aging gracefully

[jodyathornton]

Since I've always had low self-esteem and suffered from depression, it's really hard to pinpoint what is really wrong with me deep down.
I know a big part of what's wrong with me now is aging. I'm almost 57 now and it's taking it's toll. I know people are suppose to age gracefully (whatever in the hell that's suppose to really mean), but I can't seem to be able to do it. Through the years, I was a nice looking woman but now I can't stand to look in the mirror. I use to wear makeup and dress nice but now I just don't care what I do because it seems like no matter how I fix up, I'm still unattractive. At this stage of my life, it would be nice to have somebody to grow old with but since I have low self-esteem, I can't seem to attract anyone except for the older guys who I'm just not attracted to or someone who just wants a "good" time. I'm just not into that. I don't even have a sex drive anymore so that's out of the question anyway lol. I suppose part of that is because my hormones are so whacky now but I've recently started taking the bioidentical hormones so hopefully it will change. I don't know if there's an answer to my dilemma or not. I know that when it's my time to go, I'm ready because there's really nothing left for me here anyway. I know I need to be here for my mother who is 84 (and healthier than I am) but I'm just tired of just existing and not having a life.
Every time I post something on here, I keep expecting bad feedback but everyone's been so nice and I really appreciate it. It's nice to get this stuff off my chest.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You look like a pretty looking woman to me....You don't look old to me.
Nah...don't let them kiddies get to you.
You have got to read some of the post the kids write...they're only in there's teens or early 20's
and the think they're old...lmao
They ain't seen nothing yet...

I'm in my 40's..most people in real life thinks I'm in my late 20's or 30's..lmao
By the way i type...or talk in the chat room...people are actaully surprized I'm in my 40's
O rly ??? i ma being childish...errr !!!

My ex-gf is 10 years older than me...she definitely dosn't act her age.lol
She's a very attactive woman..
Yes..sometimes she thinks about her age but i just have to remind her...it dosn't really have anything
to do with her age.
Yes..she has wrinkles here and there..to me she looks very beautiful..
That's one of the reason why i have a hardtime getting over her...I'm very attractive to her.
She dress like a little 20 year old...when she's wearing casual.

I know a friend..she's single again...She's my age. She steals and wears her daughter's clothe..
She dosn't act her age...whatever the hell that is...(like old people or an elephant looking for a grave yard).
She's got AC/DC blasting in her new mustang..

You are as young as you think or feel.
I met a lady that lived over a hundred and she still walked.

My sponsor is in his late 50's or early 60's...
He has relationship problems with his GF..lmao
She's in her 50's..but she looks like she's in her 40's
He acts like he's in his 20's.
He's a doctor and when it's time to get serious and get down to bussiness he dose in his bussiness suit.
But i know him on a personal level. He bascailly acts like a kid..crack jokes and luagh all the time.

You know...that's why GW skydived on his birthday this year...

You have so much to live for. You can still stroll on the beach and make sand castles.
Put the pedal to the metal on a sports car or a sandrail...like any young people.
You can go to movies and make out infront of the kiddies..and show them how it should be done right
You have more experince, wisdom in life than the young ones.

Come on...look on the bright side...you don't have to worry...worry about babies or changing diappers anyomore.lol
You're bascailly free like a teenager again...That's how I feel at the moment.
The kids are all grown up...I'm single again

I'm not growing old gracefully...I'm living young.lol
I thought I was going have a heart attack 10 years ago becuase I had a perception of what a grown up should
be like...or what society wants a grown up to act like.
Errr!!! the hell with that...being up tight and stress all the time.
I went out and started a hotwheel collection that week.lol
I went and purchased a BMX bike.lol
I went and purchase a stun kite and flew it like a child.
I purchased a bunch of R/C toys...nitro..lmao
I went and purchase a new mustang like I always wanted one as a teenager..(sold the mini van..lol)
I went out and purchased VANs sneakers...I bacailly dress like a teenage skater sometimes.lmao
I grew my hair down to the middle of my back just like I had it when I was in HS...

Some adults or people my age where lookin at me funni...at first.
Then I met some people that were much older than me...
that figured out the samething that I did...You dont have to grow old.
I found my fountain of youth... It was in me.

I'm a very mature person...it's through me acting like a child sometimes that's my maturity.
My self esteem got better becuase if it too. I found my inner child.

 

[Irishdoll]

Hi there. Glad you could join us. This is definitely a great forum when you really just need to get life off your chest and hear some really good feedback.
Anyhoo, I'll be almost 40 in February. I too, even at this point, am starting to feel the age monster creeping up on me. I, however, have taken steps to try to make myself feel better about the situation. I thought I might lend you a few tips that have been helpful for me.

Crow is right about how it's what you feel that makes your age, not your physical appearance. (Although, I'm back to hittin the dye box for those nasty little grays ). Changing your wardrobe and even a new hairstyle can spice up the mojo.

Myself, I've taken up exercising and bike riding. I feel better and healthier than when I was in my 20's. In actuality, (cept for the minor aches and pains of age) I am healthier. Exercise releases endorphins that make you feel happier. I eat better too. It just feels good.

I agree with you on the sexual issue. However, whether mine is due to not liking my spouse or low estrogen, probably a little of both, I honestly think if you find someone you truly love, that will come naturally. A relationship isn't all about sex though. It's also about compatibility and the things you share as a couple. Some ppl long for just finding someone with things in common so they can share life together. Get out of the house. Find a hobby and meet some ppl who share your interests. You might not find a friend or more overnight, but you would have a lot of fun in the process.

Just remember, you aren't alone and you never know what tomorrow has in store for you.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

i am crusing towards my mid 30's.. no career.. no assets like a house.. just a stinky old car.. no partner/gf.. no friends.. my looks are hanging on by a thread.. hair is disappearing.. teeth are dull and stainded (smoking).. and the wrinkles are piling on top of each other vying for a better position.. so what??? i was more paranoid about my looks in my mid 20's than i am now.. in my early 20's my hair started to recede.. i freaked out and went as far as to make an appointment with a hair clinic.. when i went in and they showed me a dumb-ass promotional video and some pseudo-scientist looking like a car salesman in a white coat started telling me how devastating it is to lose your hair and that some guys walk in crying and suicidal.. it got me thinking just how insane all this 'looks' honeysuckle is!!

take a look around the streets as you go for a walk one day.. but dont just look at the people that are attractive.. with your 'attractive' filter on.. that is a sure fire way to feeling crap and depressed..

oh look how much more attractive that person is.. and that one.. etc..
waste of time.. the majority of us are not attractive.. the more attractive you are the more you'll just have to deal with people gravitating towards you for shallow reasons..

its always in your head anyway.. my gf thought she was fat all through her 20's.. i still have pictures of her where you can see her ribs! have a look at the pictures of the young ones on this site.. some of them think they are not attractive wtf!!

in todays society we got.. bulimia, anorexia, body dysmorphic disorder.. culture shoving youth and beauty down our throats.. its neverending.. and its all an illusion.. a smokescreen.. and so many people are plugged into it.. you've got this lifetime to work this one out.. or maybe you'll be back to learn and learn and learn it again until you finally learn... may as well do it in this lifetime i reckon...

my mom is 60 and single after kicking her psycho ex out.. she is like a teenager again.. cruising singles sites.. not expecting anything... just having fun.. she goes on dates.. they take her out everywhere.. she lives on her own.. has her own place.. first time in her life,.. and loves it.. she can invite anyone over and when she is bored/tired or had enough she can kick em out! she never had this freedom.. she is relishing it..

have you got over 50's clubs in america? local community centres run them here.. go there.. hang out with people.. do art n crafty stuff.. enjoy the freedom... )

a friend of mine works in a nursing home.. he was telling me about a guy 106 years old.. walking around bugging people to get him some scotch!! lol

unless youre bedridden.. there is life in you and life to live...

'its like lotto you gotta be in it to win it'

 

[Twitchy]

Every time I post something on here, I keep expecting bad feedback but everyone's been so nice and I really appreciate it. It's nice to get this stuff off my chest.

If that's you in the photo, you're certainly not unattractive.

As for aging "gracefully"? I don't think there is such a thing. It's more like a war that needs to fought with exercise, healthy food and support from friends or family.

It's hard being older, expecially in places like this. The kids don't want to talk to you because they think once you hit 30 you'd might as well be dead. What they don't realize is that if they close their eyes for what seems like "two seconds" they'll be 30 as well. That's how fast it happens.

I just turned 38. While that may not be a big deal to you, the idea that I'm two years away from 40 is a bit frightening. Yet I don't feel that much different. I attribute this to exercise and not letting myself become sedentary. I do more stuff now than I did when I was 18.

If you want your sex drive back, exercise. Some people don't care and I can certainly understand that. But if you miss it, that is an option. If the body feels good, natural desire will kick in. If that's not enough, there are all kinds of supplements and medications available. So what if you're 57? I can name off plenty of female celebrities in their 50's that are still very attractive.

Also, I can sympathize with you wanting to be there for your mother. I am in a similar position. I'm also fairly certain your mother would want you to be happy...and you should be!

 

[Minus]

If your avatar is a picture of you, my first impression was just how well some people age. Of course there is more to aging then that but you haven't said anything yet that makes you sound like a lost cause. Not even close.

PoWer2tHePeOpLE mentions there are plenty of photos on this site where people mistakenly identify themselves as unattractive and Lonesome Crow has mentioned the kids that think that they are old. Makes me wonder how different our perception can be from what others see.

 

[jodyathornton]

Yeah, I see what you're all saying. It's mostly in my head. People can be pretty insulting to older people though out there. I really try not to let things get to me but sometimes it's pretty hard. If I felt better, I'd feel more like doing something about my situation. Also, my money situation isn't good so I can't go out and change my wardrobe lol. I did cut my hair and color it but the color didn't take very well. Oh well. I'm taking care of the hormone situation, now I have to quit smoking. It's really making me feel terrible. I have the means to do it, I'm just not sure I'm ready yet. It might just be a waste of time right now. Thanks everyone!

 

[livingdeath]

As a 55-year-old man, I too am dealing with the aging issue. It's good to see a post on here from someone in my age group; most people here seem to be kids.

I don't have the lack of sex-drive thing. I have LOTS of sex drive but am unable to form liasons with women (I mean I can't get laid) because I'm shy and lacking in confidence and self-esteem and women don't want some guy who's a pussy, they want a strong man. So I am lonely and frustrated and ashamed of my weakness. I am not overweight or ugly or anything. But not getting younger.

 

[crystal]

I'm 28 but I also feel old. But there's no way that we can be young forever. All of us is passing through old age and no one can avoid that. To age gracefully, we can just think and do something that we really like. Our environment also affects on our self-esteem. It's not only you who are aging. That's natural. Just enjoy life as it really is and make it happy as long as you could.

 

[Silvernight]

Truth to be told, I doubt there is such a thing as aging gracefully, which is especially true in terms of looks. There are people who indeed age very well but I would say those are the lucky few. It's just that some people are less bothered by aging, accepting it as it is, and others more so. We're all different. Unwillingly, I must admit I'd be the one who would be actually very bothered by it. Cause when I see an obese and thoroughly ugly and smelly, barely moving old woman in the street who lives (or I should rather say, barely exists) alone on her meager pension (I have honestly no idea whatsoever how these poor people actually manage to survive after paying for household utilities, as there's pretty much nothing left), I shudder to think about that kind of 'life'.
I could not so far complain about aging as I have always aged very slowly, despite my not particularly healthy lifestyle and being constantly overstressed because of my hair loss condition. I'm 26 but people always assume I'm about 18 and strangers tend to refer to me as a kid. This 'aging lag' is similarly or perhaps even more pronounced in one friend of mine.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Since I've always had low self-esteem and suffered from depression, it's really hard to pinpoint what is really wrong with me deep down.
I know a big part of what's wrong with me now is aging. I'm almost 57 now and it's taking it's toll. I know people are suppose to age gracefully (whatever in the hell that's suppose to really mean), but I can't seem to be able to do it. Through the years, I was a nice looking woman but now I can't stand to look in the mirror. I use to wear makeup and dress nice but now I just don't care what I do because it seems like no matter how I fix up, I'm still unattractive. At this stage of my life, it would be nice to have somebody to grow old with but since I have low self-esteem, I can't seem to attract anyone except for the older guys who I'm just not attracted to or someone who just wants a "good" time. I'm just not into that. I don't even have a sex .

I can identify with a lot of what you wrote. My OB thinks that some of my moodiness is perimenopausal hormone whackiness, but she doesn't feel that hormone treatment is appropriate for it, so she told me, basically, "Suck it up honey."

Turning 40 hit me hard, because it coincided with my husband leaving me for another woman. I've been prey to thoughts like "No one will ever love me when I am young and pretty anymore." If I do manage to fall in love with someone again, he won't have known me when I was at my best, my youngest, most attractive, my happiest. Then it feels insurmountable.