Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum, I hope I can get some great advices from you guys!
First off I'd like to talk about my life, I'm very sorry for the wall of text I'm about to make but this is something that has to be done, I've never expressed myself like I'm going to do right now so please forgive me for making you read so much. I hope any of you can help me out, that would be much appreciated.
Ever since I can remember as a child I've always been somewhat sensitive towards many things in life, things that common people wouldn't mind. For example, I remember when I was like 6 years old I used to watch those Mickey Mouse shows and for some reason I used to cry every time when an episode ended, also I used to cry more than the regular kids around that age. I don't know if it has anything to do with my personal problems nowadays but I don't know, somehow I feel it does. Very deep inside I feel like I am a very good person who doesn't want to harm anybody nor does want bad things to happen (Perhaps it's the reason I'm so "weak").
As far as I can recall as a kid I never had any of these problems like shyness, social anxiety or depression, I was just like any regular unworried kid. BUT, somehow things changed, my life went downhill just in the blink of an eye. See, my family used to be kind of poor until I reached certain age. When I was 15 years old the economy within my family grew drastically so my family decided to move to another area where we no longer needed up deal with gangs, thieves and so on. In other words, my family moved to a better place that could offer my brothers and I a better environment in order to brought us up away from all the bad influences that streets have to offer. It would be a great idea for anybody but for me it wasn't and the sad part of it is that I couldn't imagine what was coming for me.
Living in this new place was a good thing, a good thing that one's parents would do without hesitating. The thing is, all of this moving affected me. You might be wondering why and how it affected me. It did affect me because I was a new kid that was just a little bit shy (I don't even know if shy was the correct word since I find its meaning is too much for the context itself) that had to meet all of these people, act like them and everything else, not to mention that my parents also took me to this new school around the new place we had recently moved a few months ago. Let me remind you that I was a kid that came from poor neighborhoods so I didn't know this side of the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking like if I moved from the poorest to the richest place of the world, I just moved to another place where people had more money and were DIFFERENT, it's like comparing a ghetto to a standard place (I know I'm having some hard time with defining how was the crossing part since I don't live in the US and english isn't my first language).
Up to this day I still don't know why but I started to act weird, I just didn't know how to handle these situations. I was struggling really hard to meet all the new people I was supposed to meet. All of sudden I began looking down on myself, feeling weird since I couldn't find my place in school due to being "different" and without even knowing it... I winded up being a SHY PERSON. After some months I met all of these people in my school but they weren't really my friends, they never invited me to their parties and to be honest I wouldn't have gone there since I felt like if I didn't have the right clothes to go there, or like if I couldn't handle the situation over there... and guess what? it led me to DEPRESSION. I would try to get their attention and act like a clown because very deep inside I was alone... anyway in the end I made some really close friends in school but that's it. As for girls none... girl ever got interested in me. You want to know what was the worst part to handle? Seeing my parents and brothers making fun of me saying things like "you have no friends", "go and get yourself a girlfriend", "stop sneaking off into your room for many hours" and so on... indeed I HAD to tell them not to tell me those things...
That's exactly what happened to me in school... let me say what it's been in college since it's been much worse. I barely have like 5 close friends, the rest is just people I know but they aren't really my friends and they would never invite me for anything. I have never got any girl and my grades aren't that good. I would go depressed for weeks and feel worthless and I'm not going to lie... I've thought of killing myself many times already. I know my life is a disaster, my grades suck, I'm ******* shy so I can barely get any friend, I have no girlfriend... indeed I AM 21 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND NOR KISSED A GIRL IN MY LIFE. Yes this is how depressing and pointless my life is.
I'm really determined to change my life, I'm already trying to overcome my depression and accept and love myself as I am but many things are still the same, what do you guys think I should do? Thanks for those to take their time to read this, it means a lot to me.
Anything you guys want to ask me, I'm here deliver the answer.
First off I'd like to talk about my life, I'm very sorry for the wall of text I'm about to make but this is something that has to be done, I've never expressed myself like I'm going to do right now so please forgive me for making you read so much. I hope any of you can help me out, that would be much appreciated.
Ever since I can remember as a child I've always been somewhat sensitive towards many things in life, things that common people wouldn't mind. For example, I remember when I was like 6 years old I used to watch those Mickey Mouse shows and for some reason I used to cry every time when an episode ended, also I used to cry more than the regular kids around that age. I don't know if it has anything to do with my personal problems nowadays but I don't know, somehow I feel it does. Very deep inside I feel like I am a very good person who doesn't want to harm anybody nor does want bad things to happen (Perhaps it's the reason I'm so "weak").
As far as I can recall as a kid I never had any of these problems like shyness, social anxiety or depression, I was just like any regular unworried kid. BUT, somehow things changed, my life went downhill just in the blink of an eye. See, my family used to be kind of poor until I reached certain age. When I was 15 years old the economy within my family grew drastically so my family decided to move to another area where we no longer needed up deal with gangs, thieves and so on. In other words, my family moved to a better place that could offer my brothers and I a better environment in order to brought us up away from all the bad influences that streets have to offer. It would be a great idea for anybody but for me it wasn't and the sad part of it is that I couldn't imagine what was coming for me.
Living in this new place was a good thing, a good thing that one's parents would do without hesitating. The thing is, all of this moving affected me. You might be wondering why and how it affected me. It did affect me because I was a new kid that was just a little bit shy (I don't even know if shy was the correct word since I find its meaning is too much for the context itself) that had to meet all of these people, act like them and everything else, not to mention that my parents also took me to this new school around the new place we had recently moved a few months ago. Let me remind you that I was a kid that came from poor neighborhoods so I didn't know this side of the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking like if I moved from the poorest to the richest place of the world, I just moved to another place where people had more money and were DIFFERENT, it's like comparing a ghetto to a standard place (I know I'm having some hard time with defining how was the crossing part since I don't live in the US and english isn't my first language).
Up to this day I still don't know why but I started to act weird, I just didn't know how to handle these situations. I was struggling really hard to meet all the new people I was supposed to meet. All of sudden I began looking down on myself, feeling weird since I couldn't find my place in school due to being "different" and without even knowing it... I winded up being a SHY PERSON. After some months I met all of these people in my school but they weren't really my friends, they never invited me to their parties and to be honest I wouldn't have gone there since I felt like if I didn't have the right clothes to go there, or like if I couldn't handle the situation over there... and guess what? it led me to DEPRESSION. I would try to get their attention and act like a clown because very deep inside I was alone... anyway in the end I made some really close friends in school but that's it. As for girls none... girl ever got interested in me. You want to know what was the worst part to handle? Seeing my parents and brothers making fun of me saying things like "you have no friends", "go and get yourself a girlfriend", "stop sneaking off into your room for many hours" and so on... indeed I HAD to tell them not to tell me those things...
That's exactly what happened to me in school... let me say what it's been in college since it's been much worse. I barely have like 5 close friends, the rest is just people I know but they aren't really my friends and they would never invite me for anything. I have never got any girl and my grades aren't that good. I would go depressed for weeks and feel worthless and I'm not going to lie... I've thought of killing myself many times already. I know my life is a disaster, my grades suck, I'm ******* shy so I can barely get any friend, I have no girlfriend... indeed I AM 21 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND NOR KISSED A GIRL IN MY LIFE. Yes this is how depressing and pointless my life is.
I'm really determined to change my life, I'm already trying to overcome my depression and accept and love myself as I am but many things are still the same, what do you guys think I should do? Thanks for those to take their time to read this, it means a lot to me.
Anything you guys want to ask me, I'm here deliver the answer.