Regumika said:
this is actually normal, who actually believes connecting with everyone is the norm? yes the society might make it that way "popularity" but that has nothing to do with "connection". and those that seem to have many connections (popular) may want alone time because they always feel swamped or obligated to socialize. And, you know where people like you hide, just find them.
Thank you for a thoughtful answer.
But it is the norm; people who have more common things to connect have much easier time to find someone they prefer share those things. This is harder for me, as being mentally ill is a severe handicap in many ways. A big taboo.
And if people are hidden like me, how in the hell am I supposed to find them? Yes, dating sites, universities, laughing academies...I really can't deal with rejection right now. I am having a really rough time with depression right now.
It's not that you have nothing to share, it's that very little people want to hear what you have to say. Why? because your interests are just those things that aren't talked about. It has nothing to do with you, so don't take it personally.
Yeah, I get that. It's just it's rare to find people like me, that was kinda my point. Alienated from my community of peers.
First understand the disappointment. Why? Is it because their bar is set so high no one can reach it? Is their image of you not something you want to be? Or is it that you are unable to achieve something you WANT to achieve? Many people especially parents or guardians often set standards and expectations so high that results in hurting the future generation, on top of destroying any freewill of the victim. "You should be a doctor, that's what we're raising you to be, so act like it." is not how it works, because your dream might be to become something else.
That is also something I have had to deal with. But I wonder why I have to hide that I was dealt a shitty hand? Like it was MY FAULT. I just didn't find people to hang around as a kid, and it is something to be ashamed of. Everybody has to be perfect, and show no emotions. That is how I should behave, and I feel messed up.
Nothing wrong with loneliness. Think of it as choosing to be in isolation (not the best way to explain it, but i cant think of the word)
I agree wholeheartedly. And solitude is something I value, introspection is very much my thing. But there is this thing about loneliness other people really have hard time understanding if they haven't gone through it like I have. "If he's lonely, there must be a good reason!"
Isn't it always an exception? and who isn't attracted to their own? actors hang with actors. party people hang with party people. businessmen hang with businessmen. homeless hangs with homeless. rich hangs with the rich. bodybuilders hang with bodybuilders. so whats wrong with you attracted to people like you? nothing.
I didn't say it was wrong, it was just that it is going to be bloody hard finding someone like me. As if it isn't hard for everybody anyways. Mentally ill really don't have some club where we meet for drinks and laughs. And mental hospitals are really unhappy places if you haven't been there yet.
You're not unlikable, it's taken out of context, i explained it above. you can move on, just understand your situation. You are strong, and you can be happy, if you let yourself be.
It's just the feeling of being in a completely wrong place at the wrong time. I know I can be happy, I know I can survive this. I just don't know how at the moment.
Thank you again.
ladyforsaken said:
Hi there.
I'm sorry life hasn't been so well for you. But I gotta say I agree with what Regumika said above.
Hello.
You're right, it is influencing your perception of things. Glad you know that, because then you will know how to stop yourself from believing those negative perceptions in life.
Yep, therapy helps with this. And I am trying to beat myself in this shitty game my mind plays on me. But I just keep falling in to this pit, I feel stupid.
Those things you like... are actually pretty common around. Not sure about where you are, perhaps you're right... but the things you stated there are not uncommon at all. Even poetry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a guy liking poetry.
I read a lot as a kid. I remember other children sneering at me, and I remember that they called me "painter of the sky" with a leering manner because I was always in my mind wondering about things. Yeah, my early life has influenced much, I know that. It sucks that it has to be a crappy real life version of bildungsroman.
And I don't know a single guy who likes poetry. I live in a pretty small town, so I guess that explains it. My community is not very open to arts and change.
You can move on. The only person who can tell yourself to move on, is you. Your mindset has to change. You have to be more positive and have faith that good things will happen someday, and in the meantime, not to expect too much, you should do good to others in the community. Or even do things that make you feel good about yourself or feel better.
Its going to take time, and as I have said before, I feel very disappointed with other people. Its hard to repair this kind of damage alone. But I know what you mean, and I have tried it before. Its just very hard.
The world is not meant for the strong and happy. The world is for every human being to live in and learn and improve themselves as well as to contribute goodness to the others around them to maintain peace.
I am currently on sick-leave on account of severe depression. And if I said this to people near me, they would be very surprised and probably would not offer much support. I just feel that people think that "he's disturbed." They have said to my face that I am "weird" and "your eyes are scary." I can't find reasons why they would say that.
And I have been an easy target in the past. Lonely often are.
Why do you say you are to be shunned for these kind of thoughts? Who's to say you should be shunned? Everyone is entitled to their own thinking. No one can shun you for anything - unless you let them. Who cares what other people think? You make your own life work - not them. So why let their thoughts or views of you affect you? Ignore, and walk on. You know you're a good person at heart who just wants to make more friends - let that be your positive intention. That's all that matters.
I see the injustice done around me, and people think it is completely normal. I probably have some form of anxiety disorder as well, and have hard time dealing with destructive thoughts. I can't imagine I could tell anyone about my revenge fantasies, (I have no desire of really hurting anyone, everyone who has been bullied has revenge fantasies) and this secret weights heavy. I have hard time just imagining a person who could understand me.
I thank you for your reply as well. I spend too much time alone right now, but I just started this medication that throws my mood around. So it's harder to be near other people than usual.
