Afraid of dating

[Lost_N_Alone]

I've only had about two relationships in my life. They were both long drawn out affairs with definitely the wrong people. They ended up using me and taking advantage of me. My own fault really. The trouble is that I never technically dated. I wasn't the one who started the relationship each time. I was friends with both girls first and they initiated it.
It's been over six years since my last relationship ended. I've tried to convince myself that I'm either not ready to date, can't afford it, not interested in anyone, etc. but I'm running out of excuses. I'm really lonely and really want to find someone special. The thing that holds me back is that I'm actually terrified of dating, pathetic as that sounds. Even the thought of someone getting close to me makes me want to run. I can't stand the awkwardness of getting to know someone. There is no one that I know in person who I could date and I really don't know how to meet people. I doubt I'd be able to even talk to anyone at any tpye of singles event. Has anyone else experienced this and overcome it? I've never been good at conquering my fears. This is really depressing me.

 

[vivid_details]

I can completely understand what you're going through. I've never dated in my life, ever, but I fear rejection, fear being used or hurt. I never quite believe anyone could be interested in me and before they get a chance to tell me that they aren't interested, I run away emotionally. I strictly only allow a friendly relationship.

Alas Lost_N_Alone, I have no clue whatsoever of how to overcome it, but I just want you to know that you are not alone in this matter.

 

[Guest]

me to mate you are about the same age as me and i have only had two relashionships both of them only lasting just under a year and the last one ended when i wos 18. so that's 14 years on my own "god i never know it wos that long in tell i just worked it out" anyway i also live on my own and have done seans i wos 20.

vivid, i hope you don't mind but i  have read your bio and you seem a very interesting girl. am sure its not going to be long in tell you find your significant other.

 

[vivid_details]

thank you guest...i guess we just have to keep up the hope and not give up.

I know someone who was a really shy person, she never dated or came near dating until she was 40 when she found her husband. Well, they found each other, and she's never been happier. She's glad she waited all those years for him.

 

[Bluey]

thank you guest...i guess we just have to keep up the hope and not give up.

I know someone who was a really shy person, she never dated or came near dating until she was 40 when she found her husband. Well, they found each other, and she's never been happier. She's glad she waited all those years for him.

wow! well that gives us all hope. well am the gusst that you replid to.

well am 32 and i do think that you get moor confedents as you get older. but on the releshenshep thing i think it can get moor defecult the older you get.

but it dose go to show that there is hope for us all.

 

[Lost_N_Alone]

I can completely understand what you're going through. I've never dated in my life, ever, but I fear rejection, fear being used or hurt. I never quite believe anyone could be interested in me and before they get a chance to tell me that they aren't interested, I run away emotionally. I strictly only allow a friendly relationship.

Thank you vivid_details.  I feel the same way.  The main reason I fear getting close to someone is because I know (well I guess more like fear) that nobody could possibly be interested in me.  Anytime anyone shows any interest in me I come up with reasons why they're either not genuine or why I wouldn't be interested.  It's all because I fear that once they really get to know me they will see what a terrible person I really am and reject me.  

I know someone who was a really shy person, she never dated or came near dating until she was 40 when she found her husband. Well, they found each other, and she's never been happier. She's glad she waited all those years for him.

Wow, that really gives me hope and makes me feel like I'm not necessarily going to end up miserable and alone.  I'd rather go all my life alone waiting for the right person, then spending my life with someone who is the wrong person.  I didn't used to feel this way but now I do.  It is better to be by myself than with the wrong person.

me to mate you are about the same age as me and i have only had two relashionships both of them only lasting just under a year and the last one ended when i wos 18. so that's 14 years on my own "god i never know it wos that long in tell i just worked it out" anyway i also live on my own and have done seans i wos 20.

Thanks for your response.  I guess we can just not give up hope.  Even if we're not with anyone and by ourselves, at least we know we're not with someone who will make us miserable.

 

[Bluey]

Thanks for your response.  I guess we can just not give up hope.  Even if we're not with anyone and by ourselves, at least we know we're not with someone who will make us miserable.

that is trow. you see couples fighting and sometimes it makes me feel glad to be alone.

 

[Guest]

i need a gf

 

[Bluey]

i need a gf

me and u m8.

well a long time ago when i wos struggling for cash a friend told me not to worry coz u never know what's round the corner.

will it turned out well in the end on the cash front.

so wot am saying is you might work round the corner and bump into the love of your life.

keep hope alive

 

[Guest]

Hors here,

hahahaha, what a hell!  I seriously thought it's my unknown secret!! i thought that no one have the same problem of mine!!!  was always thinkin of my situation and always thinkin what a looser i'm!  surely i'm not that looser! surely there's something!

now i'm 28yr, and i'm getting paranoid.  the funny thing that i always thought i'm a v.good person, with good brain which made me become sooo modest that no many people would understand !

now it's spring and nearly summer! you go for a walk (anywhere! city centre,park,near the beach) all you can see is happy couples!!!   couples from all different kind of humanity!  ugly men with very prety girls, handsome men with not very prety girls, people with different ethnic background,with differenc cultures.....................BUT ME!!!  

honestly i feel just like i would like to laugh!  lol   sometimes,i dont speak for a whole day! i start to say jokes to myself and laugh at them! how crap is that!!!   how funny and tragic is that!

being alone make things even worst!!! once you entre this bloody circule it become so so hard to get out of it!! once you're there! that's it! u have to be really lucky to get out of it!!  becuase it's like a generator. the long you're lonely the more diffecult you can get rid of it!

i just dont know what to do anymore guys, i really dont know what to do!

i'm prety much like you Lost_alone!! i always made excuses for me of not dating for lone time! and now when there's no much excuses, i confronted with myself! yeah, it's a fear of dating. but i know why, i have some reasons! i have never been like normal people, never been like those who enjoy simple things in life, who's reading OK magazine (a famous British celebrity magazine) i have always considered that most people talking about things i'm not actually interested!!!!
i always liked to talk about supernatural, about the Universe, about UFO, about far stars..........
i watch documentries alot, and i do like them indeed

anyway, i have to go now, i have to go to Uni so,i'll come back later

 

[Guest]

f HELLO EVERYONE

 

[Lost_N_Alone]

Hors here,

hahahaha, what a hell!  I seriously thought it's my unknown secret!! i thought that no one have the same problem of mine!!!  was always thinkin of my situation and always thinkin what a looser i'm!  surely i'm not that looser! surely there's something!

now i'm 28yr, and i'm getting paranoid.  the funny thing that i always thought i'm a v.good person, with good brain which made me become sooo modest that no many people would understand !

now it's spring and nearly summer! you go for a walk (anywhere! city centre,park,near the beach) all you can see is happy couples!!!   couples from all different kind of humanity!  ugly men with very prety girls, handsome men with not very prety girls, people with different ethnic background,with differenc cultures.....................BUT ME!!!  

honestly i feel just like i would like to laugh!  lol   sometimes,i dont speak for a whole day! i start to say jokes to myself and laugh at them! how crap is that!!!   how funny and tragic is that!

being alone make things even worst!!! once you entre this bloody circule it become so so hard to get out of it!! once you're there! that's it! u have to be really lucky to get out of it!!  becuase it's like a generator. the long you're lonely the more diffecult you can get rid of it!

i just dont know what to do anymore guys, i really dont know what to do!

i'm prety much like you Lost_alone!! i always made excuses for me of not dating for lone time! and now when there's no much excuses, i confronted with myself! yeah, it's a fear of dating. but i know why, i have some reasons! i have never been like normal people, never been like those who enjoy simple things in life, who's reading OK magazine (a famous British celebrity magazine) i have always considered that most people talking about things i'm not actually interested!!!!
i always liked to talk about supernatural, about the Universe, about UFO, about far stars..........
i watch documentries alot, and i do like them indeed

anyway, i have to go now, i have to go to Uni so,i'll come back later

Hi there, no sadly you are not the only one. I feel the same way. If you know the reasons for your fear that's a good start. I know my reasons too but it doesn't seem to help me overcome this fear.

I am really tired of walking by myself and seeing all these couples. Even though I know they're not always that happy, it really hurts me. I wish so much that I could have someone to hold hands with, talk to and be close with. In the end it only makes me mad at myself because when it comes down to it, I'm the only one holding me back. Fear. Fear holds me back. I do have some legitimate reasons for my fear but since I got people to actually be with me before, then there has to be someone who would want me. The problem is how to find them, and how to not run away when I do. The more time that passes the harder it gets.

I've always felt like I wasn't normal and like I'm different from other people. I too like the supernatural and documentaries. But it's more than that.

Well even though I have no advice to offer you, all I can say is you're not alone and I hope it helps knowing that.