reloadlife23 said:
Midnight Sky said:
I deserve a better life/situation/whatever than this. Really tired of just wasting away, and fully knowing that nothing will change if I try to force change, as I have failed to do the last 4 years. Really, things are going to stay this way.
This is for God: Man, really, I have no purpose, I have no reason, and no one cares about me, much less whatever 'qualities' I THINK I have. There is absolutely, no reason to keep me on this planet. Stop making me suffer. Whatever sins I committed, I atoned for a good bit, but I can't atone for all.
I just want my heart to silently shut down in my sleep.
PS
It is not you that wants you to shut down in your sleep, but, that thing that has made a home in us. Don't listen to those thoughts.
You have nothing to atone for.
If you sinned it was not you but sin that has made a home in us. On the cross Christ said "Forgive them for they know not what they do., " meaning we are not responsible.
All you need is to see that you have already been forgiven.
God is not making your life miserable, it is your attitude that needs to change. Forgive others who you may resent for they didn't know what they were doing either and you will feel better for forgiving them.
Holding grudges will only hurt you, so let them go and you will see your attitude change . We hurt ourselves by resenting others. If others resent you let it be their problem .and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Yes you would think it's "suicide" talking and not me. But I'm not suicidal. Believe me if I didn't care
about myself, I would say fresia this planet, and took myself out of it long time ago. I don't resent others, I don't where you get that from. I don't really feel anything about others. There's no reason to. Who's going to care rather
I think about them or not? I can tell you one thing, no one thinks about me. Challenge that thought, and I can post a ton of proof to back up that claim. Really if I could allow you, or anyone to peer into my mind and surf through my memories, you would then see why I'm at the end of the road, with me being the only builder, with all the bricks always ******* breaking apart when I pave new sidewalks.
It doesn't matter if I change my attitude. Whatever you tell me I "need" to do, I've already tried to do it. The only source of comfort I have is that I refused to suffer without fighting. That's how I've always been towards anything.
And you're right. I can't blame God. I can't blame a man who's been absent for this many years either. My faith, as well as my beliefs are fleeting by the day. And I was once a pretty dedicated christian.
I've heard all the things I've heard in life. You're life DOESN'T ******* MOVE IF YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. Come at me with success stories, and I can point out how you had outside help.
Trust me, there's not a thing to find. I'm truly walking a life without time, because it's been up. All I need now is to turn translucent, and black and white. Well, I got the black/white part right. Or red, or whatever the hell my skin color is supposed to be.