Hoarse Whisperer
Well-known member
I honestly don't remember how it is that I've come to find this forum, but it's a surprisingly appropriate place for me to put my thoughts into text.
I'll start by giving a brief idea of who I am before I get into where I've been, and I will try very hard not to make this into a novella (which I might accidentally do, anyways). I'm Matthew, 29 years old, and I have recently transplanted myself from New England to Southern California. I was born in SoCal, but I have spent the last twenty years of my life moving from place-to-place due to my step-father's career. Due to always being the new guy in town, I've become fairly accomplished at making small talk with strangers, but I'm not so fantastic at taking the next step and making a real friend.
I was born into a highly dysfunctional family; my father was older than my mother, and used physical and emotional tricks in an effort to force her to remain with him. He would use guilt over what would happen to me if she left, along with other tactics that I won't mention here. As my mother became increasingly disenfranchised with her life, she turned to the internet to find people in similar situations. She became more cold and distant towards the family, and my father's anger over slowly losing her led to the abuse becoming physical as well. I was always the witness to their fighting, and to this day I experience tremendous anxiety around raised voices and arguments.
Although I didn't see it this way at the time, my mother thankfully escaped the hell that my father was putting her through- she moved in with a friend from the internet, and they soon became romantically involved. After some threats from my father, my mother and her new boyfriend moved to Washington state, where his family lived. A few years later, my father admitted that he was incapable of raising me both financially and emotionally, so he sent me to live with my mother. Life under my step-father was hard; he had actual rules to place on me, unlike my biological father, which led to constant problems between us. Although I was young, I was a disobedient little monster by this point; I considered myself to be the last line of resistance against a man that had stolen my mother. Ironically, I would grow to consider Ron, my step-father, to become one of my best friends in the world, but that's another story.
Due to Ron's work, the family moved around quite a bit: first, we moved from Washington to Long Island, New York. It was there that I met a close internet friend that I had known since I first started chatting. I had had minor relationships during high school back in Washington, but this became something serious. The only complication was that it was still a very uncomfortable distance: New York to her part of Massachusetts was about four hours, traffic gods be willing. I got myself a decent apartment near her and took the advice of a certain song: I put a ring on it. Things were great, for a while, but luckily we didn't go through with the engagement or I would be divorced right now, on top of being lonely. After spending a lonely year in New England (including a lonely, cold Christmas), I made the 44 hour drive to California with my dog and my punching bag, and now here I am. I made my fair share of mistakes along the way, and I will admit my fault where it's appropriate.
As for my life in California, well... I have a large extended family out here, but it's really like meeting strangers every time we visit for the holidays. I could blabber on endlessly about myself, but I honestly don't know what more I can say at this point except to drop a simple: Hello!
I'll start by giving a brief idea of who I am before I get into where I've been, and I will try very hard not to make this into a novella (which I might accidentally do, anyways). I'm Matthew, 29 years old, and I have recently transplanted myself from New England to Southern California. I was born in SoCal, but I have spent the last twenty years of my life moving from place-to-place due to my step-father's career. Due to always being the new guy in town, I've become fairly accomplished at making small talk with strangers, but I'm not so fantastic at taking the next step and making a real friend.
I was born into a highly dysfunctional family; my father was older than my mother, and used physical and emotional tricks in an effort to force her to remain with him. He would use guilt over what would happen to me if she left, along with other tactics that I won't mention here. As my mother became increasingly disenfranchised with her life, she turned to the internet to find people in similar situations. She became more cold and distant towards the family, and my father's anger over slowly losing her led to the abuse becoming physical as well. I was always the witness to their fighting, and to this day I experience tremendous anxiety around raised voices and arguments.
Although I didn't see it this way at the time, my mother thankfully escaped the hell that my father was putting her through- she moved in with a friend from the internet, and they soon became romantically involved. After some threats from my father, my mother and her new boyfriend moved to Washington state, where his family lived. A few years later, my father admitted that he was incapable of raising me both financially and emotionally, so he sent me to live with my mother. Life under my step-father was hard; he had actual rules to place on me, unlike my biological father, which led to constant problems between us. Although I was young, I was a disobedient little monster by this point; I considered myself to be the last line of resistance against a man that had stolen my mother. Ironically, I would grow to consider Ron, my step-father, to become one of my best friends in the world, but that's another story.
Due to Ron's work, the family moved around quite a bit: first, we moved from Washington to Long Island, New York. It was there that I met a close internet friend that I had known since I first started chatting. I had had minor relationships during high school back in Washington, but this became something serious. The only complication was that it was still a very uncomfortable distance: New York to her part of Massachusetts was about four hours, traffic gods be willing. I got myself a decent apartment near her and took the advice of a certain song: I put a ring on it. Things were great, for a while, but luckily we didn't go through with the engagement or I would be divorced right now, on top of being lonely. After spending a lonely year in New England (including a lonely, cold Christmas), I made the 44 hour drive to California with my dog and my punching bag, and now here I am. I made my fair share of mistakes along the way, and I will admit my fault where it's appropriate.
As for my life in California, well... I have a large extended family out here, but it's really like meeting strangers every time we visit for the holidays. I could blabber on endlessly about myself, but I honestly don't know what more I can say at this point except to drop a simple: Hello!
