closer. and then get there. The darkness in the tunnel will fade if you see the light, no matter how small, and are moving towards it.

A few days ago, I was in desperation. Those who frequent the alumni forum may have seen it. I went through depression 4 years ago, and at that time, nearly took my life. I was that person mentioned earlier, looking for the knife. At that point, I saw a decision. I came so ******* close to a relapse of depression a few days ago. However, I took one small action,and it can have a huge effect. The chances are high I'll be hit again. And I might even hit a low again. Thats ******* irrelevant. Thats the future. Present moment people. It may happen, or it may not. Live in fear, or live for the moment. The past has happened. The future hasnt happened. What counts is how you react, or change. it may not be instant.

 

[a lonely person]

I dont have any advice, but at least you have friends on the internet, that means you can connect with other people

 

[thegreyman]

I feel for you. I am very socially awkward as well, and haven't really even got any online friends, these days. I'm not a bedwetter myself, but there are things about me which make it unlikely that I'll ever be involved in a long term relationship. I have IBS, which can be pretty disruptive to my life. I don't really have online friends any more (and no real life friends whatsoever), as I'm now very neurotic about the shortcomings of my personality and that makes it hard for me even to post on a forum such as this one.

I realise that it would be embarrassing to tel a potential girlfriend about your bedwetting episodes, but there are certainly women out there who would be understanding. Also, with a bit of research, you might be able to find friends and a girlfriend who endure other embarrassing illnesses and are thus in the same boat as yourself.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello, I am sorry that you are feeling so low. Have you ever seen a doctor about your bed wetting? There could be something they could do to help you. It would be tragic if this difficulty stopped you from having a normal and happy life.
When it comes to internet friends, I know what you mean about feeling more like an aquaintance in their eyes. When people have satisfying friendships IRL, then their net friends, no matter how much they may confide in them about personal matters, often remain more like aquaintances than friends. For eg we don't meet net friends near Christmas or on birthdays, we don't visit each other in hospital etc. It is often these sorts of things which really create a friendship and so net friends are often really friends at one remove.

 

[SwagMustDie]

I feel for you. I am very socially awkward as well, and haven't really even got any online friends, these days. I'm not a bedwetter myself, but there are things about me which make it unlikely that I'll ever be involved in a long term relationship. I have IBS, which can be pretty disruptive to my life. I don't really have online friends any more (and no real life friends whatsoever), as I'm now very neurotic about the shortcomings of my personality and that makes it hard for me even to post on a forum such as this one.

I realise that it would be embarrassing to tel a potential girlfriend about your bedwetting episodes, but there are certainly women out there who would be understanding. Also, with a bit of research, you might be able to find friends and a girlfriend who endure other embarrassing illnesses and are thus in the same boat as yourself.

I was thinking the same. I suppose I would have to use the internet as a tool to find that kind of person. I just have this other dilemma, I am a public figure in a sense. People know who I am, what I look like, and how I type. I would have to erase what people know of me to start internet dating. I never felt comfortable using the internet to date because quite a handful of people know who I am.

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Hello, I am sorry that you are feeling so low. Have you ever seen a doctor about your bed wetting? There could be something they could do to help you. It would be tragic if this difficulty stopped you from having a normal and happy life.

Yes I have seen a doctor. I have to take a medicine to keep myself dry at night. The thing is, I have to take it immediately before I fall asleep. So pretty much every time I take it, it doesn't work. Other times I fall asleep and forget to take it. It also makes it hurt when I urinate, which is a side effect of the medication.

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I dont have any advice, but at least you have friends on the internet, that means you can connect with other people

True true. Like I said, internet friends aren't bad, but at the end of the day I still feel isolated. It's like a roller coaster. Sometimes I feel wanted among my (internet) peers and other times I don't.

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I only have online friends, and often have trouble relating to people (even online), so I know how it feels. Do you work or go to school? Is there any activity you enjoy in which you can meet people? The only way you're going to break away from being lonely is if you try to relate to people. Don't be afraid to approach others and start conversations. You have to ask yourself: What's worse, being lonely or putting yourself out there and trying to make friends?

I do not work because nobody will hire me. It's been over two years and I can't find a job. As far as school goes, I am really considering doing all of that online. I get anxiety around people sometimes (shortness of breath etc). I know it's something I just have to go out there and make an effort on, but I really gotta focus on getting a job and getting a drivers licence.

 

[Locke]

I do not work because nobody will hire me. It's been over two years and I can't find a job. As far as school goes, I am really considering doing all of that online. I get anxiety around people sometimes (shortness of breath etc). I know it's something I just have to go out there and make an effort on, but I really gotta focus on getting a job and getting a drivers licence.

It is something you have to make an effort on. What's the better way to do that? By staying online or by going out among people?

I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia. I stayed shut in my house for 3 years straight, and rarely talked to another living soul. I know exactly how you feel. You have to use every ounce of your willpower and fight the anxiety. Start small if you want. Go to a park or a pub and talk to a few people. Concentrate on finding a job where you have to interact with others. Do what you want, but keep moving forward and don't stop fighting it. If it's a choice between online and offline school, I highly suggest that you choose a real world school where you can interact with other people. I'm not sure if you're only filling out job apps online, but if you are, I also suggest not only doing that. Hit the streets and go talk to potential employers face to face. If you want deeper relationships than what you have online, going out is the only way.

Again, this is coming from someone who has anxiety. I went through a serious panic attack not three hours ago. I dusted myself off, told myself that I wasn't actually going to die, and kept going.

"Shortness of breath and Etc." Isn't a reason to stay in, it's an excuse and something you have to work to overcome every day.

 

[zero]

It is something you have to make an effort on. What's the better way to do that? By staying online or by going out among people?
I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia. I stayed shut in my house for 3 years straight, and rarely talked to another living soul. I know exactly how you feel. You have to use every ounce of your willpower and fight the anxiety. Start small if you want. Go to a park or a pub and talk to a few people. Concentrate on finding a job where you have to interact with others. Do what you want, but keep moving forward and don't stop fighting it. If it's a choice between online and offline school, I highly suggest that you choose a real world school where you can interact with other people. I'm not sure if you're only filling out job apps online, but if you are, I also suggest not only doing that. Hit the streets and go talk to potential employers face to face. If you want deeper relationships than what you have online, going out is the only way.
Again, this is coming from someone who has anxiety. I went through a serious panic attack not three hours ago. I dusted myself off, told myself that I wasn't actually going to die, and kept going.
"Shortness of breath and Etc." Isn't a reason to stay in, it's an excuse and something you have to work to overcome every day.

+1 I agree with Locke. I think, there are different issues here that need separate approaches. For bedwetting I`m sure there is a medical solution, i.e. here, here, here, here and here).
For anxiety, reclusion a.o., psychotherapy. With step by step actions, you`ll get one by one results in every area you wish. I`m confident you`ll have real friends and online friends, that you`ll like.

 

[Tiina63]

Did the doctor say what was the cause of your bed wetting? Is it physical or psychological?