MentatsGhoul
Well-known member
Look. I know this just sounds like another self-defeating, overdramatic thread. I know all the responses are probably just gonna be "But you're young, things can change!". But, trust me when I say, I know myself, and I gotta face facts.
I know it probably sounds like I'm exaggerating. I'm quite smart, depending on how open I can be with someone, I can be quite funny, I don't have any serious personality disorders other than depression and likely some anxiety, which don't really affect who you are at your core as a person, and, I AM still young. But... I just don't get along with people. I just don't. I try and try, I haven't made any progress at all, in fact, things get worse year to year. I've been rejected, cast aside by all my peers for my entire life. At school, I was the kid who sat alone at lunch, or was just quiet while sitting with others. When I try to speak up, people will give a polite smile and not, and continue to ignore me. In university, I'm the guy who just shows up for lectures, who never gets beyond the "what do you study" and "where are you from" conversation. I try to go out, join clubs, do everything in my power, and always the same, always the same isolation and rejection. Even having friends is a luxury for me most of them time, and the rare times I do, it never lasts. Most of the time, the only people who "like" me are only so because they find some of my "issues" relatable to them, or they project someone else onto me, or they just need someone to use to get rid of their own loneliness. Romance is... an impossibilty for someone like me. That "spark" is never there for someone else with me. It just never is. I'm not a horrid person. Just not someone anyone can really be into. I'm always the "You SHOULD be able to find someone, just not me" guy.
Or, maybe not quite impossible. Certainly improbable beyond any reasonable doubt. Ultimately I could settle for one of the very, very rare girls who likes me for one of the aforementioned reasons, or just over my looks. But that chance is very low. And even if I do, the chances of things working for more than a few months is significantly lower still. It's just... not enough to even bother getting my hopes up. I just wish I could find some way to accept this.
I know it probably sounds like I'm exaggerating. I'm quite smart, depending on how open I can be with someone, I can be quite funny, I don't have any serious personality disorders other than depression and likely some anxiety, which don't really affect who you are at your core as a person, and, I AM still young. But... I just don't get along with people. I just don't. I try and try, I haven't made any progress at all, in fact, things get worse year to year. I've been rejected, cast aside by all my peers for my entire life. At school, I was the kid who sat alone at lunch, or was just quiet while sitting with others. When I try to speak up, people will give a polite smile and not, and continue to ignore me. In university, I'm the guy who just shows up for lectures, who never gets beyond the "what do you study" and "where are you from" conversation. I try to go out, join clubs, do everything in my power, and always the same, always the same isolation and rejection. Even having friends is a luxury for me most of them time, and the rare times I do, it never lasts. Most of the time, the only people who "like" me are only so because they find some of my "issues" relatable to them, or they project someone else onto me, or they just need someone to use to get rid of their own loneliness. Romance is... an impossibilty for someone like me. That "spark" is never there for someone else with me. It just never is. I'm not a horrid person. Just not someone anyone can really be into. I'm always the "You SHOULD be able to find someone, just not me" guy.
Or, maybe not quite impossible. Certainly improbable beyond any reasonable doubt. Ultimately I could settle for one of the very, very rare girls who likes me for one of the aforementioned reasons, or just over my looks. But that chance is very low. And even if I do, the chances of things working for more than a few months is significantly lower still. It's just... not enough to even bother getting my hopes up. I just wish I could find some way to accept this.