All I ever wanted ...

[beautiful loser]

I never admitted I ENTERED the thread because I thought it was absurd...it was ONE part and I was joking about the comment I made, and never meant anything by it...at first.  If he didn't send me a snarky PM, with a copy of his reply post then that wouldn't have set me off so much, but it did.  

I agreed with all of the other stuff, Edit (not the space issue, some people need space) but not the boring job bullshit...it came across as pompous (especially the way he described it to Wayfarer) and he's too good to settle like a large portion of us.  He even said most people don't understand it...uh cause it sounded like delusions of grandeur.

And sorry, no apology from my end.  We agree to disagree and I'll be a dick, I don't care.

 

[Paraiyar]

Beautiful Loser, we are told this as children - if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. You're tired of certain posts, are you? Then click the back button and forget about said thread. What you have to say helps nothing and no one.

I don't think anybody ever stopped to notice that Somnanbulist was never actually asking for advice nor help. He appeared to be simply sharing some feelings possibly hoping for some understanding from those that do relate to him. If you don't, it's probably best to move along. Use your world view to help those that are like yourself, otherwise explain your position politely or just leave.

You could say I'm quite a remarkable case in that I'm a very clingy person to my husband and he is equally so. And, contrary to what some have dictated as fact so far here, we do NOT get tired of being together unless a significant argument has occurred (even then, we miss and worry about one another). Otherwise no, I don't feel a want (or a need) to read a book by myself or anything in fact. I'm really not fussed whether some strangers on the internet accept that or not, but what I do want to stress is that if you disagree with someone, it's important to express so politely because you may be talking to someone who is on the edge because of their loneliness on certain issues. How many people have killed themselves because they felt so misunderstood and/or alone in life? We can't know because those people aren't with us anymore. What we can do is consider it and perhaps re-evaluate ourselves for the benefit of those we interact with in future. You never do know what the "last straw" was in peoples lives who decided their own fate. It could well have been something needlessly said by someone who crossed their path.

You, Beautiful Loser, admitted to entering this thread just because you saw it as absurd. That is needless and I'd say you rethink that argument of an apology.

The problem with that saying is that if everyone made use of it then no one would ever hear critical feedback or any hard truths about themselves. 

BL might have come across as insensitive to some but others (myself included) might take the view that he had some valid points to offer. It's all very well to say you don't like the idea of working a 9 to 5 job (I don't so I'm working towards a realistic alternative) but as BL said, everyone has to earn a crust in some way.

I also disagree that it's wrong to enter a thread that you find absurd, sometimes an absurd attitude of a poster may be part of the reason they are lonely and they need this pointed out to them.

 

[DarkSelene]

I'm one of those people that need a little bit of space, I have my moments of wanting time alone just to be alone. I'm very passionate also so I don't think that spending some time on my own or wanting to keep to myself one day would make anyone doubt about the relationship... specially because I wouldn't let them wondering... it's a matter of being yourself and not a couple 100% of the time. That's how I act and view my relationships, now if someone made me doubt or be jealous of something while they were having their "space" I wouldn't trust or want that person to have that time, but if it was someone that just wanted to have a moment for themselves, well, I see nothing wrong with that. That's my opinion on it.

On the other topic, I have a question: Do you think someone perfect for you, someone exactly how you describe you wanted, would want to see you in a job or a routine that you clearly hate?
I think that person would want the best for you, find something you love to do and not only settle because that's what everyone does. In my honest opinion, it's easier to settle when you don't have a partner like that... because then you need to pay for your stuff and you are basically obligated to do certain things as an adult that maybe you wouldn't want to. But with someone who cares deeply for you and your well being, who wants to spend her entire life with you, do you think she would really want you to settle and not find something you're passionate about? When you have a partner it's easier to search for the other things you love in life, not only because you have encouragement and more motivation, but because that person could help you with the money crap and stuff...

 

[Somnambulist]

Beautiful Loser, we are told this as children - if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. You're tired of certain posts, are you? Then click the back button and forget about said thread. What you have to say helps nothing and no one.

I don't think anybody ever stopped to notice that Somnanbulist was never actually asking for advice nor help. He appeared to be simply sharing some feelings possibly hoping for some understanding from those that do relate to him. If you don't, it's probably best to move along. Use your world view to help those that are like yourself, otherwise explain your position politely or just leave.

You could say I'm quite a remarkable case in that I'm a very clingy person to my husband and he is equally so. And, contrary to what some have dictated as fact so far here, we do NOT get tired of being together unless a significant argument has occurred (even then, we miss and worry about one another). Otherwise no, I don't feel a want (or a need) to read a book by myself or anything in fact. I'm really not fussed whether some strangers on the internet accept that or not, but what I do want to stress is that if you disagree with someone, it's important to express so politely because you may be talking to someone who is on the edge because of their loneliness on certain issues. How many people have killed themselves because they felt so misunderstood and/or alone in life? We can't know because those people aren't with us anymore. What we can do is consider it and perhaps re-evaluate ourselves for the benefit of those we interact with in future. You never do know what the "last straw" was in peoples lives who decided their own fate. It could well have been something needlessly said by someone who crossed their path.

You, Beautiful Loser, admitted to entering this thread just because you saw it as absurd. That is needless and I'd say you rethink that argument of an apology.

Gold. Just ... gold. Esp. what you said about s**cidal people.

You just, as always, took the thoughts and words right out my mind and mouth.

Thank you for having the courage to speak up in support for the minority (unpopular viewpoint) ! If only more did the same !

BTW, to clarify, I'm not trying to add fuel to the fire here. I am simply admiring your words and the personal traits you clearly demonstrate by having written them !

I have nothing against anyone here, despite what was said. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. The last thing in the world I want is to make more foes. None of us needs more foes.

 

[Somnambulist]

As for the other responses, I appreciate the time and effort people took to write them. But, either I have been completely misunderstood (not completely, as one person demonstrated) or I don't express myself clearly, or both.

Either way, I didn't mean to start a heated argument.

About the space argument, and about the job, I felt like most people didn't get what I was trying to say. And, I really don't have the energy or motivation to turn it into a big debate. Honestly.

I'm sticking steadfastly to my stance, because it is part of my identity. We shall agree to disagree.

 

[ardour]

Not working isn’t an option, and of course we shouldn’t expect society to support us just because we aren’t happy, but the low likelihood of finding aa partner does make you wonder what the point of progressing a career is sometimes. Coming home to an empty flat with no-one to share your life with makes it tempting want to give it away and do something a less stressful.

Job satisfaction, sense of purpose...sure, maybe… assuming you’re doing something interesting to you. Most of us aren’t though, or only certain elements are interesting, and since isn’t feasible for everyone to be in a job they love having an outside reason for working is likely to help. The respect of a partner is one such reason. Being happier outside your job is likely to make work more bearable.

I could get by working in a petrol station or a store somewhere, earning enough to get by, some spare income for interests. If it weren’t for the lack of financial security I might.

 

[Somnambulist]

First, I was joking, hence the emoticons. Second, my intent on this forum is to never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings.  If I do so, then I will rightfully apologize.  Lastly, for this one, I'm not going to, because I found parts of the topic absurd.

So, you are opposed to a boring as fresia, same old honeysuckle 9-5 job/routine?  But, if the right person came along you would "settle" for that boring as fresia, same old honeysuckle routine?

I would venture to say that 3/4, or more, of this forum has settled for what you would consider a boring as fresia, same old honeysuckle 9-5 routine that you find so appalling.  Elitist, much??  And guess what, we are doing this boring as fresia job without that person to be a crutch, shoulder to cry on or someone to be there when we need consoling.  Why?  We have bills to pay, kids to watch after and various wants/needs.  Debt doesn't give anyone a break.

Off topic, I may joke around a lot, but that's because I sometimes get tired of the "woe is me" posts.  Sure, that's what this forum is for, and we all have our issues,  but some people on here ***** about the same honeysuckle over and over, then they are given advice, then they say "fresia all" to anything that might work for them.

Now, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say you aren't one of them..you haven't been here long enough.  But, in this case, when I hear something that sounds so out of left field, somewhat demeaning to some, then yeah, I may crack a joke about it.  

And honestly, how can anyone saying anything helpful to such an odd thought...a companion will make you want to settle for a boring as fresia job??  Even with the greatest companion, that boring as fresia, miserable job will always be that way and may even get worse as you go along.  The best person in the world isn't going to take the daily stress away of a shitty job, especially when he/she won't be there when you have to clock in the next day.

P.S. - I would have posted sooner but I was at my boring as fresia, same old honeysuckle job.

This seems to be a big ego game to you. A "me vs you" game. It is not about ego to me ... notice that, in my response, I stuck to how *I* felt. I even admitted making the same mistake myself. I didn't make character judgments about you. I criticized the action (you writing some pretty insensitive words), not the person, because I don't know the person that you are and will not pretend to know.

I assure you, I wasn't mad before, and I'm not mad now.

Because this is not about my ego, I'm not asking for an apology from you. In fact, since it's not an ego game to me, your apology would mean nothing. I found your action hurtful, and I let you know (quite politely, I think). Mission accomplished. No hard feelings or grudges. We move along, as Bubblebeam put it.

You, like most others, have clearly misunderstood almost everything I said in my original post, which is fine ... that happens. And I don't have the energy or motivation to elaborate.

For creating the misunderstanding, I apologize. Now, let's agree to disagree and forget about this thread

 

[ardour]

Paraiyar, what if you could somehow know for certain that you were going to be single for the rest of your life? Would you still feel like bothering with all the work/study in the navy, all the expectations placed upon you then?

I realize I sound like a real loser here, but it feels like self-respect can drive one for so long.

 

[SofiasMami]

Not working isn’t an option, and of course we shouldn’t expect society to support us just because we aren’t happy,  but the low likelihood of finding aa partner does make you wonder what the point of progressing a career is sometimes. Coming home to an empty flat with no-one to share your life with makes it tempting  want to give it away and do something a less stressful.

Job satisfaction, sense of purpose...sure, maybe… assuming you’re doing something interesting to you. Most of us aren’t though, or only certain elements are interesting,  and since isn’t feasible for everyone to be in a job they love having an outside reason for working is likely to help. The respect of a partner is one such reason. Being happier outside your job is likely to make work more bearable. On the other hand coming home to an empty flat with no-one to share your life with makes taking an easier road more attractive.

I could get by working in a petrol station or a store somewhere, earning enough to get by, some spare income for interests. If it weren’t for the lack of financial security I might.

Well, knowing you and your profession, ardour, you might get a little stifled working in a gas station. My dad shared the same profession and I couldn't imagine him working in a gas station or store. 

 

[Paraiyar]

Paraiyar, what if you could somehow  know for certain that you were going to be single for the rest of your life? Would you still feel like bothering with all the work/study and expectations placed upon you then?  

I realize I sound like a real loser here,  but it feels like self-respect can only carry one so far.

Well I have had fears of that in the past and still do to an extent. I can see that situation being a very hard pill to swallow but has the OP actually indicated that he's in this boat? It seems like he has had partners in the past. Although maybe I reacted to this thread in the way that I did because some of the things he expects of a partner seem a little crazy to me. Plus, I feel like there are some people on here that wouldn't be condemned to the single life if they really made an effort to listen to and apply the advice given to them on here (I'm not talking about you by the way).

I think I'd still want to join the Navy to be honest, maybe even more so since it'd give me a real sense of purpose to distract from not having a partner.

 

[ardour]

Paraiyar, what if you could somehow  know for certain that you were going to be single for the rest of your life? Would you still feel like bothering with all the work/study and expectations placed upon you then?  

I realize I sound like a real loser here,  but it feels like self-respect can only carry one so far.

Well I have had fears of that in the past and still do to an extent. I can see that situation being a very hard pill to swallow but has the OP actually indicated that he's in this boat? It seems like he has had partners in the past. Plus, I feel like there are some people on here that wouldn't be condemned to the single life if they really made an effort to listen to and apply the advice given to them on here (I'm not talking about you by the way).

I think I'd still want to join the Navy to be honest, maybe even more so since it'd give me a real sense of purpose to distract from not having a partner.

 Makes sense but I can’t imagine feeling that strongly about something for it function as a distraction. Might be in the wrong field.

 

[Paraiyar]

Paraiyar, what if you could somehow  know for certain that you were going to be single for the rest of your life? Would you still feel like bothering with all the work/study and expectations placed upon you then?  

I realize I sound like a real loser here,  but it feels like self-respect can only carry one so far.

Well I have had fears of that in the past and still do to an extent. I can see that situation being a very hard pill to swallow but has the OP actually indicated that he's in this boat? It seems like he has had partners in the past. Plus, I feel like there are some people on here that wouldn't be condemned to the single life if they really made an effort to listen to and apply the advice given to them on here (I'm not talking about you by the way).

I think I'd still want to join the Navy to be honest, maybe even more so since it'd give me a real sense of purpose to distract from not having a partner.

 That makes sense but I just can’t imagine feeling strongly enough about something to the point of seeing it as a  vocation or life purpose. Maybe I’m in the wrong field.

I think the fact that the alternative for me seems to be working in a Government department really helps motivate me in this area. I've quickly found that they aren't for me in the long run, would rather have more interesting memories of the rest of my youth.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well, this thread has become.....interesting. lol

 

[Wayfarer]

Paraiyar, what if you could somehow  know for certain that you were going to be single for the rest of your life? Would you still feel like bothering with all the work/study and expectations placed upon you then?  

I realize I sound like a real loser here,  but it feels like self-respect can only carry one so far.

Well I have had fears of that in the past and still do to an extent. I can see that situation being a very hard pill to swallow but has the OP actually indicated that he's in this boat? It seems like he has had partners in the past. Plus, I feel like there are some people on here that wouldn't be condemned to the single life if they really made an effort to listen to and apply the advice given to them on here (I'm not talking about you by the way).

I think I'd still want to join the Navy to be honest, maybe even more so since it'd give me a real sense of purpose to distract from not having a partner.

 That makes sense but I just can’t imagine feeling strongly enough about something to the point of seeing it as a  vocation or life purpose. Maybe I’m in the wrong field.

I think the fact that the alternative for me seems to be working in a Government department really helps motivate me in this area. I've quickly found that they aren't for me in the long run, would rather have more interesting memories of the rest of my youth.

We have got to work in order to get the money to live, right? So I'm studying in order to get a job that I actually don't want (in that field) but that I need and it's the best choice when I don't know what I really want to do.

To me, either you know what you like to do, and then you do that for a living, if you can, or simply choose any other job that allows you to earn enough money to live and maybe isn't that bad.

As for the career thing.. that is a point to consider. Some jobs cause you to spend a very long time far from home and family and I definitely think this is something that has to be thought about. But I see the problem from a different angle.

The way you talked about it, ardour, I got the idea you meant something like "what's the point of advancing in a career if you don't have anyone when you come back home". Tell me if I'm wrong. To me it's actually simpler if you're single, and I think in that case advancing career is not as big a problem than if you had a family. In fact if I had a wife and children, I may actually sacrifice advancing in a career that caused me to almost never be home, and settle for a "lower" position (if of course I were already earning enough money to support my family), in order to be able to spend time with them.

So, the way I see it, a family might cause you to stop advancing your career, rather than forcibly advancing it.

Of course maybe you meant what if I get married etc.. when I already have such a career that makes me far from home very often. That's another matter completely. In any case, whatever you'd decide, hopefully in that case you'd have a very supportive significant other and that will motivate you even in the case where you choose (together hopefully) to continue advancing your career and spending less time home.

Do tell me if I missed any point you intended to make.

 

[Somnambulist]

Some facts, since so many people have brought up jobs ...

If I sound like I'm bragging, I apologize in advance, but it is necessary for me to give you some details ... I believe they are relevant here

- I am a skilled and very apt computer software engineer (aka programmer)
- I HATE the way technology is being used ... "in the service of human madness" (Eckhart Tolle) ... only serving to distance human beings from each other ... probably why I don't do Facebook or Twitter
- My salary was probably in the 90th or 95th percentile, among the overall population
- With my skill set, I can get a job anywhere in the world ... I just choose to be an unemployed bum, because other things are more important than my career
- I LOVED my job, but it was STILL not enough of a reason to go on living, since I need my other half ... let me say it again ... I'm an IDEALIST ... I question the meaning of life, each day
- I quit my job 18 months ago, because, despite me loving it and it paying well, I refused to be a mistreated human being and a miserable human being ... yeah, an idealist

DESPITE ALL THAT, I would rather die than go on with the same routine everyday just for the sake of "existence" ... I need that special woman in my life.

Call me "pompous", my ideas "grandiose", whatever. I don't know how else to be. I can only be me .... and ... I only want to be me.

Get it ?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Some facts, since so many people have brought up jobs ...

If I sound like I'm bragging, I apologize in advance, but it is necessary for me to give you some details ... I believe they are relevant here

- I am a skilled and very apt computer software engineer (aka programmer)
- I HATE the way technology is being used ... "in the service of human madness" (Eckhart Tolle) ... only serving to distance human beings from each other ... probably why I don't do Facebook or Twitter
- My salary was probably in the 90th or 95th percentile, among the overall population
- With my skill set, I can get a job anywhere in the world ... I just choose to be an unemployed bum, because other things are more important than my career
- I LOVED my job, but it was STILL not enough of a reason to go on living, since I need my other half ... let me say it again ... I'm an IDEALIST ... I question the meaning of life, each day
- I quit my job 18 months ago, because, despite me loving it and it paying well, I refused to be a mistreated human being and a miserable human being ... yeah, an idealist

DESPITE ALL THAT, I would rather die than go on with the same routine everyday just for the sake of "existence" ... I need that special woman in my life.

Call me "pompous", my ideas "grandiose", whatever. I don't know how else to be. I can only be me .... and ... I only want to be me.

Get it ?

What I "get" from this post is that you think you need a woman in your life to feel special.  To feel like you can go on.  THAT, in and of itself, tells me there is a problem.  You can't live your life for someone else.  You can't live with the hope that only having someone in your life in that way will make your life worthwhile. 
I'm not saying that having a relationship with the "perfect" person isn't nice, because it is.  Of course it is.  But if you're waiting for that to start "living," I think it's time to really take a look at what you have and what you want and what you really need to do.

It doesn't sound like you are being "you" at all. It sounds like you are being...essentially "nothing" until you find someone to make you someone else. You can't see the problem with that?

 

[Somnambulist]

Some facts, since so many people have brought up jobs ...

If I sound like I'm bragging, I apologize in advance, but it is necessary for me to give you some details ... I believe they are relevant here

- I am a skilled and very apt computer software engineer (aka programmer)
- I HATE the way technology is being used ... "in the service of human madness" (Eckhart Tolle) ... only serving to distance human beings from each other ... probably why I don't do Facebook or Twitter
- My salary was probably in the 90th or 95th percentile, among the overall population
- With my skill set, I can get a job anywhere in the world ... I just choose to be an unemployed bum, because other things are more important than my career
- I LOVED my job, but it was STILL not enough of a reason to go on living, since I need my other half ... let me say it again ... I'm an IDEALIST ... I question the meaning of life, each day
- I quit my job 18 months ago, because, despite me loving it and it paying well, I refused to be a mistreated human being and a miserable human being ... yeah, an idealist

DESPITE ALL THAT, I would rather die than go on with the same routine everyday just for the sake of "existence" ... I need that special woman in my life.

Call me "pompous", my ideas "grandiose", whatever. I don't know how else to be. I can only be me .... and ... I only want to be me.

Get it ?

What I "get" from this post is that you think you need a woman in your life to feel special.  To feel like you can go on.  THAT, in and of itself, tells me there is a problem.  You can't live your life for someone else.  You can't live with the hope that only having someone in your life in that way will make your life worthwhile. 
I'm not saying that having a relationship with the "perfect" person isn't nice, because it is.  Of course it is.  But if you're waiting for that to start "living," I think it's time to really take a look at what you have and what you want and what you really need to do.

It doesn't sound like you are being "you" at all.  It sounds like you are being...essentially "nothing" until you find someone to make you someone else.  You can't see the problem with that?

Are we social animals or are we machines that Western civilization created that pretend like we can go about our routines everyday and feel content ?

The need I feel for this other half is as instinctive as hunger or thirst. And, I've felt it for the last 20 years, since the age of 13 (puberty). Call that a co-incidence ? So, YES, I'm sure that it is me. Abso-*******-lutely !

The only "problem" I see is everyone here in complete denial of the fact that people everywhere are ******* miserable because of how disconnected people feel (special thanks to Facebook and the rich evil ************ who invented it).

 

[TheRealCallie]

Some facts, since so many people have brought up jobs ...

If I sound like I'm bragging, I apologize in advance, but it is necessary for me to give you some details ... I believe they are relevant here

- I am a skilled and very apt computer software engineer (aka programmer)
- I HATE the way technology is being used ... "in the service of human madness" (Eckhart Tolle) ... only serving to distance human beings from each other ... probably why I don't do Facebook or Twitter
- My salary was probably in the 90th or 95th percentile, among the overall population
- With my skill set, I can get a job anywhere in the world ... I just choose to be an unemployed bum, because other things are more important than my career
- I LOVED my job, but it was STILL not enough of a reason to go on living, since I need my other half ... let me say it again ... I'm an IDEALIST ... I question the meaning of life, each day
- I quit my job 18 months ago, because, despite me loving it and it paying well, I refused to be a mistreated human being and a miserable human being ... yeah, an idealist

DESPITE ALL THAT, I would rather die than go on with the same routine everyday just for the sake of "existence" ... I need that special woman in my life.

Call me "pompous", my ideas "grandiose", whatever. I don't know how else to be. I can only be me .... and ... I only want to be me.

Get it ?

What I "get" from this post is that you think you need a woman in your life to feel special.  To feel like you can go on.  THAT, in and of itself, tells me there is a problem.  You can't live your life for someone else.  You can't live with the hope that only having someone in your life in that way will make your life worthwhile. 
I'm not saying that having a relationship with the "perfect" person isn't nice, because it is.  Of course it is.  But if you're waiting for that to start "living," I think it's time to really take a look at what you have and what you want and what you really need to do.

It doesn't sound like you are being "you" at all.  It sounds like you are being...essentially "nothing" until you find someone to make you someone else.  You can't see the problem with that?

Are we social animals or are we machines that Western civilization created that pretend like we can go about our routines everyday and feel content ?

The need I feel for this other half is as instinctive as hunger or thirst. And, I've felt it for the last 20 years, since the age of 13 (puberty). Call that a co-incidence ? So, YES, I'm sure that it is me. Abso-*******-lutely !

The only "problem" I see is everyone here in complete denial of the fact that people everywhere are ******* miserable because of how disconnected people feel (special thanks to Facebook and the rich evil ************ who invented it).

You know, you brought Hollywood into this a while ago and now it's "western civilization."  Has it ever occurred to you that you are the one that is looking for your fairy tale ending?  What Hollywood tells us we should look for.....

I'm pretty much completely alone, very few friends, no real life because of my circumstances and I'm perfectly fine with that.  Did Hollywood and/or Western civilization and/or Facebook tell me I should be that way?  Perhaps the problem isn't those things, perhaps people should stop trying to make excuses and just live their life the way they want to.  Because that's all it is, an excuse, trying to blame something/someone else for their problems.

 

[Paraiyar]

Paraiyar, what if you could somehow  know for certain that you were going to be single for the rest of your life? Would you still feel like bothering with all the work/study and expectations placed upon you then?  

I realize I sound like a real loser here,  but it feels like self-respect can only carry one so far.

Well I have had fears of that in the past and still do to an extent. I can see that situation being a very hard pill to swallow but has the OP actually indicated that he's in this boat? It seems like he has had partners in the past. Plus, I feel like there are some people on here that wouldn't be condemned to the single life if they really made an effort to listen to and apply the advice given to them on here (I'm not talking about you by the way).

I think I'd still want to join the Navy to be honest, maybe even more so since it'd give me a real sense of purpose to distract from not having a partner.

 That makes sense but I just can’t imagine feeling strongly enough about something to the point of seeing it as a  vocation or life purpose. Maybe I’m in the wrong field.

I think the fact that the alternative for me seems to be working in a Government department really helps motivate me in this area. I've quickly found that they aren't for me in the long run, would rather have more interesting memories of the rest of my youth.

We have got to work in order to get the money to live, right? So I'm studying in order to get a job that I actually don't want (in that field) but that I need and it's the best choice when I don't know what I really want to do.

To me, either you know what you like to do, and then you do that for a living, if you can, or simply choose any other job that allows you to earn enough money to live and maybe isn't that bad.

As for the career thing.. that is a point to consider. Some jobs cause you to spend a very long time far from home and family and I definitely think this is something that has to be thought about. But I see the problem from a different angle.

The way you talked about it, ardour, I got the idea you meant something like "what's the point of advancing in a career if you don't have anyone when you come back home". Tell me if I'm wrong. To me it's actually simpler if you're single, and I think in that case advancing career is not as big a problem than if you had a family. In fact if I had a wife and children, I may actually sacrifice advancing in a career that caused me to almost never be home, and settle for a "lower" position (if of course I were already earning enough money to support my family), in order to be able to spend time with them.

So, the way I see it, a family might cause you to stop advancing your career, rather than forcibly advancing it.

Of course maybe you meant what if I get married etc.. when I already have such a career that makes me far from home very often. That's another matter completely. In any case, whatever you'd decide, hopefully in that case you'd have a very supportive significant other and that will motivate you even in the case where you choose (together hopefully) to continue advancing your career and spending less time home.

Do tell me if I missed any point you intended to make.

Ardour meant that without the love of a partner, he would find it really difficult to find the desire in life for a career, i.e, without a partner he wouldnt derive enough happiness and fufillment from a career to really be into it. I can see where he is coming from completely.

 

[Somnambulist]

Some facts, since so many people have brought up jobs ...

If I sound like I'm bragging, I apologize in advance, but it is necessary for me to give you some details ... I believe they are relevant here

- I am a skilled and very apt computer software engineer (aka programmer)
- I HATE the way technology is being used ... "in the service of human madness" (Eckhart Tolle) ... only serving to distance human beings from each other ... probably why I don't do Facebook or Twitter
- My salary was probably in the 90th or 95th percentile, among the overall population
- With my skill set, I can get a job anywhere in the world ... I just choose to be an unemployed bum, because other things are more important than my career
- I LOVED my job, but it was STILL not enough of a reason to go on living, since I need my other half ... let me say it again ... I'm an IDEALIST ... I question the meaning of life, each day
- I quit my job 18 months ago, because, despite me loving it and it paying well, I refused to be a mistreated human being and a miserable human being ... yeah, an idealist

DESPITE ALL THAT, I would rather die than go on with the same routine everyday just for the sake of "existence" ... I need that special woman in my life.

Call me "pompous", my ideas "grandiose", whatever. I don't know how else to be. I can only be me .... and ... I only want to be me.

Get it ?

What I "get" from this post is that you think you need a woman in your life to feel special.  To feel like you can go on.  THAT, in and of itself, tells me there is a problem.  You can't live your life for someone else.  You can't live with the hope that only having someone in your life in that way will make your life worthwhile. 
I'm not saying that having a relationship with the "perfect" person isn't nice, because it is.  Of course it is.  But if you're waiting for that to start "living," I think it's time to really take a look at what you have and what you want and what you really need to do.

It doesn't sound like you are being "you" at all.  It sounds like you are being...essentially "nothing" until you find someone to make you someone else.  You can't see the problem with that?

Are we social animals or are we machines that Western civilization created that pretend like we can go about our routines everyday and feel content ?

The need I feel for this other half is as instinctive as hunger or thirst. And, I've felt it for the last 20 years, since the age of 13 (puberty). Call that a co-incidence ? So, YES, I'm sure that it is me. Abso-*******-lutely !

The only "problem" I see is everyone here in complete denial of the fact that people everywhere are ******* miserable because of how disconnected people feel (special thanks to Facebook and the rich evil ************ who invented it).

You know, you brought Hollywood into this a while ago and now it's "western civilization."  Has it ever occurred to you that you are the one that is looking for your fairy tale ending?  What Hollywood tells us we should look for.....

I'm pretty much completely alone, very few friends, no real life because of my circumstances and I'm perfectly fine with that.  Did Hollywood and/or Western civilization and/or Facebook tell me I should be that way?  Perhaps the problem isn't those things, perhaps people should stop trying to make excuses and just live their life the way they want to.  Because that's all it is, an excuse, trying to blame something/someone else for their problems.

Yes, I brought Hollywood and Western civ into it because they are both absolutely responsible for the sorry state of affairs (literally). Do you want me to blame nothing and no one but myself for how my life turned out ? Well, sorry, I can't and won't do that.

I'm looking for an ending that I don't think is a fairy tale ending. You may choose to call it so because you seem to have resigned to whatever state you are currently in. Don't hate me but that is my definition of "giving up". I don't think it's unrealistic to expect a special person (like myself ... I can only speak about myself) to be able to find an amazing partner. The fact that that is impossible speaks to a pretty messed up world.

I think I understand where this conversation is going. Nowhere. So, let's, again, agree to disagree.