Age difference outside my comfort zone.

[Alonewith2cats]

A lot of young guys have a thing for older women, he might just be fishing or a spammer but then he might be sincere as well and just not know what else to write. It can be intimidating on line to try and write something to a stranger.

If it were me, given it is all online you could just chat to him for a while, provided you keep it online he can't do anything to you if he is a fake and if he isn't well you never know.

True. Well, I like younger men but if they're really young like early 20s then I don't feel comfortable. They have to be late 20s or 30s for me to be o.k. with it.

Thanks for all your replies. I have made my decision.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well, I'm 25, and I can assure you that last year I was just the same as I am now. I'll wait for September to see if I change any after moving into being 26.

Sorry this is a bit off topic... but Nilla! We have the same birth month and birth year! I am just 4 days older than you. Hello fellow late Septemberian.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, I'm 25, and I can assure you that last year I was just the same as I am now. I'll wait for September to see if I change any after moving into being 26.

Sorry this is a bit off topic... but Nilla! We have the same birth month and birth year! I am just 4 days older than you. Hello fellow late Septemberian.

Oh! Hello! Yes, mine is September 30th. By the time it comes around, everyone wants Halloween to arrive. I also can't ever get over how it sounds like a time, 9/30... Like I'm late for dinner.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well, I'm 25, and I can assure you that last year I was just the same as I am now. I'll wait for September to see if I change any after moving into being 26.

Sorry this is a bit off topic... but Nilla! We have the same birth month and birth year! I am just 4 days older than you. Hello fellow late Septemberian.

Oh! Hello! Yes, mine is September 30th. By the time it comes around, everyone wants Halloween to arrive. I also can't ever get over how it sounds like a time, 9/30... Like I'm late for dinner.

Hehe.. lucky me I don't celebrate Halloween, neither do most people around me.

Lol.. it does sound like the time now that you put it that way.

 

[VeganAtheist]

I would say exchange a few messages with him first and see what happens. Sending messages are free. You don't have to make any sort of commitment with him.

I always respond to messages, even if they don't interest me. It doesn't hurt. It's free. It's low risk. You never know what can happen.

 

[ShybutHi]

I would say exchange a few messages with him first and see what happens. Sending messages are free. You don't have to make any sort of commitment with him.

I always respond to messages, even if they don't interest me. It doesn't hurt. It's free. It's low risk. You never know what can happen.

Same here I always respond too, does not exactly take much effort and you are not committing to anything. It is a shame that there are so so many women out there on those sites that just don't bother to respond at all. Maybe they get flooded with messages from guys so it really would be a lot of effort to respond.

 

[Legato]

Age shouldn't be too much of a problem if you're after happiness. Although, we all have our different tastes etc, so I wouldn't judge you for it.

I guess we all have our limits with the age thing, but if you get on then go for it. Sometimes us guys in our 20's find it easier chatting to older women.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I made my decision. I don't want to. I can tell him he is too young for me, no problem.

I understand a lot of guys are not liking the women not responding thing on dating sites and they take it very seriously, way too seriously. They shouldn't. I don't take it seriously when it comes to complete strangers I have never met before on a website. I think it's better and kinder not to respond to the ones I'm not interested in. And I would want the ones not interested in me not to respond to me as well. Otherwise it leads the other to believe there is interest and then one has to write out deliberate rejections in their messages which can be spared by simply no response. Also there are people who can get really hostile from by receiving a message of rejection on-line, or they will persist with "why not?" messages, further keeping the lines of communication open that ought to be closed.

And to those guys who respond to women they're not interested in on-line. if you're not attracted to them and don't want to meet them will you actually tell them that? I think that's more unkind. Why not just on-line chat with the ones you want to?

 

[ShybutHi]

Yeah, some guys do seem to take it seriously that they get no response. Personally I went into it already knowing that the chance of a girl responding or sending me a message is essentially 0. I believe that a lot of women, especially women in ther teens and early/mid 20s, set up their profile and use dating websites passively, basically waiting for mr dream man who looks like johnny depp and has a holiday home in Hawaii to pop up in their inbox.

Personally I would not just bluntly say I am not attracted, that makes it seem like you only care about looks and could hurt someone if they liked you, it is like telling someone they are too ugly for you. I would not say that to anyone, it is very mean and for me looks are only a very small part of attraction in the first place. If we seemed to not gel in conversation (maybe you are looking for someone with different interests or lifestyle), then I see no harm in honestly saying that.

 

[VeganAtheist]

And to those guys who respond to women they're not interested in on-line. if you're not attracted to them and don't want to meet them will you actually tell them that? I think that's more unkind. Why not just on-line chat with the ones you want to?

Depends. If I am not at all attracted AND we have nothing in common, I would just politely say something like "Hey, you seem like a cool person but I don't think we have much in common. I wish you luck on your search!"

If I am not attracted but it seems like we could be friends, I would explain that.

For me, it just seems kinda rude to not say anything. Someone obviously thought well enough about me to put in the effort, even if it's only a little, so I will acknowledge that effort by replying to them.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I respect your point of view but I am not going to make an effort to send someone a message to reject him. To me, that is unkind. I would rather not respond. Plus, on-line dating is scarier for women. To me, they are all total strangers. I don't know any of them personally and if I don't feel any interest I would rather just leave it alone than get to know someone personally who I know I'm going to reject just on the basis of lack of physical attraction. This is one of the reasons I don't like on-line dating. It does make people shallow because seeing their picture and profile gives very limited information plus I find it impossible to figure out if there is any chemistry on a website, and there is too much pressure. In real life you can be acquaintances with someone with no pressure to become more, friends with someone with no pressure to become more and if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't. No big deal. On the internet there is the expectation that if you talk to these people you are going to date them and they don't want to be friends. And I see the world of on-line dating as a whole lot of complete strangers in which there is no established trust, I take a risk every time I give my phone number to any one of them, I don't want to be in the awkward position to send a rejection message, so I will only have a conversation with an on-line stranger looking to score a date only if I feel at least some level of interest.

 

[wolvesjr]

I respect your point of view but I am not going to make an effort to send someone a message to reject him. To me, that is unkind. I would rather not respond...

I would definitely agree with you Alone. Better to just let it go without a response. No need to throw the rejection in his face even if it just would be for the age difference. And and age difference is really just a number and it's different for everyone.

 

[painter's radio]

I respect your point of view but I am not going to make an effort to send someone a message to reject him. To me, that is unkind. I would rather not respond. Plus, on-line dating is scarier for women. To me, they are all total strangers. I don't know any of them personally and if I don't feel any interest I would rather just leave it alone than get to know someone personally who I know I'm going to reject just on the basis of lack of physical attraction. This is one of the reasons I don't like on-line dating. It does make people shallow because seeing their picture and profile gives very limited information plus I find it impossible to figure out if there is any chemistry on a website, and there is too much pressure. In real life you can be acquaintances with someone with no pressure to become more, friends with someone with no pressure to become more and if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't. No big deal. On the internet there is the expectation that if you talk to these people you are going to date them and they don't want to be friends. And I see the world of on-line dating as a whole lot of complete strangers in which there is no established trust, I take a risk every time I give my phone number to any one of them, I don't want to be in the awkward position to send a rejection message, so I will only have a conversation with an on-line stranger looking to score a date only if I feel at least some level of interest.

I do see where you're coming from, and if I put myself into the equation from the perspective of the person being rejected, I have to ask myself which would hurt/annoy/whatever me more? To be ignored or to be told a harsh truth?

Obviously if the girl who is rejecting me lacks any form of tact and says something like "You're ugly, go away" then yeah, I wouldn't want to hear that. But that would say far more about what kind of person she is than it would me. But yes, I'd prefer some sugar-coated version of it than to be rudely ignored completely. Perhaps though this is because I'd put thought into any message I'd be sending. If I take the time out of my day to message you, it's common courtesy for you to do the same. It's lazy and cowardice not to because you "don't want to be in the awkward position to send a rejection message".

Is it any wonder there is so much bitterness about online dating, when people ignore those who put in the effort? Is it any wonder that (oh God, sorry for bringing up this topic, but it's relevant, I swear!) "nice guys" turn out to be horrid, bitter ********? Please don't think I'm blaming you for it. Obviously many people can't be bothered to reject people either. But it's no doubt a big contributor to why people get so red-butt about it.

I do see your other point, too. About the "WHY THOUGH?'s. Aint no one got time for that!

May I ask what you have in your "looking for" on OKC? Do you have 'New friends' there? Or just dating.

 

[barky]

I think it comes down to the sheer number of messages. Women get hundreds; men get the odd one that can have one's undivided attention. Ladies aren't ignoring guys per se. They can only respond to so many. Biggest lesson from online dating is that rejection is more frequent than connection. Just gotta keep your head up, and understand that it happens to all men.