Addicted to Love

[Not Dying Today]

I feel like the strongest driving force in my life is to be desired by another person.

Isn't that strange? That strikes me as incredibly unhealthy. It's difficult for me even, to wrap my mind around, but I find that whenever I am without a significant other all of my passion for anything drains from me. I'm not just talking about the depression that comes from a break up, either. I mean over a year after, when the shock has worn off and I've actually come to agree with him that we were poorly matched, and I'm not in love with him anymore.

In the interim, I try to 'reconnect' with myself. I try to figure out which of my hobbies or interests I might like to busy myself with today. Would I like to sew something pretty? Read a book? Study a language (supposedly, my biggest interest)? Learn to play an instrument? Write? Go out to a club and practice my pool? I mean, we're not even talking the necessary day to day tasks that come up like moping the floor, trimming the rose bushes, or weeding the garden. These are supposedly the things that I am interested in and enjoy, and I feel like I have zero response to them.

The only thing I can think of is a particular guy who has my interest right now. If nothing materializes with him, even if there isn't an 'interest' to replace him, I am finding from experience that I just don't seem to have the capacity to be happy without some kind of romantic love in my life. I'll catch myself just whiling away the days online, bouncing from stupid social networking/infantile entertainment/beauty and human interest websites. Such a waste...

I probably need therapy...

 

[DayvanCowboy]

One thing I have found out about myself is that I have dependency issues. I feel the exact same way as you do when it comes to meeting someone and no matter how hard you want it or try, it was destined for failure since day 1. The people I have lost a hold of from my past, I still feel depressed about it and it cripples me. Even the normal things that I used to have no problem doing are so unbearable now. Especially when certain things remind me of a certain someone. Then I get put off completely and never get back into that activity or hobby.

When you want someone so bad that it becomes such a big problem for your mental health and life overall you really need to understand that you are just not doing the right things to get them off your mind. All I can say is keep busy, listen to music, go to concerts (even if it is by yourself), or the movies. You don't have to do the other things you mentioned. Just do the little things that can provide some comfort with your thoughts and feelings of being so lonely and wanting someone right now.

For what you are going through. Therapy would be a good idea. It honestly has not worked for me, but it might for yourself.

Also, I must stress again like I did with another thread that meeting someone should not instantly make you happy. Meeting somebody who is also depressed and lonely will more than likely end up a mess. IF there is that pattern in your life where you always end up by yourself no matter how many times you meet somebody, then it is time to really think about yourself and try to find people to just talk to for now. Try to find someone that will help you and in turn you help them. The result will not be that to create something romantic between each other, but you will be helping one another and it will more than likely help you with your feelings.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeap...its' draining.

I go to meetings all the time...there's been much improvment as for as soscial net working IRL.
Yeap we all need love. Yes I have friends an people that cares about me...male and female.

Yeah... I miss having a signficent in my life. I miss having dinner Jenni or just being around her.
I miss hearing her beautiful vioce. I miss her touch.

Yes...even my new friend which happens to be a girl...She physically touches me all the time and talks
to me alot about a lot of deep personal subjects. To a certain degree it's healing me and it's helping.

Never the less...there's something missing out of my life. I miss losing and drowning myself into a woman