All I ever wanted ...

[VanillaCreme]

Somnambulist, I do understand where you're coming from but I can't help but wonder if the thing about you wanting someone who is willing to spend every waking moment of the day with you is ultimately preventing you from getting out of this situation. I can't imagine anyone actually being capable of that.

I still don't know who would actually want that, much less capable of it...

 

[Somnambulist]

I still don't know who would actually want that, much less capable of it...

Hi VanillaCreme, I know that we have a history of not seeing eye to eye on much, but I would really like to explain to you why I wrote this thread initially.

I guess it was my heart speaking ... and my heart often overwhelms my mind, esp. these days because I'm not developing software. I know that most of my so called "requirements" are unrealistic in this world. What you are saying is factual ... my experience is the best proof of that; if there were women out there who wanted what I want, I guarantee you, I wouldn't ever have signed up on this forum.

So, you are absolutely right.

But, there are realms the heart dwells in that the mind simply cannot begin to understand. And, it is within that realm that I dwell in, most of the time. And, this thread was an expression from the center of my beating heart. It was not a challenge to the facts of this world; how could I ever expect to challenge those facts ?!!! It was never my intention to discuss or debate facts. I was simply telling the world how I felt.

I would really like you and others to understand this ... why I wrote my initial post in this thread.

 

[Menorahman]

No girl is ever going to want what a man wants.

You're a man, she's a girl.

Not rocket science.

 

[mack01]

I still don't know who would actually want that, much less capable of it...

Hi VanillaCreme, I know that we have a history of not seeing eye to eye on much, but I would really like to explain to you why I wrote this thread initially.

I guess it was my heart speaking ... and my heart often overwhelms my mind, esp. these days because I'm not developing software. I know that most of my so called "requirements" are unrealistic in this world. What you are saying is factual ... my experience is the best proof of that; if there were women out there who wanted what I want, I guarantee you, I wouldn't ever have signed up on this forum.

So, you are absolutely right.

But, there are realms the heart dwells in that the mind simply cannot begin to understand. And, it is within that realm that I dwell in, most of the time. And, this thread was an expression from the center of my beating heart. It was not a challenge to the facts of this world; how could I ever expect to challenge those facts ?!!! It was never my intention to discuss or debate facts. I was simply telling the world how I felt.

I would really like you and others to understand this ... why I wrote my initial post in this thread.

To be honest, I'm struggling to understand how people could see your opening thread as anything more than just expressing yourself. 

See if you had asked for a debate, I'd actually probably be is disagreement with your views. But you didn't. It's clear that you was venting - I'm sure you'd even said you had a drink or two whilst writing. Even I could see you was just expressing your thoughts, which is why I just left it until now.

And I got to admit Mr S, as this thread has gone by, it's clear that you've being trying hard to let everyone know how you mean no ill will, and are aware that everyone has different viewpoints.  And no matter efficiency your attempts were at expressing, a truly social person can recognise the intent of someone who trying to "agree to disagree", and in appreciation of that, realise that life is too short to be seeking a perfectly worded speech of submission. 

Sadly, some people just will not be satisfied with agreeing to disagree, and cannot walk away. If I was you, I'd stop explaining myself at this point, and either ignore their posts, politely ask them that you'll consider their viewpoints and leave it at that. But it's up to you.

 

[Paraiyar]

I still don't know who would actually want that, much less capable of it...

Hi VanillaCreme, I know that we have a history of not seeing eye to eye on much, but I would really like to explain to you why I wrote this thread initially.

I guess it was my heart speaking ... and my heart often overwhelms my mind, esp. these days because I'm not developing software. I know that most of my so called "requirements" are unrealistic in this world. What you are saying is factual ... my experience is the best proof of that; if there were women out there who wanted what I want, I guarantee you, I wouldn't ever have signed up on this forum.

So, you are absolutely right.

But, there are realms the heart dwells in that the mind simply cannot begin to understand. And, it is within that realm that I dwell in, most of the time. And, this thread was an expression from the center of my beating heart. It was not a challenge to the facts of this world; how could I ever expect to challenge those facts ?!!! It was never my intention to discuss or debate facts. I was simply telling the world how I felt.

I would really like you and others to understand this ... why I wrote my initial post in this thread.

To be honest, I'm struggling to understand how people could see your opening thread as anything more than just expressing yourself. 

See if you had asked for a debate, I'd actually probably be is disagreement with your views. But you didn't. It's clear that you was venting - I'm sure you'd even said you had a drink or two whilst writing. Even I could see you was just expressing your thoughts, which is why I just left it until now.

And I got to admit Mr S, as this thread has gone by, it's clear that you've being trying hard to let everyone know how you mean no ill will, and are aware that everyone has different viewpoints.  And no matter efficiency your attempts were at expressing, a truly social person can recognise the intent of someone who trying to "agree to disagree", and in appreciation of that, realise that life is too short to be seeking a perfectly worded speech of submission. 

Sadly, some people just will not be satisfied with agreeing to disagree, and cannot walk away. If I was you, I'd stop explaining myself at this point, and either ignore their posts, politely ask them that you'll consider their viewpoints and leave it at that. But it's up to you.

We do understand that Somnambulist is just expressing himself. That doesn't mean we can't point out that some of the outlook he's expressed might actually be holding him back in life. An opinion he's free to ignore if he wants.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I still don't know who would actually want that, much less capable of it...

Hi VanillaCreme, I know that we have a history of not seeing eye to eye on much, but I would really like to explain to you why I wrote this thread initially.

I guess it was my heart speaking ... and my heart often overwhelms my mind, esp. these days because I'm not developing software. I know that most of my so called "requirements" are unrealistic in this world. What you are saying is factual ... my experience is the best proof of that; if there were women out there who wanted what I want, I guarantee you, I wouldn't ever have signed up on this forum.

So, you are absolutely right.

But, there are realms the heart dwells in that the mind simply cannot begin to understand. And, it is within that realm that I dwell in, most of the time. And, this thread was an expression from the center of my beating heart. It was not a challenge to the facts of this world; how could I ever expect to challenge those facts ?!!! It was never my intention to discuss or debate facts. I was simply telling the world how I felt.

I would really like you and others to understand this ... why I wrote my initial post in this thread.

To be honest, I'm struggling to understand how people could see your opening thread as anything more than just expressing yourself. 

See if you had asked for a debate, I'd actually probably be is disagreement with your views. But you didn't. It's clear that you was venting - I'm sure you'd even said you had a drink or two whilst writing. Even I could see you was just expressing your thoughts, which is why I just left it until now.

And I got to admit Mr S, as this thread has gone by, it's clear that you've being trying hard to let everyone know how you mean no ill will, and are aware that everyone has different viewpoints.  And no matter efficiency your attempts were at expressing, a truly social person can recognise the intent of someone who trying to "agree to disagree", and in appreciation of that, realise that life is too short to be seeking a perfectly worded speech of submission. 

Sadly, some people just will not be satisfied with agreeing to disagree, and cannot walk away. If I was you, I'd stop explaining myself at this point, and either ignore their posts, politely ask them that you'll consider their viewpoints and leave it at that. But it's up to you.

We do understand that Somnambulist is just expressing himself. That doesn't mean we can't point out that some of the outlook he's expressed might actually be holding him back in life. An opinion he's free to ignore if he wants.

Not only that, but if he didn't want replies, he could have posted in the dairy section where they are disabled. 
Post in an open forum, where others can reply and you're going to get replies, whether you want them or not.  That's kind of how the world works.

 

[beautiful loser]

We do understand that Somnambulist is just expressing himself. That doesn't mean we can't point out that some of the outlook he's expressed might actually be holding him back in life. An opinion he's free to ignore if he wants.

Forget the Navy, Paraiyar...you should go to law school.  You have a good, analytical mind.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I still don't know who would actually want that, much less capable of it...

Hi VanillaCreme, I know that we have a history of not seeing eye to eye on much, but I would really like to explain to you why I wrote this thread initially.

More like I didn't say similar things as you were one time, and you got upset over it. There is no "history" of us not seeing eye-to-eye, and if you cared to notice, in many posts I make in response to you, I say that I can understand and more or less agree with what you're saying.

 

[Somnambulist]

I still don't know who would actually want that, much less capable of it...

Hi VanillaCreme, I know that we have a history of not seeing eye to eye on much, but I would really like to explain to you why I wrote this thread initially.

More like I didn't say similar things as you were one time, and you got upset over it. There is no "history" of us not seeing eye-to-eye, and if you cared to notice, in many posts I make in response to you, I say that I can understand and more or less agree with what you're saying.

VanillaCreme, I have nothing further to say to you. It's really not worth my time or effort.

 

[Paraiyar]

Can't we just get along?...

 

[TheRealCallie]

****

 

[Paraiyar]

We do understand that Somnambulist is just expressing himself. That doesn't mean we can't point out that some of the outlook he's expressed might actually be holding him back in life. An opinion he's free to ignore if he wants.

Forget the Navy, Paraiyar...you should go to law school.  You have a good, analytical mind.

Thanks, I do my best to look at situations that way.

 

[Somnambulist]

Actually, I want to amend what I said about "all I ever wanted".

I really would have settled for a steady job (even the one I had), if it meant that, at the end of a hard work week, I'd get to go camping with a small tight-knit group of loyal friends. I'm not so sure about that soulmate honeysuckle. Just a small group of meaningful friendships would be enough for me, I think. Campfire, wine, conversation, connection.

I think that would have made me really happy.

[img=823x548]http://unityinmarin.org/wp-content/uploads/formidable/Campfire_guitar.jpg[/img]

I miss my camping buddy and best friend, Nick, who moved to NY.

 

[MisterLonely]

Actually, I want to amend what I said about "all I ever wanted".

I really would have settled for a steady job (even the one I had), if it meant that, at the end of a hard work week, I'd get to go camping with a small tight-knit group of loyal friends. I'm not so sure about that soulmate honeysuckle. Just a small group of meaningful friendships would be enough for me, I think. Campfire, wine, conversation, connection.

I think that would have made me really happy.

[img=823x548]http://unityinmarin.org/wp-content/uploads/formidable/Campfire_guitar.jpg[/img]

I miss my camping buddy and best friend, Nick, who moved to NY.

I totally get that, sometimes I feel like my life is full of "responsibilities" and lacking any and all things relaxing and enjoyable, it does get hard to deal sometimes, it's like they say on the shining.... All work and no play... you know the rest!

Once a year the street I live in throws a BBQ and it's always something like that picture, only no beach or guitar, all the neighors are there (all 12 houses ;P) and we talk, have a drink and play games while building a nice fire.. It's probably one of the best nights of every year for me..

 

[Somnambulist]

I totally get that, sometimes I feel like my life is full of "responsibilities" and lacking any and all things relaxing and enjoyable, it does get hard to deal sometimes, it's like they say on the shining.... All work and no play... you know the rest!

Once a year the street I live in throws a BBQ and it's always something like that picture, only no beach or guitar, all the neighors are there (all 12 houses ;P) and we talk, have a drink and play games while building a nice fire.. It's probably one of the best nights of every year for me..

That sounds great, but why only once a year ?!

What do you do every weekend ?

 

[MisterLonely]

I totally get that, sometimes I feel like my life is full of "responsibilities" and lacking any and all things relaxing and enjoyable, it does get hard to deal sometimes, it's like they say on the shining.... All work and no play... you know the rest!

Once a year the street I live in throws a BBQ and it's always something like that picture, only no beach or guitar, all the neighors are there (all 12 houses ;P) and we talk, have a drink and play games while building a nice fire.. It's probably one of the best nights of every year for me..

That sounds great, but why only once a year ?!

What do you do every weekend ?

Last few weekends have been pretty eventfull compared to my normal weekends, had a few parties and a diner with colleagues, this weekend it's helping my sister move to her new home, after that i still need to go visit my father, then a week ofnothing then christmas then newyear .. don't realy plan further then that , the BBQ is once a year,that's just how it is, permits need to be requested, people need to make time.. I'd do it 10times a year if it was up to me though

 

[Somnambulist]

What I "get" from this post is that you think you need a woman in your life to feel special.  To feel like you can go on.  THAT, in and of itself, tells me there is a problem.  You can't live your life for someone else.  You can't live with the hope that only having someone in your life in that way will make your life worthwhile.  
I'm not saying that having a relationship with the "perfect" person isn't nice, because it is.  Of course it is.  But if you're waiting for that to start "living," I think it's time to really take a look at what you have and what you want and what you really need to do.

It doesn't sound like you are being "you" at all.  It sounds like you are being...essentially "nothing" until you find someone to make you someone else.  You can't see the problem with that?

Who is deciding what is a problem and why? Are you or anybody really in a position to say anything so absolutely?

I acknowledge religious discussion isn't allowed on ALL but allow me these few sentences to make a quick point. The Bible, of which is thousands of years older than you and I, has some interesting things to say on the subject. Husbands love thy wives like Jesus loved his church (i.e. very deeply). The Lord crafted Eve especially for Adam i.e. woman for man. To feel the need Somnam has for partnership and/or a loving authority in his life fits just fine with that. Now he hasn't mentioned personal beliefs I know but the concept of needing another living being is the same sort of idea. Be it a deity or partner or both. To think we are stronger and better off by being solitary minded is okay if that genuinely works for you Callie but not everyone can feel as at peace with that. That shouldn't instantly mean such people have a "problem".

What I think Somnam is saying above all else is that the instinct to work to provide (possibly hard coded by an infinitely more intelligent God, or just nature if you will as we see in the animal kingdom) in exchange for a loving partner/family is not being fulfilled. What remains, working for himself and for a corrupt, very uncaring system (and society if you ask me), is, understandably in my opinion, not cutting it and not worth it given the choice. Perhaps if the world was a happier more welcoming place, things would be different. As it is, people only seem to be becoming more close minded, more greedy, more selfish. 

It's more unfortunate than anything else when someone feels they can't cope on their own to the extent of considering suicide. I'm one of those people. If I lose my husband tomorrow and he dies, well you most likely won't be seeing me on the forum anymore. But I believe I've made my peace with my Lord about that, and He's the one with the real answers and the real authority. In the meantime kindness and understanding to such people is a virtue, as it should be with anybody really. That is one thing we can surely all agree on. I know several people who, in private, tell me they are basically the same way, but they dare not express it in public for fear of ridicule. That is a very sad thing we see today not at all helped by the dogmatic pushing of independence we get shoved in our faces every day. Not everyone feels that way, they can't help it, and they do not deserve ridicule for it.

I just wanted to point out that this post by Bubblebeam, remains, to this day, the best post I have read on ALL, by far. She described me far better than I ever did.

Thank you, Bubblebeam !