Absolutes

[grundel70]

Nobody loves me.

I don't have any friends at all

I will never meet anyone.

Does any of this sound familiar?

One thing I noticed when I get really depressed and lonely is that I start to think in absolutes. I think that nothing will change, and how I feel right now will never end. I think in tems of never, no one, and no body. I think that no body will ever love me no matter what. I think that I will never meet anyone special. I think that I don't have any friends.

But you know what? None of that is true!

Does anyone love me? I don't know. However that is an emotion that I cannot control. I can't make anyone love me. The only thing I can do is try and be someone that is worthy of love. I can't speak for anyone else, but as long as I wallow in self pity, as long as I have hate in my heart, then how could I expect anyone to love me? I would not seek out those traits in anyone. I have never said to a young lady "Wow, you hae a beautiful frown!". However, I may notice a pretty girl who is frowning and try and get her to smile...

Love starts with self love. When I hate myself (and at times I do, just like we all do I beleive) I then try and look at what it is that I hate about myself. Is it that I give up alot? Is it that I am too fat? Is it that I have no money? These are all things that we can affect in ourselves. Even things like being social awkward! It is something that just takes practice.

What about the fact that I don't have any friends? Well all the people I grew up with have moved away. But they are still my friends. I have met people here that I talk to alot. They are my friends. I have people at work that care about me. Are they not my friends? Heck a young lady at work asked me to go out with her Friday for drinks! How can I say I don't have any friends? The way I made these friends was pretty simple. I talked to people. I said nice things, and I complimented them.

I will never meet anyone. I wonder why I think this. I did not have my frist girl friend until I was 25 years old. Before I was 25 I thought that I would always be a virgin, and that I would never have a girl friend. But I did meet someone! I ended up marrying her. When the marriage fell apart I thought that I would never know happiness again. But it passed and I did! I met a bunch of young ladies since then. Been engaged once, but that didn't last. Met other girls...some I dated for a while, some I only went out once with. Some I cried over, some I didn't. The point of all of this is that my life has been a constant state of flux. My life has changed so much. Sometimes I go a long time in the same rut. Sometimes I don't. No matter where I find myself, however, something eventually changes...for the better or for the worse. I have learned that the good times will eventually end, and I will always get over the bad times. It will not last forever. All I can do is learn from my mistakes, and relish in my victories.

Thanks for listening to me. I hope that something I said helps someone. If it doesn't, well thanks for reading anyway

Love you guys...

 

[Terminus]

Another great post grundel70, thank you!

I think what you're saying is spot on. It has taken me a long time to realise that there are many things about myself and my situation that I can change and improve. It definately gives me hope about the future - you just have to give it time. If you try to rush it you might star feeling like it's just not possible and end up disappointing yourself.

 

[packyourbags]

GREAT POST!!!!
(hug)
agree with you, 100%!
just one thing - the bad times don't last forever as well, eh? <3

 

[lingo]

GREAT POST!!!!
(hug)
agree with you, 100%!
just one thing - the bad times don't last forever as well, eh? <3

Ya, it's really great post.
Nah. Nothing is forever. So, bad times don't last forever, too.
Cheers

 

[Pasha Selim]

Thank you, grundel70. We are from same generation (I'm born in 1971) but you are so mature and wise.
Your post helped me. Right now I'm thinking that maybe 90% of people despise me and laugh at me but there is a guy who called me today literally "my friend". He is an admirable, popular person and called me "his friend". So it's not true that "I don't have any friends at all". I'll try to be a good fellow and keep a good relation with my friend George.

 

[Gothmother]

Grundel, you are one of the most lovely and sincerely honest men ive ever had the pleasure of gettin to know.
Thank you for being you.
(((hugs))))

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

That was an awesome post man.

 

[Quit Claim]

Spot on advice.
It's strange how such small details can actually make the biggest difference.

 

[Brian]

Another eloquent Grundelation.

I think I needed that. I know in the back of my mind that those things are true, I guess. But sometimes it takes someone else to re-affirm it, you know? So it was a good read. I definitely have problems with 'Absolutes' when I really get in a rut. And that's when depression sets in: When I can't see anything but a dark future in regard to something.

And Pasha, that's great. I'm glad to hear you've found a friend, and even more glad to see that you cherish that friendship. A friend who truly appreciates friendship is the truest sort of friend. Too many people take this for granted in the world today, I think. Irrelevant things cloud their judgement.

 

[Naleena]

Another eloquent Grundelation.

I think I have discovered a new vocabulary word....lol I like it! Wonderful job, Grundel.

 

[SilentThinker]

Great post.xD

I sure like this sentence,"All I can do is learn from my mistakes, and relish in my victories. "