All I ever wanted ...

[TheRealCallie]

Yes, I brought Hollywood and Western civ into it because they are both absolutely responsible for the sorry state of affairs (literally). Do you want me to blame nothing and no one but myself for how my life turned out ? Well, sorry, I can't and won't do that.

I'm looking for an ending that I don't think is a fairy tale ending. You may choose to call it so because you seem to have resigned to whatever state you are currently in. Don't hate me but that is my definition of "giving up". I don't think it's unrealistic to expect a special person (like myself ... I can only speak about myself) to be able to find an amazing partner. The fact that that is impossible speaks to a pretty messed up world.

I think I understand where this conversation is going. Nowhere. So, let's, again, agree to disagree.

You've had choices to make your entire life.  Whether they outcomes have been good or bad isn't the point. The point is, that whether or not you chose to make the choice that you wanted to make or that "society" told you to make is entirely on you.

LOL, seriously?  I gave up?  That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time.  You know nothing about my life or what I've been through or what my circumstances are.  I haven't given up on honeysuckle, I just know I don't need someone else to make my life better.  I can do that all by myself.

 

[Wayfarer]

You all raise valid points. However I would have acted differently, somnambulist, but that's ok: diversity is what makes each person interesting.

I just hope things get better for you.

 

[Somnambulist]

Yes, I brought Hollywood and Western civ into it because they are both absolutely responsible for the sorry state of affairs (literally). Do you want me to blame nothing and no one but myself for how my life turned out ? Well, sorry, I can't and won't do that.

I'm looking for an ending that I don't think is a fairy tale ending. You may choose to call it so because you seem to have resigned to whatever state you are currently in. Don't hate me but that is my definition of "giving up". I don't think it's unrealistic to expect a special person (like myself ... I can only speak about myself) to be able to find an amazing partner. The fact that that is impossible speaks to a pretty messed up world.

I think I understand where this conversation is going. Nowhere. So, let's, again, agree to disagree.

You've had choices to make your entire life.  Whether they outcomes have been good or bad isn't the point. The point is, that whether or not you chose to make the choice that you wanted to make or that "society" told you to make is entirely on you.

LOL, seriously?  I gave up?  That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time.  You know nothing about my life or what I've been through or what my circumstances are.  I haven't given up on honeysuckle, I just know I don't need someone else to make my life better.  I can do that all by myself.

You win. I know nothing about you or anyone or anything.

P.S. The most beautiful word in the English language is "whatever".

pronoun
[hwuht-ev-er, hwot-, hwuh t-, wuht-, wot-, wuh t-]  

• Examples
• Word Origin

See more synonyms on Thesaurus.com
pronoun
1.anything that (usually used in relative clauses):
Whatever you say is all right with me.

 

[Somnambulist]

You all raise valid points. However I would have acted differently, somnambulist, but that's ok: diversity is what makes each person interesting.

I just hope things get better for you.

Thank you, anxious feline !!! Or, should I say Grazie !

I LOVE your avatar picture, BTW. That is a handsome lookin cat !!!

 

[Somnambulist]

On the other topic, I have a question: Do you think someone perfect for you, someone exactly how you describe you wanted, would want to see you in a job or a routine that you clearly hate?

No, again, you're missing my point entirely.

If I found someone perfect, that 9 to 5 job would take on a completely different (and substantial) meaning. I would joyously clean toilets or even people's anuses from 9 to 5 (or 8 to 5, if you insist) if it meant that, at the end of the day, I got to come home to someone special.

The meaning that job would then take on is "a means to survive to continue being with my sweetheart". You've heard about the donkey and the carrot, right ? I'm the donkey (with a Computer Science degree), and my woman would be the carrot.

What the job is about DOES NOT matter. What comes after work, each day, ABSOLUTELY MATTERS.

I don't expect anyone to understand.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No, again, you're missing my point entirely.

If I found someone perfect, that 9 to 5 job would take on a completely different (and substantial) meaning. I would joyously clean toilets or even people's anuses from 9 to 5 (or 8 to 5, if you insist) if it meant that, at the end of the day, I got to come home to someone special.

The meaning that job would then take on is "a means to survive to continue being with my sweetheart". You've heard about the donkey and the carrot, right ? I'm the donkey (with a Computer Science degree), and my woman would be the carrot.

What the job is about DOES NOT matter. What comes after work, each day, ABSOLUTELY MATTERS.

I don't expect anyone to understand.

How can you expect anyone to understand?  You say all this, but yet you also admit that you don't have ANY job.

 

[Somnambulist]

No, again, you're missing my point entirely.

If I found someone perfect, that 9 to 5 job would take on a completely different (and substantial) meaning. I would joyously clean toilets or even people's anuses from 9 to 5 (or 8 to 5, if you insist) if it meant that, at the end of the day, I got to come home to someone special.

The meaning that job would then take on is "a means to survive to continue being with my sweetheart". You've heard about the donkey and the carrot, right ? I'm the donkey (with a Computer Science degree), and my woman would be the carrot.

What the job is about DOES NOT matter. What comes after work, each day, ABSOLUTELY MATTERS.

I don't expect anyone to understand.

How can you expect anyone to understand?  You say all this, but yet you also admit that you don't have ANY job.

God bless you

 

[DarkSelene]

On the other topic, I have a question: Do you think someone perfect for you, someone exactly how you describe you wanted, would want to see you in a job or a routine that you clearly hate?

No, again, you're missing my point entirely.

If I found someone perfect, that 9 to 5 job would take on a completely different (and substantial) meaning. I would joyously clean toilets or even people's anuses from 9 to 5 (or 8 to 5, if you insist) if it meant that, at the end of the day, I got to come home to someone special.

The meaning that job would then take on is "a means to survive to continue being with my sweetheart". You've heard about the donkey and the carrot, right ? I'm the donkey (with a Computer Science degree), and my woman would be the carrot.

What the job is about DOES NOT matter. What comes after work, each day, ABSOLUTELY MATTERS.

I don't expect anyone to understand.

So, because you have someone to com home to the job is easier to deal with? I understand that. You're happy in other matters so you don't mind the boring work... still, do you think a partner who cares for you would want that?


Also, could you explain the whole Hollywood/western civilization thing better?

 

[VanillaCreme]

On the other topic, I have a question: Do you think someone perfect for you, someone exactly how you describe you wanted, would want to see you in a job or a routine that you clearly hate?

No, again, you're missing my point entirely.

If I found someone perfect, that 9 to 5 job would take on a completely different (and substantial) meaning. I would joyously clean toilets or even people's anuses from 9 to 5 (or 8 to 5, if you insist) if it meant that, at the end of the day, I got to come home to someone special.

The meaning that job would then take on is "a means to survive to continue being with my sweetheart". You've heard about the donkey and the carrot, right ? I'm the donkey (with a Computer Science degree), and my woman would be the carrot.

What the job is about DOES NOT matter. What comes after work, each day, ABSOLUTELY MATTERS.

I don't expect anyone to understand.

Why would anyone not understand that? It's not that hard to comprehend, nor is it original enough to be unique. I completely get what you're saying. I feel the same way. Wouldn't matter to me what job I had, cleaning toilets, dusting crystal, being a nurse... If I had someone to come home to that I couldn't wait to see after being away, it's totally worth it. I think a lot of people feel that way. Unfortunately, many people also take advantage of someone being there when they get home. That's when we usually lose sight of things that matter in life and things that matter to us individually.

 

[Bubblebeam]

What I "get" from this post is that you think you need a woman in your life to feel special.  To feel like you can go on.  THAT, in and of itself, tells me there is a problem.  You can't live your life for someone else.  You can't live with the hope that only having someone in your life in that way will make your life worthwhile.  
I'm not saying that having a relationship with the "perfect" person isn't nice, because it is.  Of course it is.  But if you're waiting for that to start "living," I think it's time to really take a look at what you have and what you want and what you really need to do.

It doesn't sound like you are being "you" at all.  It sounds like you are being...essentially "nothing" until you find someone to make you someone else.  You can't see the problem with that?

Who is deciding what is a problem and why? Are you or anybody really in a position to say anything so absolutely?

I acknowledge religious discussion isn't allowed on ALL but allow me these few sentences to make a quick point. The Bible, of which is thousands of years older than you and I, has some interesting things to say on the subject. Husbands love thy wives like Jesus loved his church (i.e. very deeply). The Lord crafted Eve especially for Adam i.e. woman for man. To feel the need Somnam has for partnership and/or a loving authority in his life fits just fine with that. Now he hasn't mentioned personal beliefs I know but the concept of needing another living being is the same sort of idea. Be it a deity or partner or both. To think we are stronger and better off by being solitary minded is okay if that genuinely works for you Callie but not everyone can feel as at peace with that. That shouldn't instantly mean such people have a "problem".

What I think Somnam is saying above all else is that the instinct to work to provide (possibly hard coded by an infinitely more intelligent God, or just nature if you will as we see in the animal kingdom) in exchange for a loving partner/family is not being fulfilled. What remains, working for himself and for a corrupt, very uncaring system (and society if you ask me), is, understandably in my opinion, not cutting it and not worth it given the choice. Perhaps if the world was a happier more welcoming place, things would be different. As it is, people only seem to be becoming more close minded, more greedy, more selfish. 

It's more unfortunate than anything else when someone feels they can't cope on their own to the extent of considering suicide. I'm one of those people. If I lose my husband tomorrow and he dies, well you most likely won't be seeing me on the forum anymore. But I believe I've made my peace with my Lord about that, and He's the one with the real answers and the real authority. In the meantime kindness and understanding to such people is a virtue, as it should be with anybody really. That is one thing we can surely all agree on. I know several people who, in private, tell me they are basically the same way, but they dare not express it in public for fear of ridicule. That is a very sad thing we see today not at all helped by the dogmatic pushing of independence we get shoved in our faces every day. Not everyone feels that way, they can't help it, and they do not deserve ridicule for it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You don't have to be locked at the hip to love someone, you don't have to be in love to be responsible and have a job and provide for YOURSELF.

The bible also says that any woman who isn't a virgin when they get married should be killed and pork should not be eaten.....but I don't believe most people follow those either....

Life if what you choose to make it. If you choose to decide that you can't have a fulfilling life without a partner than you won't, but don't put that on society or anyone else but yourself. Live for YOURSELF, not someone else.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You don't have to be locked at the hip to love someone, you don't have to be in love to be responsible and have a job and provide for YOURSELF.  

The bible also says that any woman who isn't a virgin when they get married should be killed and pork should not be eaten.....but I don't believe most people follow those either....

Life if what you choose to make it.  If you choose to decide that you can't have a fulfilling life without a partner than you won't, but don't put that on society or anyone else but yourself.  Live for YOURSELF, not someone else.

That's not what he means, if I'm understanding it right. He's saying it'll be worth it to do that job and that work, mediocre or otherwise, when you have someone to come back home to. Not necessarily that people need someone to live for.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You don't have to be locked at the hip to love someone, you don't have to be in love to be responsible and have a job and provide for YOURSELF.  

The bible also says that any woman who isn't a virgin when they get married should be killed and pork should not be eaten.....but I don't believe most people follow those either....

Life if what you choose to make it.  If you choose to decide that you can't have a fulfilling life without a partner than you won't, but don't put that on society or anyone else but yourself.  Live for YOURSELF, not someone else.

That's not what he means, if I'm understanding it right. He's saying it'll be worth it to do that job and that work, mediocre or otherwise, when you have someone to come back home to. Not necessarily that people need someone live for.

I get what he's saying there, but the fact is that he doesn't have a job.  He said he chooses to be "an unemployed bum."  If he had a job, yeah, sure, but he doesn't, so that kind of tells me a different story than what he's saying.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I get what he's saying there, but the fact is that he doesn't have a job.  He said he chooses to be "an unemployed bum."  If he had a job, yeah, sure, but he doesn't, so that kind of tells me a different story than what he's saying.

Then that's on him and whoever chooses to date him or be with him. Not for nothing, but choosing to be that way isn't the greatest attitude in the first place.

 

[Somnambulist]

Who is deciding what is a problem and why? Are you or anybody really in a position to say anything so absolutely?

I acknowledge religious discussion isn't allowed on ALL but allow me these few sentences to make a quick point. The Bible, of which is thousands of years older than you and I, has some interesting things to say on the subject. Husbands love thy wives like Jesus loved his church (i.e. very deeply). The Lord crafted Eve especially for Adam i.e. woman for man. To feel the need Somnam has for partnership and/or a loving authority in his life fits just fine with that. Now he hasn't mentioned personal beliefs I know but the concept of needing another living being is the same sort of idea. Be it a deity or partner or both. To think we are stronger and better off by being solitary minded is okay if that genuinely works for you Callie but not everyone can feel as at peace with that. That shouldn't instantly mean such people have a "problem".

What I think Somnam is saying above all else is that the instinct to work to provide (possibly hard coded by an infinitely more intelligent God, or just nature if you will as we see in the animal kingdom) in exchange for a loving partner/family is not being fulfilled. What remains, working for himself and for a corrupt, very uncaring system (and society if you ask me), is, understandably in my opinion, not cutting it and not worth it given the choice. Perhaps if the world was a happier more welcoming place, things would be different. As it is, people only seem to be becoming more close minded, more greedy, more selfish. 

It's more unfortunate than anything else when someone feels they can't cope on their own to the extent of considering suicide. I'm one of those people. If I lose my husband tomorrow and he dies, well you most likely won't be seeing me on the forum anymore. But I believe I've made my peace with my Lord about that, and He's the one with the real answers and the real authority. In the meantime kindness and understanding to such people is a virtue, as it should be with anybody really. That is one thing we can surely all agree on. I know several people who, in private, tell me they are basically the same way, but they dare not express it in public for fear of ridicule. That is a very sad thing we see today not at all helped by the dogmatic pushing of independence we get shoved in our faces every day. Not everyone feels that way, they can't help it, and they do not deserve ridicule for it.

For the record, this is, by far, the closest anyone on this Earth has come to understanding me as a person and what I'm about. And, by far, the best explanation of why I have said what I've said here.

Thank you, Bubblebeam !

Very interesting what you quoted from the Bible. No, I am not religious (I am deeply spiritual), but I know and respect the many pearls of wisdom to be found in several religions. One of my favorite quotes is "Forgive them for they know not what they do", which, I think, is from the Bible.

"when someone feels they can't cope on their own to the extent of considering suicide. I'm one of those people."

That describes all of my life from the age of 13 on. Very concisely !

Yes, we need more kindness and understanding !

 

[Somnambulist]

Why would anyone not understand that? It's not that hard to comprehend, nor is it original enough to be unique. I completely get what you're saying. I feel the same way. Wouldn't matter to me what job I had, cleaning toilets, dusting crystal, being a nurse... If I had someone to come home to that I couldn't wait to see after being away, it's totally worth it. I think a lot of people feel that way. Unfortunately, many people also take advantage of someone being there when they get home. That's when we usually lose sight of things that matter in life and things that matter to us individually.

I wasn't trying to be "original" or "unique", it's not what I'm after here. I'm not trying to invent a new state of misery to call my own.

After reading most of the responses I got on this thread, my only possible conclusion was that no one (other than Bubblebeam) understands what I'm saying, that it is all received by you guys as "bla bla bullshit"

Thank you for at least understanding.

 

[TheRealCallie]

After reading most of the responses I got on this thread, my only possible conclusion was that no one (other than Bubblebeam) understands what I'm saying, that it is all received by you guys as "bla bla bullshit"

Ya know, people are capable of understanding and still say "bla bla bullshit."  Just saying....

 

[Somnambulist]

After reading most of the responses I got on this thread, my only possible conclusion was that no one (other than Bubblebeam) understands what I'm saying, that it is all received by you guys as "bla bla bullshit"

Ya know, people are capable of understanding and still say "bla bla bullshit."  Just saying....

No, you and most others have NOT understood the crux of what I'm trying to convey. You are capable of understanding, but you have NOT understood.

There is a far deeper meaning than what you apparently see. You seem more concerned with the practicality of having a job and paying bills, while completely ignoring the deeper meaning of why am I alive and why should I go on to the next day. I admit that I'm not a very practical person, but I don't feel the need to change who I am, I'm perfectly happy with myself.

I'm not making judgments about you or anyone else here. As I said before, the last thing any of us needs is more animosity or foes in our lives.

But, most of you have not gone deep enough into what I'm trying to convey, to really get what I'm saying. And, that is not your fault, nor is it a reflection of you as a person. I'm just telling you the fact - I have NOT been understood here, by most.

 

[TheRealCallie]

And you aren't seeming to understand that while you may SAY one thing, your ACTIONS are saying a completely different thing. Actions speak louder than words.

I can SAY I love a nice juicy steak or hamburger, but my ACTIONS (or lack thereof) will tell you that I don't. Actions are far more believable than words. They always will be.

 

[Somnambulist]

And you aren't seeming to understand that while you may SAY one thing, your ACTIONS are saying a completely different thing.  Actions speak louder than words.  

I can SAY I love a nice juicy steak or hamburger, but my ACTIONS (or lack thereof) will tell you that I don't.  Actions are far more believable than words. They always will be.

I'm not sure what you mean. Can you clarify ? Which words and which actions ?

According to me, my words are "I need a partner to justify having a job", and my actions are that of staying unemployed because I don't have the motivation to go on like before, anymore. I'm convinced that I will never find anyone, regardless of what I do.

To me, those words and actions match. Where is the mismatch ?